Three Little Lovebirds
Chapter 20 – The Calm Before The Storm
A crush of thoughts and emotions announced their arrival in Lucy's head with another splitting jolt of pain. Her very first impression upon seeing a bleary eyed, somewhat dazed Liara push herself into a half-sitting position was one of utter relief. Against all the odds, she was alive and well. This was rapidly followed by confusion and concern in equal measure. She had most definitely failed in her mission to contact Liara's subconscious, so what was the explanation for her sudden awakening? Was she okay? God, she's beautiful. Just look at that skin; I don't think I've ever seen such a lovely shade of...
"Yes d-yes, it's me." Lucy stumbled over her words. She had to refrain herself from referring to the Asari by any affectionate names. After all that had happened; after realizing that her love for Liara was returned with an equal degree of intensity, it was hard to remember that they were still not romantically involved.
Looking at her now was an apt reminder. Every time she glanced at the Asari, she could see the pain in her eyes. To know that she had the power to erase that suffering with three simple words was driving her insane. Her whole body yearned to tell Liara the truth...
She couldn't. No, that wasn't true; she wouldn't...not yet. In the long run, it would simply make everything worse. It had to be this way...it just had to be.
Her resolve was wavering, and it scared Shepard more than any Reaper or Geth ever could.
"What happened?" Liara was asking, eyes darting nervously between Dr. Chakwas and the bed where Lucy was still semi-reclined "Why am I in the Medbay?"
Shepard could see her medical officer about to answer, and she knew she had to cut her off. If they revealed that they knew the cause of Liara's condition, it could put both her and the young maiden in a very difficult and embarrassing situation. Much as it wounded her to do it, Lucy had to maintain the facade that she was oblivious to the Asari's true feelings.
Hang in there darling, She thought to herself I'll sort this mess out, I promise. Just bare with me for a bit longer.
Out loud she interjected, "We don't know. Chief Williams and Lt. Alenko reported that you collapsed in the cafeteria." Giving Chakwas a quick look to try and convey to her what she was doing, Lucy added "Our scans were inconclusive."
Liara's eyes widened with confusion in a way Lucy thought would have been absolutely adorable, under different circumstances.
"How long have I been unconscious?"
"Nearly two days." Chakwas replied before Lucy could answer "I wouldn't worry though if I were you. I studied some textbooks on Asari physiology when you came aboard. Apparently, in rare cases, Asari maidens can experience prolonged feelings of dizziness, loss of motor control and temporary loss of consciousness as their innate empathic abilities assert themselves."
Offering Liara a warm smile, she finished "You were lucky that it happened onboard the Normandy, and not on a mission."
Lucy silently thanked Chakwas for her quick thinking. She just prayed that she hadn't made the whole thing up, or Liara's tireless curiosity was bound to be their undoing. Of course, the young Asari would know that they were wrong; but as long as she thought that they thought that they were correct, she wouldn't have to suffer the perceived humiliation of having her feelings revealed in such an embarrassing manner.
No wonder I've got a headache.
"Could it happen again?" Poor Liara. Lying was obviously not a forte of hers.
You did this. Lucy's inner conscience nagged. You're putting her in this situation. Can't you see how uncomfortable she is? What are you trying to achieve?
The doctor was rattling off some kind of medical jargon about why this had been a one off event, and shouldn't endanger the mission but Shepard was only half-listening. Her heart wasn't in it anymore; she just wanted some alone time with Liara. Why? She couldn't say...not really. Perhaps a part of her wanted to talk herself into a corner; to ramble on until she was forced to admit everything. That way, she could say she had no choice...it would give her an excuse to say what she'd meant to say all along.
'I love you.'
"If it's okay Doc, I'd like a few words with Liara in private before you discharge us."
The words came out almost unintentionally.
"I don't see why not. I'll bring the crew up to speed while you're at it."
There was no going back now.
"And in other news, eminent banker and financial adviser Barla Von was found dead in his Presidium apartment early this morning. It appears that the Volus, believed to be responsible for the murder of the Asari Consort Sha'ira, took his own life. We go now live to Gormon at the scene of the incident."
"Politely: Thank you Sarah. Informatively: C-sec officers arrived at 0400 Citadel time this morning to investigate eyewitness reports that Barla was the last client the Consort saw before her death. Ominously: However when the door was nor answered, they decrypted the lock to find Barla dead on the floor. With hints of regret: A pistol licensed to the banker was found in his hand...later ballistics reports confirmed that it was discharged a few seconds before the estimated time of death. Further investigations revealed a series of hidden files in Barla's database, detailing his obsession with the Consort and his plan to 'With barely concealed disgust: Spill the sweet ichor of her perfection.' Impassively: C-Sec has officially ruled the case a suicide."
"Thank you Gormon. We expect to hear C-Sec's official ruling on the Consort's murder in a press-conference later today. Next up, it's the sport..."
The Shadow Broker thumbed his controller, instantly shutting off the news feed. They'd fallen for it, as they always did. Organics were so woefully predictable.
"Still enjoying these petty victories over feeble organic minds Magistrate?"
The Shadow Broker glanced at the second screen, occupied by a set of four glowing eyes and the silhouette of a hunched, insect-like figure.
"To harvest the organics, we must first understand them." He replied, "Their mental capacity is insignificant, but some of them display certain degrees of...ingenuity."
"That is why the subject must be procured. It is the key to our victory."
"Patience Harbinger," The Shadow Broker smiled "When the time comes, Shepard will come to me. This small...setback is irrelevant to the overall plan."
"Ensure that is true. Without the subject, Sovereign will succeed. You will not allow that to happen Magistrate."
"Our brethren will return." The synthetic replied, "It is inevitable. Neither Shepard nor Sovereign can stop us now."
Liara clutched the thin medical bedcloth to her chest with trembling hands. She wasn't ready for this; she needed time to compose herself, to gather her thoughts. Conversations with Shepard were always an emotional minefield and with the news of the spectre's relationship still fresh in her mind, it would be almost impossible to make it through without breaking down.
"It's been a rather rough couple of days hasn't it?" Lucy said, breaking the momentary silence and Liara's contemplations. "How are you feeling?"
What answer was there to that? How could she hide the truth from someone as observant and empathic as Lucy? But then how could she tell her that with every second that passed, she died a little more inside? That without the one she longed for, her heart was slowly shrivelling away.
In the end, she settled for as neutral a response as she could manage; although nothing could quite disguise the slight tremor in her voice.
"I-I'm okay." Lying to Lucy was a truly painful experience. "I just feel a bit...shaken."
"After what we've been though...what you've been through, it's perfectly understandable." Shepard gave her a reassuring smile which Liara just caught in her peripheral vision. She was having a very difficult time meeting the spectre's gaze. "Still, it looks like the worst is over now."
Goddess, Shepard...if only you knew.
Moisture pricked at the corner of her eyes, threatening the makeshift mask she'd erected to try and conceal her sorrow.
Don't cry.
If she kept looking at the floor, maybe Lucy wouldn't see her unshed tears. Maybe, Goddess willing, she could...
"Oh Liara," Lucy murmured, pushing herself off the bed. She could see the Asari was fighting a losing battle against her pain. She was trying not to show it, but it was plain as day in the way her lips quivered uncontrollably.
Shepard hesitated for the shortest of moments. Ever since she had begun to develop feelings of attraction for the two women, right up until this moment, the correct course of action had been unclear. She'd danced around the truth, trying to forge some kind of middle ground between two diverging paths because she'd honestly thought it would be the least painful for everyone. Well now, she was witnessing firsthand the effects of that horrendous misjudgement. In less than a day, her actions or inactions had reduced both of the women she loved to tears.
In reality, the only person she'd been protecting was herself. It struck her as something of a revelation that she hadn't seen it before. Here she had two beautiful, young, inexperienced women who were both willing to put their hearts on the line for her sake...and she hadn't even had the courtesy to return the favour. Instead she'd flitted between the two of them like some kind of parasite, stealing what love they had to offer and in return promising nothing.
Shepard was disgusted with herself.
So how could she make things right?
You can start by dropping this ridiculous charade and telling Liara the truth.
She thought of Tali...and how she might react. Her Quarian lover already knew everything: she had at least managed to be honest with her. Would it change anything if Liara knew as well? Would it hurt Liara more if she knew the truth but it turned out a relationship was impossible?
Lucy cupped Liara's cheek and gently urged her chin upwards; ready to stop if she showed any signs of resistance. The Asari complied hesitantly, allowing Shepard to silently gaze at her tear-streaked face. The spectre could feel the bone-deep tremors that ran through the scientist's body...could see fresh pools of moisture glinting on the surface of her azure eyes.
She realised then that nothing she could do would possibly hurt Liara more than what she was doing now.
"Come here darling," Lucy whispered, surprised to hear her own voice choked with emotion, "It's going to be okay."
Shepard let her arms encircle the woman she loved...the woman she'd failed, and drew her into a tight embrace. She could feel her own tears welling up, and although she could have forced them back with military discipline, she chose to let them fall. Liara deserved to see just how much she meant to her. How she captivated Shepard's heart in a way only one other person could ever hope to match.
"It's going to be okay." She whispered again, sniffling through the tears, "I've got you now."