Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.
It sounds pretty melodramatic but it's true.
If Katniss dies, then there will be nobody to bring in food everyday from the woods. If Katniss dies, my mother will be unable to ward off the demons that consumed her after my father's death. If Katniss dies, then I know that I will be broken beyond repair.
She sleeps for two nights after that dreadful day. The only faces in the sky were Glimmer and the District 4 girl. Peeta is lying in the streambed, practically invisible to the cameras due to his stunning camouflage. The Careers have piled their supplies into one great pyramid and have used the District 3 male, Link, to rig explosives around it. Finch has figured out the placement of the bombs and can make her way to the pyramid, take a small portion of something, and run back into the woods, without being blown to bits. The other tributes haven't done much. That is all but Rue.
Rue has been taking care of my sister since she collapsed in the dirt. She found the leaves that we use in the Districts for tracker jacker stings, and has been using them on Katniss. Everyday she goes flying from tree to tree, spying on the other tributes.
The past two days have been torturous for me. I leave the house in the morning with Rory and go to school where I have to go the first half of the day without knowing if Rue's efforts paid off or not. Then when I finally get to see the updates on my sister, I'm always left feeling a whole lot worse.
My mother is worse. The demons returned with a vengeance after Katniss dropped the tracker jacker nest on the Careers heads. She now sits in her chair all day, staring at the television. No amount of begging will pull her out of her own mind.
To make matters even worse, Christopher is no longer bringing us bread. He came to us the same night that Katniss fell unconscious and regretfully told us that his wife found out that he was bringing us bread and she banned him from ever giving us food again. My mother remained emotionless but I on the other hand, was almost in tears.
"What are we going to do?" I asked.
"You're strong like your sister, you will be okay," he said, his own tears threatening to fall down his cheek.
Then he left without saying another word.
So now I lie in bed, wondering what I'm going to do now.
I know that I won't get much done today at this rate so I try to use a trick my father taught Katniss and me.
"When you're older you'll have those days where you won't want to do anything but lay in bed and you know that you have to do things, but you can't find the motivation to do them," he told my sister and I while we sat in his lap.
"What does motivation mean Daddy?" I had asked him.
"It's what helps you get out of bed in the morning and do your work at school. It's just like how I go into the woods, why do I go out into the woods when I could just stay here with you all?"
"To get food, so we won't be hungry," Katniss had stated matter-of -factly.
"Exactly, the game is my motivation to keep hunting," he said with a smile.
"But what do we do when we can't find our motivation?" Katniss asked him.
"You can do what I do, tell yourself exactly what you need to do. Like this, 'Prim, you have to go take a bath' then you have somebody telling you what to do, which is enough motivation for me,"
"Is it just like Mommy telling you to do something?" I asked.
"It is, which is why it gets done," he said before my mother hit him playfully on the shoulder.
"Does that mean Prim actually has to take a bath?" Katniss asked, referring to my father's example.
I gave Katniss my meanest glare as my dad told her yes and carried me off to the bath.
"Snap out of it, Prim," I tell myself.
"Get out of bed, Prim."
"Get dressed, Prim."
"Check on mom, Prim," I say to myself as I go into the main room.
She is sitting in her chair as usual, staring at the television. The screen shows Katniss's sleeping form and another part of my heart seems to break. I ask my mother if she would like some tea and she doesn't respond so I just make it anyway.
When I open the cupboard I notice that this is the last of the tea leaves. Oh and we have no food left. I mean we have the milk from Lady but that won't keep our stomachs full.
"Go gather in the woods after school, Prim," I tell myself, trying to ignore the fear that seeps into my veins when I think about going into the woods alone.
I make the tea for my mother with the remaining leaves and bring the cup to her. She doesn't acknowledge me as I open her clenched fists and wrap them around the cup. Then I grab my bookbag and rush out the door.
I walk swiftly down the street to the Hawthorne's house and knock on the door. Posy opens it with a smile.
"Hi Primmy!" she exclaims as she jumps up into my arms.
"Hey Pose, how are you?" I ask her.
She slips out of my arms and says, "Okay, but we've missed you."
"We've?" I ask.
"We all miss you, but mostly me and Rory."
I pull her into a big hug and tell her that I'm sorry.
"It's okay, you're here now," she says happily.
She grabs me by the arm and leads me into the house where I find Vick sitting on the floor doing some last minute homework. Hazelle is doing laundry in the back and Rory is sitting on the couch with Gale watching the Games. When Rory sees me he quickly turns off the television and walks over to me. Gale yells at Rory for turning off the television and Rory just tells him to shut up. Curses are exchanged between the boys before Hazelle barges in and yells at them both.
"Oh hello Prim," she says before coming over to me and engulfing me in a hug.
"Hi Hazelle"
"How are you? How's your mother?" she whispers in my ear.
"I'm...okay I guess. My mom is not doing too well," I tell her honestly.
"Well if you ever need anything, you can come to me," she tells me.
I nod, although I don't intend on taking her up on the offer. She already has enough people to worry about.
She lets go of me and tells Posy that she smells and needs a bath. Posy sulks off with Hazelle leaving me with the boys.
"Well I guess we should probably go to school," Rory says, breaking the awkward silence that had settled over us all.
"Yeah, probably," I reply.
Vick shoves his homework into his book bag and joins me and Rory at the door.
"You're coming with us today?" I ask him.
He usually walks with his friend who lives next door and they leave way before us, so I barely see him.
"He had to tell his girlfriend to go without him because he forgot to do his homework last night," Rory says with a smirk.
"Azalea is not my girlfriend," Vick protests, blushing furiously.
"I'm sure," I tell him with my own smirk.
"Lets just go," Vick says before rushing outside.
Rory and I follow him as he speed walks to the school.
Rory suddenly stops and says, "I can't do this anymore. Prim, we have to talk about what happened."
Well this is great.
"Can we talk later?" I ask.
"Yeah, can you come to my house after school?"
"Yes, but only for a little while," I answer.
"Why?"
I hesitate because I want to tell him about how we don't have any food so I have to go into the woods but I know that I can't. It's my problem, I can't put the burden on anyone else. So I lie.
"I'm going to study for a project at Charity's house."
It's a pretty believable lie because Charity and I are actually working on a project together for History of Panem class.
"Oh okay," he says.
My first class is easy because all I'm worrying about is the talk that I'm going to have with Rory later. My second hour is harder because my mind is filled with worries of going into the woods alone. Third hour is when I remember my sister is still unconscious in the middle of the Hunger Games. Let's just say that every thought before that was immediately forgotten.
By the time I finally have the tablet in my hands, I'm prepared for the absolute worst, but I'm in for a pleasant surprise when I see that my sister is awake. She grabs the bow and arrows she took from Glimmer and practices shooting them into the tree. After shooting only a couple shots, she is hitting her target every time. I smile when I think about how proud my dad would be, watching his oldest daughter shoot perfectly.
She drinks some water and checks out her injuries. She has plenty of small burns, plus the huge burn on her calf from the fireball attack. Cuts and bruises from crashing through the trees. And obviously the tracker jacker stings, which are looking a little better now, thanks to Rue.
Katniss walks slowly through the woods, following the path she had made from trampling through the woods days before. She quickly finds a rabbit and gets her first kill with the bow and arrow. The video cuts off there, letting me know that I'm now up to date.
I hand the tablet back to the teacher and head back to my lunch table. My friends ask about Katniss and I fill them in on what happened. Rory grins when I tell them that she woke up. I doubt my other friends even knew she was unconscious because most families who don't know someone in the Games, don't watch unless they have too which is at the beginning and end of the Games.
The rest of my day goes pretty well because I only focus on the good things. Katniss is awake. She is doing well. She has a bow and arrows which changes almost everything because now she has a way to get game and a way to fight.
The school day ends and me and Rory walk to his house. Vick and his friend Azalea walk with us too and for the whole walk to the Hawthorne house Rory and I have to listen to the two talk about the most random things. I'm not complaining though because it puts off me and Rory's conversation until later.
When we reach the house Rory and I head to the bedroom he shares with his brothers. I sit on his bed and he sits next to me.
"I just want to know what happened, Prim. We've been ignoring it for four days now, and I think we ought to talk about it."
"You sounded like a real old man there, Rory," I say with a chuckle.
"You didn't answer the question," he says, trying to hide a smile but failing.
I take a deep breath and answer, "I honestly don't know. I just was feeling really happy and then on impulse, kissed you on the cheek."
He keeps a straight face and asks, "And how do you feel?"
I suddenly feel angry. Wouldn't I have already told him if I knew what I felt? I don't get why everyone wants to know what I'm feeling! I exclaim, "I don't know, and I don't get why you care!"
"I really like you Prim okay! I like you! More than a friend, and I just want to know how you feel!" Rory blurts out.
I sit in shock. I know I should let him know that his feelings are reciprocated but my mouth has other plans. "Look, I really like you Rory, I do. But I don't think I can focus on anything other than Katniss right now," I tell him before getting up and leaving.
I walk back to my house in tears. Every time I close my eyes to blink I see Rory's face when I got up and left. His gray eyes watched me with such pain that I nearly turned back around, but I can't.
I desperately wish I could go back in time and change how everything played out, but I remind myself that this is for the better. With Katniss in the Games, I wouldn't be able to focus on anything other than her. And if she dies then I definitely wouldn't be able to think about anything but her. It wouldn't be fair to Rory.
I force myself to keep my feelings intact as I open the door to my house. My mother is not sitting in her chair so I check the bedroom and find her taking a nap. I grab my father's game bag off of the hook my sister put it on the last time she went into the woods. I put a bottle of water and my father's plant book inside of the bag and head out into the woods.
I head to the weak spot in the fence that Katniss always goes through to go hunting. She has only tried taking me into the woods to go hunting once and it did not work at all. When she finally shot something I ran over to it and tried to bring it back to life. Together we decided that my skills would be better used to gather not hunt.
When I reach the fence I put my ear next to it and listen for the distinct buzz of electricity. When I don't hear anything I flatten out on my stomach and slide under the fence. It's only once I'm standing up on the other side of the fence, when I realize how dumb my plan is.
I don't know anything about these woods. There could be vicious animals waiting for the perfect time to attack. Not to mention that it's very illegal to even be out here in the first place.
My mind is screaming at me to leave but my growling stomach is urging me forward. I walk up to the edge of the woods and immediately recognize an edible plant. I carefully pull the plant out of the ground and place it in my bag. For hours I walk along the edge of the woods, picking for food. I stay until the sun starts to set, and head home.
I throw the game bag onto the table like my sister always does after her hunts. I smile when I look inside and see all the different plants. This will be a good supper.
My mother is awake when I go to check on her. She is sitting on her bed looking through an old picture book. I walk over to her and take the book out of her hands. I know that looking at old pictures will just make her feel worse so I put it back in the closet.
As I go to grab her hand to bring her into the kitchen I notice a little container sitting on her bedside table. The antidepressants! They should be working. They're from the Capital for goodness sakes!
I angrily grab the little container and shove it in my pocket before grabbing my mother's thin hand and leading her to the kitchen where I sit her down in a kitchen chair. In a couple of minutes I have a salad made with some of the dandelions I found. I give my mother a plate before getting my own and sitting down across from her.
"What did you do today, Mom?" I ask.
No answer.
"How is Katniss doing?"
No answer.
"Did you know I got all this all by myself?"
No answer.
"Did you eat anything today?"
She doesn't answer but the growl of her stomach tells me what I need to know.
I eventually give up trying to get her to answer me so I resort to silence instead.
After we are both finished I clean our plates and go turn on the television while my mother goes to bed. I haven't watched the Games all day other than lunch, and I'm eager to see how Katniss is doing now that she has a bow.
When I turn on the television I see that Katniss is already settled up in a tree and ready to fall asleep. I'm about to go to bed myself when I notice that there is something else in her sleeping bag. With closer inspection I realize that it is actually a someone, and that someone is Rue.
Katniss must've figured out Rue was helping her while she was asleep and took her as an ally. When the anthem starts the two cover their mouths with their hands and talk. It's smart because if they're planning something, nobody will be able to figure out what they're saying.
The anthem ends and Katniss takes her hand away from her mouth and says, "I think we're going to have to fix that, Rue."
I wish I could know what she is talking about, but since I couldn't hear what they said before that, I don't try to figure it out. From the tone my sister used, I know that her plan is going to be big. I just have to hope that it's not big enough to get herself killed.
With a sigh I get up from the couch and get into bed. Buttercup hisses at me from the floor so I pick him up and set him on Katniss's side of our bed. I feel bad because I've barely paid him any attention since the reaping. He mews and curls up in a ball beside me.
Right before I'm about to fall asleep, all of today's events come rushing back and before I know it, I'm thinking about Rory again.
I still can't believe that I did that to him. It's so unlike me! I like to think of myself and pretty calm and kind but I doubt I was either of those things earlier.
Tears run down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away. I shouldn't be crying. I was just fine earlier.
"It's for the best," I tell myself.
But is it really?
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