mild trigger warning

Chapter Nineteen: Nothing Says Best Friends Like Drugging Them

"Where's Remus? He's still not here."

James looked up from his Transfiguration homework. "I don't know."

Sirius frowned. He, James, and Peter were in the library doing homework. It was getting late, probably about 9:30 or so, and Remus still hadn't shown up. He had disappeared shortly after dinner. No one had noticed him leave. Sirius was extremely worried.

"I'm sure he's fine," Peter said.

"Yeah," James nodded. "Besides, he looked kind of off all day. He said he wasn't feeling well."

James did have a point, Sirius realized. Remus had said he was feeling kind of sick all day, and Sirius didn't question it. Remus looked like he was sick. Still, Sirius couldn't help the little nagging voice in the back of his head, questioning everything and jumping to conclusions that Sirius didn't want to think about.

Madam Pince walked by their table. "The library will be closing in exactly 3 minutes. I suggest you get going."

The boys gathered up their books and started for the tower. Sirius was hoping that maybe they would run into Remus on the way there. They didn't.

Upon entering their room, James dropped his books on the floor and flopped face-first onto his bed. "I fucking hate school," he groaned. Peter nodded sympathetically.

Sirius looked around, hoping that Remus was in here, maybe reading on his bed or something. He wasn't. The bathroom door was open, and there was no one on there, either. The full moon shone through the window, bathing the room in a beautiful, pale, peaceful light.

"Remus isn't here," Sirius said. "It's passed curfew now, and he's not back. I didn't see him in the common room either."

"I'm sure he's fine," James said. "If he wasn't feeling well, he probably went to the hospital wing."

"I'm going to go see."

James stood up to block Sirius. "No, you aren't. There's no way you'll be able to get all the way there, find Remus, and get back, without getting caught. You don't need more detention."

"I'm really fucking worried about him," Sirius said anxiously.

"Siri, he's fine," James said firmly. He grabbed Sirius's shoulder and steered him back into the center of the room. "You look exhausted. You need to sleep. You can't help Remus if you're sick as well."

"Fine," Sirius muttered, though he knew there was no way he would be able to get much sleep. He was too worried about Remus, would be unable to stop thinking about the endless possibilities, all horrifying.

A few minutes later, at James's insistence, Sirius was laying in his bed, trying to get to sleep. His mind was racing, and he knew he would probably be up for hours. He sat up, reaching for the glass of water on his bedside table. He frowned at the slightly sweet taste.

A wave of exhaustion hit him, and he flopped back down, yawning. "Son of a bitch," he yelled in realization.

"I'm sorry, Siri," said James.

It was the last thing Sirius remembered before he fell into a deep sleep, punctuated with horrible images of Remus.

James felt a little bit bad about slipping Sirius a sleeping draught, but not that bad. Sirius was exhausted, and James could see how worried he was about Remus. He needed to sleep. Being sleep-deprived wouldn't help anyone, especially Remus.

Remus howled loudly, throwing himself against the wall of the Shrieking Shack. There was a little bit of moonlight coming in where one of the slats on the window had cracked. Remus growled at it, teeth bared.

It was utter agony. Everything hurt. He ripped and tore at his flesh, howling in pain and relief. Blood was splattered everywhere in the small room. The curtains and sheets of the large bed were torn to shreds. The furniture was all broken.

In the morning, he finally felt himself shifting back. This was worse than last time. The pain was so fucking unbearable. He felt himself vomiting on the floor from how bad it was. He collapsed, crying, tearing at his hair. He lay there, unable to move.

He heard the door open, and the small gasp of Madam Pomfrey. It must look bad in here. He felt himself be lifted up by a charm. He knew it was Dumbledore. He and Madam Pomfrey escorted Remus to the Shack every full moon, and locked him in. Then, they came back to get him the following morning.

They went back through the tunnel, out, across the grounds, and to the hospital wing. He was always in one of the little private rooms in the back. Dumbledore set him down gently on the bed, then excused himself.

He was covered in cuts and bruises. Everything hurt so much. Madam Pomfrey set to work, healing the deep gashes. The previous night, Remus had applied several layers of glamour charms to his wrist. How Madam Pomfrey had never noticed them before, Remus wasn't sure. But now, he knew she wouldn't.

When Sirius woke up that morning, his first thought was that he should murder James in his sleep for drugging him. Although he had had several horrible dreams about Remus, the most prominent one featuring Remus getting mauled by a werewolf, he had still gotten a decent amount of sleep and felt well-rested.

His second thought, immediately after, was of Remus. He looked over at Remus's bed, but it was still empty. There was no sign Remus had been there at all during the night. Sirius pulled on some clothes and decided that he was going to go see if Remus was in the hospital wing.

He scribbled a note explaining where he was and stuck it to James's forehead with a sticking charm. Then, he hurried out of the room and started off for the hospital wing.

He got there quickly, having run most of the way. He scanned the large room, but all of the beds were empty. "Madam Pomfrey?" he called softly.

A minute later, the nurse came bustling out of a back room. "What can I do for you today, Mr. Black? You seem to be in perfect health."

"I was actually wondering if Remus was here. He wasn't in the dorm last night, and I'm a little bit worried about him." It was more like worried about him a lot, but it was fine. He had to be here, right? He had to be ok.

"Yes, he is, as a matter of fact," Madam Pomfrey said.

Sirius let out a huge sigh of relief. "Oh, thank fuck," he breathed. "Can I see him?"

"I'm afraid not," the nurse said. "He's not feeling very well, and doesn't want any visitors right now."

Sirius frowned. "Please?"

"No. Come back in a few hours, Mr. Black, and then we can see if Mr. Lupin is feeling up for visitors. Especially ones as rowdy as you and Mr. Potter. I assure you that he is doing fine and is in excellent hands."

"Ok," Sirius said, already plotting a way to sneak into the hospital wing early to see Remus.

He turned to go, thanking Madam Pomfrey. If he got James's invisibility cloak, he would probably be able to get in without Madam Pomfrey noticing, especially if she was occupied with something like paperwork. He went back to the dorm room to see if James would let him use it.

A/N:

another update :)
i think today might be better, i'm not sure. i haven't left the house yet, so that's helping. i have to leave later for play practice this evening, though, and make a phone call so hopefully that doesn't make things worse
thank you all so much for being so caring and shit, it honestly means so much to me. your comments always make my day, and make me so fucking happy, you have no idea

leave your assumptions about me in the comments and i'll let you know whether you're right or not. i'm actually really curious as to how you guys perceive me, ya know?

eat something, drink some water, take your meds. try to get some sleep. i love you all sm 3

kft xolyn