Hello everyone,
I hope you're having a great weekend, I'm actually busy right now with a crashcourse (all weekend from early morning to late evening), but we're having a short break right now, so I wanted to use that time to update real quick ;-)
Have a great weekend!
Chapter 7 - Home
"What the hell happened to you?"
Law sat at the desk loaded with books and read the newspaper, but now he looked up when Rosinante came in.
"I obviously forgot how to swim," he replied, reluctantly, closing the door behind him.
"You went swimming?" Law asked with a raised eyebrow.
He simply nodded and walked past the other to put away his purchases.
"I wondered where you were," muttered Law, following him into the adjoining room. "The sun is almost setting, you've been away for a long time, too long for some grocery shopping."
I was worried.
Although Law didn't say these words, they still hovered in the air, reminding both of them that this new normal was far from being reached.
"I wasn't just shopping," Rosinante replied grumpily, handing Law one of the baskets.
"I already assumed that much," Law said, placing groceries in cabinets, "you were swimming, fully dressed. Intentional?"
The last question was obviously a taunt, despite Law's toneless voice, but Rosinante decided to ignore it while he closed the fridge and then went to the lockers and started undressing. His clothes were still damp and dirty with salt, sand, and mud.
It had taken him far more time and effort to free himself from the clutches of the sea than he would admit. In fact, he had completely forgotten how to swim, and every new wave and the slumping ground had made it difficult for him. When he had finally made it ashore, he had slumped on the ground, fighting for air. Apparently, he was still a little battered by the years-long coma, at least his pride wanted to believe this little excuse.
"I'm going to take a shower," he muttered, rubbing through his sandy hair.
"Cora-san."
He turned around. Law stood between half-unpacked baskets and bags and looked at him seriously.
"What happened? You're acting odd. Is everything okay?"
I was worried.
Again. He could see it in these grey eyes, these serious wrinkles, and the narrow mouth. Law worried about him. Only because he had come back too late and now because he was behaving strangely.
It hurt. He didn't want Law to worry about him. He wanted Law not only to trust him, but also to trust him coming back unharmed, but of course Law couldn't. For the last time Law had been waiting for him, he had almost lost Rosinante.
It was true that Rosinante was not in a good mood, but he did not know exactly for what reason. Of course, the pathetic failure in the sea hadn't exactly been a joyful experience – especially because he had dirtied up the clothes Law had carefully gathered for him – but it wasn't enough to diminish his happiness.
No, he knew why he behaved so strangely, had already known it on the way back, already at the market, already during breakfast, already last night.
Law had told him that he wanted to be with Rosinante, but now that Law was healthy and grownup, now that his brother had been defeated and rendered harmless, what right did he have to still stay by Law's side apart of his own selfish feelings?
Unlike his former ward, Rosinante had learned nothing to earn money in an honest way. All he could do was what he had been taught as a soldier, what his brother had taught him, but he lacked any knowledge of how to live a normal life.
He had ignored all this for the last few hours, for the good of Law, but now that he no longer needed to make decisions for Law, now that he had found a counterpart in him, those doubts were about to break him down like the waves not so long ago.
He realized that Law was still looking at him expressionlessly, and then he realized that he was standing in the middle of the room almost naked except for his underpants, and quickly crossed his arms, realizing how his ear tips were getting hot.
He didn't know how to address it. He didn't want to accuse Law or unsettle him, he just wanted Law to be happy.
"You said," Rosinante finally mumbled, "that it would make you happy if we could both lead a peaceful life, right?"
Law nodded, his eyes narrowed to concentrated slits, as if he were expecting a fight.
"I thought about this, a lot," Rosinante continued. "I wondered how to make it possible. I can't even imagine what you must have gone through during the last few years, but I know you're longing for a peaceful, quiet life and that's why you've settled down here."
Law opened his mouth, but Rosinante continued to speak as he tried to arrange his thoughts.
"The problem for me, however, is that..." He interrupted himself and shook his head. "No, it's not a problem. What you want is exactly what I want, Law. But until yesterday I wasn't here, you understand? Until yesterday I was still a soldier, a spy, trying to protect and save you, constantly on the run. Until yesterday you were still the little, sick boy, whom I could not tell the whole truth because I was scared, who I had to take into consideration, and whom I did not want to burden with my problems. Until yesterday, the whole world was still our enemy and behind every door, behind every smile, could hide unknown dangers. Until yesterday, any notion of peace was nothing more than some foolish daydream for me, Law."
For a moment he looked seriously at the other, who had now closed his mouth again and simply withstood his gaze.
Rosinante tapped slightly against his temples.
"Here I am aware that these days can finally be over. But here..." Now he put his hand on his bare chest. "... Here I'm still waiting for my brother to come through the door every moment, that I will give myself away and lose you."
Law was silent and just looked at him.
"I told you this morning that this situation is at least unfamiliar for me, I will have to get used to all this here. Not only to the time that has passed, not only to the fact that you have now grown up, but also to this new life, which is now unknown to me." He hesitated for a moment but decided to just say it out loud. "But I can't do that if I feel useless and wait the whole day for you to come home from work. You know, I would do anything for you, but I'm not ready yet to do nothing - nothing - at all."
Slowly Law nodded and then crossed his arms.
"All right. I understand that all this comes very suddenly for you and you can't just close the past, because it's still far too present for you. I don't expect anything from you either, I just want to be with you and that you're happy. So what does that mean? What is it that you want?"
"I need an occupation," he finally admitted, "just like you. That's why you settled here, and I need something I can do. I don't need to protect you anymore and if you want to stay here, I'm not going to go back to the Marines yet, but I need something to do."
Again, Law nodded.
"It doesn't have to be anything particularly important, you know. I don't have to save lives, but I can't just wait every day here in this room for you to come home."
"You want to go to work?" Law asked, raising an eyebrow. "You don't have to ask me for that, Cora-san, and you don't need to justify your actions to me. I..."
"I'm not," he waved off, sighing softly. Apparently, he mishandled this conversation. He had tried to show that he saw Law as an adult, whom he could tell his most honest thoughts, but he had completely forgotten what he had intended to address.
"What is it then?"
In response, he bent over for the wet pants and pulled out the key.
"A house."
"A what now?" Law seemed confused.
"The villagers seem to be very grateful that you are here and after the war some families have apparently moved away, so some houses are empty."
He could see the other's distrust he had felt as well when he had received the key. Law didn't seem to understand what he was trying to say.
"The whole island seems to be talking about us and it seems important to them that you feel comfortable here and don't leave soon. That's why they offered me a house today that we could take over, where we could live."
Now Law's eyes widened in amazement, and Rosinante once and for all decided to ignore his own mistrust and doubts, at least for this one moment.
"Law, I want us to go there," he finally said, what he should have said from the beginning. "It's a beautiful house, right by the sea, and a small path leads through the forest right here, it's not even ten minutes. Mrs. Paipai's sister chose it. A lot has to be fixed, but the ceilings and doors are high and there is still some furniture. I could work on it while you're here, I'll be able to manage a few repairs. The roof is in any case still good and the neighbors have already offered me their help. Also..."
"Okay, okay," Law interrupted him with half a laugh, calmingly lifting both arms. "All right."
His broad smile encouraged Rosinante when he realized how important it was to him. But he was even more surprised how easy the conversation felt and how quickly Law agreed.
"I really doubt that you are some natural craftsman," Law said with a seriousness that made Rosinante wonder if he teased him or not, "but the idea of moving into a home with you makes me very happy. So yes, if you want that, then all right. Let's fix up this old house."
It was almost too easy.
"You haven't even seen it yet?"
"I don't need to," Law replied with a shrug and turned to the groceries again. "If you like it, that's reason enough for me to move there with you."
The other didn't even look at him as he continued to put stuff away.
"Besides, I have already thought about the fact that the rooms here are far from sufficient for you. For me, they may be big enough, but if you walk around bent all the time or sit on too small furniture, it's bad for your posture. What is that?"
"No, Law, wait!"
But it was already too late. Law had unwrapped the small package and was now holding the tobacco box that Rosinante had wanted to hide.
"Law, I know you probably think..." He interrupted himself, when Law opened the tin and breathed in deeply, a strangely gentle smile on his lips.
"It smells like you, Cora-san," Law muttered, looking up. "That's the smell of my childhood."
Slowly he approached the other and took the tin out of his hand.
"I should stop smoking, shouldn't I?" He muttered, looking at his addictive drug. "As a doctor and after you have given me a second life, you will hardly approve if I continue to damage my lungs."
Law looked up at him and then placed a hand on Rosinante's chest.
"Room," he whispered, and a strange feeling filled Rosinante. He couldn't describe it exactly, it was unpleasant, but not painful.
"One more moment," Law muttered, apparently highly concentrated, while thousands of tiny electric charges seemed to chase through Rosinante's body, originating from Law's hand on his bare chest.
Then the strange feeling and the electrical tension in his body subsided and Law took his hand away.
"As long as it is in my power, I will not allow anything or anyone to harm you." Law turned away and continued taking care of the gorceries. "For me, you don't have to change, Cora-san. If you want to stop smoking, do it, if not, don't."
"What have you just done?" Rosinante muttered, brushing over the skin Law had just touched.
"I have eliminated toxic substances from your body. Of course not completely, cleaning at molecular level is much more complex and time consuming, but in one to two hours you should notice a difference by breathing."
"Thank you, Law." It was weird. He didn't know what to think of it, but...
"You don't need to thank me. I have these powers only thanks to you, so I will use them for you." Law turned to him with half a smile. "Weren't you planning on taking a shower?"
Half an hour later, Law waited for him with a simple dinner. After Rosinante got dressed, they spent a quiet evening talking. Rosinante narrated his experiences at the market and Law talked about work. For this evening life seemed normal, for this evening everything seemed to be as it should be, the lost years and the foreign life unimportant. For this evening it seemed like back then without being like back then.
"Mrs. Paipai persuaded me to take some time off tomorrow afternoon. You could show me the house."
"That sounds like a good plan."
"Cora-san?"
He looked up. Law had slightly tilted his head and looked as seriously at him as usual again.
"You haven't asked a single question tonight. You don't have to worry. I will answer."
Of course, Law had noticed.
"My questions can wait, Law," he finally said, "to be honest, I just wanted to enjoy this evening. The past will catch up with me early enough, tonight it should just be the same as it used to be."
Law got up and began to clear the dishes away.
"It isn't like it used to be," he muttered after a moment what Rosinante himself had predicted in the morning.
"No, it isn't."
"And somehow I'm very grateful for that."
Surprised, Rosinante looked up.
"In the past you used to speak differently to me or rather, you didn't say everything you wanted to say. You always tried to cheer me up and make me laugh, you protected me." Law looked at him from the corners of his eyes. "Tonight is nice. If that is the future, then I prefer it to the past."
"If you want, this is the future." Rosinante rose and helped the other. "If you want, many evenings will be like today."
Again Law smiled, that smile, which Rosinante never wanted to give up, never wanted to risk again. It was true that Law had grown up, had seen much in the world and had become more serious and calculating, but he was still Law and at the same time he had become so much more.
"I think," Rosinante muttered, looking at the empty plate in his hand, "I can actually stand the adult Law."
Law seemed to pause in his movements.
"I think I'm ready to really get to know you now."
The other turned to him.
"That was not a question," Law said.
"I will not ask any questions. I will listen to you no matter what you want to tell me about you and what you don't."
"Alright," Law replied, taking the plate out of his hand, "but in return you will tell me everything you couldn't tell me back then."
He went to the sink without looking at Rosinante.
"If you want to meet the adult Trafalgar D. Water Law, I want to meet the Commander Donquixote Rosinante."
"This could be a long night."
"I make some coffee."
And so began the conversation they both had feared and expected. For hours, they sat on the sofa next to the transponder snail with the straw hat in the dim light while Law drank his coffee and Rosinante smoked his cigarettes.
Rosinante went first. One arm stretched out on the backrest, the cigarette in the other hand and staring at the old wooden beams of the ceiling.
He spoke of his childhood, of his parents, of his brother, and of other people. He spoke of how his mother died, how his brother had killed his father, and how Sengoku had found him. He spoke of how he had been trained as a soldier from the age of eight, of the beautiful and bad times as a Marine, and how, on Sengoku's orders, he had returned to his brother after 14 years, not to support him, but to stop him one day. He spoke of how he had met Law a year later and of the inner grief that the boy's suffering had caused him. He spoke of all these emotions he had felt while observing Law wordlessly for more than two years, and he spoke of the freedom and happiness he had experienced when he and Law had travelled the world for six months, haunted by death, betrayal, and mystery. He spoke of the illusory hopes he had believed for the future and of the moment when he had finally told the truth.
He didn't know what time it was when he finally finished, but that wasn't important either. After he had finished, Law had been silent for a long time, had stared wordlessly into his cup, then at some point drunken it empty and then he had started talking; his arms supported on his knees, his hands clasping the empty cup, Law himself bent over his cup and facing the ground.
Law also spoke of his childhood, of his parents, of his sister, and of other people. He spoke of how the soldiers from neighboring countries had wiped out his family and his entire homeland. He spoke of the hatred that had filled and formed him and that had brought him to Doflamingo and finally to a place where he had been able to live out his hatred. He spoke of the time before he knew Rosinante's secret and of the time afterwards. He spoke of the happiness and the home he had found and of how both had then been taken away by Doflamingo. He spoke of the revenge he had wanted to carry out and the oath to do it all in Rosinante's name, to stop his brother in his name. He spoke of how he had found friends and companions on his journey, but who, for all their kindness and warmth, had not been able to fill the hole in his chest. He spoke of the intrigues of the world, which he had joined to fulfill his oath and the moment when he had finally made it. He spoke of the time when the events of the world had happened too quickly and he had expected every day – had hoped every day - that finally his last day had come. He spoke of the moment when the world had finally stopped for a moment and these illusory hopes for a future had filled him, and he spoke of the moment when Rosinante had finally woken up, finally recognized him, had returned to him.
Afterwards, they were quiet for a long time. Only when Rosinante's sleeve caught fire they briefly broke their silence, but with Law's impressive skills, even this was worth nothing more than an eye roll.
Now they were sitting there, Rosinante looking up at the ceiling while Law stared down at the floor.
He didn't know what the other was thinking, but Rosinante was overwhelmed by all the things that had happened during his years of absence, of all the things he had missed, of the man Law had become in his absence. Despite everything Law had done, despite the burden of his deeds, which he had to bear all his life.
"I'm really proud of you," Rosinante finally muttered to the ceiling, "so proud of you."
Law did not respond, remaining in his position, hiding his face in the shadow of the dim light, as Rosinante could see from the corners of his eyes.
"When I took over my mission, the task was a clear: to find out enough information about my brother that we can stop him – to take him down – before he could plunge the world into chaos with his madness." Rosinante sighed. "But the truth is, for far too long, I had this little hope that I would somehow be able to save him. I knew how stupid this hope was, I knew I had lost him, but until the end, even when he stood right in front of me... Despite everything, I wanted to believe that there was a tiny last spark of light left in my brother's darkness."
Law was still silent and Rosinante felt the burden on his shoulders.
"If I hadn't been seduced by my feelings, if I would have been the first to shoot, then none of this would have happened. You have borne the burden of my failure and brought down my brother without falling into his or your own darkness. You are much stronger than I have ever been, and even if it fills me with humility, I am also proud of the man you have become, despite my failure."
The last ashes fell on his fingers as the cigarette in his hand completely burned down.
"From the beginning, I thought," Law finally said in a hoarse voice, "I thought that the pain in my chest would become less if I would carry out your will. As long as I chased your brother, I felt like you were somehow with me, close to me, and I thought if I killed him, the pain would finally stop."
Rosinante looked at the other, who still wasn't moving.
"When I confronted him, I really wanted to kill him, I wanted to do what you couldn't do because he's your brother. But I couldn't. Not because I believed he was worth saving, but simply because I was too weak, because I couldn't defeat him, even though I wanted to."
Finally, Law tilted his head slightly and looked over to him.
"You are not weak, Cora-san, you are kind. Even in your brother you wanted to see this glimmer of hope, even though you saw him kill your father. I'm glad you couldn't kill your brother." Then he looked away again. "At the end of the day, it was precisely this kindness that saved me from my own darkness."
He could see single tears slipping down Law's cheeks as he continued to stare at the cup in his hands.
"If it hadn't been for you, I would still be this hateful person of that time, and in the fight against your brother, this hatred overwhelmed me again. If it hadn't been for the Straw Hat, I would have fallen into that darkness that day. You gave up everything to save me and I almost betrayed your sacrifice."
Law sighed quietly.
"If I have learned one thing in recent years, it is that the qualities that make up our character can be both strength and weakness, depending on the situation. Your kindness may have been a weakness towards your brother, but because of it you saved me. My feelings for you have blinded me in the fight against Doflamingo, but only thanks to them you are here now next to me. We are human beings; we make mistakes and act according to our feelings and our consciences."
Surprised, he looked at the other.
"You've become quite wise, haven't you?"
Law laughed quietly.
"And yet I am a selfish brat."
"Why are you saying something like that?"
Suspiciously, he watched the other, who sighed again and then leaned back.
"I'm not the only one who missed you, Cora-san. I spoke to Sengoku back then; you were like a son to him. For him you are still dead, and it would only be right if you went to him." Law leaned back against the backrest and Rosinante's arm and tilted his head in Rosinante's direction. "But I don't want you to go. I know how selfish I am, but I don't want to have to share you, at least not now, not now already. I don't want you to go and commit yourself to other things, other people. Not yet, not now when I've just got you back."
For a moment, the little boy seemed to break through again and yet Law honestly said what he wanted. He was also right; reason told Rosinante that he should leave today rather than tomorrow and face his responsibilities, but...
"Then I'm not leaving," he decided simply.
"What?"
"He took me in when I had nothing left, raised me like his own flesh and blood, and yet..." He withstood Law's deep gaze. "Even then, I placed my mission below your well-being, Law, and still I let you down. It is true that I want to see Sengoku again and I have to face my responsibilities, but here and now I want to settle my debt to you first and if it is your wish, then I will stay. We will take the time we need and then I will face my past."
Law rose and massaged his neck with one hand.
"I want you to stay," he said clearly, looking down at him, "but you owe me nothing. I don't want you to stay because you feel obliged, but because you want to."
Rosinante laughed quietly and raised the house key.
"I got a house for us, of course I want to stay with you."
With a warm smile, Law stretched and looked at the window by the kitchenette.
"The sun will rise soon. It would be pointless to lie down now. I'll take a shower and then catch up with paperwork before Mrs. Paipai arrives." Law leaned forward and ruffled through Rosinate's hair. "I love you, Cora-san."
"I know," he replied, allowing Law to kiss him. "I love you, too, little one."
Law rose again and gave him this precious smile, which he never wanted to lose again.
"Take a nap, Cora-san, and this afternoon you show me our new home."