She had definitely been hit by a freight train, there was no other explanation. Her body felt heavy and useless, and her head throbbed as if it were being tightly gripped by a vice. Taking a deep breath, her stomach churned in protest. Yes, she had certainly been hit by a train.
After taking a moment to be certain her brain could handle it, she slowly tried to open her squinted eyes, thankful for the dull blue that the very early morning shone. If it had been any brighter in the room, she would have lost the battle with her ever churning stomach. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and willed herself to open them fully. After blinking for a moment to clear her vision, she glanced at the clock on the wall: five in the morning. Sighing in relief that she had plenty of time to compose herself, she closed her eyes again, bringing a hand up to rub her face and forehead.
It hadn't been her intention to act so irresponsibly when she agreed to join the party. After the children went to bed, she had intended to go to her own room and spend some time alone. Her heart had been racing after her dance with the Captain, and she had desperately needed a moment to herself to think. But Max had insisted that she stay, and for some reason she still didn't understand, she had.
She slowly sat up in bed, trying to be gentle with herself, but it did not keep the entire room from spinning. She looked down and noticed that she still had on the blue dress she changed into for dinner, its previously soft fabric wrinkled from having been slept in. Annoyed that she would now have to steam out her wrinkled dress, she moved to toss the blankets from her body and stand. The moment she moved her legs to the side of the bed, her stomach lurched. Before she had time to think, she was running to the bathroom, bare feet padding against the floor, before she emptied the contents of her stomach. The pounding in her head increased, if it were even possible, as she coughed and choked.
She sat back against the side of the bathtub, slowing her breathing and fighting the urge to simply lie down on the tile floor and give in to her body's condition. If she had done that, she knew she'd never make it downstairs in time for breakfast. The thought of food made her stomach churn once more, so she directed her thoughts elsewhere. She pulled herself to stand once more, hesitantly glancing in the mirror to determine the damage. She nearly gasped at her own reflection; not the Maria she was accustomed to seeing. Her hair was a mess, and her previously simple makeup had left dark circles around her eyes from not having washed her face before bed. Her skin was pale and fragile, but splotchy and flushed at the same time from getting sick. She moved to start the shower.
The hot water washed over her, melting away some of the ache she felt in her body. As she washed her hair, she began to think back on the previous evening. The evening that changed her perception on a lot of things and a lot of people, including herself.
xxxx
When she returned to the party after changing her dress, she found Max waving her over to sit beside him. She took her seat gently, smiling her greeting as she observed her surroundings. The Captain sat at the head of the table, the Baroness by his side. Maria gave a small smile, but the Baroness only raised an eyebrow, mockingly, causing Maria to turn back to her place setting. She was already self-conscious enough without judging eyes. She didn't dare look to the Captain quite yet, for fear she would blush. The dance they had shared was still heavy on her mind.
"Fraulein, you seem nervous. I hope I wasn't too forceful asking you to join me?" She turned to face Max, who actually did seem slightly concerned.
"Oh, no, of course not." She smiled reassuringly. "I'm just not used to parties, that's all. I'm hoping not to embarrass myself." He laughed, patting her hand gently.
"My dear, you will do fine. Just relax." He took a sip from his glass of champagne and raised an eyebrow to her. "Try some champagne, it'll calm your nerves."
"No, thank you." She smiled kindly, but was taken aback by the laughter a few seats away on the other side of the table. Her eyes met the Baroness's, and she felt her guard go up even more.
"Max, don't be foolish! She's a postulant. She's probably never had a drink in her life!" She laughed, and Maria felt her cheeks go red at the volume of the words. She loved God, and she was not ashamed about that, but she knew how people thought of her once her calling was revealed, and it made her uncomfortable. Obviously, the Baroness knew that too.
"Well tonight, postulant or not, she's my date! I didn't want her to think me rude." Maria's eyes never left those of the Baroness as something within her changed. She reached forward for the glass of champagne intended for her and took a long drink, ignoring the urge to cough a bit at the unexpected bubbles in her throat. It was true; aside from communion, she'd never had a drop of alcohol in her life.
"Actually, I've been a postulant for only two years. There are quite a few things you'd be surprised I have experience with." She smiled, hearing Max chuckle with delight as she risked a glance at the Captain. She could see a gleam of amusement in his eyes, but also a subtle warning to be careful. She was well aware that challenging the Baroness was not in her best interest, but she was suddenly tired of being seen as the simple, sweet, innocent governess who knew nothing of the world. She was no fool.
xxxx
She took a deep breath as she got out of the shower, drying herself off and sighing at the relief her body felt. Fighting the urge to get sick again, she put on her dressing gown and set herself to fixing her hair for the day. It never took much effort to get herself ready, and for that she was suddenly thankful. Her mind drifted back to the party once more...
xxxx
She stood with Max as couples danced into the night, some having departed after supper, but many still remaining for the late night festivities. Unsurprisingly, she was having a great time with Max. He was very funny, and he didn't have a care in the world about what anyone thought of him. He grabbed a couple more glasses of champagne from a tray as a waiter passed them, handing one to Maria.
"Oh I really shouldn't, Herr Detweiler."
"I've asked you to please call me Max! And I promise I'll carry you upstairs if this is the glass that puts you over the edge." She gave him a questioning look, his words sounding a little suggestive for her liking. "Oh for Heaven's sake, I'll carry you upstairs and in a very gentlemanly manner, push you into your room and leave you to your own devices." She laughed and took the glass from his hand.
"Alright, Max. But this will be the last."
"We'll see about that. I need you to have at least one more so we can go talk to Elsa again." She nearly choked on her drink, meeting his playful eyes with a warning glance. She sighed.
"I behaved poorly at dinner, I'm afraid."
"Nonsense, you were being baited." She took another sip, knowing he and the Baroness were good friends, and she was not safe to express a real opinion in the matter. "I do wish I could dance, Fraulein."
"If I can call you Max, you can certainly call me Maria." She finished her drink, a little faster than she meant to, and she felt her head spin a bit.
"Maria. I would love to enjoy your company on the dance floor. Bad knee, though. Can barely walk on the damn thing sometimes. I hope you don't mind." She laughed, relieved that she didn't have to pretend with him, let alone dance with him. After the dance she shared with the Captain earlier that evening, she was not feeling up to dancing anymore.
She and Max spent time enjoying one another's company, him poking fun at people and propriety, and her laughing at his silliness. It wasn't until the Captain approached them that she had even paid attention to the time or him, for that matter. A welcomed distraction, if she had to be honest. She hadn't been able to get him off her mind for weeks.
"Fraulein, may I have a word with you, please?"
"Hey, she's my date! You have yours." She and Max laughed, but their audience was unamused.
"He's not finished being a bad influence on me, yet." They laughed again, and she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard, doubling over as he cackled next to her.
"Fraulein." The Captain appeared annoyed, so she shrugged and followed him, grabbing one more glass of champagne along the way, tipping it in the air toward a giggling Max. The Captain led her outside and stopped abruptly, his gloved hand on her elbow as he guided her around the corner of the house. He gestured to her glass. "How many of those have you had?"
"Hmm, not sure. Max told me I needed to catch up with everyone, since I came to the party late." She giggled, taking another sip.
"Whatever happened to formality? It's 'Max' is it?"
"He insisted."
"I'm sure he did." She wasn't sure what he was implying, but she was missing the company of the man who didn't give her butterflies. Even when he was frustrated with her, the Captains eyes glaring into her own sent her stomach into summersaults.
"Captain, have I done something wrong?"
"No, of course not. I simply wanted to make sure you have your wits about you. You're under my protection, of course." She laughed, wondering what exactly his intentions were. "Fraulein, please."
"Who are you protecting me from, Captain? Herr Detweiler hardly seems to be dangerous company."
"You don't know him like I do. Just...slow down with the drinks." She was offended. How dare he suggest she wasn't in control? She met his eyes fiercely and drained the rest of her glass. "So defiant. And I allow you to teach my children."
"The children are in bed, sir."
"And you'll find yourself in someone's bed if you don't stop." She gasped at his words, wondering why he would imply such a thing about her.
"I intend to do no such thing. I am perfectly in control of my actions."
"You're slurring your words."
"I'm having an enjoyable time. It's not my fault you've chosen the wrong company to keep." His eyes widened, and so did hers. It was silent between them for a moment, each wondering what was supposed to be said next. "I apologize, Captain. Perhaps I really don't have my wits about me."
"Georg, there you are! Oh...and Fraulein Maria." The Baroness approached them and interrupted their conversation, her eyes venomous as she assessed the situation before her. Maria felt her face flush at the mere weight of the gaze that landed on her, burning daggers into her skin. "It's truly amazing. I keep finding myself alone, and then here are the two of you."
"Please excuse me." Maria hurriedly escaped to the warmth of the ballroom, grabbing another drink on her way back to Max.
xxxx
She zipped her dress, finally taking a seat on the edge of her bed to cradle her head in her hands. She couldn't believe she had spoken to the Captain in such a way. He was really only looking out for her, she thought, but she just had to act out. It wasn't proper of her at all to speak to him that way...though, she could also say that he wasn't speaking properly to her either.
A small knock on her bedroom door broke her from her walk down memory lane, and she slowly stood to see who was there so early in the morning. It wasn't even time to wake the children yet.
"Captain, is something wrong?" He stood on the other side of her door, a small smile upon his face. It was the first time she'd spoken that morning, and her voice sounded terribly raspy. He handed her a glass of water and two pills.
"Take those so your head will stop spinning, and drink a lot of water." She nodded and did as he asked, assuming he had been in her shoes plenty of times before. She couldn't understand his kindness, but was thankful nevertheless. "You look like hell. Try not to look like that when you wake the children."
"Yes, Captain." He made a move to go, but her words stopped him. He wouldn't even meet her eyes. "I want to apologize."
"Later, Fraulein. We'll talk later." And then he was off, leaving just as quickly as he had arrived. Presumably not wanting to be caught outside the governess's bedroom by one of the staff.
xxxx
When she had returned to Max, she was feeling every emotion she could think of. She was hurt and sad, but also angry and frustrated. Why couldn't the Captain simply allow her to enjoy herself? She truly was doing no one any harm.
"Are we in trouble?" Max's words met her, along with another glass of champagne passing between their hands. She knew she needed to slow down.
"I'm afraid only me. I looked like I was enjoying myself too much." He laughed, already understanding before she said anything.
"Oh, don't let him trouble you. He and Elsa are having problems this evening." She didn't want to hear that either, and really didn't want to hear what came next. "Apparently, she found him in a tight dance with another young woman before dinner."
"It was harmless, I assure you." She took another drink, feeling his eyes on her. "Stop staring at me like that, it was!"
"Of course! You're a postulant. You don't do or think about things you aren't supposed to." She met his amused eyes and couldn't help smiling along with him. He really did have a way with words.
"I have great self control, anyway."
"Good. That will help you immensely if you plan to spend time with a cad such as myself." She laughed, feeling her mood lighten once more. He had been nothing other than a perfect gentleman toward her, but the Captain's words still rang in her ears.
Most of the guests had left by the time the new friends found themselves incredibly drunk, laughing and moving out of the ballroom so it could be cleaned. She hadn't seen the Captain or the Baroness in an hour or so, but was certain he was around. For some reason she could feel his eyes on her all evening, even though she couldn't see him anywhere.
She finished her last drink and sat the glass on a tray, Max doing the same, before they made their way toward the stairs to end the evening. She was truly exhausted, for not being used to such festivities, and she knew she was going to regret everything the next day. Max offered her an arm, which she accepted, as they slowly began to ascend the stairs.
"You have to pull some of your own weight, Maria." She laughed as he pulled her up the stairs with him. They made it up the first set of stairs, and she grabbed the bannister on the second set as they worked toward her room and his guest bedroom. He missed his footing and fell, dragging her with him. Her hip slammed against the stairs, and he burst out laughing at the scene.
"You fool, that hurt!" They couldn't stop laughing, unfortunately causing the few remaining guests to take notice, whispering to one another. Suddenly, the Captain rushed up the stairs toward them, his face full of frustration. "Oh, hello, Captain. We were just..."
"I've grown quite frustrated with the both of you."
"Georg, do lighten up." Max tried to interject through his own laughter.
"Where exactly are you taking the governess?"
"To her room, of course. She clearly can't walk." They laughed again from their place on the stairs, but they were still the only ones finding their antics amusing.
"I'll take it from here." In a swift motion, the Captain leaned down and tossed Maria over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing, causing her to gasp in surprise.
"Put me down! Captain!" He ascended the stairs quickly, his frustration quite obvious, even though he was trying his best to be poised. He opened the door to her room and tossed her onto the bed, doing his best to ignore how her dress rose to reveal her thighs. "How dare you?"
"Fraulein, you are completely out of line. Go to sleep."
"I'm out of line?" She moved to stand from the bed, but her legs gave out, and she fell straight to the floor with a thud. "Shit." She gasped, looking at him as she covered her mouth. "I don't swear."
"Yes, and you don't drink or go to parties either." She saw him smile in amusement, and she rolled her eyes. She grasped the bed and clumsily pulled herself up, kicking off her shoes when she was finally standing again.
"I warned you about Max, and then I find him leading you to your bedroom? What would have happened once you got here?"
"Absolutely nothing." She rolled her eyes again, moving closer to him. "He's been a perfect gentleman all evening."
"While I'm glad the hear that, I don't trust him alone with you."
"Captain, why do you really care so much?"
"Because it is my responsibility to look after you."
"Why did you dance with me tonight?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was clearly not prepared for her question. She moved even closer.
"We were demonstrating the dance for the children." She nodded, looking up into his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Determining whether you ruined my fun because of duty or because of jealousy." He thought for a long moment before answering, knowing she would likely forget in her drunken state anyway.
"Can it not be both?" She smiled softly, leaning a bit closer, their bodies nearly touching. He lingered for only a moment in contemplation. "Goodnight, Fraulein."
xxxx
And he was gone, just as quickly as he had left her moments after bringing her medicine for her headache. She wasn't sure what would have happened if he had stayed any longer, but she knew she had clearly been up to no good. Riddled with embarrassment, she made one more trip to the bathroom to try making herself presentable, and she made her way to wake the children for breakfast.