WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MOSTLY NON-EXPLICIT DEPICTIONS OF INCEST, SEXUAL ABUSE, & RAPE. THERE IS ALSO MENTION OF SELF HARM.

If you know that these subject-matters can be triggering for you, hit the back arrow and don't read any further.

"I was born lucky"

"He was lucky to be born"

...

The first time, Azula had been holding a doll in her hands, practicing the braiding technique Ty Lee had tried to teach her. It had been far past her bedtime, and if either of her parents caught her, she knew she'd be in for a sharp reprimanding. As she weaved her pudgy, tiny fingers through the little doll's hair, someone had stepped in and closed the door behind them. Azula had figured it was her brother, Zuko.

'What does Zuzu want this time?' she had thought silently.

The thought in her head wasn't exactly malicious, rather mostly curious and slightly annoyed. See, at this time, the sibling's relationship was almost... almost normal. Well, as normal as it can get for the two.

But when she had heard the door lock, she had been confused. Zuko never locked the door.

"Zuzu?" she had called, turning around on her heel.

It was not Zuko; it was her Father. Her drunk Father. Her Father had clearly had too much rice wine than he could handle, for Azula could smell it on his breath from several feet away. His hair was falling from his royal updo in a silly manner, and his face was twisted up like a leering tigerdillo on the hunt. His eyes were bloodshot and the light glinting off his dark eyes made him look like a snake.

"Little princess," he had slurred in her direction, "why aren't you in bed?"

Azula's doll had dropped from her grip and landed on the floor with a resounding 'thunk.'

"Sorry," she had said as she scampered back to her mattress, "I—I promise I won't do it again."

Her Father had cackled and begun taking steps closer towards her now cowering figure, partially hidden under her covers. "Little princess, you need to be punished."

Azula's amber eyes went wide as he began taking more steps towards her. He had pushed her down and clamped a hand over her mouth. When he was done, he left his sobbing daughter alone in her bed. Her cold, cold bed.

In the morning, she had thought it was a dream. A horrid nightmare that she didn't understand, but it was a dream nevertheless. But when she saw the blood staining her bedsheets, she knew. Oh, she knew. Furiously, she scrubbed the dried blood off her legs with the corner of her bedsheet. She stared at the cloth in her hands. The only evidence of what Father did to her.

Then, she did something she can't quite explain. She set to fire the stained bedsheets, watching the pretty orange flames eat up the red cloth. With another almost feral growl, she located the doll. The source of her trouble. She held it tight to her chest for a moment, noticing the half-completed-braided style it still had. With a grunt, she set it to flames as well.

She watched as the flames inched closer to her hand, and she didn't jerk her hand away when the fire crept on to her flesh. She watched the fire begin reddening her pale flesh. She heard the crackling of the flames. She smelt the burning flesh. But she didn't jerk her hand away.

She wondered if the fire could destroy her entirely. To get rid of the 'unclean' feeling festering inside of her. Of course, she never got the chance to see if it would, as her frantic mother came rushing into the room at the smell of smoke. Her mother had screamed and yelled and sobbed frantically as she made quick work to put out the fire on both the Azula's hand and then her bed.

Azula looked over at her bed as the medics came rushing into the room, their faces twisted with feer. Her bed was burnt down to the frame. All the evidence of what he had done was destroyed. She didn't know whether to feel happy or horrified at that.

She peered over the shoulder of a medic and saw her brother standing in the doorway. His eyes were big and wide, and his face shone with fear. Azula looked at her brother and saw unburnt hands. Father hadn't done what he had done to her, to her brother. She knew that. Her brother was still whole, still pure. And Azula... Azula was broken.

And as the medic carried her away to the Royal Infirmary, a seven-year-old Azula wondered for the first time if Father had been lying.

Was she really born lucky? Was Zuko really lucky to be born?

"Was I born lucky?"

"Was Zuko lucky to be born?"

...

The second time it happened, Azula had been watching the infamous Agni Kai between her brother and Father. The Agni Kai that had changed the world as Azula knew it.

When she saw him on his knees and pleading, Azula had felt a strange sense of sadness for her brother. Didn't he know pleading didn't work? Didn't he know that when Father wanted to do something, begging only fuels his drive? Oh, poor, foolish Zuko.

Azula had tried pleading. Getting down on her knees and beginning Father, and saying that if he left her alone she promised she would never even breathe a word to Mother. Somehow, using the Mother card sometimes worked. Sometimes, after Azula would scream out her mother's name in hopes that the woman would find her a beat her horrible husband to a pulp, Father would just get up and leave.

Azula wondered if he would go and force himself upon her Mother.

But, when Mother left — when she abandoned her — no amount of pleading stopped Father. She'd lay there, crying and begging for her Mother to return and save her. Oh, but the spiteful woman left her for Zuko's sake. Once, in Father's drunken moments spent in his daughter's bedroom, he had let the story slip in slurred details. It had made Azula's blood boil. When it came to Mother's love, it was always centered around Zuko, wasn't it?

Over the years, Azula no longer wept. She laid stiff and waited for it to be over. Her father would whisper sick things into her ear.

You did so well, Azula. Little princess, I know you're enjoying this. I know you want this. I am proud of you, my daughter. You never fail me, my sweet.

But Azula no longer cared. Her one goal was to please her father. Often times, Azula entertains the thought that maybe one day, she'd kill him. Yes, one day, when she's strong enough to face him, she'd take one of Mai's shurikens and slit his pressure points while he's sleeping so that he can no longer firebend — a permanent chi-block. And after that, she'd make his death long and painful. He'd be the one pleading at her hand.

And she'd only laugh in his face, just as he had done to her.

But of course, those thoughts only existed in her mind. While sometimes Azula wanted revenge, more often than not, she wanted his approval. Something that was so rarely given, it was prized more than her revenge. Deep down, she knew that her father was the only person in the entire world who understood her. And despite how badly she hated him, she needed him too.

And now, as she saw Zuko begging and pleading, Azula realized that no, she did not feel sadness for her brother. In fact, she hadn't pitied Zuko in a long time. Rather, she understood. She understood how it felt to be so desperately begging for something so unattainable. Regardless, Azula grinned when she saw Father lowering his palm to Zuko's face.

'Finally, someone to share this pain,' she had thought.

But, her smile quickly slipped when Father announced Zuko's banishment. Zuko was free. Zuko was free, and she was trapped. Who cares that he had officially lost his birthright? The throne was always going to be given to her, banishment or no banishment! Now that Zuko was gone, Azula really had no room for errors.

Zuko was finally free, and Azula was still trapped.

Azula nearly screamed. She wanted to rip out her hair and set fire to every single stupid general and civilian sitting here. But all she allowed herself to do was silently fume. To silently think everything over.

She looked over at Zuko. Her brother — despite his injuries — was still whole, still pure, and now free. And Azula... Azula was still broken and now further trapped. And as the medic carried Zuko away to the Royal Infirmary, an eleven-year-old Azula wondered for the second time if Father had been lying.

She decided that neither of them was born lucky.

They were both lucky to be born.

"We were lucky to be born."

...

The third time was in Ember Island.

Azula had been almost embarrassingly grateful to be away from Father. She always cherished her time away from Caldera City. Away from the reach of her Father. Of course, while she was away, she felt a strange sense of incompleteness. A longing to be back at the hand of her abuser. But she found that this time, in Ember Island, she wasn't giving a second thought to Father.

She enjoyed spending time with the teenagers her age. It was difficult to interact with them, but Azula somewhat enjoyed it nevertheless. Minus the entire embarrassing session in front of the bonfire, overall it was a good trip.

Azula had been lying in her Ember Island bed when she heard someone approach her. It was Zuko. Azula involuntarily flinched and jolted straight up in her bed, remembering the first time her father did this. But Zuko didn't seem malicious. He seemed confused.

"What?" she said sharply.

"I don't understand it," Zuko blurted.

Azula rolled her eyes. "There are many things you don't seem to quite understand, brother. For one thing, proper communication."

"I've always seen you as perfect. As someone who's flawless. But today, I realized I was wrong."

She felt herself bristle at his words. "Excuse me?"

"You... you're just like me," Zuko continued, an earnest look on his face. Azula raised a brow at the notion. "I had always thought that you had a perfect life. But life... it hasn't been good to either of us, has it?"

Something in Azula softened. She remembered Ty Lee once telling her something like, Once you open a box, you can't close it again. At the time, Azula had no idea what the acrobat meant. But now, she thinks she understands. Azula didn't like the fact that she was opening up with Zuko of all people, but it felt kind of natural. The words tumbling out of her lips felt like they were supposed to be said.

She knew she'd regret them in the morning, but tonight was a night full of firsts. Why have this be the exception?

"You know," Azula said, leaning back on her elbows. "I thought you were the one who had it easier growing up. You were loved unconditionally by Mother until she left." She decided to leave out the part about how Mother left for him.

"You were favored by Father."

"Favored. Not loved," she quickly corrected. "And even if it was love, it was certainly not unconditional. Everything with Father is hinged on my performance. It's dependant how well I comply, how favorably I fight, how fiercely I conquer." She shrugged, trying her best to make it seem nonchalant. "But of course, my jealousy over you left a long time ago. I don't really care anymore. Unlike you, Zuzu, I don't need anyone's love."

She had been lying at the last part. And Zuko, smarter than she ever gave him credit for, caught it.

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "I don't think that's true."

She shrugged and she took a moment to take in her older brother. Scarred, and no longer whole, no longer pure, and no longer free. And for once, Azula can tell that he's burdened. His shoulders sag with undue age and last week, Mai had mentioned that she had found a white hair growing on Zuko's sixteen-year-old head. And Azula... Azula was still broken and still trapped.

And for the third time in her life, a fourteen-year-old Azula wondered if Father had been lying.

She wondered if either of them were lucky to be born.

What if the two of them were unlucky to be born?

...

The fourth time, it had been in the Western Air Temple.

Mai and Ty Lee had abandoned her. She was still reeling from the betrayal. The two people she trusted most turned around to stab her in the back. Father was right. Trust was for fools. Never again would Azula be foolish. It was a mistake opening up to Zuko, too. Zuko, her brother, turned around and betrayed her as well on the day of the eclipse. She had been ready to try and mend their relationship, but no, Zuko had to go and help the Avatar kill Father.

On second thought, the Avatar killing Father wouldn't be the worst thing in the world considering Azula's contemplated it several times.

But on third thought, Father was truly the only person left in this world for Azula. After he's gone, Azula would be all alone.

Azula had been going back in forth on this manic debate, wondering which would be better. For Father to die at the Avatar's hands, subsequently rendering her alone and useless and frail. Or for Father to survive, subsequently continuing his reign of terror on both the world and her. Finally, as her airship began its descent and she locked gaze with Zuko standing on the tiles of the temple, she decided on the latter.

Father's presence is terrifying, but she preferred it to the voices in her head that tend to come out when she's alone.

"What are you doing here?" Zuko had called.

Azula snorted a maniacal laugh at this. "Isn't it obvious?" she had said back, leaning over the rails, "I'm going to celebrate becoming an only child!"

Her throat tightened at that declaration. She didn't really want Zuko dead, did she? No, she just wanted Father's approval. Father's love. Unconditional love. And for that, Zuko must be sacrificed.

Zuko locked his jaw, and shortly after, Azula and Zuko found themselves in an unofficial Agni Kai of sorts. The fight between brother and sister was harder than Azula had expected. Either she had weakened or her brother had gotten ridiculously stronger. Probably a combination of both. After Zuko sent her flying back with a powerful fireblast, Azula let out a feral scream and a powerful blast back at him

Unfortunately for her and fortunately for him, he managed to mirror her attack at the same velocity. The force of the collision sent them both hurtling over the edge and falling into the abyss.

Azula stared at Zuko, her brother hopelessly falling to his death. She wondered if Father would miss either of them. And now, she feels a strange sadness towards Zuko. Real sadness. Her brother was finally whole, finally pure, and finally free again — everything she wanted to have — and he was plummeting to his death. For Azula, it didn't matter. She... she was still broken and trapped. But for Zuko, he had everything and was about to lose it all.

Despite this, she decided that she wasn't going to save him even though she technically could. She wouldn't save herself either, even though she could. This is how it was supposed to end, she decided. Two siblings, two sides of the same coin, perishing together in trying to defeat each other (and themselves). How poetic. She'd much rather die like this as opposed to surviving in a world in which she's alone.

But then, she saw the Avatar's waterbending peasant grab ahold of a falling Zuko, and Azula couldn't tell whether or not she was happy or disappointed. Azula in turn saved herself. No point in dying now, she supposed. She watched Zuko fly off on the saddle of the oafish sky-bison, his golden eyes mirroring hers. Full of regret, bitterness, brokenness.

And for the fourth time in her life, a fourteen-year-old Azula wondered if Father had been lying. If she was really born lucky, and if Zuko really wasn't.

'Oh, yes,' she thought to herself darkly as silky hair whipped across her face, 'There's no doubt about it.'

The two of them were most definitely unlucky to be born.

"We were unlucky to be born."

...

The fifth and final time it happened, Azula had officially lost everything. Her throne, her power, her sanity.

Zuko and the Avatar's waterbending peasant showed up seconds before the crown was to be placed on her head. Azula had called an Agni Kai, and Zuko — ever the fool — accepted. The waterbending peasant proved a little wiser, for she tried persuading Zuko out of the fire duel. Zuko, however, stubbornly continued.

And Azula had fought. They both had. Her brother's performance had somehow managed to get even stronger. In fact, as she attempted to block Zuko's fireblasts, she could've sworn she saw a stripe of green and purple amongst the measly orange. The Agni Kai was the beginning of the end for everything. No, it was only the beginning of the end for Azula really.

The rest happened rather quickly.

Azula attempted to strike the waterbender. Zuko intercepted it for her. Azula nearly drowned. Azula was bound by heavy metal chains.

And she could've very easily firebended her way out of those chains. No prison in the world can hold a comet-powered firebender. But then she turned, and she looked at her brother. The waterbender was at his side. The waterbender that he had antagonized for over a year. The waterbender was healing him, thanking him, weeping over the state of him. The waterbender, whether platonically or not, loved him.

Father was wrong.

Zuko had everything now, and Azula had nothing.

That broke her. She roared a furious, frustrated flare of flame through her mouth. It burned, but she enjoyed the sting.

Through the flames, she looked over at her brother once more, tears slightly blurring her vision. Her brother, her failure of a brother, was still whole, still pure, still free, and now he was loved. Azula... Azula was still broken and trapped, and now she was alone. No throne to call her own, no power to speak of, no sanity to keep her anchored. She was broken beyond repair.

And for the fifth time in her life, a fourteen-year-old Azula thought about her Father's infamous words from years ago. The words dictating which one was blessed, and which one was cursed. The words that Azula had held close to her heart because even in the darkest moments, she knew that she was destined for greatness. She was destined for the throne, for power, for conquest.

But none of that mattered now, did it?

'Oh, Father was wrong,' Azula finally decided as she sobbed onto the ground. 'So desperately wrong.'

For Zuko had been the lucky one all along.

And Azula had not.

A/N: So the "waterbender loved him" part wasn't meant to be a romantic Zutara moment. If you're into Zutara, you can take it that way; if not, know that it wasn't meant to imply romantic Zutara-ness. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. I kinda feel like sh*t after writing this; I'm not used to writing dark pieces, but I felt like it'd be fitting considering it's Zuko and Azula we're talking about.

As always, criticism/feedback/suggestions are always happily welcomed. Next up will be Tokka (sorry about procrastinating on that one), and after that will be Mako/Wu (I'm SO excited for this one!). And please continue leaving prompts in the reviews, they get my creative juices flowing when I'm in a writing slump.