Chapter Seven: Not All is Lost
Not All is Lost
I turned the facet off and stood in the shower, letting the water run down my body. The afternoon's events weighed heavily on my shoulders. Upon entering the house an hour ago, I caught the tell end of the conversation that Rick, Willa, and Hershel were having about the barn full of walkers; it concluded with Hershel demanding for Rick's group to leave.
His words pierced my heart, the idea of them having to make it out there again was almost too much to bear. Willa felt similarly as I did, but to an entirely different extent. She had recently taken Lori under her wing at the farm. The two had become nearly inseparable since Lori had made her pregnancy public. While I was helping Daryl with his physical therapy, Willa and Lori were bonding over their pregnancies and sharing stories of Addy and Carl's childhood. It was through Willa that I learned it was a high probability that Shane was the biological father of Lori's unborn child. The thought sent shivers down my spine as I wondered how she could have been able to be in any sort of a relationship with him.
"Aunt Lottie," I heard Addy say from behind the bathroom door.
I tied a towel around my chest and stepped onto the tile floor, drops of water splattering around me. With the door open, I looked down at my niece as she held out her science book. "Are you still going to teach us today?"
I had completely forgotten. Lori, Willa, and I had been taking turns working with Carl, Addy, and Sophia and today was science day. "Of course," I said. "Physical and chemical properties," I said out loud, reminding myself of where we left off three days ago.
She nodded. "You said something about making a volcano." I hadn't seen her look so excited about school work in… well ever.
Crap, I did. "Yep," I said, pulling my towel tighter. I'll meet you outside at the picnic table in fifteen."
"Okay!" She said before running down the hall to Carl and Sophia who were both waiting for her.
I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but to smile. At least making an explosion will keep my mind off the more pressing issues. I quickly towel dried the top of my hair before braiding my long locks into a low side braid. After slipping on a pair of jeans and a white tank top, I slid on a pair of red sneakers before gathering the goodies from the kitchen. No one would miss the bottom of the ketchup bottle and a tablespoon or two of baking soda.
Just as instructed, my future science nerds were waiting for me at the picnic table, all sharing the one science book we had. They eyed the secondary materials, and I swear Carl sighed heavily out of pure disappointment.
"How's that going to make an explosion?" He asked.
I flashed him a smile. "Science." With the promise of something exploding after our twenty minute lesson, all three kids followed along with enthusiasm. Talking about acids, bases, PH balances, and chemical reactions made me seriously nostalgic and seeing Addy so interested warmed my heart. Science was my first (and only) love. It got me through a lot growing up and led me to becoming one of the youngest surgeons in the country.
As I was assembling the goodies to "make something explode," after telling Addy, Carl, and Sophia to jest of the experiment, Daryl caught my attention as he walked through the gate. Had he been out there since our conversation? He didn't look any worse for wear, but the scowl he wore on his face sent a shiver down my spine.
"I don't think that's right…" I heard Addy tell Carl. "Don't put all the baking soda in there."
Daryl met my gaze, but dropped it to look at a nondescript tree. I felt my stomach billow out, thinking how much of a mess we had made.
"Carl!" Sophia shouted.
I finally turned my attention to the three kids when suddenly, after Carl had shook the ketchup bottle, the explosion I had promised happened.
Pooooshhhhh
I turned my head, my hands blocking my face. I felt the warm jelly like texture spray over me.
Sophia and Addy squealed.
"Wooooah!" Carl yelled
I turned to look back at them to see that not only they were covered with the remnants of the explosion, but so was the picnic table, the science
book, the few trees around us, and the ground over the next ten feet in any direction.
"Holy shit," Carl cursed.
"Watch your mouth!" I said but then laughed when I realized how utterly ridiculous the situation was.
Addy, Carl, and Sophia all stood in a moment of silence before joining me in laughing.
Glenn, who was on top of the RV, called down to us. "You guys alright?"
"Fine," I replied trying to wipe the spray off my face.
Daryl had looked back in our direction and his scowl was replaced with a look of amusement. I thought for a second he was going to come over to talk, but when Carol ran out of the RV, he kept is direction east, towards his tent.
"I heard something, is everyone okay?"
"Fine," I answered. "Just a little slimey."
Carol laughed, wiping the ketchup mixture off Sophia's face. "Let's get you three cleaned up."
"Okay, next week, I want a two page paper on what happened, why it happened, and what we could have done to have neutralized the reaction."
The three kids shared a groan, but nodded. I gave Carol a thankful smile as she led the three ketchup stained students to get them clean.
Upon stepping into the front porch, I was greeted by Lori and Willa. Willa looked more amused than I thought possible given today's situation. "Can't believe you got so distracted that you almost blew up our kids."
I rolled my eyes, leaning against the railing. "Who's being dramatic now?" I paused. "And it just happened quickly."
She shook her head. "Addy and Carl were taking turns shaking that bottle for a good minute." She paused. "Next time you make googling eyes-,"
I groaned, cutting her off. "That's not what…" I started to say but didn't finish the sentence. It really wasn't, it was way more pathetic than that.
Lori shared a look with me, realizing who Willa was referring to. "He's-"
"Don't, please," I sighed with a laugh. "It's nothing." I pushed myself off the railing. "So what's the verdict?"
Willa knew what exactly I was referring to. "Ricks with Hershel now, I think they went down to the creek."
I nodded and squeezed Lori's shoulder as I passed by to the front door. "We'll sort this out."
"I know." She smiled at me, making me think that she really believed that. Her faith was unwavering.
"Hey," Willa said to me.
"Hm?"
"You're doing their laundry."
I tossed my head back and groaned. "That's fair," I said as I walked inside the house. After a few minutes scrubbing my face and arms over the kitchen sink, I removed my tank top to see that somehow the ketchup mixture covered the top of my breasts. I pulled my bra strap to the side to try to scrub the jelly texture that had dried down.
I heard the screen door close and I turned, ready to shout out to Willa when Daryl walked through the kitchen doorway. "Hey," I said puzzled as I
covered my chest with the balled up tank top.
His eyes averted from me instantly, looking at his feet. "Ugh, sorry," he said quietly. "Willa told me to come on in."
I grabbed a shirt out of the clean clothes basket that was on the kitchen table and threw it on. "It's fine," I said quickly.
"I'll come back."
"That's not necessary. What do you need?"
He pointed to his side. "This mornin' Hershel told me to come by."
Willa knew that Hershel was gone and I had to keep myself from both smiling and rolling my eyes at her attempt. "He's actually not here," I said.
"But I can give you a clean set of bandages."
He nodded.
I walked to Hershel's office, Daryl right on my heels. He pretended to look at the neutral and nondescript decor as I gathered the supplies he would need to redress his wound. I tossed the small medical items into a brown paper bag and as I handed Daryl the bag, my hand brushed against his.
Even the slightest touch was electric, and I could swear he felt it too. I bit my lower lip and stepped back, leaning against the desk. My pride kept me from bringing up the conversation we had an hour ago. He knew where I stood, that's all I could do.
"'Bout earlier," he started.
"Charlie!" Willa's panic voice rang down the hall.
My eyes widened as I shared a distraught look with Daryl. We both sprinted down the hall and out to the front porch.
Everyone had begun to gather around, and when I followed their eyesight, I saw Shane handing out guns, yelling like a madman that we had to take the situation by the balls and do what Hershel couldn't- "put down those undead bastards".
"You with me?" He asked Daryl as he all but tossed him a riffle. Shane handed Glenn a gun next and when he bent down to give one to Carl, Lori intervened.
Maggie stood toe to toe to Shane, telling him that he needed to stop this before it escalated any further, that this wasn't what her father wanted.
Shane had that same look in his eyes as he did when he found out about the walkers in the barn.
"This isn't your call," I said stepping next to Maggie. "Just because my uncle and Rick aren't here, it doesn't mean that you are in charge."
He scoffed, glaring at me. "Alright, Doctor Buttercup, does that mean you're in charge?"
I shook my head. "No, but I'm not going to let you do this."
"Are you going to stop me?"
"Enough!" Maggie gelled. "Charlie's right, Shane. This isn't the way."
"Your dad is delusional."
"And you're the perfect picture of healthy mental health? I don't think so," I challenged.
He actually smiled, seemingly appreciating the snide remark. But before he could respond, the sound of moans coming from the East got our attention. Before I realized what was happening, Shane was running towards where Hershel, Jimmy, and Rick were coming from.
A feeling of nausea flooded my stomach as I realized Hershel and Rick were leading two walkers towards the barn with metal leashes that were used to herd cattle. I turned to Willa who looked as panicked as she sounded. "What's he doing?" I asked.
She was holding Addy close to her, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter what he's doing," she said softly. "We can't let…"
I nodded, knowing what she was trying to say. Hershel may not have a clue what these things were, but in his mind, he still believed they were people, just very sick people.
Willa grabbed my wrist. "You have to go help," she said, urgently.
I scanned her eyes and looked down at Addy, and upon realizing how scared she was, I knew what I had to do. "If things go south, you and Addy
need to get inside." I looked at Lori and Carol. "Same for you and Carl and Sophia."
Carol nodded, but Lori looked as if she would need more convincing. I didn't have time to break it down for her, so I took Maggie's hand and she and I ran towards them, behind Glenn, Daryl, Shane, and T. I caught up to Shane easily and was able to put myself between him and Hershel before Shane got too out of hand. Throughout the entire run from the porch to the back of the yard, he was muttering the words, "what is that" over and over again. He was becoming unhinged and therefore making him even more dangerous.
"What the hell are you doing?" Shame demanded.
Rick's hands gripped the metal pole, telling him to back off. Rick knew the look Shane was sporting and for Rick to be on edge about it, it only
backed up my own concerns.
Hershel's face was pale as he saw what was happening. "Why do your people have guns?" He asked, looking over Rick and to his group.
Shane began walking around Hershel and Rick, circling them with his chest fully extended. "Do you see what you're holding onto?"
"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel countered.
I put my hands on Hershel's forearms to get his attention, carefully avoiding the woman's whose name I had long forgotten, but I had recognized her as a bartender in the local pub.
"They're dead! These things ain't sick and they aren't people. These things right here are the things that killed Amy and Ottis!"
"I'm sorry," I said to Hershel, realizing that the situation was about to escalate much faster than I had anticipated and for the worst. There was nothing I saw that I could do other than to defend my uncle and family.
"Could a living person survive this?" Shane asked before immediately shooting a round into the undead bartender's chest.
I looked to my side to see Maggie drop to her knees and Beth scream, putting her hands over her ears. Glenn raised his gun, his face sickened with Shane's display.
"No!" Hershel yelled, but still kept a firm hold onto the leash.
"Stop this!" Rick demanded with a look of disgust that could kill.
Shane ignored his friend's order and continued his rant about how the walker wasn't alive because it was still moving after being shot in the lungs, heart, and kidney. He demonstrated much to everyone's protest by shooting her another three times in those same areas. He turned to me. "You're a doctor. You tell me why that thing is still moving!"
"You've made your point, Shane. Enough is enough!" I yelled stepping in front of Hershel.
"You're right," he said, walking towards me. "That is enough," he said as he shot the walker point blank in her forehead. Her neck snapped backwards and finally she stopped moving as her body laid sprawled on the ground.
Jimmy put his hands on top of his hat as he stepped back, next to Patricia who let out a cry as she put her hand over her chest. Even Andrea looked taken back for the sudden killing. T shook his head, glaring at the situation while Carol and Lori both gasped. Seeing them reminded me to look for Addy and Willa, who were both standing behind Daryl. Daryl hasn't moved a muscle since Shane's outburst started. His eyes were fixed on the walkers, the rifle ready to shoot if need be. Willa and I exchanged a solemn look before I held onto Hershel's arm as he dropped to his knees.
Maggie ran to Hershel's side and pulled one of his hands into hers as Shane began circling the group again. Rick tried to calm him, but Shane was too far gone. He yelled how we couldn't live next to a barn full of walkers who are trying to kill us. "It ain't like it was before," he yelled. "If you want to live, if you want to survive, you have to fight for it." He ran towards the barn with a shovel in hand. "Right here, right now!" The monster was going to unleash the walkers on us to make another one of his putrid points.
I turned to Willa and Lori. "You get Carol and the kids and get inside," I told them.
Willa nodded, but was hesitant to leave me. "Be careful." Addy clung to her, trying to be brave but the entire situation could make anyone find fear.
"Go!" I yelled to Lori.
Reluctantly, she obliged and followed Willa, Carol, Addy, Carl, and Sophia back to the house. I turned my attention to Shane, telling him that this wasn't the way, but I doubt he even heard me over the sound of metal clanging and his own voice as he kept repeating that to survive, you have to prove it, right here and right now.
I stepped back next to Maggie and my eyes found Daryl. His shoulders were relaxed as he pointed his weapon at the barn door, but his jaw was clenched and his eyes focused. I pulled a knife out of the sheath that I kept in the waistband of my jeans. This was going to happen whether we liked it or not.
Hershel was catatonic, still unmoving on his knees as he ignored Rick's pleas to take the other walker.
"Don't do this!" Rick kept yelling at Shane. "Please, brother!"
Shane stood back and waited for the walkers to do the rest of the job and in a mad rush, the doors opened, a dozen walkers spilling out. He was the first to shoot an undead as he stumbled out of the barn. Beth and Patricia's cries were heard over the sound of shots and groans. Daryl, T, Andrea all stood in succession to take out walker after walker. When Maggie gave Glenn the go-ahead, he joined them. Rick still stood holding onto the second walker from the creek until Shane killed that undead as well.
I kept my eyes focused on the dead until they were all lying on the ground, motionless. Maggie's quiet whimpers we're finally audible over Beth and Patricia's.
Beth pushed herself forward, out of Jimmy's arms, and stumbled into the crowd of the dead. She stood over her mother's corpse, tears spilling down her cheeks. Maggie's cries softened as she held onto her father. I took several steps towards Beth and watched as she dropped to her knees
before her mother.
"Momma…" she said in between sobs.
I turned my head away to look at my feet, fighting off my own tears. Annette had raised two children that were not her own and she had done good by us, but my tears were for Beth. Losing one's mother was something that would eat away at her for the rest of her life. It almost never seems real, as if something so horrible could actually happen.
Beth's screams made me snap my head into her direction. Annette's reanimated corpse hadn't actually been dead and she was now clawing at Beth, trying to tear the flesh from her daughter's face. I sprinted forward and put the blade through her skull as quickly as I could as I knelt down beside
the grieving girl. Annette's head slammed backwards and Beth pushed herself away from the body. Maggie and Patricia's gasps filled my ears as I turned to look at them.
I put the back of my hand over my mouth, forcing down the bile that was burning at the back of my throat. Beth's tear stained face turned away from me as she stumbled towards her father and sister. They wrapped one another in each other's arms, all taking a moment to catch their breaths. I pushed myself off the ground and stood above the bodies that were once people that Hershel, Maggie, Beth, Patricia, and Jimmy had all known in some capacity or another. Right in front of them, they were all mowed down as if they weren't ever people to begin with. I felt ill as I looked around at the destruction.
Letting out a deep sigh, I turned to Shane. He was standing still, like everyone else, and taking in the scene. His eyes screamed frantic, but his facial expression was contemplative. He didn't regret his actions, if anything he wished he had done it sooner. I stepped towards him, putting my knife away as I walked.
"You missed one," I spat brushing past him to get to my family. I stood next to Hershel and helped him to his feet. Maggie had Beth pulled into her arms as we walked how ever many yards it was from the barn to the house.
It took a few minutes for Shane to realize we had started to walk away. He was lost in thought, no doubt taking in his handy work. Before I realized it, he was on our heels, demanding answers from Hershel. He didn't make sense and when he tried to grab Hershel's shoulder to spin him around, Maggie intervened. She slapped him across the face so hard that the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed through the yard.
"Don't touch him!" She yelled and Glenn was quick to get in between them.
I was standing to Shane's side, so when he stepped back and raised his arm, his elbow collided into my face, splitting my lip. I stumbled backwards, putting my hands over my mouth as I tasted blood. Blood poured out of my cupped hands, but luckily the pain wasn't nearly as severe as it looked.
Maggie's eyes widened, but before she or Hershel could say or do anything, Willa threw open the screen door, holding a pistol in her right hand.
"Get the hell away from my family," she barked.
Rick put his hands up slightly and stepped forward. "Willa, I cannot explain how sorry I am."
She shook her head. "We're done talking here," she said as she held her hand out for me to come to her side. With my hands still covering my mouth, I did as she asked, not wanting to add to her stress. "We'll talk later," she added, her tone less harsh.
Rick stepped back, giving her much needed space. Lori, Carl, Carol, and Sophia joined Rick in the yard, knowing that they shouldn't stay. We all piled inside, Glenn following Maggie.
Hershel stood in the doorway. "I mean it, off my land," I heard him say as Willa directed me into the kitchen.
"Jesus Christ," Willa whispered as she looked at the blood that trailed from my mouth down to my neck and soaking the collar of my t-shirt.
"It's fine," I said, grabbing a washcloth and pressing it firmly to my lips.
"You need stitches," she said as she titled my head to the side.
"You're bleeding!" Addy yelled as she ran into the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around my waist as she buried her face into my stomach.
My eyes softened as I looked from Willa to Addy. With the washcloth still pressed to my mouth, I knelt down in front of her. "It's nothing," I said. "I promise."
Her eyes were already red and puffy as she looked at me. "Are you going to turn into one of them?"
Her question took my breath away. "No," I said as quickly as I regained my posture. "No," I repeated, this time more sternly. "I'm not."
She watched the washcloth turn from a cream color to a light pink as it filled with blood. While my answer seemed to calm her in the moment, I could tell that the wheels in her head were spinning. "Did… did my daddy turn into one of them?"
Willa gasped as she stepped back so that she could sit at the kitchen table. "Oh, Addy," she said softly.
Addy looked at her mother and then back at me. "Did he?"
"Maybe," I said slowly, knowing it wouldn't do any good to lie to her. "We don't know. But we do know that your father saved our lives. He saved us so that we could get here and so that we could live." I dropped the washcloth and held both Addy and Willa's hands. "We're all here and alive because of your dad."
New tears fell down her face, but she nodded. Her small sobs kept her from saying anything, but I could tell that she understood.
"You want to go upstairs?"
She nodded.
I stood up straight and pulled her into my arms. With her legs wrapped around my waist, I turned to Willa. "Stay with Hershel and Beth?"
"Yeah, sure," she said, her brows furrowed as she looked down at her belly.
I squeezed her shoulder. "Hey, thanks for coming to my rescue."
She smiled weakly, wiping a lone tear from her cheek. "You had it under control."
"Didn't look like it from where I stood."
"Must have been the lighting," she joked, though her eyes were still sad.
I chucked, holding onto Addy and began to walk up the stairs with her in my arms. My lip was still bleeding slightly, but luckily it was beginning to clot. I laid Addy on the top bunk and climbed up to join her. She turned into me, burying her face into my hair as she whimpered. Stroking her head gently, I hummed a "Pocketful of Sunshine" and her cries became softer. The late afternoon sun shone through the blinds and I was reminded how my favorite time to sleep was during golden hour.
…
"I knew I should have woken you up," Willa said as she stood next to the bunk bed.
My eyes fluttered open and I cringed at the pain that was pulsating in my bottom lip. "Fuck," I cursed.
"Yeah, it looks bad," she said matter of factly.
"God, work on your bedside manner, why don't you?" I asked as I sat up. I looked out the window to see that the sun was starting to rise. I jerked my head back to my sister. "I slept all night?"
She nodded. "Didn't think I should wake you."
"But Annette and Shawn's…" I started as I climbed off the top bunk.
"It's okay," she said. "Addy slept through it too. She couldn't have gone to another funeral."
I nodded, gingerly touching my mouth. "How's Beth and Hershel?"
"Both are still sleeping," she said. "Or locked away in their rooms at least." I couldn't blame them for that. Yesterday was a real shit show. "Now, your lip really needs those stitches."
I turned to look at my pillow to see that the case was covered in blood in all different stages of dryness, from old ten hour almost black colored blood to more recently within the hour, bright red blood. No wonder the entire left side of my face was throbbing. I told Willa I would join her after I changed my clothes that were sporting the same look as the pillow case. With it so early and everyone still asleep, I opted for an oversized white t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. My entire body hurt and the less that was touching me the better.
I joined Willa to the kitchen where she already had everything set up to hopefully not scar me for life. Addy was at the table, too, her head in a book. She glanced up and smiled at me as I sat down, but returned to reading "Little Women" after I smiled at her. I swear, that kid and I were so alike at times it was scary.
Willa slipped on a pair of gloves and sat in front of me. Using a warm cloth, she gently scrubbed off the dried blood as well as irrigating the fresh blood. I felt her close the mucosal layer with an absorbable suture. My fingers began to fidget as she gently pulled the middle of the gash closed.
She worked quickly, which I appreciated. I moved my eyes to the side to see that Addy had put her book down to watch.
"One or two layers of stitches?" I asked.
"Just one I think." She paused to measure the slit. "It's about a two centimeter gash, along your lip. That's why it bled so badly." She moved my face to the side so that she could get better lighting from the outside widow. "Three stitches to close it."
"It's still so swollen… and purple," Addy observed.
"That's because she didn't let me fix it last night."
As I leaned back into the chair, I picked up the hand held mirror Willa had brought in with the other supplies. It was swollen and purple, but at least it wasn't bleeding anymore.
"Uh, Charlie," Maggie said from the foyer. "Someone's here to see you."
Daryl walked out from behind her, holding a brown paper bag. "Hey," he said awkwardly as he stepped into the kitchen. He cleared his throat, obviously not expecting an audience. "What… what happened?" He asked once I moved the mirror from in front of my face.
Willa stood up, snapping off the gloves. "Your friend got a little swing happy yesterday."
Daryl gave me a puzzled look as he stepped closer to me, inspecting my lip for himself.
"Shane," I clarified.
"Shane did that?" He asked, his voice tight. I could see the muscles in his jaw clench at the sound of Shane's name.
"It was an accident," I said quickly.
"You should have seen it earlier. Blood everywhere," Addy added. I smirked as I looked at my niece. "What?" She asked. "It was!"
"I was about to step outside for some air," I said to Daryl. "Want to join me?"
"A'right," he said.
Willa stood over the table cleaning up the remnants of suturing me up, but I didn't miss the look she gave me. It was somewhere mixed between annoyance and curiosity. I stuck my tongue out at her as I followed Daryl down the hall and out the side door.
"What's in the bag?"
"Oh," he said as he clumsily handed it to me. "Nothin' really. Meant to give it to ya the other day after the run."
I opened the bag and saw a bag of coffee beans. A smile spread across my face, but fell short as I covered the left side of my mouth with my hand in agony. "Thanks," I said with a half smile. "It's very thoughtful."
He shrugged and leaned against the railing of the wrap around porch. "Ain't nothin'. Yur just always drinkin' the stuff."
That statement was enough to warm my heart after the day I had yesterday. The idea of someone noticing something so trivial meant a lot to me. "I guess I am." I paused. "Do you want to have a cup? I could put some on."
He bit his thumbnail as he pushed himself off the railing. "Nah," he said. "Your uncle wants us gone. I'm gonna see if I can find a deer before we go."
That's right. Hershel was pretty clear on his orders yesterday. "We don't know for sure…"
"Ain't yur problem," he said. "Appreciate what ya've done."
Addy swung open the side door. "Aunt Lottie, mom needs you. Something's wrong with Beth."
I looked from Addy to Daryl. I gave him a pained expression, but followed my niece inside the house. "What's wrong?" I asked once I laid eyes on Maggie.
Maggie stood in front of me with her arms wrapped around her sides. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. "She's upstairs with Willa. She just… fainted. She isn't responding."
"Get Hershel, I'll go check on her."
"He's gone," Maggie said.
That didn't make sense. Hershel hadn't left the farm since before we got here. Why would he pick today of all days to go on a field trip? "Gone?"
She nodded, biting her bottom lip. She looked scared and abandoned. I had known those two feelings very well. "Ask Rick. Maybe he saw Hershel leave." I didn't wait around to watch her walk out the front door, but as I made my way to Beth's room, I heard the screen door slam behind her.
Beth was lying on her bed, her eyes open, but not making a sound. Willa was in the middle of checking her vitals and when she turned to me, she
looked dumbfounded. "My best guess is that she's in shock." She paused. "She has a fever, but that's all that's out of the ordinary."
"What was she doing?"
"The dishes, just like she's done every morning after breakfast…" She paused. "I shouldn't have let her-"
I put my hands on Willa's shoulders. "There was nothing you could have done." I looked over my shoulder at Beth. "She looks fine, you're right, I'm sure. She's in shock." I dropped my hands to my side and sat on the bed next to Beth. "Beth? Can you hear me?" I pressed my hand against her forehead, feeling the fever that Willa had mentioned. I let out a sigh as I stood up. "We can rule out her going septic?" I asked. "She hasn't been sick, she doesn't have an infection?"
Willa shook her head. "Not that I'm aware."
Lori stood in the doorway. "How is she?"
I shrugged. "I don't know." I threw my head back and sighed. "I need to run tests…"
"Well we don't have that option," Lori said.
I stepped towards the door. "I'm going to dig through Hershel's books in his office to see if anything stands out."
"I'll stay with Beth," Willa volunteered.
I walked out into the hall to see Maggie, Rick, Shane, and Glenn coming out of Hershel's room. "Well?"
"Do you think he went out drinking?"
The thought had crossed my mind, not necessarily today, but that he would relapse after the events that unraveled yesterday. My silence gave Maggie the answer she didn't want. She slumped against the wall and looked at Rick.
"I'll go after him," Rick volunteered without hesitation. He owed Hershel this for all that he's done for him and his people, and if I knew a thing or two about Rick Grimes it was that he always paid his debt.
"Me too," Glenn said. "I've seen the bar in town."
I looked at Maggie, who was doing one hell of a job of keeping it together, and crossed my arms. "I'll go too."
Willa was standing in the doorway and when I turned to face her, I expected a rebuttal. "You should," she said softly. "He'll need a familiar face."
"Get the car ready. I'll be down in a few minutes," I told Rick. I hurried to our bedroom to change into a pair of black skinny jeans and a grey v-neck shirt. As I was sliding my feet into a pair of black boots, Willa walked into the room.
"I don't have to tell you to be careful."
I looked up at her and shook my head. "You know I will be."
"Be gentle with Hershel," she said softly. "He lost a lot yesterday."
I realized in that moment how much Hershel really meant to her. I guess I had always known, but she had always been careful to hide it from me. She felt guilty that I didn't have that connection with Hershel and that we were separated for so long before I was taken in by Hershel. They had formed a bond long before he took me in, so sometimes, it was hard for me to think of their relationship being more than what he and I had. He was truly a second father to her and she was scared of losing yet another person. I was now on my feet and as I walked towards her, I promised that I would bring him back safely.
She smiled weakly, nodding. "I know," she let out a deep breath. "I want us to get past this," she said referring to Annette and Shawn's death, Beth's collapse, and Hershel's suspected relapse.
"We will." I paused, grabbing my bow and arrow case and throwing them over my back. "I better get going. Tell Addy I'll see her soon?"
Willa nodded. "Love you."
"I love you, too." I said before making my way downstairs. I passed Glenn and Maggie as they shared a kiss on the front lawn and made my way to the car. I peeked over to Daryl's tent, but when I didn't see him, I slid into the backseat.
"Think he's out hunting," Rick said.
"Hm?" I asked.
He grinned. "Playing dumb isn't your strong suit, doc."
"Don't know what you're talking about, officer."
Rick's grin turned into a smile, but he didn't say another word about it as he cranked up the car. Glenn joined us seconds later, looking flushed. We were barely down the road when Glenn word vomited, "Maggie told me that she loved me."
I snickered, covering my mouth. I never pegged Maggie for having a flair of the dramatics, but here we were during a zombie apocalypse and she was declaring her love for the first guy she banged since it all started. While I knew how it may look to others, anyone who knew Maggie knew that she had a big heart and she wouldn't throw around the word "love" if she didn't mean it.
"That's a good thing," Rick said, over my chuckle.
"She doesn't mean it. She can't. She's upset and confused," Glenn rambled.
"I think she's smart enough to know how she feels," Rick interrupted.
"Yeah," I added, looking out the window and watching the tree go by. "Maggie has never been the kind of girl to drop the L word."
Rick looked at Glenn over his shoulder. "It's clear to everyone that she loves you…. So what's the problem?"
Glenn let out a deep sigh and leaned his head back. "I didn't say it back." He turned around to look at me. "Do you think she hates me?"
Probably not, but maybe. "No, no way."
Glenn turned back to face forward and continued to ramble about Maggie and how she loved him. I tried not to think about Daryl and how he was too concerned about the possibility of leaving than he was about…. What? Me? Us? I honestly didn't know. These last couple of days had been hellacious on everyone, so it made sense that he was guarded. That, and of course for the fact that I broke his trust by not telling him about the barn full of walkers. Maybe I should accept that it just wasn't in the cards for us, at least not now. Maybe not ever.
Rick came to a stop at the bar before I could get too lost in thought and we all hopped out, Glenn and Rick with their guns drawn. Upon entering the establishment, we saw Hershel with his back turned towards the door, partaking in a beverage. My heart dropped slightly as he sipped on the dark color liquor. Something told me that this interaction was not going to be an easy one.
"Hershel," Rick said.
"Who's with you?" He asked, not bothering to turn around.
"Glenn and Charlie."
He scoffed. "Maggie and Willa sent them?"
"We volunteered," I said, walking closer to him, setting my bow and arrow case at the end of the bar. As I stood beside him, I put my hand on his forearm. "We were worried."
He used his free hand to take another sip. He didn't look drunk, but he didn't look like himself either. I could smell a faint hint of whiskey coming off his breath and I realized that he was shaken to his core. He never would have gone back to drinking if he hadn't been questioning everything that he ever knew. Most of us had already been through that, coming to the dreadful conclusion that the world had gone to shit. He, on the other hand, was holding onto hope and thinking that maybe it would get back to normal. I had never seen him look so... beaten
"How many have you had?" Rick asked as he stood on the other side of Hershel.
"Not enough."
I looked away, tears starting to burn the corners of my eyes. I could hear the pain in his voice and see it across his face. He had lost his first wife, but it was nothing like this. He lost Annette, Shawn, and his faith. I didn't recognize this Hershel that sat before me. I stepped away as Rick told him about Beth, but he wasn't concerned when Rick confirmed that both Maggie and Willa were with her. Hershel was solely focused on how he robbed Beth of the mourning process when Annette and Shawn were bit. He had no hope after realizing there was no cure and there was no way that walkers were people any longer. He used the words like "sham" and "fool" and how every one of Rick's group thought he was.
"My daughters deserved better than that," he said, taking another drink. He looked at me. "You, Willa, and that beautiful girl of hers deserve better than that."
"Maybe," I said after letting Rick do all the talking "But you know what they deserve now? What we deserve our father and uncle. Especially Beth and especially Willa. She lost Danny and she can't go through losing someone else, Hershel. She won't survive it, and I can't lose her."
Hershel looked at me and shook his head. "I should have listened to you and your sister."
"That doesn't matter now," I said. "What does matter is that you come home. Beth needs you, now more than ever. We all do."
He poured another drink and stared at the glass, ignoring my reasoning. "Just go," Hershel said.
"I promised Maggie I'd bring you home safe."
When Hershel didn't reply, Rick's tone change. "So what's the plan? You're going to drink yourself to death and leave behind your girls?" He asked as he gestured to me.
Hershel pushed himself off the bar stool, angered. "Don't you tell me how to care for my family. My farm. You people are like the plague. You destroy it all."
"That's not fair," I pointed out to Hershel. "The barn was a ticking time bomb."
Hershel ignored me as he stood toe to toe with Rick.
"I'm here now," Rick said. "To bring you home. Come on."
"I didn't want to believe you." He paused. "I chose not to believe you about those people, that they're not sick, but they were dead. I was a real ass."
I shoved my hands in the back of my jeans and stepped back so that I was shoulder to shoulder with Glenn. I looked at him and he was wearing a worried look. He knew we needed to get back, that being here was a risk.
"There's no hope," Hershel finally said.
"You know what the truth is," Rick started. "Death is death, no matter how you die. You didn't think life was hopeless before. This isn't what we believe anymore. It's about our children."
Right when I thought Rick was getting somewhere with Hershel, the front door of the pub swung open, revealing two men. "Son of a bitch. They're alive," one of them said.
Glenn stepped back and pulled me with him so that we were next to Rick and Hershel.
I turned to look at Rick, my hands becoming clammy. Something was off about these two and you didn't need to be a cop to see that. I bit my lower lip out of habit and cringed at the pain it brought me. At that moment, I wished so desperately for us to be back at the farm. I had promised Willa we'd be back, but as those two men stood in front of us, I wasn't so sure.
...
Thanks so much for the reviews and follows! I love hearing any feedback you guys may have.
I have a few changes in mind for the story in the next chapter. I think it'll flow better with what I have planned next.
As always, hope you enjoyed!