Three Little Lovebirds
Chapter 10 – False Prophets
Lucy felt her barely suppressed nerves flare as she stepped into the conference room. It felt weird to enter alone; normally the entire team would be with her, discussing whatever extraordinary events they'd been recently subjected to. Not this time though...the communiqué had expressly stated that it was for the spectre's eyes only. A deep sense of foreboding settled over Lucy for various reasons that she tried not to focus on. This entire episode felt strange...then again, it wasn't everyday the Quarians tried to contact you. Unbidden, Shepard's thoughts focused on the young engineer currently waiting for her outside. Whatever this unexpected encounter was about, Lucy felt sure that Tali would somehow be involved. Setting her face against the onrush of fear, Lucy keyed in her access code and the holo-emitters flared to life.
A ghostly figure appeared before her and it took a few seconds for Lucy to realise she was looking at a Quarian. Unlike her young engineer, this man had a stature that would put most humans to shame, towering a good few inches above the 5'10" spectre. His broad shoulders were draped with a long, billowing cape that swept down the subtle curve of his spine to tickle the floor behind signature splayed feet. Although Lucy could not tell the colour of his dress uniform from the monochromatic hologram, it wasn't hard to imagine rich, regal reds and golds adorning his figure. Obviously a man of status.
Finally, Lucy's eyes were drawn to his helmet. It was the only part of him that bore a resemblance to the Quarian she loved, although even this feature was adorned to be as imposing as possible. Vertical, foot long wings of solid metal fanned from where his ears would be, cresting his mask and acting as some form of antennae for the gravitas that palpably clung to him.
"Commander," His voice was distorted over the communications link, but commanded respect nonetheless. "I am glad that you were able to reply to my summons so quickly."
"I do not believe we've been introduced," Lucy made every effort to be as cordial as possible; something told her she didn't want this man as an enemy.
"I am Rael'Zorah vas Penthanar, head of the Quarian admiralty board."
A twinge of dread drained all colour from Lucy's cheeks, leaving her face pale as a ghost. 'Zorah'! This was Tali's father. She barely managed to stop her inner turmoil from spilling onto her features. Thankfully, the holographic version of her onboard the Penthanar would not be detailed enough to show the sudden pallor that gave her face a fearful, haunted visage.
"I-I see," Dammit! Why did her voice have to sound so frail, so scared? Get a grip of yourself Lucy! "What brings you here?"
"That, is a matter best discussed in private." Not good! Not good! "I hesitate in being so bold, but it would be best if the meeting be held on your ship. We are not in the habit of letting just anyone onto the Flotilla...I hope you understand."
"That shouldn't be a problem Admiral; we'd be honoured to have you onboard. I'll begin making the necessary..."
"Chakwas to Commander Shepard, you're needed in the Medbay right now!"
Lucy just managed to bite down on the curse that threatened to explode from her lungs. Her nerves were already shot with worry about Tali and now the doctor was interrupting a vital conversation to chase her up. This was obviously something to do with the ongoing repairs to her fused biotic implant. Why did Chakwas have to be so pig-headed, always assuming that medical business was the number one priority?
Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose, flushing the anger from her veins. It wasn't the doctor's fault...it was hers. She was letting this entire situation get to her, letting her personal life interfere with duty. In other words, the spectre was doing the exact opposite of what she intended. Lucy turned back to the holo-screen, forcing an apologetic smile onto her face.
"I'll contact you as soon as I've briefed my senior staff Admiral."
"Very good, Penthanar out." With a small whine, the ghostly figure of Rael fizzled out of existence, leaving Lucy alone with her demons.
Stifling a small sigh, she slumped into one of the comfy conference chairs, taking a moment to catch her breath. It was stupid really, anyone could see she was being paranoid and overprotective of her young engineer, yet despite knowing this fact, Lucy was powerless to stop herself.
'Perhaps that's just the nature of love,' she thought, attempting to work through her conflicting emotions 'Being unable to prevent yourself worrying about someone.'
As always, her thoughts eventually meandered back to her own personal dilemma. Lucy was still divided about what the right course of action was...an unusual situation for a spectre that was faced with seemingly insurmountable decisions on an almost daily basis. How did this reflect on her command ability? If she was unable to make a choice now, maybe she'd be unable to make one later on...one where her actions were could quite possibly get someone killed.
'Don't go there Lucy,' she thought darkly, 'This self-destructive feedback loop isn't helping anyone, least of all you and the people you profess to care about.'
One step at a time. First, she'd see what Chakwas wanted, then she'd deal with the Quarians. After that...well, her, Tali and Liara were long overdue for what could prove to be an incredibly awkward conversation.
Lucy strode purposefully into the Medbay, trying to appear commanding. She was so intent on giving Doctor Chakwas a piece of her mind that she failed to register the pale-blue form lying prone on one of the beds.
"Doctor, I really must prote-" Lucy's words died in her mouth as she realised the medical officer's patient was a certain beautiful Asari. Recognition hit her like a sledgehammer to the brain, driving out any trace of irritation she'd brought into the room with her.
"What happened?" she snapped, quietly proud of how in control she sounded – the exact opposite of how she felt. The brief walk from the communications room had given Lucy a chance to salvage some of her spectre dignity. Without that reprieve, and a few words of affection from her darling engineer, Lucy felt certain the sight of Liara's condition would have reduced her to a quivering heap of fear.
"About five minutes ago, Liara suffered a cardiac arrest." The doctors voice was strained and clipped, Lucy could sense the stress ingrained within her syllables.
"But...she's okay right? I mean, you'd have told me if it was fatal right?" Shepard was babbling, but she couldn't help it. Between the image of the young Asari's ghostly face and the doctor's haunting words, all that mattered to Lucy was hearing that Liara was alright.
"She's fine Commander. For the moment, she's just resting and I'd prefer for it to stay that way."
Lucy ran a hand across her forehead, acutely aware of the tension that gripped her insides. If this stress persisted, she'd be in danger of winding up stranded in the Medbay as well. The relief at knowing Liara was okay warred with the anxiety over the coming meeting. As was the norm nowadays, Shepard found herself caught in the middle of her conflicting emotion.
"How'd it happen-I mean, there must be a cause."
Chakwas' face remained sympathetic but Lucy couldn't miss the dark look that drifted over her eyes.
"I can't be sure Commander but I've got my suspicions. Come with me for a moment."
Begrudgingly, Lucy tore herself away from Liara's side and paced over to a medical readout showing what appeared to be the Asari's brain scan.
"The Asari are physiologically almost identical to humans, aside from superficial differences like the lack of hair, head crests et cetera." The doctor explained, poring over the diagram. "However, their brain chemistry is completely different. No doubt this is down to their unique form of reproduction..."
"Can we get to the point here?" Lucy snapped irritably before she could stop herself. "Sorry doctor, I didn't mean to sound rude...I'm just feeling the pressure quite a bit at the moment, that's all."
"If you insist," Chakwas replied with merest hint of insubordinate sarcasm before continuing exactly where she'd left off "Because of this need to mentally join with others, the areas of the brain responsible for conscious thought are far more closely linked with biological functions than in humans. This does have its benefits, but as we can see here, there are also downsides."
"Explain."
"In some ironic evolutionary quirk, the frontal lobe, the area responsible for emotion, is linked directly to the sino-atrial node, the nerve cluster responsible for regulating the heartbeat. It appears Liara suffered ventricular fibrillation after an overpoweringly strong surge of emotion. Based on the fact synapses responsible for the processing of pain were also active, I'd say it was most probably anguish, or grief..."
Lucy took a moment to sift through the medical babble and as she did so, found herself confronted with the horrifying consequences of her inaction.
"You...you mean..." she could feel her control slipping away, bringing a quiver to her upper lip. She angrily forced the emotions down, determined to remain in strong. She didn't deserve the luxury of feeling sorry for herself; not when she'd brought so much pain and suffering to such a tender soul. Without another word, Lucy turned and hurried out of the Medbay, resisting the urge to run. She had to be somewhere else, anywhere where she couldn't see the awful truth of what she'd done.
Lucy ignored the small rabble of questioning faces that glanced at her as she strode to her quarters. The crew couldn't see her like this...so weak, so hurt. It was all she could manage to stop herself collapsing right there on the deck. The spectre managed to hold herself together long enough to pass through the automatic doors and engage a privacy lock. Stumbling the last few steps, she crumpled onto her bed as stifled sobs wracked her entire body. Now that she was alone, the tears flowed freely as Lucy tried to cry away all the guilt she felt.
"L-Lucy?" a small, timid voice came from behind her. It was unmistakeable who it belonged to.
"Oh! Tali, you startled me..." she looked up through watery eyes, giving the Quarian a tremulous smile.
"Shepard, you're crying..." her shock was evident. "What is wrong, are you in pain?"
Tali came closer, apprehensively perching herself on the edge of the bed beside the distressed spectre. Now that her lover was with her, Lucy was trying to bite back the tears. It didn't work; the emotions that drove them were too turbulent to be contained and glistening rivulets silently leaked down her cheeks.
"Lucy, my love please talk to me, let me understand what's troubling you." Tali sounded frightened, almost desperate. "Was it something I did?"
That got Shepard's attention.
"No! Dear god Tali no, don't think that."
"Then what?"
The Commander didn't reply, but she could feel her shaky composure cracking. It was then that she felt a delicate hand on her shoulder as the young girl encircled her tense frame with a protective arm. It was so loving...so selfless, Lucy finally broke. She flung both her arms around Tali's neck and hugged her closer, letting the tears spill unabated.
"I wish I could kiss you Shepard," she whispered "I wish I could caress your pain away. Please...tell me what is wrong so I can help you."
"No!" the spectre sobbed, clinging even tighter "I can't, I don't want to lose you as well...I love you so much Tali but I've been such an idiot, such a goddamn idiot!"
"Why Lucy?" Tali's voice held a hint of sorrow "Whatever it is that's hurting you, you can share it with me. I'm here for you...I love you!"
Lucy didn't loosen her possessive grip on the girl but gradually, the sobs began to subside and her breathing became less laboured and ragged.
"Oh god Tali, I've made such a terrible mistake." She moaned, finally releasing her grip to drop her head into her hands, "I-It's about Liara..."
"I heard about what happened," the Quarian agreed, still cradling the tear-sodden spectre to her chest. "Is that why you're so upset...are you worried about her?"
"N-N-No..." Lucy stammered, her voice trembling as she fought against the pools of moisture in her emerald eyes "She's fine, but don't you see...I'm the one that did that to her."
"I don't understand, did what?" It was so endearing, watching Tali trying to make sense of it all, just so she could comfort her partner. It made what Lucy had to say even more gut-wrenchingly difficult.
"She loves me Tali..." the spectre whispered, her broken voice barely audible in the still air "And when she thought I didn't return her feelings...oh Tali, it broke her heart!"
"She 'thought' you didn't return her love?" Lucy was caught completely off guard by the tone of her engineer's voice. She'd expected anger, or hurt, or maybe even cold indifference but none of them were present. There was nothing but love and sympathy.
"Yes," she barely managed to croak "but...she was mistaken."
Fresh tears leaked from Lucy's eyes and she dashed them away angrily. She hated being so vulnerable but also knew the worst was yet to come.
"God, you must hate me right now," she husked, shaking violently as the fought the desire to break down again "A-And I'd understand if you never want to be near me again. I've done something horrible to you Tali, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me. Just please...please realize that everything I said to you was true. No matter what my feelings for Liara I still love you a-and I always did, and I...I..."
She wrenched herself away, trying to make it as easy for the Quarian to leave as she could. Tali deserved so much better than her...the young girl had trusted the spectre implicitly, innocently and now Lucy had thrown it right back in her face.
"Shepard..?"
Lucy froze momentarily as she heard her name, bracing herself for the betrayal she was bound to hear coursing through her lover's voice. Those seconds of complete stillness were like the most unbearable form of torture.
Then Lucy felt tentative fingertips stroking her back, moving with the infinite tenderness that only a soul as beautiful as Tali's could provide. The touch continued, running softly along her spine to caress the nape of her neck.
"Shepard...Lucy, please look at me."
The Commander numbly rolled over to find herself gazing directly into the foggy expanse of Tali's visor. Like beacons in the mist, Lucy homed in on the shadows of her sweetheart's eyes to fix them with her disbelieving gaze.
'Why is she doing this? Is she trying to wound me; make me realise what I've lost...no...Tali could never be so cruel.'
"Lucy," she whispered again and even though her voice cracked with emotion, the spectre could tell she was smiling "Lucy it's alright...I forgive you."
Forgive her?
No...no one could forgive what she had done.
"All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy," Tali continued "I give my heart to you freely; regardless of who you may share yours with. I...love you."
Lucy remained silent for a long time, her brain seemingly unable to process the magnitude of the Quarian's commitment.
"I can't..." she finally managed to croak "I can't ask you to..."
"You don't have to," Tali interjected, conviction resonant in her tone "My love for you is unconditional and yours...forever."
Never before had Lucy truly understood the meaning of the word, not until now. It was terrifying and completely and utterly undeserved. There was no way that anything she could possibly say would match the sincerity of Tali's heartfelt declaration.
"Will you kiss me Lucy?" the request was redundant. No sooner had the words filtered through the young girl's speech modulator than Shepard was crushing Tali against her as raw longing flooded her entire being.
"I don't deserve you," Lucy whimpered "And words will never be able to express how grateful I am for this second chance."
"I can think of a different way."
Boundless love gave way to all consuming passion as the women lost themselves in each other's arms.