Three Little Lovebirds

Chapter 11 – Truth and Reconciliation

The first thing Liara was aware of was the pain. It started in her chest, tearing at her heart and lungs like a savage beast. It was as if someone had replaced her blood with liquid fire and then doubled her heart rate. With each beat of the laboured muscle, fresh tendrils of agony lashed her helpless body, suffusing every nerve ending with white hot magma. Liara tried to move, to call for help, to do anything to alleviate the torment but like leaden weights, her muscles would not respond. Her conscious thought was trapped in some dark corner of her mind, unable to reach the part responsible for movement. Stranded in her own head, all Liara could do was try to ease the hurt.

Focusing all her remaining willpower, the Asari began a meditation technique to try and block out the pain. It was an uphill struggle as each new searing pulse eroded Liara's concentration a bit more but after minutes of maintaining the same rhythmic thoughts, she was able to reduce the discomfort to a manageable level. She let herself take a deep, shuddering breath and thankfully felt nothing more that a dull ache.

Liara assumed she was unconscious. It was the most logical explanation and she'd heard accounts of coma victims who'd described experiences similar to her's upon awakening. That thought did little to calm the nervous Asari. What if she never woke up? The idea distressed her but she found it was the fact she may never see Lucy again...have a chance to tell her how she really felt that scared her the most. If only she could remember what had happened prior to her collapse. Liara recalled overhearing a conversation but the details of what was said eluded her. It was such a vexing predicament, she was sure that the knowledge she'd discovered had been of the utmost importance.

'There must be something I can do,' she thought frantically, searching her mind for some kind of answer.

An idea occurred to her; perhaps the only way she could contact the outside world. Fumbling around, she tried to locate the link that bound her mind to Lucy's. It was weak since they had never engaged in Union and had only joined on one, brief occasion after Therum. Were it not for the special situation between her and the spectre, Liara doubted she'd be able to sense it at all. It was there however, and on finding its familiar presence, the Asari was able to relax a tiny bit. It was odd that something that so often served as a painful reminder of what she didn't have could now be a source of comfort.

Focusing on the thread that joined them together, Liara visualised her soul-mate. That was the easy part; images of Lucy haunted her every waking moment and most of her dreams. Usually she had to make an active effort not to think of her. Now though it was imperative that she held that beautiful face in full focus as she whispered the timeless words used by all Asari to connect two minds.

"Embrace eternity..."

Liara felt the link intensify, although it was tenuous at best. Still, hopefully it would be possible to send some kind of message, something to draw Lucy's attention.

As she was trying to think of something to say, Liara's memory began to piece itself together. Suddenly she remembered it all with crystal clarity. Overhearing Ashley and Kaiden talking about Lucy and...and...Tali.

The picture of her beloved in her minds eye shifted. An all too familiar Quarian was standing by Lucy's side, one arm possessively encircling her waist. They were close, far too close to be anything other than lovers. The way they touched, the way Shepard looked at her with those doe eyes, the way Tali whispered in her ear, making the spectre laugh softly, it was everything Liara had ever wanted. Everything except for the fact that it wasn't her. The sight made her feel sick, which in turn made her feel guilty for envying the couples happiness. No doubt these images were being subconsciously transmitted from Lucy's mind; a mind overflowing with thoughts of her partner.

The Asari wailed inside her mind, as she felt her concentration crumble and along with it, her barriers against the pain.

Lucy's eyelids fluttered gently as she felt herself slipping back into consciousness. As soon as she was capable of logical thought, she immediately regretted dozing off. It was the middle of her shift, there was a bunch of Quarians practically knocking on the ships airlock doors and one of the most important people in her life at the moment was lying comatose in the Medbay. So much for not letting her personal issues interfere with her duty.

Glancing groggily at the wall-mounted digital timepiece, she felt relieved that a mere half-hour had passed. Not much time for any major developments to occur. Lucy consoled herself with the thought that it had been time well spent; if she hadn't confronted Tali then, she may have lost her forever. The spectre still couldn't quite believe how well the young Quarian had taken it...she knew for certain that she would never be so forgiving of her gross misconduct were the situations reversed. It was just another thing to be thankful for that she'd somehow earned the undying adoration of this marvellous creature.

A small sound from the corner of her cabin finished Lucy's wake up process. Sitting up, she scanned the dingy room, looking for where the noise had emanated from.

"Tali?" she whispered, taking note of the fact she was now alone in the bed "Tali, is that you?"

For several heartbeats, there was no answer. Then, a croaky, broken voice sounded from the shadows next to the bed, filtering through various mechanical apparatus.

"You love her more...don't you Shepard."

Lucy heard Tali's voice but it took her brain a moment to catch up and figure out the implications of what she was saying. Instinctively, she flicked the lighting strip, illuminating the spacious room with the sterile glow that was standard on all starships. The young girl was huddled against the wall, sitting on the bare deck with her legs drawn up to her chest. Lucy could easily see the rapid shaking of her shoulders as Tali cried silently, the sound muffled by her faceplate which was hidden in her hands.

The spectre had a hard time reconciling the distressed and hurt Quarian before her with the shy but accepting woman she'd made love to less than an hour previously. There'd been no hint of any resentment or anger when she'd made her tearful confession to the engineer.

'Come on, don't you think that was a bit strange,' her inner conscience admitted 'There's no way even the most trusting partner could shrug that off so easily.'

Her logical side was right of course. She'd been so desperate to hold on to Tali that she hadn't properly questioned her odd behaviour. Clearly the young girl had been confused about what she was saying, or perhaps it had simply taken this long to sink in. The Quarian was feisty, brave and intelligent but also inexperienced and naïve when it came to love.

'She's barely more than a child,' her conscience reminded her, rubbing it in 'Did you really think she'd know how to properly handle what you said so quickly.'

Realising that she hadn't responded, and that Tali would almost certainly interpret her silence as an affirmative answer, Lucy desperately looked for something to say.

"No...no Tali, I don't. Please...you have to believe me. I know how hard it must be to trust me right now, but you have to understand that I said what I did because I couldn't hide it from you anymore."

When she heard nothing but whimpers, and the hunched figure didn't move at all, Lucy continued.

"You've been wonderful to me Tali...your love is unlike anything anyone's ever given me before and I treasure it so much."

She made a move towards the Quarian; the need to touch her, to try and undo the damage she'd suddenly realized she'd done, was overwhelmingly strong. Gingerly, she extended a soothing hand, but Tali cringed away from it, huddling back into the corner even further. Lucy felt a wrenching pain in her chest at the sight and had to bite her bottom lip to stop it trembling. For the umpteenth time in as many days, the spectre felt like crying until every drop of moisture had been wrung from her body. She couldn't though; now was a time to some of that famed military resolve.

"I was prepared to stay with you Shepard," Tali croaked, daring to speak but still not lifting her head "Before you came to me I...I was trying to think of how I could explain to you that I wanted to remain here...on the Normandy. I realised that there was no way I could be happy back on the Flotilla without you there. I made the decision that...that if you would have me, I'd forsake a place in the migrant fleet to travel to... to be with you."

Lucy felt her face drain of colour. It was obvious what Tali meant, but she had to be sure; had to utter the question she'd never wanted to ask.

"You 'were'?"

For the first time, the Quarian lifted her head to gaze at the heartbroken spectre. The inside of her visor was smeared with fresh tears, some still trickling down the foggy glass.

"I-I just don't know anymore," she whispered, her voice a terrified squeak "I still l-love you...even if you flushed me out an airlock and left me to die I-I would still love you. I-I want you to be happy and I...I thought we were happy."

Unable to continue, she degenerated into another sobbing fit. Lucy realised that there was nothing she could say that would heal Tali's wounds. In a fleeting moment of clarity amongst all her destructive emotions, she suddenly knew that actions would have to succeed where words had failed.

"You're right Tali," she said, her voice beginning to steady as her new plan began to form and a glimmer of hope returned "We were happy together...in fact, it's the happiest I can ever remember being, but I have to tell you the truth. I won't insult you with excuses because I do love Liara and just as I can't change the way I feel about you, I can't change that either. I know that I've betrayed your trust...it's something I'm going to regret for the rest of my life, but this isn't the end for us. Loving you was the best decision I ever made and unless you tell me now that you don't want us to be together ever again, I am not going to rest until I have regained the right to be loved by you."

Tali sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Shepard could almost hear the cogs churning in her head. She felt so sorry for the young girl; sorry that her first experience with loving someone else had hurt her so deeply.

"I-I...What will you do?"

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do;" Lucy said, her voice still warbling, but now filled with renewed conviction "I'm going to kiss you."

Before the Quarian could protest, the spectre had slid her arms gently around her shaking shoulders and planted her lips softly against the side of her helmet. It was cold and hard, and unyielding but it didn't matter; it was Tali. With the joy of that thought filling the fractures in her heart, Lucy pulled away just enough to stare into the misty depths of her lover's mask.

"I won't hide anything from you ever again."

An hour later, Lucy stumbled from her cabin feeling like the luckiest woman alive. The conversation had taken an obvious toll on her, leaving evidence of fatigue on her normally indomitable features and in the lethargic movements of her finely toned limbs. Despite all that however, the spectre felt positively radiant and was somewhat thankful that no one was around to see her grinning like a gormless idiot. She figured that she had the right to a bit of happiness however, now safe in the knowledge that things would be alright between her and Tali.

True to her word, Lucy had told the young Quarian everything that she'd been too afraid to reveal to her before. The engineer had been just as surprised as she was when she learned that her father was currently holding position just off the starboard bow, along with a small detachment of the migrant fleet. Unfortunately, she'd been equally clueless as to what he might be doing there, so they decided to wait until the meeting before deciding what to do. Lucy felt so proud of how well Tali had taken the news and how, despite everything that had transpired, she understood why the spectre had been reluctant to tell her.

It had made her next confession a bitter pill to swallow. Lucy had had to call on all her reserves of strength to hand over the information she'd gathered for Tali, just days ago. So much had transpired since then, she felt like a completely different person. She'd been so scared of how her lover might react to the gift. Part of the spectre still expected Tali to discard everything and go rejoin her people. She couldn't say she'd blame her if she did; the young Quarian had every right to leave her hanging out to dry. It had been a risk, but Lucy knew that if she'd left it, hidden it for longer, it would destroy any semblance of trust that still existed between them.

Still, Lucy took solace in the fact that whatever else happened, Tali still loved her. She sure as hell didn't feel that she deserved it, but if the engineer was still willing to place her heart in the Commander's hands, she was determined to treat it with the utmost care and attention. For the time being, that was enough.

Sure that she was hovering a few centimetres above the deck, the upbeat spectre was more than a little surprised when frantic screaming suddenly filled her head.

"Sir, I'm sorry but you can't dock with the Normandy until Commander Shepard authorizes it."

"I've had just about enough of your stalling," Rael snapped irritably "My daughter is onboard your ship, I have a right to see her."

"But Admiral, I..."

"If you want to stop me, you'll have to destroy my shuttle. I suggest you inform your 'captain' of that."

The junior comms officer looked helplessly at the crewmen sitting next to her, who were doing their very best not to get involved. Finally capitulating, she decided going against protocol was better than causing a diplomatic incident.

"Very well Sir, you're cleared to begin your approach."