trigger warning

Chapter Sixteen: At Least Put a Fucking Sock on the Doorknob

At exactly 5:00, Sirius and Remus found themselves waiting anxiously outside of Professor McGonagall's office. Sirius took a deep breath, then knocked. "Come in."

The two boys stepped inside. Professor McGonagall was seated at her desk. "Ah," she said. "Mr. Black. Again. And Mr. Lupin! What a surprise."

Remus looked down. Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently, smiling softly at him. "Now," said Professor McGonagall, "Irma forgot to enlighten me as to why the two of you are here. So, what have you gotten up to this time?"

"PDA," said Sirius.

"Sneaking into the library," said Remus, at exactly the same time.

"Hmm." She frowned. "Well, Madam Pince assigned you both lines, so get to it." She gestured towards two desks at the front of the room, each with a long piece of parchment on it.

Sirius slipped into his seat and began writing mindlessly. He wasn't thinking about his work, just about how much he wanted to be kissing Remus right now. His wrist ached. He fucking hated detention.

Remus felt like shit, to be honest. As amazing as the day had been, the dark cloud of depression had been creeping up on him. It hit him when he was most of the way through his lines.

He hurried to finish them, then handed the sheet to Professor McGonagall. "I'll wait for you outside," he whispered to Sirius, who was only about two-thirds of the way done. Sirius nodded.

Remus left the office and went straight to the bathroom. He locked himself in the farthest stall, pulled out his trusty blade, and rolled up his sleeve. His wrist was covered in scars. Thanks to Lily, there were no new cuts, as they had all been healed inadvertently by the strength of her healing charm.

He dragged the blade easily across his arm a few times, watching the little droplets of bright red blood well up, a stark difference against his pale arm. He knew he had to be careful, as Sirius was probably going to watch him much more closely.

He cleaned himself up, washed his hands, and went back to the door of Professor McGonagall's office. He sat on the bench a few paces away, leaning against it, lost in thought. He was thinking about Sirius, as he always did. Now, though, Sirius was his.

After only a few minutes, Sirius came out of the office. His eyes landed on Remus, and his mouth split into a wide grin. He held out his hand dramatically, and helped Remus to his feet. Then, he kissed him, hard. They stumbled backwards, and Sirius's back hit the wall. He grunted softly, but didn't break the kiss.

A minute later, Remus pulled away, panting a little bit. "It's probably not a good idea to make out in front of McGonagall's office," he said. "Especially seeing as how we literally just got out of detention for PDA."

Sirius nodded. "A wise call, my dear Remus," he said. "Shall we?"

He held out his hand, which Remus took. Swinging their arms a little bit, they walked back towards the Gryffindor Tower. "Oh shit," Sirius said. "It's probably about time for dinner."

Remus shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

Frowning, Sirius turned to him. "Remus, you have to eat."

"I do eat," Remus insisted.

"Bullshit. You hardly eat anything."

Sirius had a very good point. Remus hardly ever ate, he usually just pushed food around on his plate and pretended to.

"Siri, I can't eat right now."

"Why not?"

Remus bit his lip, avoiding looking at his boyfriend. Obviously, Sirius noticed. "Remy?"

"I'm too anxious," Remus said slowly. "If I eat anything, I'll definitely throw it up."

Sirius's face changed instantly. "Oh. It's ok, Remy. You want to head back to the Tower? We can just hang out there."

Remus nodded. Sirius smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Remus's hand. "I've got you, Remy," he said.

They made their way back to the Tower in relative silence. Everyone was at dinner, so they got into their dorm room without running into anyone. Remus was extremely thankful for that.

Sirius kicked off his shoes and slid down onto the floor. He leaned against the foot of his bed, resting his head and closing his eyes. Remus sat down next to him, leaning his head on Sirius's shoulder.

They sat there for a while, not talking, not moving. Just enjoying each other's company. Finally, Sirius asked, "You feeling a little better, Remy?"

Remus nodded, and Sirius grinned. He pulled Remus, who gave a surprised yelp, onto his lap, so that the smaller boy was straddling him. "Kiss me?" Sirius asked quietly.

He was so quiet, so unsure of himself. Remus had never seen him that way before. Sirius was a Black. He was confident, carried himself with the air of a Pureblood noble. Remus liked this new nervousness. He wasn't the only one who was a little bit unsure, a little bit scared, in this new relationship.

Remus didn't answer Sirius, just leaned down and pressed his lips against Sirius's. He felt the older boy melt underneath him. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's neck. Remus slid his arms under Sirius's, holding his boyfriend close to him.

When they broke apart for breath, Sirius pressed his forehead against Remus's. "I fucking love you, Remy," he whispered.

"I love you too," Remus replied. Fuck, he couldn't believe how amazing it felt to say those words out loud, to have Sirius know what he meant. He had been dreaming of this, but never could have imagined it would ever actually happen.

"Fuck, Remus," Sirius groaned.

Remus gently shushed Sirius, a finger against Sirius's lips. "Just kiss me," he said softly.

Then, without waiting for Sirius to comply with his request, he connected their lips again. It was slow and sweet and passionate. It was several years worth of feelings being conveyed through a single action.

The door swung open, though neither Sirius nor Remus heard. "My eyes!" shrieked James. "My poor, innocent eyes!"

Both Sirius and Remus heard that, though. Remus jumped, falling off of Sirius's lap. Sirius froze. The door swung closed.

"At least put a fucking sock on the doorknob," James yelled. "Give a guy a warning, will you?"

"Shut up, James," Sirius yelled back. "It's not like we were fucking."

"You might as well have been," retorted James through the door. "Your tongue was in his fucking mouth, Sirius! And I had to see it! I don't give a fuck what you do behind closed doors, but would you please leave me out of it?"

Remus groaned, his face bright red. He buried it in his hands. Sirius looked over at him sympathetically.

"Now," James continued, "would you please finish up whatever activities are going on in there, so Peter and I can come in?"

Sirius gave Remus one last, quick kiss. "It's fine, you can come in," he called, though it was clearly very reluctant.

The door opened again, this time extremely cautiously. James peered around the edge of the door. Seeming satisfied that he wasn't being forced to witness anything, he opened the door the rest of the way, and he and Peter walked in. Sirius and Remus were still sitting on the floor, Remus's face extremely red and Sirius grinning slightly.

James turned to look at Remus. "So, you and Sirius?" he asked.

A/N:

hi. enjoy the chapter. comment if you feel like it. idk
sorry i've just been feeling so fucking shitty mentally lately. especially yesterday/today (it's currently 12:18 am). school is kicking my ass and i'm so fucking done with life

take care of yourselves, drink some water, try to get some sleep. i love you all 3

ktf xolyn