mild trigger warning? (just a little bit suggestive of triggering themes)

Chapter Nine: Chocolate's a Romantic Gift, Right?

Sirius was sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks, trying to tune out James and Peter's conversation. He was worried about Remus. Today was the first Hogsmeade day of the year. All the students (who were allowed, that is), had hurried to the town in the morning. Sirius, James, and Peter had been among them. Remus was not.

That morning, Remus had mumbled something about how he wasn't feeling well, and that he was going to stay in the dorm and sleep. Sirius knew that he was lying, but he didn't want to push it in front of James and Peter, who had obviously bought it without a question. It made Sirius wonder how many times Remus had lied to him, and he had just believed it.

"Hope you feel better," Peter had said as they walked out of the room.

"We're obviously going to Honeydukes," James said, "is there anything specific you want?"

Remus shook his head. "It's fine, you don't have to get me anything," he said softly.

"Chocolate Frogs it is," James announced.

Sirius watched as Remus looked down, the hint of a smile on his face. Chocolate Frogs were Remus's favorite candy. He hung back a minute after James and Peter left. "Look, Remy," he said. "I know you're not sick. I'm not going to ask you to come if you don't want to, or anything like that. Do you want me to stay? I don't mind."

Remus shook his head. "I'm fine, Sirius. Don't waste your first Hogsmeade day."

Frowning, Sirius looked down at Remus, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. "It wouldn't be a waste, Remy."

Again, Remus shook his head. "It's fine. Go catch up with James and Peter. I'll see you later."

Someone poked Sirius in the ribs, hard, shaking him out of his thoughts. He looked at James. "What the hell, dude?"

"I've been saying your name for like a minute. What the fuck were you thinking about so hard? Is it a girl?"

Sirius chuckled. "Nope, no girls for me."

"A guy, then?" asked Peter.

Sirius didn't say anything for a long moment. "Nope, no guys either."

James raised an eyebrow. "I don't know about you, Peter, but that doesn't sound very convincing to me. I think our dear Sirius here might have a crush."

"Fuck off, James!" Sirius exclaimed. "I do not!"

"Sirius has a crush, Sirius has a crush!" sang James loudly.

"James Potter, shut the fuck up!" Sirius hissed.

"You do, then!" Peter cried triumphantly, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius, who angrily batted it away.

"I do not! Shut the fuck up, you two!"

James was standing on his chair now, loudly proclaiming to the entire pub that Sirius Black had an alleged crush. Sirius buried his face in his hands. If this got back to Remus, he would probably stab James in the heart. And then die of embarrassment. Peter laughed, both at James's antics and at Sirius's embarrassment.

Finally, Sirius, and most of the other people in the pub, judging by looks, had had enough of James. Sirius grabbed James by the front of the coat and dragged him off of his chair and out of the crowded pub. "And just what the hell was that?" he whisper-yelled, once they were outside.

"Dude, relax," James said. "Why were you getting so worked up?"

"Oh, just forget it," Sirius sighed, letting go of James.

He turned to go, and James and Peter exchanged a glance. It was something along the lines of "what the fuck was that?"

The pair hurried to catch up with Sirius, who was heading towards Honeydukes. "I'm sorry," James said. "It was honestly just a joke."

"It's fine."

They had reached Honeydukes, and as they stepped inside, the familiar, sugary sweet smell greeted them. It was the most frequently populated story on Hogsmeade days, besides the Three Broomsticks. The boys split up, each going in search of their favorite candies. Sirius walked over to the large pyramids of Chocolate Frogs, and selected five for Remus.

Remus would probably be mad that he got so many, tell him not to waste his money, that he didn't need more than one, hell, that they didn't even need to get him one at all. Sirius didn't really care, though. He couldn't tell Remus how he felt, couldn't give him some big, grand, romantic gesture. So, for the time being (and probably forever), he would settle on Chocolate Frogs. They were Remus's favorite, and also chocolate's a romantic gift, right? Sirius could disguise it as simply getting his friend his favorite candy.

Sirius wasn't mad at James for teasing him. It was nothing new. It's just that he really didn't want Remus to find out about it. It's not like Remus would care, Sirius had always a very outgoing and slightly flirty attitude. Sirius really fucking loved Remus, though, and even if he could never tell Remus, he still didn't want Remus thinking that he liked someone.

He was lost in thought, again, and jumped when James put a hand on his shoulder. "You ready to go?"

"Um," Sirius paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "Let me just get some Licorice Wands."

Sirius grabbed a pack of a nearby shelf and followed James to the register, where Peter was waiting. The two other boys had gotten a good assortment of candy, and James was no doubt looking forward to their tradition of poker night, featuring a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean for the loser of each round.

It was late afternoon when the trio started back up to the castle. Sirius was anxious, worried about Remus, and trying to hide it. Peter had eaten too much sugar, and James was talking about the upcoming Quidditch match.

"I hope Remus is feeling better," Peter said.

Hearing Remus's name jerked Sirius out of his thoughts. "Yeah, me too," he said. "It's too bad he missed Hogsmeade."

James nodded. "Well, you got him Chocolate Frogs, and we'll play Bean Poker tonight, if he's up for it."

There was silence for a few minutes. "Hey," James said, "you didn't happen to see Evans in town today, did you?"

"Geez, James," groaned Peter, "you have got to leave her alone!"

"Peter," James said dramatically, throwing his arms out and nearly hitting Sirius in the face with a bag, "you don't understand. Neither of you do." Sirius snorted softly. "I love her so much, and there's not a thing you can do about it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Peter was extremely tired of hearing James go on and on about Lily, when she clearly despised him and would probably like nothing more than to castrate him and deep fry his balls.

Sirius was also tired of listening to James, but he understood. He understood what it was like to be hopelessly in love with someone just out of your reach. Someone who was right there, almost attainable, but impossible to get. At least he had Remus as a friend. But he had about as much chance of getting with Remus as James did with Lily; that is, hardly any.

"I didn't see her," James continued, ignoring Peter. "We were in the Three Broomsticks for a while, and she's usually in there."

"Stalker," muttered Peter.

"Shut the hell up," retorted James, kicking him in the shin. "Anyways, she wasn't there, and I didn't see her anywhere else." He paused. "Come to think of it, I didn't see Snivellus there either. And she's always with him."

"Maybe she's in love with him."

"Peter, would you just be quiet?"

Sirius sighed loudly. "Oh, look! We're back!" he exclaimed in a tone of clearly false cheerfulness, tired of James and Peter's incessant bickering.

James flipped him off. Sirius ignored it. They walked back up to the Gryffindor Tower in relative silence. Sirius crossed his fingers as they went into their dorm room, silently praying that Remus was ok and was in there.

James threw open the door. "Oh Remus," he called, "is anyone home?"

Apparently no one was, as Remus didn't respond and the room remained quiet. Sirius's heart started to beat faster. His thoughts raced, as his mind went over all the horrible possibilities. But James and Peter didn't seem too concerned. They walked into the room, and James flopped down on his bed, before sinking onto the floor and laying there, perfectly still.

Sirius stood just inside the doorway for what seemed like an eternity. All he could think about was Remus, and what might be wrong, what he could have done. Damnit, he should have just insisted on staying. He didn't even know where he would start, but still, Hh should probably go looking for Remus, right?

Sirius turned around and almost bumped into Remus himself, who had just stepped into the doorway. "Oh, shit, sorry," he mumbled. "Remus!"

James sat up. "Remy!" he exclaimed. "We missed you today! Sirius bought you Chocolate Frogs." He threw one at Remus, who caught it.

He looked up at Sirius. "You didn't have to."

Sirius smirked. "I know. But I wanted to."

Remus shook his head, smiling. He stepped around Sirius and into the room.

"I also got Beans," said James, "so we can play poker tonight after dinner."

"Speaking of which," said Peter, "we should probably head down to the Great Hall."

"I swear they put the Gryffindors in the tower just to make us walk a whole fucking marathon just to get to dinner," grumbled James.

Despite all his complaining, James was the first one out of the door, with Peter on his heels. Sirius looked at Remus. "You ok, Remy?"

Remus nodded, then quickly followed Peter out of the room. Sirius didn't believe Remus. His eyes looked far-away and sad. But he didn't say anything, only hurried after his friends.

"Everyone's down for some Bean Poker tonight, right?" Bean Poker was one of James's favorite activities, presumably because he had incredibly good luck and was also slightly sadistic.

"I'll play," Sirius said, "but if I get another vomit flavored bean, I will actually vomit, and I will actually do it on your bed."

"Sounds good to me," James replied.

Remus watched his friends talking and laughing as they headed down to the Great Hall. He was sad that he had missed Hogsmeade, but was pretty sure they hadn't missed him. It was ok, though. He was like a ripple. You noticed him when he was there, but soon he would be gone, and you would forget you ever even saw it.

A/N:

surprise, an update for you lovely people! i'm pretty sure this is by far my fastest update.
i have the rough draft for my massive research project/senior thesis paper due on thursday, and so obviously i cranked out a 1.7k word chapter instead of doing that. because i literally cannot stop myself from procrastinating. it sucks. i hate it

love you all, take care of yourselves, and don't procrastinate on assignments (trust me it fucking sucks)
ktf xolyn