Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: Also, I headcanon Remus as shorter than Tonks. Because why not?

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 11); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Misunderstood; Technicolour Moon Assistance Fund (Y); Black Ribbon; Black Ribbon Redux; Day Out; Gryffindor MC; Hufflepuff MC; Seeds; Shipmas; No Proof; Interesting Times; Golden Times; Old Shoes; Location, Location, Location; Themes & Things A [Love] (Y); Themes & Things B [Protection] (Y); True Colours; Rian-Russo Inversion (Y); Flags & Ribbons; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 11 – Assignment 09
Subject (Task No.): Beauty Therapy (Task#6: Write about something figuratively/literally going on behind someone's back.)
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [275]("The best thing that's ever happened to me is you."); 365 [129] (Mundane); Mythology Club (Love); What's Cooking [Cottage Cheese] (No using "said"); Gwen's Candy Shop [Bowl 1] (Chronic Health Issue – Lycanthropy); Supermarket Sweep [CD] (A Hufflepuff)
Space Address (Prompt): Su Bingo [3A] (Zoo)
Representation(s): Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin; bisexual Remus Lupin;
Bonus Challenges: Under the Bridge; Second Verse (Ladylike; Not a Lamp; Persistence Still; White Dress; Nontraditional; Middle Name; Unwanted Advice; Lovely Coconuts; Grease Monkey; Most Human Bean; Hot Apple; Professor's Torment); Chorus (Odd Feathers; Wabi Sabi; Fizzy Lemonade; Machismo; Tomorrow's Shade; Larger than Life; Unicorn; Creature Feature; Abandoned Ship; In the Trench; Surprise!; Turtle-Duck; Some Beach)
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terse; Terrarium); SN (Rail); FR (Satisfaction); O3 (Oath); TY (n/a)
Word Count: 895

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Zoo Moment
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"This is a bad idea."

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport," Tonks countered as she pushed through the glass doors that led from the main building into the campus of the zoo itself. They had just spent the last half hour going through the conservation exhibits in the building. The exhibits were lovely, even without a hint of magic, but she had not dragged her boyfriend to the zoo to look at mechanical animals and listen to lectures about the importance of saving natural habitats.

She wanted to see actual animals.

"No, I'm being honest," Remus argued. He was keeping pace with her at least, even if he hung ridiculously back from the edge of the otter enclosure. It was like he was hiding behind her, using her as a shield against potential danger. They weren't even far enough into the zoo to get to the larger or more dangerous animals. This first habitat was for otters. What did he think they were going to do? They were otters. Who could be afraid of otters? "This is a really bad idea, Tonks."

"Do you hate animals that much?"

She was immediately distracted by one of the otters taking a doughnut shaped toy from the others and diving into the moat with it. The other otters chased after the first one. The ensuing water battle was worthy of reenactment at Hogwarts. Children screeched their delight at the display even as Remus continued to shift nervously at her back. How could anyone be afraid of such adorable creatures?

"I don't hate animals," Remus denied. He sounded more defensive that she had ever heard him be, even while arguing with Sirius about pranks they had pulled during their Hogwarts years. She looked over her shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow the same way that her mother always did when she knew Tonks was lying. Remus flushed in clear embarrassment and looked at his shoes like a firstie facing McGonagall after sneaking out of the dorms after curfew. "I don't! It's just that they tend to hate me."

"Animals hate you?" She turned fully towards him, putting her back to the small crowd of children watching the otters wrestling in their pool. Not caring about the adults in their midst, the children continued to cheer for the battling otters.

"At least the mundane ones do," Remus explained as he scratched at his jaw absently. He eyed the otters who were chittering angrily at each other in the course of their battle for the toy. "They sense the curse, I think. It agitates them. Some run away or cower. Others… well, the opposite of flight is fight, isn't it?"

"You're kidding me," she accused, trying not to laugh. "You are seriously afraid of animals?"

"That's not fair. They may look adorable and all, but I assure you that they can be quite vicious."

"Really?" She pursed her lips as a thought suddenly occurred to her. "You used the word 'adorable'. Not all animals are adorable. What attacked you that has you so nervous about adorable animals?"

"It's a long story—"

"It's a big zoo." She grinned at him. An otter let out a frustrated scream behind her. "We've got time, because I want to see it all."

"You know, you are rather adorable but vicious yourself."

"Flattery will get you all kinds of places," Tonks declared as she closed the small distance between them. Taking care to not move too quickly or accidentally move through either of his blind spots, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He shuttered hard before letting his head fall forward to press against her collarbone. Comfortingly, she rubbed her fingers against the name of his neck. "We're still going to visit the entirety of the zoo, love. Maybe we'll run into an old friend or two."

"You badgers can be so mean," he muttered discontentedly but without moving away from her. She hummed under her breath and kissed his temple. "Why can't you be the stereotype that everyone expects of you?"

"I can't even keep an air fern alive, Remus. Pretty sure I'm doomed as a nurturing type."

"But there will at least be biscuits," Remus soothed. She laughed into the morning sunlight. The otters chatter excitedly behind her. The children echoed them.

"Only because you've baked them," she replied. She rubbed her wrists over his neck and the bits of shoulder that were exposed by the gap at his collar. In response, he rubbed his forehead against her clavicle. "Come on; I'll protect you from the big, bad otters."

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" The words were whispered reverently. Each syllable was a gentle as the breath tickling her skin. "The best thing that's ever happened to me is you."

"Just for that, I'll protect you against the bunnies and lemurs, too."

"What about the peacocks that roam freely?"

"You're on your own there, my love."

"That's fair. Peacocks are just brightly covered evil. I wouldn't want to tangle with them either."

"Bite me, wolf-boy," she countered. Then she let out a yelp when Remus nipped at her shoulder before pulling back finally. Behind their backs, the otters played on for the crowd of children who didn't even noticed what a pair of strange adults were doing behind their backs.

It was going to be a good day.