Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that's you.

Author's Note: This is the No Powers Soulmate AU no one asked for, where Lily is a model, James is a firefighter, and Severus is an annoying incel in the café Lily frequents. Oh, and before anyone complains, yes, things like this happen all the flipping time. Why don't fem-bodied people smile more? It's the risk of some guy thinking that we're smiling for him specifically.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 11); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Old Shoes; Café Life; Two Cakes!; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; Feeling So Logical [Intellectual]; Short Jog
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 11 – Assignment 03
Subject (Task No.): Public Services (Task#2: Write about putting out a fire (figurative or literally)./ALT: Write a Firefighter AU.)
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Romance Awareness [D29] (Shadow is Your Soulmate)("Stay the hell away from me!"); Insane House Challenge [38] (Callipygian); 365 [174] (Bauble); Scavenger Hunt [83] (Write a crack pairing.); Galleon (Model AU)
Space Address (Prompt): Su Bingo [4C] (Hail)
Representation(s): James Potter/Lily Evans; Severus Snape/Bathsheba Bagshot (sort of)
Bonus Challenges: Muck & Slime; Rock of Ages; Second Verse (Not a Lamp; Persistence Still; Middle Name; Unwanted Advice; Lovely Coconuts); Chorus (Peddling Pots; Tomorrow's Shade; A Long Dog; Unicorn; Larger than Life)
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: SN (Rail); FR (Satisfaction); O3 (Oust)
Word Count: 1088

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The Shade of Flames
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The thunder was so loud that the windows of the cafe shook. Rain lashed at the windows with a few pieces of hail thrown in for good measure. The patrons of the cafe would occasionally look out the front window worryingly, but the storm showed no sign of letting up any time soon. It suited Severus' mood perfectly. He didn't like how popular the place had gotten since a popular model had started coming in on a regular basis. They were just hoping to see her, which was annoying as much as it matched his own desires.

Who could blame him? Lily Evans was the sort of beautiful that Shakespeare wrote sonnets about. Every freckled curve was perfection. She was callipygan to the point of tempting saints. When she spoke, her voice was like a choir of angels signing. She was everything that he looked for in a woman. What was more important, and very telling in his opinion, was that since she had started modeling, his shadow had been doing model-like things.

Severus checked the door again, anxious to see the woman he just knew was meant to be his. He just had to wait for the perfect time to reveal that fact to her. Maybe today would be the day. He was already wearing his best black suit, having had an interview earlier for a potential teaching position. He didn't want to teach per se but it would help pay his bills until he could find a publisher for his book.

The chain of bells on the handle of the door sounded as it opened to let in the very object of his thoughts along with the old woman who usually accompanied her. They had roughly the same build, but Lily Evans was clearly his age while the other woman had to be something like two hundred. She just looked so old, even if her face was still without more than a few crow's feet. They ordered as they usually did, but then they split up instead of heading to their usual table.

In fact, Lily was headed his way! He wasn't ready! He hadn't decided what line would be perfect yet! She couldn't do this to him!

Then at the last moment, the redhead moved closer to the table next to him.

"James, I'm so glad that you could make it," she greeted the Indian man sitting there. "I thought for sure that your station would have kept you too busy to come!"

"Nah, once they heard that I was supposed to meet up with my soulmate they practically shoved me out the door." James gave her a lopsided grin. "Sirius threatened to set me on fire himself if I chickened out!"

"Do firefighters joke about setting people on fire a lot?" Lily asked as she took a sip of her drink. Severus could smell the distinctive scent of pumpkin spice. He squeezed his hands around either end of his biro as he listened to his soulmate flirt with another man. This James (what a horribly common name!) even had the nerve to call her his soulmate, when that couldn't be further from the truth! She was his! He saw her first!

"That's it," Severus declared as he stood up so abruptly that his chair crashed to the group, startling the other patrons as much as the storm outside did. "I cannot stand for this any longer!" He pointed a finger accusingly at James the firefighter (if he really was one and wasn't just saying that to impress people!). "You will stay away from my soulmate! How dare you try to steal her away from me!"

"Uh, dude," James said carefully, like he was talking to a frightened animal, "maybe we just need to take a deep breath and talk about this a bit. Lily, do you know this man at all?"

"No," Lily said. She looked a bit shook up as if she was surprised by his outburst but also as if she resigned to it. "I don't think I've ever seen him before either."

"You handed me the creamer just yesterday," Severus reminded her, making her perfect forehead furrow as if she was having difficulty remembering. "Oh, and you're my soulmate."

"You keep saying that, dude," James interrupted, drawing Severus' focus back to him, "but what evidence do you have of that?" He picked up Lily's hand and held it so that her shadow was clear and distinctive on the table top. "Can you make her shadow change?"

Severus rolled his eyes at the childish demand and flipped him the bird, just to prove a point. There was just one problem with the results. Lily's shadow didn't change at all. Getting a little desperate now, Severus did the same with his other hand. Lily's shadow still didn't change. Meeting Severus' eyes, James then returned the gesture.

Lily let out a breath that sounded almost relieved when her shadow immediately changed.

"That doesn't prove anything," Severus declared. "She's still mine! I saw her first!"

"That's not how relationships work, dude," James said as gently as possible. "She isn't a bauble that can be fought over. You can't just claim a person because they're beautiful and witty and accidentally set their green room on fire."

"I will never live down the reason that we first met, will I?" Lily asked with an exasperated tone. James grinned at her unrepentantly.

"I believe Sirius is planning to put it in his best mate speech, so probably not."

"You can't marry him!" Severus yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "You're my soulmate!"

"Pretty sure that we just proved that she isn't, dude."

"Can we just leave, James?" Lily asked. James immediately stood, clearly agreeing that they should leave. Severus made to grab her arm as she went to walk away. She jerked out of reach, accidentally spilling her latte down her front. The scent of pumpkin spice exploded in the air between them. "Stay the hell away from me!"

Then they were both across the cafe and out into the storm, not even stopping to open an umbrella. There was a moment of silence before Severus felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw the old woman who had come in with Lily.

"My name is Bathsheba Bagshot," she said, clearly embarrassed but not letting that stop her at all, "and I think...well, it would be a hell of a coincidence if it's not true, but I think we may be soulmates?"

Severus fainted in shock.