Chapter 2, Spirits

The gnawing sensations kept with me as I drove behind Alex. Walker couldn't believe I wanted to drive his old rusted truck. Hell, it was nicer than the one Charlie gave me when I arrived at his house. I fell in love with it and I was close to throwing love declarations at this one too.

But the feeling grew to the point it took away the happy moment I had behind the wheel. Their eyes were boring holes within me, my skin felt flushed out to hot. I clutched my chest because it ached so badly. Everything we seen was only a shadow away from what we hadn't yet. Some people always seemed to bast in the glory of the sunshine. While others were hidden in the darkness behind a shadow that lurked before them. The clouds just got darker hovering up above me as I went.

It appeared dark out the window when it was broad daylight. My eyes squinted to see before me. The narrowed vision was a path I shouldn't have gone down. The truck veered off the road when I covered my ears at the high pitch sequels which were deafening. My head was about to explode from them. Every scream I made wouldn't make it stop or go away either.

'Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.' Edward swooned me with his wisdom numerous times. I loved to listen to him speak. It was from another time, another life he lived. It was a way we passed time together. But, when it was just us, time stood still for me. No one else could invade the world, the life we had.

'I like the night. Without the darkness we'd never see the stars.' The color of silence back then was my friend, my confidant. There was no need for me to know what would come, what waited up ahead. Until, now that was.

As much as I tried to gain control over the vehicle, I couldn't get it to stop on the large drop down. What was coming up wasn't much of happier thought either. I pumped the brakes because if I reached the water at the bottom of this, I was in huge trouble.

The voice became prominent, it become the guided tour I took on my way spiral downward. With every fiber of my being and what little time I had left. I tried to concentrate on the angel's voice instead. The white light was all in my sight, it was calling my name, maybe this was truly my ending. Truly the last few precious moments I would spend here.

"Bella." They screamed my name. They were on this last journey with me. "Please, just breathe."

Yes, I wanted them to know I heard them with a response, say anything back. But I couldn't find my lips. My voice had been sedated. Again, the angel called out my name with pain and agony in their their uplifting voice. But the impact from the crash shoved my chest into the steering column.

Once my eyes were finally able to open up, I looked for the angel. I even looked around for the vampires in the water coming to get me. But I found neither close by. It was when the angel began sobbing, a broken sob of no tears. An angel should not ever weep. I was at place of peace for the longest time I hadn't felt. I wanted to let them know, don't be sad for me.

Only with the water so deep and my chest crushed, I couldn't move. It was pressing on it so hard I closed my eyes so I could see my angel. Let them take me home to a better place, a place of rest and happiness.

"Bella." The weighted block was felt to my toes. "Breathe, please." The quick rapid compressions where done in perfect rhythm. Then it was gone. The angel was silenced.

All I could do was let out a relief moan when the warm hand brushed the wet hair from my face. With nothing restraining me now, I tried to move. Then the pain set in. I knew it all too well. I was still alive to feel so much of it.

Just as I had when Jacob Black saved me too. I had jumped off a fucking cliff to see Edward's face one more time telling me don't be reckless. But the wreck of the vampires had already broken me to the point I wanted to just get it over with. Let the darkness find me, from the collision my heart experienced, end it all. It was a love hit and run as Edward ran away from me in the middle of the night.

Yet Jacob never gave up on me as much as I tried to on him. He stayed by my side until I could get up on my own to face another day. Although I hated to admit he was right about everything, I confessed all my sins to my best friend. He loved me anyway. The thoughts of Jacob faded as they spoke to me.

"Don't move. The paramedics will be here soon."

Alex was a mess, wet and muddy. Was she my angel? Was it her who saved me? Was she the one I needed to thank for the effort but curse because she succeeded?

The sirens were heard a mile away and growing louder now. They came quickly too. When they began to wrap me head to toe. I put my hand up to protest. "Miss hold still."

My voice was finally heard when they went to load me up in the ambulance. "I'm fine."

"We are going to get you checked out Bella. Charlie trusted us with you, we will not take any chances. I will be right behind you in the car." The doors shut when Alex was done. I hated her to go through all this fuse over me.

It got even worse as Walker was the first person I seen when they wheeled me towards the doors. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Thankfully they wheeled me away before I had to answer him. Yet, I felt the need to respond to it anyway. "Life happened."

They were already putting me through a series of test. I felt like everyone who came by me wanted to look at me. Hospitals weren't a place I hadn't been before, actually, I spent a lot a time at them hanging out with the Cullens.

The shot they injected me with made it hard for me to see or keep my eyes open anymore. Even when closed, they still came to me. The thoughts of the past.

'I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire. But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit. By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying. Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that Edward fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are.' Carlisle stitched up my arm at his office in the house as he had a conversation to let me know everything would be alright. Only it was a lie. All because I was pushed into glass by Edward to save me. All because I paper cut my finger. All because my blood turned Jasper into a monster who wanted to kill me.

The ice cold hands startled me. Carlisle was here at the hospital. He was trying to care for me again. He was trying to coverup what happened again. "Don't touch me you son of bitch. You lied to me."

"Hey. I'm here too. The doctor won't hurt you."

Once I could focus again clearly. Alex was hoovered over me along with a strange man dressed in white lab coat. It wasn't Carlisle at all. Just another day dream which turned to a nightmare. Awake or asleep, day or night, the shit still remained the same.

"This will help with the pain. Get plenty of rest and a follow up visit with your doctor should be scheduled."

They blew off the little outburst as shock to my system. I had a big newsflash for them. Not much could truly shock me anymore. Although, when I coughed I was more concerned over my side than what they thought about me. I had a bruised rib. They considered me lucky. I considered myself cursed.

When we went to leave. As I went to round a corridor in the hospital, I almost went down to the floor. It was the same sad scene all played out before me. Carlisle, Rosalie and Edward all huddle up vampires to find the perfect excuse to hide what they were in the perfect world they created.

'What was I suppose to do, let her die?' Once again I was saved by Edward Cullen, then not at the same time. He risked exposing their secrets as he defended his actions to his angry family, their secret coven. I would have been crushed by the van that fateful day in the parking lot. Except he stepped up and stepped in to change my course of fate.

'Are you gonna tell me how you stopped the van?' I was inquisitive by nature to start with. But I should of stopped there, just let it go. Just let him walk out of my life and never looked back.

'Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it.' His answer lit the fire in me I could not put out. But that fire, ended up burning my soul.

"I am not going to let you do this to me again."

Alex had the same look Charlie got when I acted crazy. The cross of pity and wow you need some medication. "We should go home so you can get some rest." It was what she said but I knew what she really meant.

On the way back to the ranch my mind wandered off as I stared through the window. Perhaps I liked it because nothing stared back at me with judgement eyes. But I lived enough in reality I thought at one point how unstable I was when I caught a glimpse of my own reflection. Truly life was just the reflection you seen of it. Then I knew for certain it existed, I wasn't stable. Part of it was I had been always been this way throughout my life., I was always the odd little duck which just didn't belong. I searched out the unknown, thirsted for something. I couldn't ever figure out what it actually was. Perhaps I never would either.

"Do you need some help?" She threw the car in park and waited as I slowly made my exist from the car.

Alex was the kindest person I had meet. She had no agenda for it nor wanted anything because of it. Yet, I still felt there was something there. 'Why are you being so nice to me?"

It caught her off guard. She was puzzled by my question. "I think the bigger question is why you feel I wouldn't be?"

It was a slap upside my head. Probably one I deserved no doubt. I could have answered her but of course. I would there would have been a deep thoughts, feelings and so on kind of conversation if I had of. So, I pulled an Edward, change the subject to something else and simply pretend you never heard it.

"A hot shower is what I need."

She nodded in agreement with me. She went to her room and I went to mine. It hadn't taken long for me to find the quilt spread out on the bed. I didn't bother to pull the sheets back, I scooted slowly until I made my way to the middle of it and wrapped up like a burrito. I'd wash it later.

Maybe this was what babies loved about being inside a blanket. It brought them warmth and a safe feeling. Personally, it was what I needed at the moment. As always,all good things turned to shit in a blink of the eye. When I woke screaming in the pillow, it was time to get up and move my ass around for a while.

The water was as hot as I could take it. It would wash away the grim of the day. But not what my heart felt. When the heat made my breathing labor, it was time to get out of it.

Alex was leaned over the counter. The circular motion she made with on her stomach with her hand, I knew something was wrong. "Alex."

"My stomach is upset. It been an eventful day." She moved slowly towards the stove. The stiff body she carried was sign of trauma I inflicted on her. She wasn't the well put together woman at the moment. Her short hair in small ponytail, sweats and no makeup on.

"I'll make the tea for you."

We were similar, we didn't care much for others taking care of us. But I seemed in better shape than her and wouldn't take no for an answer. While I waited for water to boil, she made her way out to the front porch.

Through the window, I seen Walker join her. They were so sweet with each other. He dotted over her and you could tell, she worshiped him. It made me smile with hope maybe someday, I would believe in love again.

However, the closer I got to the door with the teacup, I wasn't smiling anymore. "What happened today?"

"I'm not sure. It happened so fast and it was really strange. The truck was down in the creek in the water, Bella was laying on the ground when I got there."

"Maybe she got ejected from the vehicle."

"She was wet, her entire body. Like she had been in water, then dragged out of it. The ground was saturated around her. But there was no one else around."

"Well, I'm just glad everybody was alright."

They went to talk about his day. I was grateful I was no longer the subject of conversation. I put on my phony happy facade, I was good at it too. It was something I took cue from the vampires. They could make you believe anything, even the unbelievable as they had convinced me.

"Here's your tea."

"Why don't you join us?"

"I'm a little tired. I need to rest."

From the bed I stared at the ceiling in a completely dark room. Hell, I could have done this in Forks. I had done this for hours on end there. Except I tried to process everything Alex told Walker.

Was someone else there when I hit the water? Had someone recused me from the truck? Could there have been vampires with me the entire time? Of course, I didn't know the answers to those questions. But there was one person who knew the truth to them.

The pain pills set on the nightstand. With my hands I braced my body on the bed. It was a slow process to scoot myself to the upright position. Never had I taken medication to kill the pain before. Yet, there were many tings I hadn't done before. The bottle shook in my hand it made a rattle sound. But I took one out and swallowed it down.

One foot in front of the other I went to find Jasper. His appearance was different from what I had remembered about him. His hair a lot shorter than he used to wear it. The cowboy hat obstructed the curves of his face. As though it helped hide his shame. But none of that mattered.

"Jasper." I announced my arrival in the barn. I waited to see if he would respond or not. He could have gone home already.

"What." He was in the loft above moving around hay bales.

"Can you come down here please?"

"No."

"Fine. We will have this discussion anyway. If you don't mind someone possibly hearing about our past. I'm okay with it."

Jasper jumped down from the loft and landed on his feet. He didn't even bother to use the ladder. Since I already knew what he was. "What do you want?"

"Which one saved me today?"

"No one saved you that I know of."

"Bullshit." It came out a lot louder than I intended. It was also full of the hate and aggravation I felt so much of it in my heart as well. "One of the Cullens pulled me out of the truck. Don't lie to me."

"That is impossible. None of them are here. I haven't seen them since...we left Forks."

Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~Ranger~

Three days I'd holed up in my room trying to heal my wounds. Although some of them wouldn't ever get better. The quilt on the bed was made my Alex. Not only was it beautiful stitch work, it was comfy. It became part of me as I always had myself wrapped up in it or draped around my shoulders.

'There is something strange about the way you two are together. The way Edward watched you, it's so...protective. Like he is about to throw himself in front of a bullet or something.' My mother was ditzy. There was no deniable reason to protest the fact. But she saw right through Edward. It was me she had no idea what I had done or become.

Renee too enjoyed quilting. Mom made me one for a graduation present out of t-shirts we collected. The memories of those places we visited were a lot happier than the reality I faced today.

So, I laid my body to rest against the headboard. When my head bobbed in a drift off to sleep mode. I took a couple of short breaths and grabbed the only book I had. Sure it was a sappy romance, the boy gets the girl, the boy tossed the girl to the side, the girl fell into a sense of misery and loneliness.

"Hell, I wrote this book with my life."

But I forged forward to read the sappy shit you'd done for love. Or at least you believed they loved you. The medicine must have kicked in because my eyes fluttered like my beating heart. Then I began to see my eye lids more than the page.

The beats of my heart were all that was heard within the four walls around me. It also seemed they were getting closer too each time I managed to open my eyes. But those beats only got louder each time as well.

While I still laid awake, simply played with the shadows as they slowly climbed up the walls. The glance out the window showed the gentle light had slipped away. It was the darkness again and all it had to offer. I must of slept until the day was gone.

It was the heart beat though, I was wrong because it wasn't mine. Whatever was behind those swinging doors to the outside held it. It began to pick up the pace in a more frantic action.

Maybe it was because I longed to be away from here in reality. Maybe it was because I had seen Jasper Cullen and it played with my emotions. Maybe it was because I felt I never belonged anywhere I went. Until I had met a vampire and his family.

"No."

It was hard to keep my head straight with the medicine in my systems. But I still shook off the notion of him and the happiness I once knew. I thought my restless wandering was over then. I had found what I wanted for all eternity and it was all a lie. Even closing them out of my mind I still felt the void. Yet the loneliness was still the plaque which haunted me once again.

The knock at those doors had my complete attention now. It wasn't normal though. It done it in the form of heart beats wrapping against the door. Calling for me to see what was behind them. Asking me to trust the unknown. Telling me it was time to crawl out of bed and face it, face it alone and on my own.

A home was supposedly the safest place in the word. You built it to your liking and what made you happy. You were to feel comfort behind the four walls and something simple as as a door. As much as I tried to pretend or imagine myself as a part of those people out there which truly believed in this, I still locked my doors at night in hopes to keep the evil out. While I knew how much of it existed and a door wouldn't stop them.

Only it was always a soft whisper in my ear which continued to play over and over, this was the rest of what my life had to offer. With that final thought, I swung my legs over the side of the bed to see what the night had in store for me.

But I wasn't prepared for what was on the other side. The cooler air gave me a shiver as I pulled the quilt tighter around me. This time, it gave no comfort to me. As I let it fall to the ground. When I seen him.

There was no indication of what he was actually doing. It seemed he praised the moon up above. With his hands high up in the air, I couldn't make out what he said.

"Hey."

After, I announced my presence and got no response from him. I repeated it several times. Then I got worried. "Are you alright?"

His bony finger pointed directly at me. "You done this. You brought the evil spirits."

"What?"

Before I could get him to explain what he meant. I witnessed the old man from the woods turn into what I already knew existed. He was just like Jacob, a wolf in a man's body. The dark black giant had his hands full with a vampire, Jasper.

They fought each other without mercy. When I turned around to get away, far away. I dropped to my knees at the bloodless bodies on the ground. Alex and Walker had been drained.

"No." I screamed it to the sky. The tears were falling with no end in sight.

"What is it?" A man I had never seen before busted through the bedroom door which brought out of the trans sleep I was in. "What?"

The stunned look must have told him. The light he flipped on made it hard for me to focus my sight on him. But he backed away from my bed and put his gun back in the holster. "I'm Trivet. I'm not going to hurt you. You were screaming and I thought something was wrong."

"What the hell is going on?" Walker wasn't far behind him either.

"I had a bad dream." It was the explanation I gave them. My life was just one bad episode after another. With Jasper here, with another brush of death, with a nightmare which seemed so real. I was a mess.

"What happened?" Now Alex was here too. They all were staring at me. I never liked attention much. Now, I absolutely hated it. I was always afraid I gave away my secrets when I let someone in. She must have sensed it too. "We should give Bella her privacy." With a smile she pushed the guys out of the room.

Most people would loved to be around Alex. Her perky, upbeat personality was uplifting. Even I found fleeting moments where I enjoyed it. Today, wasn't one of them however. I wanted to keep to myself, wallow in my own self pity.

After I pulled the quilt up tightly around me, I must have drifted back off to sleep. Until I woke to sunshine and noise. It took a bit to get to the door. The guys were running the ranch while Walker was at work. I just watched them. Of course Jasper was nowhere around. The sun would have made him a sparkly object. It would have gave away his secrets. It made sense why he worked here at night.

"Morning Bella."

"Morning."

Everyone was so welcoming. They treated me as though I had always belonged and was a part of their world. To some degree, I liked it. But more so I liked to watch from afar.

They were working with the horses. One was fiery which he wouldn't conform to their wishes. He was a wild beast which didn't want to be tamed. Every time someone would climb up on his back, they didn't last long until they were on the ground again. It sort of made me smile, they couldn't break his spirit.

"Good morning."

"Morning. I thought you were at work."

"I have the day off. Are you feeling better?"

Alex cared, you could tell. But she never pushed me, which was great too. After I got dressed I joined her out on the front porch. This was her spot where she spent most of her time. With a lap full of materials she was starting another quilt. A friend of hers was having a baby.

Renee truly was not domesticated in anyway. But she sewed the hell out of stuff. She always wanted me to do it with her. I was never interested in it. When Alex asked me if I wanted to help, I thought what the hell I had nothing else on the schedule for the day.

Before I knew it, we had spent hours in complete silence. The only sounds around us was the birds and what noise came from the ranch. We made progress though. All the squares were cut and she had started the pattern of sewing them together by hand.

"I should get dinner started."

Alex and I spent the next few days working together on her project. We would have causal conversations sometimes. other times, we never spoke at all. As much as I enjoyed the time we spent together, what I done next was why I came here. My body had healed and it was time.

"Are you ready?"

"I am."

Walker drove us to the camp. It was nothing like I expected either. He took me around to introduce me to everyone. Then left for work. They were all working out so I figured I better get my butt in gear. The treadmill was free and where I began.

"Cadets. Listen up. We will start today with the two mile run."

My eyes must of popped out of my head when he said it. I hated to run. Hell, some days I hated to get out of bed. But when Rome, run like the rest of them. Only I wasn't in shape for this. I didn't make it through the first mile before I had to stop to catch my breath. They were way a head of me, I was slow as usual.

By lunch time, my legs felt like jello. I didn't realize there would be so much physical training for this. Of course, Jasper done well. He didn't need to breathe and never gave out. When I got my tray of food I went to his table because all the others were full. "Can I join you?"

"If you would like."

He pretended to eat while I ate mine. Since he wasn't very talkative and refused to look in my direction. I broke the awkwardness between us. "Why are you doing this?"

"It's lunch time."

"I meant this program. Why do you want to be a ranger?"

"I have spent all my time on this earth as a human and so on, killing. Maybe I am trying to be a better...person. Do not ruin this for me." He gathered up everything and left with the comment he made.

Jasper and I were similar in some ways. We both done better being loners. It gave you time to ponder and search for your truths. We felt seclusion meant independence and freedom. But it was a cold life to live, there was nothing except empty space surrounding us. I never knew what it was like to fit in and feel wanted until I meet the Cullens. I don't believe Jasper had either until he became part of their coven.

Perhaps we felt people would judge us if they knew us. Perhaps we enjoy solitude. Perhaps it was because we had tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint us. Or perhaps we knew we had disappointed them.

Either way, I wanted to clear the air. "Jasper." If he thought pretending to not hear me would work, he was dead wrong. "Jasper." I yelled it. I could tell he was stressed when he stopped.

"What." He yelled it back at me too.

"I don't want there to be tension between us."

"Okay."

He said alright but we still didn't speak for the rest of the day as he continued to stay away from me. Although, I was too tired to care by the time Walker came to pick me up.

"How did you do today?"

"I can't run for crap."

"You are more like Charlie than I thought. We will work on it."

Walker wasn't much of a talker either. He turned up the radio while we drove back to the ranch. "Bella, wake up." I felt like a child on their first day of school when I got awake and out of the car.

Alex was making dinner when we walked through the door. My ass was dragging to move. I went to lay down for just one hour. The knock on my door startled me a bit.

"I thought maybe you were hungry." Alex carried a large wooden tray with food and drink on it.

"Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. Please rinse your dishes when your done."

She ran a tidy ship that was for sure. I didn't mind really. She was kind enough to bring it to me and the fried chicken was excellent I might add. When I, finished I washed the dishes, dried them and put them away too. It was the least I could do when she asked nothing else of me.

When another knock came at four o'clock in the morning. I got up and stumbled to the door. "It's time to run." Walker had sweats on and waited while I got dressed.

He had me stretch first, he thought it made all the difference in the world. I thought it just made me ache more. "We will go as far as you can today. Then we will try to progress a little farther tomorrow."

They've always said the first time was the worst for anything. Well, they were crazy bastards. I had done this same routine for days and my legs hurt each time I was finished. I had however made it past one mile. So, it was something to be happy about.

Walker ran with me each morning. Then I went on a separate run in the evening alone. While I streched I noticed someone else who planned it as well. He was very good at keep up false pretenses. Jasper didn't need this but he still played his part so everyone would see him as a normal human.

We were about at the same pace until we hit the road, out of everyone's sight that was. "Do you mind if I run with you?"

"If you can keep up." Of course in a second, he was gone. He blurred away while he blended with the surroundings.

"Funny Jasper, real funny."

He would not spoil my run, I wouldn't allow it. I found pounding the pavement helped me be more focused on the goal. I had to keep my head in it. Once I reached the marker on the highway I pushed myself to keep going. After a while, I had to stop. I found another rock to mark the spot for the next time.

The walk back was the cool down for me. It also gave me time to myself to reflect. Only today, I thought of the future for the first time in a long time. What it held for me and how I wanted it to become.

By the time I made it back, everyone had gathered on the porch, including Jasper. They were discussing a case , I took the step to sit and just listen.

"We need someone who can get on the inside. Someone young who they won't know."

"It's risky Trivet, at best."

There were a group of drug dealers sending bad drugs out on the streets. It was killing the kids around here. They would have a pop up rave, pass out drugs and numerous young people had already lost their lives because of it.

"I can do it. They don't know who I am."

"That's a good idea. Bella is perfect, no one would suspect her." Trivet didn't blink an eye at me going undercover.

"Absolutely not. Do you know what Charlie would do to me if I let Bella get involved in this? It's a bad idea." Walker immediately dismissed the thought of me trying to get in with the kids around here.

Trivet was all smiles when he said it. "I have a better idea. Why don't we send Jasper and Bella together. They can enroll in high school and keep an eye on each other. That way you know Bella is safe." When I looked over at Jasper, he wasn't smiling at all. He looked terrified.

"Let me think about it."

Walker excused himself from the conversation when a truck pulled up. He also escaped us without giving an answer too. When he went to talk to the old guy I met in the woods. Then Trivet and Jasper walked off together to discuss the case, so I went inside with Alex.

The thing I loved around here. When you opened the front door, it was always a pleasing aroma. Tonight, the house was filled with apples and spices. The fresh baked pie set on the counter to cool in the kitchen.

"Hi honey. How was your run?"

"It was good."

"I really like having you here."

"I like being here. You and Walker are really awesome."

Alex continued on with dinner. She floated around the table while she set it. It always looked so formal even for the three of us. "Bella will you get in the pantry and feed the dog for me."

"Sure."

She trusted me I felt. To her I wasn't some dumb kid that couldn't do anything on my own. Some how I had to convince Walker of the same. With a bowl full of food I went out the back.

Sure enough Lucy was laying on the patio waiting for meal. I set it down and gave her a couple of pats on the head before I left. Then I decided I should try to talk to Walker. Let him know I could this to help out the team. It was why I came here after all. As I rounded the corner of the house. I heard the old guy say my name. But it was the rest of their conversation, it scared the hell out of me.

"You doubt me?"

"I believe what you tell me. But, I think you are mistaken about Bella. She is just a kid and she seems to be a good kid."

"Walker, I have never felt it as strong as when she is around. She woke the spirits."

I hope you enjoyed reading me!

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