AN: Thank you to the amazing ASadAir for beta'ing this chapter! Hope you all are enjoying the story and the direction it's headed! Thank you for reading :)
The Friday after the note exchange with "Books" Randolph Doe, they go to Cine 4 for a viewing of the latest arthouse drama that all the other media students are debating. Afterwards, Blair is bursting with thoughts, having kept a running list of discussion points in her head throughout the film. To her disappointment, it turns out that Nelly is the quiet contemplative type, so they are reduced to a companionable silence the whole drive home until Nelly starts spiraling about the assignment she's only three-quarters of the way through that's due on Tuesday.
Blair quickly loses interest and finds her mind wandering back to Intro to Film. Lately, it feels like she's been leaving her brain behind each time she leaves the class because her attention never quite departs that room. Every other weeknight, she replays her latest interaction with Books. Tonight, she has many to press rewind on.
She's still trying to decide whether giving Books her initial was a massive mistake or not. She's plagued by the idea that her name is still tinged with the desperation of a lonely fifteen-year old. Outsider-status is a hard thing to shake, she would know, she can't even rid her identity of it.
She pauses by the dorm, key in hand, when she hears a ripple of girlish laughter emanating from her dorm room.
Georgina is never home on a Friday night, which means she brought the party to their dorm. Already pricking with displeasure, Blair pushes open the door to see what sort of pandemonium she will discover.
Instead of finding dozens of sweaty frat guys and sorority girls with only half their clothing on, it's just Georgina and a blonde girl. The blonde is sitting on Blair's bed, long, tanned legs outstretched over the neatly made duvet. Georgina meanwhile is telling some raucous story until she notices Blair at the door.
"Oh," She doesn't bother to hide her disappointment. "Hi, Blair."
"Hi," Blair says skeptically, glancing at her hijacked bed. She waits for the blonde to introduce herself, something is familiar about her. Blair's eyes catch on the framed photo on the dresser and sees a different version of the same girl- still tanned, still smiling, but younger. She tries to think of her name.
Georgina finds it for her. "This is Serena. My best friend. We were just catching up so..."
She trails off and Blair is left standing at the entrance wondering if her roommate is kicking her out of her own dorm room. Georgina nor Serena make a move to make her feel welcome – Serena stays put on Blair's bed, texting, while Georgina just stares back expectantly.
"Right," Blair says at last, feeling resigned. "I have some studying to catch up on in the library. I just came by to grab a few books."
She retrieves a few texts, a notebook, and then turns to leave. Neither of them says anything- they just resume their giggling as soon as the door has shut.
12th grade.
Albany, NY.
Blair slips out of her graduation cap and gown, draping it over her desk chair. "It's all finally over."
"Not yet," Nate says. "You still have your party downstairs waiting for you."
"I know," Blair sighs. "Why did my mother insist on throwing me the graduation party? I didn't even want one. Why would I want a whole night reflecting on the worst four years of my life?"
"Blair," Nate is placating. "Come on, it wasn't all bad."
"It wouldn't have been all bad if you were there." Blair admits, sinking onto the bed. "I wish you hadn't transferred out freshman year. It could have all been so different, Nate."
This is a thought Blair has had many times and voiced only a few. She and Nate had met in the sixth grade, both children of parents who should have had greater lives than the ones they ended up with. Her mother's poorly timed designer deal that fell through seemed milder than Nate's own family dramas. Nate's father, Howard, went to jail for fraud and embezzlement and was serving a five-year sentence.
Nate's mother's side of the family had been long estranged from their daughter, after she married the shady Howard Archibald, but as soon as they heard their grandson was attending public high school they swooped in and had him transferred to the nearest private academy, effectively stranding Blair in that hell hole of a high school.
"I know," He sits down beside her. "But you wouldn't have liked my school anyway. The uniforms were knee-length skirts for the girls with polo shirts. Polos, Blair, I know you wouldn't have fainted at the sight of your own reflection."
Smiling, Blair feels a ripple of pleasure at the clear sign that Nate knows her better than anyone. It's moments like these she wishes he could see it too – how well they fit together, how they belong together.
"And what about Marcus?" Nate asks. "You had a good junior year when he was here."
"That's true." Blair agrees. She almost forgot about Marcus – the cute, British foreign exchange student she had dated for six months. Nate makes her forget him. Nate makes her forget everyone.
"So you had two bad years there. Just two." Nate concludes. "And now, we are going to go celebrate the fact that you never have to see Juliet, Jessica, or Zoe again."
It's hard not to grin at that. Blair starts to stand but Nate pulls her back down. "Wait, one last thing to cheer you up. Let me go get my gift for you."
Blair watches him leave her bedroom and return a minute later with a neatly wrapped box. He hands it to her, smiling. Blair unwraps it trying not to rip the paper, her heart fluttering in her chest.
Inside is a stuffed bulldog wearing a blue sweater with a giant Y on it – the Yale mascot. Blair smiles down at it before clutching it to her chest. "Thanks, Nate. I love it."
"Look at his collar," Nate instructs.
Blair does so and discovers two tickets slipped under the brown leather collar. Train tickets to New York City. "What's this?"
"I thought you and I could take the train down and spend the whole day in the city doing all the things we always wanted. We can go to one of the museums you like, then go to the park, maybe go to the top of the Empire State Building. It's your gift so you choose where and when."
Happy tears threaten to spill out of Blair's eyes as she throws her arms around him. "Thank you, this is the best gift."
"I'm glad you like it." Nate laughs. "I was worried you'd say a stuffed animal would be lame and a whole day with me would be lamer."
"I would never say that." Blair says into his ear. "You're my best friend."
She wants to say more but she doesn't. Instead she just wipes her eyes and sets the bulldog down on the bed. As they drift down the hall to the party, her head is filled with a dizzying daydream of her and Nate in New York City.
Dan wakes up to a text from Georgina on Saturday morning. He honestly forgot about her in his studious evasion. It's disappointing that she hasn't forgotten him too. That's what he had been hoping for, at least until she dropped out, which he figured would happen soon enough.
Serena's here. Come to Vanderbilt at four. We'll be waiting. BTW I know you've been avoiding me.
Perhaps this is the start of Georgina's deferral, Dan thinks after reading the text. Serena has swooped in undoubtedly with glamorous stories of her travels, Georgina will inevitably become jealous, and head straight to Admissions to defer for a year. Actually, thinking of it, he's sort of surprised Serena even figured out how to get here own her own. The only school she had been accepted to was Brown after a large donation was gifted by Lily – only for Serena to promptly announced she wouldn't be attending.
Lily had been irate, Rufus had been called in to persuade Serena, Dan too. Everyone tried and failed to get his stepsister to attend. Last he heard, she had been in Santorini with Carter Baizen. He's sure Lily loved the photos of them hitting the tabloids.
He wonders if he should tell his father and Lily that Serena is back on the East Coast. He supposes he'll see how today goes first – make sure she's not fit for another stint at the Ostroff Center. If she is, then he'll tell them. If she seems happy and harmless, he won't. It's a good plan.
Perhaps he'll help nudge Georgina away while he's at it. He really is sick of looking over his shoulder every time he crosses Old Campus for fear of running into her. Dan replies:
I'll be there. Send me your room #.
At three-fifty-five, Dan heads over to the Vanderbilt Hall. He had to cancel on plans with friends from his own residence hall for this but it'll be worth it, not to have to worry about what crazy antics Georgina is up to on campus and how they might affect him.
He walks slowly down the hallway- coming in from the west entrance, searching for the dorm number Georgina sent. As he rounds a corner, he thinks he hears Georgina's distinctive cackle. He needs a moment before entering; she's the sort of person you have to prepare for.
So he draws in a sharp breath, then another, and another.
Blair is coming back from another study session with Nelly at the library. She takes the east entrance, eager to get into the building and be reprieved of the gusty winds outside. As she paces down the hall, faint voices and laughter can be heard: the same sounds she heard last night before she was so unceremoniously kicked out of her own dorm room.
She groans, stalling before rounding the corner as she tries to think of how to proceed. She can't just let this Serena girl steal her bed and her room. This is college. She thinks back to the words she had written in the first page of her notebook on the train ride to campus.
You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you.
Chin held high, she rounds the corner and stops in her tracks as she hears her name.
"Shouldn't Dan be here by now? At least Blair isn't here."
It's Georgina speaking and she makes Blair's name sound like something offensive.
"Oh I know, she totally is…." Georgina continues. "I mean really, a sushi party? Blair is so tragic. You met her, you should understand by now…. On scholarship too, if that doesn't say it all…. Those headbands… Total travesty… Right?"
Giggles, more giggles.
"Total gold digger, I swear. Why else would she keep that framed photo of him on her dresser? I Googled him… Old money… Dartmouth."
The words start to go fuzzy as she listens in abject horror.
"Blair is just so…"
She doesn't need to hear anymore. She blinks away the pain and heads straight for the nearest exit. Out of this building, out of this terrible revival of the same pain she endured for four years.
Through watery eyes, she marches down the hallway only pausing once she realizes there's something in her way. Someone in her way.
The worst someone she could think of to see at this moment. He's been there the whole time. Listening to the whole thing – Georgina's humiliating version of the Blair Waldorf Story.
And now, he's looking at her with pitying eyes like he suddenly sees her for who she is – not the girl he passes notes to in Intro to Film but instead, Blair, the poor girl who can't even afford to buy her own textbook.
And he... he's Dan. She finally knows his name now.
But Blair can't play anymore wordless games with him anymore. Not after that. She fixes her gaze on the bright red exit sign, letting the light drown out the sight of him. She brushes past him– pretending he was never there and that neither was she.
Dan stands there, frozen, as Headbands – no, Blair, rushes past him. B, Blair. Blair Cornelia. It slides into place, the right fit at least. Except, it was all at the wrong moment.
Jumping to action, Dan pushes open the ajar door startling both Georgina and Serena.
"Fuck, Georgina, do you always have to be such a bitch?" His tone is accusatory and bitter.
"Woah," Serena's eyes go wide. "Is it just me or is Dan kind of an asshole now, Georgie?"
"Yeah seriously," Georgina agrees, eyes spewing icy daggers at him. "What the fuck is up with you?"
"Your roommate, Blair, and I were just treated to your lovely dissemination of the destruction of her character." Dan says, glaring back at her. "Shut the door next time and try to be discreet."
"Oh," Georgina shrugs. "She heard that? Well, I sort of did her a favor, didn't I? She could use a little image check. I only spoke the truth."
"You're soulless." Dan says harshly before turning to Serena. "Does your mom know you're here? Or does she still think you're in Santorini?"
"Goody, it's my turn to be scolded by Dan." Serena remarks sarcastically. "What does it matter if she knows or not?"
"Because she has the Brown Admissions office calling her every month to see if you still plan to attend next semester. She needs to give them an answer." Dan shoves a hand through his hair, angrily. "Look, tell her or I will."
He pauses, trying to make his threat sink in. Then with finality, he says. "I'm leaving now."
Dan stomps out of the dorm room and heads the way he saw Blair go. He doesn't know where he'll find her, but he has to try.
Blair feels the sting of the harsh wind as she hurries across campus. She doesn't even know where she's going. If she had friends, proper friends not just a study buddy which is basically what Nelly is, she could hide out in their dorm room. But she doesn't even have that.
She remembers reading up on what life on campus would be like. Dozens of articles saying Yale's residential halls will make you feel at home, like you've instantly found a new family. She doesn't feel like that at all.
Glancing at her watch, she sees it's only a little after four. Even still, a train ride home would take at least five hours. It would be nine by the time she got home and then she'd have to explain to her mother why she's unexpectedly come home to visit.
Resigned to the fact that finding such solace is simply not possible, she heads to Sterling to seek solace in one of the sixteen floors of books. There has to be one aisle where she can sink down and lose herself in a daydream somewhere very far away from here.
From somewhere beyond, she thinks she hears her name being called. But she doesn't turn back, she just keeps on ahead chanting her mantra in her head.
You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you.