The Round File

by wintergreen825

This is a place to stash tiny little ficlets that I don't feel warrant posting on their own. It's considered complete, despite being updated, because each "chapter" is finished. Everything varies. Note: I am separating out certain kinds of fills into other collections & removing chapters will make this be marked as updated.

36. Lucius Buys

Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that's you.

Author's Note: In which Gwen makes the same penis joke several times, because they are secretly seven.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 11); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Slytherin MC (x2); Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; In a Flash
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 11 – Assignment 03
Subject (Task No.): n/a
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [661] (Hemingway quotation); 365 [109] (Vulgar)
Space Address (Prompt): n/a
Representation(s): Malfoys
Bonus Challenges: Muck & Slime; Head of Perseus
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: n/a
Word Count: 354

(^^)
Lucius Buys
(^^)

"I just have one question," Throckmorton asked his brother upon seeing his newest purchase. Lucius sighed heavily as if put upon by the very idea of having his acquisition questioned. Throckmorton rubbed his hands together for a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase the inquiry to reduce the likelihood of getting hexed for it. "How much of the family fault did you use to get you this very, very serious bird?"

"You do not need to concern yourself with such things. I know exactly what I'm doing." As if to punctuation that statement, the pure white bird chose that moment to scream.

"Well, I do have a reason for my question." Throckmorton got a raised eyebrow in return. "See, I find it very concerning that my big brother, you know, the responsible one, would spend anything on something so common."

"It is not common," Lucius said loftily, petting the peacock on his lap leisurely. "It is a majestic beast of superior elegance and style."

"Oh, I'm sure you tell that to all the witches," Throckmorton quipped, "but tell me truly, because inquiring minds demand to know: how much did you spend on the cock on your lap?"

"There is no need to be vulgar!"

"Lucius..." It was Throckmorton's turn to sigh gustily. "What kind of bird is that?"

"I see what you're trying to do, and it won't work."

"What kind of bird is it, Lucius?"

"It's a peacock," Lucius answered through clenched teeth.

"And where is it sitting?"

"I do not approve of this line of questioning."

"Where is it sitting?"

"On my lap."

"So you do have a cock sitting on your lap," Throckmorton announced triumphantly. He grinned. "Now tell me how much you spent on it, Lucy."

"I abhor that name, Morton."

"I bet it was a lot. Did you spend a lot of money on that cock?"

"Would you please stop calling it that?"

"Was it all for that one cock?"

"No, I bought several."

"You bought several cocks?" Throckmorton asked as if scandalized. He was already leaving the room by the time Lucius got his wand out.