Chapter 15, probably the most important chapter so far, if not in the entire fic...
Disclaimer: I don't care...
Impulse
Ever so slowly, I come into consciousness...
I'm afraid you're still alive
The sinister tone of the Mushroom's voice, greets me with these alarming words. I shake my head to try and get the echoes to dissipate. It speaks again though…
Fate has played a sick twist on your life
"Bastard," I found myself with enough energy to mutter that one word. One by one my other senses return as well, and I realize that I am half buried in a snow bank…
This is where it ends
I slowly open my eyes and looked around, It is nowhere in sight. Cautiously I stand up and turned around to come face to face with a solid wall of rock. I look up and see that this "wall' slopes steeply upward, until it seems to scrape the top of the bleak, clouded sky above me.
That's right, the cliff…the fall…I was at the bottom and It was at the top. I was safe…
Look to your left again…
Curiosity gets the better of me and, indeed, I look to my left…
To see
That's…this can't be true…
It's impossible
I blink multiple times, but it's still there. The body of the white pikmin is spread out on the snow. It's face up, so I can see his eyes…dull, lifeless. His limbs lie at impossible angles, maybe because this whole thing is impossible, it just can't be happening.
I slowly move towards the white pikmin, almost swimming through the snow with slow, delicate movements. Each step gives me a small a small tinge of confirmation towards an already stated fact. He's gone…
The Mushroom killed him. A brutal agonizing fall, I could picture it in my head, the white pikmin violently smashing against each rock, not quite dead yet, as he continued to drop…
It wasn't me who put the pictures in my head though, it was the Mushroom.
The sudden urge comes to shout at the It, to climb up there and kill It, this murderer of all my friends, all that I have…
But it wasn't really the Mushroom that killed him at all. The Mushroom wasn't really involved.
I begin to narrow down the ideas. Chiseling at it, in the end there's only one entity left to blame. Just one, single being.
Me
I killed him
My friend
My entire past
In the end I convince myself that it was me, because there is no remorse when you blame others.
I convince myself, that I could have tried harder.
That I could have resisted.
That I've failed.
That it was only me, all me. My fault, my fall, my spiral back down into the real world.
That, this real world, is the last place I want to be.
And in the end, all that's left is simply me and the body of a friend. Around us the snow continues to fall softly, unaware, indifferent of what is happening here on the ground.
Time passes; mentally and physically drained, I have no thought of going anywhere. I stare at the body, wanting to leave but finding myself incapable of doing so. I want something to just happen, something that will change everything.
Something does.
The cry of another pikmin erupts into the silent aura around me. Tiredly I slowly look around, searching for what I hope to be an ally.
At the edge of the tree line, where the forest starts again, I see him, the other mushroom pikmin. He seems to be kneeling in the snow.
I blink multiple times, to see if my ally is really there.
He is.
But something's wrong, he seems wounded, oddly hunched. As I begin to approach him I notice the problem.
A stick juts out both ends of his body. His hands still grip the front side, soaked with the constant spurting of fluid. His breathing has an aura of rasping in it. And with a cough a glob of coagulated fluid slips out of his mouth. It's dark purple in colour with veins of black, and gradually it trickles down his chin.
I look around for some kind of enemy, a cyan, another mushroom pikmin, yet no one is around except me.
Another realization.
The mushroom pikmin's hands gripped the stick as if he were…
He did this to himself, he is responsible.
For his own death.
But not until…
I look at the mushroom pikmin and slowly his eyes come to meet mine. His eyes express what exactly he's been through for the past few days.
Inhale. Exhale.
"I couldn't go on," He manages to say. "No pikmin can…it was just too much…It kept telling me…horrible things…"
Exhale.
Inhale.
Followed by a scream, so sudden and unexpected it causes me to physically step back.
Where I once stood, the mushroom pikmin's body suddenly now lies, facedown, instead. The stick juts out of his back straight up, almost to my height. The fluid on it is almost a thick black colour.
Without him, without any of them…how am I supposed to go on?
I look all around me, taking a full circle. The cliff; and then trees and snow as far as I can see. Nothing offers shelter, nothing offers warmth, nothing offers food, and nothing offers…simply…anything.
Besides the mushrooms pikmin another lies another stick, almost as if in mocking coincidence.
I pick it up; the weight of it feels comforting. I look at the sharpened end in almost anxiousness.
I can't
But what else CAN you do?
Images in my mind flash by; everything that's happened in my life is expressed to its full gruesome potential…
What good is left?
I'm almost unaware of the sharp end of the stick prodding lightly against my waist, where the skin is soft…
Another look around me. Nothing, no one to help me…no one to stop me…
Finally, after another eternity has seemed to pass, I make my hands move, a jabbing motion…
And all of you becomes nothing at all
The blow leaves me breathless, a hard hit to myself. I suddenly feel dizzy. With glazed eyes I look up and see the sun, almost white in the crisp blue sky. It shines dimly through a circular hole of a large cloud. I let it's image burn into my eyes, pushing away all the bad things…
I look down after; the spear is still pierced into my body, a loop of fluid forming around it. My hands still grasp the end, and weakly I let go. The stick follows suite, slipping out of the wound and falling into the snow. It's almost frustrating to see it lying there.
I can't even kill myself.
I need to push it in deeper, push it in until it burst out of the other end, and keep pushing…then it will all end…then there will be nothing to worry about…
Come on
The stick is in my hands again, it's all going to work this time…it's all going to go right this time…
Pause
I'm hesitating. Why? I want it to end, this is the only way, and I want myself to do it. I can't think of any other way I want it to happen…
I want to die
I…can't
Yes I can. What's left for me here?
"I can't"
Does it have to end like this?
How else can it end?
There has to be something better, why can't there be? But the fact is, no matter how many times I've convinced myself that, it's always failed. There is nothing better.
"Come on! Come on!" I was shouting to myself, convincing myself to end this life.
"COME ON!"
And then the stick falls from my hands, and I collapse onto the snow with it. Pathetically sobbing, my cries are muffled by the snow.
What can I do now?
Where can I go?
I raise my head up and out of the snow. The body of the other mushroom pikmin lies nearby, it's pupiless eyes staring into my own.
I could have been like him, right now. Just a body, nothing else. I don't want that anymore though. I simply want someone to talk to now…
Because other than that, I have no idea what I want…
I break into sobs again, but manage to not fall into the snow. Exhausted and confused, I stagger to the nearest tree trunk and sit against it. My stem droops down and I clutch it with both my hands, my mushroom pressing against my chest. My whimpers are the only thing that can be heard for a long time…
I finally decide to walk away. Not because I'm afraid, it's to see if I can.
I pass the mushroom pikmin's body, beside it the stick lies there, sourly tempting…
Then there's the white pikmin's body. I don't want to look. I do anyways. I'll do something for both bodies later on, but now I just…can't.
I'm now passed the bodies, I can leave everything behind, and it's what I want.
I'll have to come back though…
Over a frozen stream and through a hollowed out log, the forest stretches on. There isn't any creatures though. I've been pretty lucky to not have encountered any.
I'll have to eat something soon though. I can't remember the last time I ate nectar. The taste of the sweet substance is now far beyond the grasp of any of my senses.
Around another tree…
And that's when I see the flower…
A beautiful blue colour, mirroring the perfect sky above. In the centre of four petals is a golden circle, just like the sun. It sits there; stem less, in the middle of three trees.
That flower means death for you
I ponder for a moment, and then I know It is wrong. The flower is far from death, the flower means new life…
And I am attracted to it, the flower seems so appealing. It is an escape. I want to get closer…
"And then I was elevated into a cloudless sky…"
I find myself walking towards it, every step takes me closer.
"The ground growing smaller, more powerless beneath me..."
I'm now at the point where snow meets petal. With one step I make my decision, the hesitation is not strong at all.
"As I, myself go higher and higher…"
I now stand in the centre the golden circle beneath me. My legs seem to sink in…
"Until I find myself staring at the sun…"
With a whoosh, the petals snap upward, closing above me. I don't care though; I want it all to happen.
"And at rebirth"
It's not finished. Reviews are appreciated, thanx