Three Little Lovebirds

Chapter 8 – Sorrow

Liara T'soni sat at the small computer desk in her makeshift work area, face illuminated by the flickering glow of the screen. Images of Prothean architecture that would normally enthral the scientist barely registered, failing to penetrate the glazed surface of her eyes. Her head rested lightly against her graceful hands as she stared into nothingness with a wistful look dancing across her delicate features. Liara had always enjoyed the chance to reflect quietly in solitude, using the time to go back over whatever discoveries she'd made that day. Recently though, she found her musings focusing less and less on the alien race she practically worshipped...instead shifting to something else that she regarded just as reverently.

Tonight, Lucy occupied the entirety of her thoughts. It had become one of Liara's favourite pastimes to run through little scenarios in her head...to envision what might happen if she encountered the spectre in different situations. In her mind, she was free of the nerves and self-doubts that tormented her in real life; she was able to express how she truly felt without sounding like a babbling fool. Deep down, she knew these daydreams were not realistic...but that didn't stop her hoping.

Each mental simulation always ended the same way. Invariably, she would feel the burning touch of Lucy's hand against the back of her neck as the spectre embraced her. Liara would feel Shepard's breath in her ear...hear the other woman whisper that she was hers forever. Then...ever so softly...Lucy's lips would captivate her own in a rapturous kiss that would leave the Asari weak in the knees and begging for more.

Just the idea caused the scientist's eyes to mist over with desire. Ever since Shepard had kissed her on Verdus, her daydreams had taken on an almost lifelike clarity. Liara's mind took that brief sensation of Lucy's mouth against her own and extrapolated it into something so beautiful; her heart ached from its absence.

The Asari maiden was so caught up with the imaginary Lucy that she failed to recognize when the real one stepped through the door. It was only when the other woman coughed that she realized someone else was there.

Liara started at the noise, and quickly rose from her seat. When she saw who it was, she felt the heat in her cheeks begin to rise considerably. The lingering taste of the spectre's imagined mouth still occupied her tongue and made it difficult to avoid looking guilty.

"Are you okay Liara?" Lucy asked, stepping closer to the Asari with an undecipherable glint in her eyes "You look a bit pale and shaken."

"I..." the maiden began, desperately trying to find a plausible excuse "I'm fine, I just...I..."

Lucy took pity on Liara and didn't press her for an answer.

"Guess I'm not the only one having trouble sleeping."

The spectre seemed uncharacteristically nervous, fumbling slightly over her words in much the same way Liara did when she was in the presence of her unrequited beloved. It was impossible to tell in the dim light from the computer monitor, but the Asari could swear that Lucy's cheeks were tinged red in a blush that rivalled her own. Liara decided to bite the bullet and enquire further.

"Do you have any idea why you are unable to rest?"

Lucy seemed momentarily alarmed that the maiden had picked up on her jitters. Her cheeks darkened even more and she seemed unable to meet Liara's gaze.

"Well I, um...I've been having these rather unusual dreams..."

"Nightmares?" The Asari knew only too well how painful they could be, and felt a rush of empathy for the Commander.

"No...no..." Lucy said, struggling to find the right way to express herself "They wake me up but they're not unpleasant. On the contrary they're a bit, um...a bit too enjoyable."

"What do you dream about Shepard?" Liara realised her persistence could be considered rude by human standards. Inwardly cursing, she prayed that Lucy would let her temporary lack of manners slide.

Shepard was staring at the floor now, her blush completely visible even in the poor lighting. Liara saw herself mirrored in the spectre's hesitance...a timid, self-conscious woman who found it hard to express the way she...she...

Oh Goddess...

Somehow, the Asari maiden knew the words were coming before they'd left Lucy's lips. The moment of clarity did absolutely nothing to lessen the impact of what she heard when Shepard spoke, her voice hoarse with barely suppressed emotion.

"You Liara..." she croaked, shrugging into herself from embarrassment "I dream about you."

The Asari's breath caught in her throat and for a panicked second the room seemed to spin like a nauseating merry-go-round. She couldn't quite comprehend what she was hearing...Lucy dreamt...about her! Liara's mind froze and her body decided to take things into its hands. Unconsciously, she took a step towards the spectre and found herself mere inches from the woman she'd wanted for so long.

"And what...do you dream...about me?" Her voice was husky and laced with desire. Liara's words did not feel like her own but they were having the desired effect.

Lucy raised her eyes to capture the maiden's gaze for the first time since she'd entered. Liara quailed at the raw emotion she saw staring back at her...a love so powerful that she sensed it within her own mind.

"This..." Shepard whispered breathlessly.

Time slowed for both women as the spectre drew Liara's form into a soul-binding embrace. The Asari felt lightheaded and fought against the urge to simply collapse into Lucy's arms. The only thing that prevented her fainting was the infinite warmth of Shepard's hand, possessively planting itself on the ridged back of her neck. It was happening...oh Goddess be praised...all her dreams were coming true.

Liara felt humid air waft across her cheek...she could sense Lucy's mouth mere centimetres from her aching flesh.

"I love you Liara," the Commander whispered "I want to be yours forever...for our hearts to beat as one for all eternity. Will...will you join with me?"

Words finally deserted the young Asari...but at that moment she had no need for them. Everything that needed to be said was conveyed through the tears that began to flow freely from her eyes. She didn't try to stifle them; all she could do was watch with blossoming joy as Lucy's lips descended towards her own. With boldness born from an indescribably beautiful feeling of acceptance, Liara covered the last tiny distance separating them and initiated a kiss that threatened to immolate both women in a firewall of passion.

Liara's tears came thicker than ever as all the love she'd been restraining for so long flowed from her body by any means possible. She kissed the spectre again, willing every last drop into Lucy's receptive heart. Shepard responded by deepening the kiss, her tongue gently opening Liara's azure lips and forcing a squeak of delight from the bookish Asari. If anyone had seen them, they'd be left in no doubt that the two were soul-mates...that destiny had led them to each other's arms.

As Liara kissed her beloved again and again, she found it impossible to remember how she'd lived all this time without Lucy's breathtaking body pressed against hers. Now that she realised the Commander returned her affection with an equal intensity, the thought of them ever being apart was too painful to even consider. It didn't matter though...her life was perfect so long as Lucy was hers.

Perfect...

Perfect.

Liara awoke from her emotionally induced slumber with moisture still prickling her eyes. What had previously been tears of unimaginable happiness quickly became tears of heartbreak as the realization that she'd been dreaming washed over her. Her first instinct was to scream...scream at the top of her lungs and not stop until her dying breath passed her lips...scream from the anguish that gripped her like an ice-cold fist.

Instead, Liara collapsed back onto her bed and wept uncontrollably. She'd never felt so lonely in her entire life...and now this false sense of loss was more than she could bear.

"I just...I just want to...to..." she sobbed under her breath "Please Goddess...I-I don't know how I can go another day without her."

The near-silence of the Normandy night shift answered Liara's heartfelt pleas, offering no comfort or solace of any kind. Still crying softly, the broken maiden hugged her pillow to her chest and buried her face in its folds. In this position, she could almost believe that she was cradling Lucy in her arms; her head nestled against the spectre's soft bosom.

Almost...

It wasn't right; none of what she felt made any sense. How long had she known this woman? No more than a week and yet it felt like Lucy had been with her for as long as she could remember. It seemed as if Liara's entire life had been leading up to the moment when they'd met...she should have realised when the other woman's mind touched her own that there was something special about her. Looking back on it now there'd been countless little signs; emotions that the maiden had never felt before except when she stood at the spectre's side.

Unlike the whimsical, love-struck notion of dream-joining, the idea of soul mates was one that was widely accepted in the Asari culture. Their races philosophy held that everyone was connected by a web of spiritual links that transcended the physical world...everyone existed in some form or another in this higher plane. To refer to someone as a soul-mate took on a more literal meaning in this context. They were one who linked directly to you in this vast network of emotional energy...the being whose soul was closest to your own. Sometimes it was another Asari, but for the most part this mysterious figure was lost in the far depths of the galaxy...possibly even a member of an as yet undiscovered race.

Many of Liara's people undertook a journey at some point in their vast lifetime...to try and search for this special person who they shared something so unique with. Indeed, some Asari spent all their allotted centuries fruitlessly searching...only to be left bereft once the realisation sank in that the endeavour was like searching for a needle in an ocean. The scientist had always pitied those who tried. Like most, she'd hoped to find the one someday...but the logical part of her brain successfully convinced her that there was no point looking for that which won't be found. Instead, she'd buried herself away in her work...satisfying the longing to search by hunting down the more tangible pieces of Prothean history.

Sadly, it seemed that fate had a sadistically malicious sense of humour. Liara's soul-mate had been delivered almost literally into her lap in circumstances that seemed perfect for a textbook romance. The Asari had not recognised how deeply ensnared she was until the agonising pangs of loneliness set in. There was no way any ordinary person could make her feel so bereft in such a short space of time. Liara understood now what the matriarchs had meant when they told her that 'She'd know.'

It was unheard of for an Asari who had found this unique individual to do anything but fall passionately in love with them...and for the feeling to be reciprocated. Liara had once seen a couple who had visited her mother on some official business; a middle-aged Asari and a young Turian female. It was after seeing how deeply bound they were that she'd first thought to question Benezia on the subject.

"Mother...I could not help but notice the look in Adnina's eyes when she looked at Caecilia...do you think they are Joined?"

Benezia smiled at her daughter's innocence; it was such a wondrous gift for a woman of her age to receive.

"They're soul-mates Little-Wing," she explained with the infinite patience a mother bestowed upon her only child "It means their love was the will of destiny...and yes, they are most definitely Joined."

The young Liara seemed to ponder something for a second before replying.

"Do you think I will find my soul-mate mother?"

Benezia looked down fondly at the little girl and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. She didn't answer the question with words...as with all things, only time would tell.

That thought alone was what kept Liara going. While her mother may have opted for the path of villainy, it didn't make the kind words of the woman she once was any less true. Liara clung desperately to the idea that despite what it may seem, she and Lucy were fated to be together one day. Focusing on that helped stem the flow of tears slightly and even brought tiny, tremulous smile to her lips as she cried herself to sleep.