Arizona Robbins sat in her apartment with a glass of wine and a frown.
She had come to Seattle nine months ago to take over the pediatric surgery department at Seattle Grace after Dr. Jordan Kenley died of a heart attack. Only a year into her post fellowship career, she knew how lucky she was to land a job like this. She worked very hard to make sure everyone knew she was up for the task; from the tiny humans she cared for on her floor and the markers of those tiny humans, to the other attendings and residents.
She brought the wine glass to her lips and looked around at the one bedroom apartment she found ten minutes from the hospital.
The entryway opened to the kitchen on the left and the living room on the right. Just enough room for a kitchen table between the island and the couch. Though more often than not the only thing her table hosted was her purse and junk mail. Her bedroom and the sole bathroom were just off the living room. There was a small patio off the living room too she rarely used. But it was nice when she wanted a bit of fresh air.
The colors the apartment had been painted were all neutrals that would go with just about anything. Which was good because her furniture was a collection of patterns and colors. Her couch a rich blue while the chairs facing it were plaid. The TV she installed over the fireplace was as big as she could get. An X-Box and Playstation were connected to the TV. Playing videos games was an indulgence she allowed herself but rarely admitted to anyway. She wasn't allowed the treat growing up so now she allowed herself to make up for lost time. Plus video games were good for reflexes.
Arizona looked down at her empty glass with a sigh. She pushed off the couch to go to the kitchen and pour another glass.
It wasn't her mismatched apartment that had her down.
It wasn't the pressure to perform so soon into her career.
It wasn't the weight of all the tiny humans that depended on her for care.
No, it was her friendship with Callie Torres that had her twisted around. A friendship that brought her the kind of joy and warmth that she usually reserved for a very different kind of relationship type.
They were friends, just friends, though. Callie was married to George O'Malley. And while Callie admitted once, after a dozen jello shots, that she thought she might be bisexual, it didn't matter when there was a ring on Callie's left hand.
It didn't matter how many lunches they shared together.
It didn't matter how many nights they went to Joe's together while George pulled another late shift to try and score an assist in the OR.
It didn't matter how Callie was closer to where Arizona was in her career than George was in his.
It didn't matter how many lingering glances or extra seconds ticked by when they hugged or the way both couldn't quite look each other in the eye sometimes.
It didn't matter how hard Arizona fell or how much Callie went to her for comfort and support.
It couldn't matter because Callie was married, and Arizona refused to be a cheater or make Callie one. Arizona had never cheated before, and she knew from late night conversations how Callie felt about cheating. They both knew where the line was. They danced up to it, but they both knew they couldn't cross it. Because crossing it meant they would become people who couldn't look at themselves in the mirror anymore.
Arizona looked up when she heard a knock on the door just as a crack of thunder rumbled across the sky. It was late - the clock above the stove said nearly one in the morning - but Arizona still headed to the door.
Before she could get there, whoever it was knocked again.
Arizona stood on her tiptoes to look through the peephole. When she saw who it was, she quickly undid the bolt and the lock before opening the door wide.
"Calliope?" Arizona said in shock.
"Hey," Callie whispered. She was soaked from head to toe, her makeup running down her face, and her eyes red from crying. "Can I come in? I don't have anywhere else to go."
Arizona reached out for Callie's arm and half dragged her inside. For a moment neither woman moved as they took in each other. Callie was soaked to the bone, and Arizona had her hair in a messy bun with a tank top and an old pair of shorts with a US Marine symbol on it.
Callie shivered which snapped Arizona out of the frozen moment she was having. She nearly ran to the bathroom for a towel before handing it over to Callie as she stood toeing her shoes off.
"Let me grab you something to change into," Arizona said before leaving Callie again. She grabbed a pair of sweats and an old shirt that once belonged to her brother Tim. It would at least warm Callie up and give her something clean to put on.
"Thanks," Callie said when Arizona came back and handed the clothes over.
"Bathroom is through there. Take a hot shower if you want. You're free to use anything. If you give me your clothes, I can wash them," Arizona offered. She had to remind herself to calm down before Callie sensed her overeager energy and got spooked.
"Thanks, Arizona." Callie walked from the entryway to the bathroom and shut the door.
Arizona walked back to the kitchen to open a bottle of red and top off her glass of white. She had a feeling her best friend showing up to her apartment soaked to the bone, looking like someone just kicked her puppy no less, in the middle of the night called for wine. Or something harder but she'd worry about that if Callie asked for or needed that.
Grabbing the two wine glasses, Arizona headed back to the couch to wait. There was nothing she could do as she listened to the water running in her shower. She had to sit here and wait. Wait and not think of a very naked best friend in her shower.
"Stop it," Arizona said to herself out loud. She fought herself on a somewhat regular basis to keep her feelings for Callie platonic. About as much as Callie did the same. At least judging on the cracks they both witnessed in each other's armor.
It was nearly fifteen minutes before Callie opened the door. She had her wet things and towel in her hands. Arizona got up and took it to the washer hidden behind a door near the entryway. She added detergent before starting it and heading back to the couch to sit next to Callie.
"I'm sorry for showing up like this," Callie said from her seat on the couch. She was curled up against the arm with her legs tucked under herself. She was making herself smaller as if to protect her vital parts. The red wine glass was clutched behind her hands like a lifeline.
"You're always welcomed here, Calliope," Arizona sat against the other arm so she could look at Callie head on.
Callie opened her mouth to say something before shutting it again. She tried twice more to open her mouth and speak but the words got caught each other. Finally she was able to make them come out. "George cheated on me with Izzie Stevens. I got a 911 that turned out to be a false alarm. I walked into an on-call room to get a few hours of sleep since I have to be in early tomorrow and I caught them. Right in the middle of it."
Arizona felt the pain in Callie's words as she moved from her spot on the couch to wrap her arm around Callie. She could feel the heartbreak that came with witnessing the person you trusted betraying that trust, the devastation of catching them doing it added to it, when she felt Callie shaking against her. "Oh, Calliope."
Callie rested her head against Arizona's shoulder as the two sat on the couch with Arizona nearly in her lap. "I tried to trust her. I convinced myself I was seeing things, because I wanted to see them."
"Wanted to see them?" Arizona asked.
"If George didn't love me, then we could get divorced. I could stop pretending that everything was alright," Callie said with her head still on Arizona's shoulder. She was warm and smelled like lavender. Callie wasn't sure she ever wanted to lift her head. "Things weren't, Arizona. Even more than I told you. Because I didn't want to see how fucked they were. I didn't want to see that he never loved me and just thought he did. I didn't want to see that I might have loved him, but not the way a wife should love her husband. God, we tried for kids, Arizona. I went off birth control for him. Oh God." Callie started to cry at how far she had gone to pretend things were going well between them.
"I've got you." Arizona leaned forward just enough to set her and then Callie's wine glass on the coffee table before wrapping her up in her arms. She didn't tell her that it was going to be alright, because she didn't know if it really would be. Best not to make a promise she couldn't keep. "I've got you, Calliope."
Callie turned her head slightly to press her forehead against the side of Arizona's neck. It was easier to talk with her eyes closed and Arizona's warm body pressed to her. "I didn't even yell at him. I just told him I'd grab my stuff before he got off work and be out of Meredith's. All I have that's not in my storage unit is in my car. I'm homeless."
"You can stay here," Arizona offered without a second thought. "The couch pulls out and is very comfortable or you can sleep in my room."
Callie nodded slightly against Arizona. "I am going to divorce him. I don't hate him. I don't love him. He's just someone I tried to make the center of my world. He's not a bad man, Arizona. He's just not who I am going to spend the right of my life with," she said in defense of someone who betrayed her. She couldn't name why she had to defend him at all to Arizona, but she felt it was important.
"Some people just don't work together," Arizona said in what she hoped was a diplomatic tone. "Some people should just be friends or only together for a short time. Some people don't work long term." She started to stroke her hand through Callie's hair.
Callie breathed in and was hit with the scent of Arizona's lotion and how comfortable it was to sit with her like this. "What about us?"
Arizona's hand didn't stop moving, but it faltered for a moment. She hadn't been prepared for that question. She prided herself on knowing what to expect out of people, but Callie had a way of surprising her. "I can't answer that right now. Not tonight."
Callie pulled back to look at Arizona's face. Her brown eyes darted from Arizona's blue eyes down her nose, over her lips, and back up to her eyes. She leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Arizona's jaw. "You don't feel it? This thing between us that we pushed away because of George."
"I didn't push it away because of George." Arizona sucked in a breath as Callie kept pressing kisses to her jaw. "I pushed it away, because I refuse to let either of us because who we'd be if you and I became something more while you were married."
"George and I are done," Callie said against Arizona's jaw. "The final nail was put in the coffin tonight."
"Calliope." Arizona fought against herself as she tilted her head to give Callie access to her neck. She was playing with fire without protection right now.
"Arizona." Callie tilted her head, so she could press open mouth kisses over Arizona's neck. "My marriage is over. It's alright."
Arizona pulled back when Callie went in for a real kiss. She scrambled to her feet and put some distance between them. She had to or she was going to give in.
"I care about you. A lot. But tonight you found out your … tonight you walked in on George and Izzie. I can't kiss you tonight. I can't kiss you tomorrow or the next day or the day after that," Arizona spoke as tears formed in her eyes. "I want you. I have wanted you since we became friends. But what I want with you? What I want is date nights and sharing a coffee in the attending lounge while we catch up on charting, you being there for me on the hard days, and me being there for you when you think you're going to drop. That's what I want, Calliope. And tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? You can't give that to me. And that's alright. But it's also why I can't kiss you."
Callie twisted around to pull her knees to her chest. She rested her head against them as she gave a slight nod. "Mark would have taken me to bed to make me feel better."
"Yeah," Arizona swallowed. "He would have. And I'm sure he would have been great. But it wouldn't be real or solve anything. It would be revenge sex against someone you already admitted you don't really care about. You care that he hurt you, but you don't care about him." She moved to sit back on the couch but gave Callie some space.
"Will you wait for me?" Callie rested her chin on her knees.
"Yes," Arizona whispered.
"I've never been with a woman before," Callie admitted as she watched Arizona carefully. "I always felt different. Looked at women sometimes. Thought about things. But until you, I never saw myself holding hands or cuddling or … I didn't see it for me." She rested her forehead against her knees, so she didn't have to look at Arizona as she went on. "With you I feel a rush. Against the back of my neck, in my chest, lower than my chest. I feel it. That thing I never did with anyone else."
"Calliope." Arizona closed her eyes as the meaning of Callie's words sunk into her skin. God, she wanted to pull Callie out of herself and take her to bed. To strip each layer from her and make her feel as though she was as beautiful, as special, as vibrant as she was in her eyes. But she couldn't. Because Callie was still married and not ready to give anything real a try.
"Just don't give up on me," Callie begged in a small voice. "Don't give up on me while I figure out how to clean up my mess."
"I won't," Arizona promised. She stood up slowly this time before holding her hand out to Callie. "I won't kiss you tonight, but I will hold you. But nothing can happen tonight, Calliope."
"I understand," Callie said as she got to her feet. She finished off the glass of red wine in a few gulps while Arizona did the same with her white wine. When Callie was done, Arizona took the glasses to the wink and ran some water in them. She switched Callie's clothes to the dryer before coming back to the couch.
"I have to be up in like four and a half hours," Callie said in an apologetic tone as she sat on the edge of Arizona's bed and set her alarm.
"I have to be up in six." Arizona shrugged as she sat on the other side and set her own alarm. "Lock the door on your way out."
Callie moved to the middle of the bed when the lights were out just as quickly as Arizona did. They fit together with a slight bit of fumbling. Callie's head tucked under Arizona's chin as Arizona held Callie in her arms. Both knew in a second if Callie wasn't in need of comfort the positions would be reversed. Tonight though it was Arizona with Callie protectively in her arms.
"Thank you," Callie said against Arizona's chest.
"I will always open my door for you, Calliope." Arizona pressed a kiss to Callie's forehead.
The tears started seconds later. Callie wasn't even sure why she was crying as the tears streamed down her face.
Maybe it was for the months she put in trying to make a doomed relationship work.
Maybe it was walking in on George and Izzie and having neither look overly sad she saw them.
Maybe it was how right it felt to be wrapped up in Arizona's arms.
Maybe it was all of it pilled together.
Arizona rubbed over Callie's back as she cried. She didn't care how many hours she had until she needed to be up. She didn't care for her own heart hammering away in her chest. She didn't care about anything other than being there for Callie and hopefully bringing her some comfort.
It would be a long night for both of them.