Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: Go listen to what I have determined is Sirius Black's theme song: "Fuck You Very Much" by Lily Allen. It's a bop. Btw, yes, the seizures I describe Hermione as having are a real disorder, and they suck because you can only treat them like panic attacks even though they have a bunch of the same causes as epileptic seizures (plus everything that can trigger panic attacks, so double fun). Oh, and head's up for Hermione & Harry both knowing BSL with enough fluency to handle an argument. Unfortunately, the narrator (Remus) is not nearly as fluent, so you don't know what she's saying exactly. In addition to my standard Desi & autistic Harry, have some more Black Hermione.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 12); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Cuppa; Clowder; No Heterosexual Explanation; Love Language; Point of Know Return; Gryffindor MC (x7); Trio of Gold; Bow Before the Blacks; Sett to Destroy; Order, Order; Unaccompanied Minors; Seeds; Shipmas; No Proof; Golden Times; Interesting Times; Old Shoes; Advice from the Mug; Ethnic & Present (x2); Neurodivergent; Quiet Time; Letter of the Day; Booger Breath; Booger Breath Rider; Rian-Russo Inversion; Flags & Ribbons; Setting Sail; Hold the Mayo; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon (Y); Yellow Ribbon Redux; Two Cakes!
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 12 – Assignment 4
Subject (Task No.): Beauty Therapy (Task#3: Write a fic inspired by the phrase "Hold your head high.")
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [28] (Charming); 365 [112] (Foolish); Gwen's Candy Shop [1](Seizures); Baking King Cakes [Step Two] (Pecans)
Other MC4A Challenges: Wi Bingo [1A] (Mistletoe)
Representation(s): Sirius/Ginny; Ron/Hermione; Soul Marks; Desi/Autistic Harry; Black Hermione; Remus Lupin; Order as Family
Bonus Challenges: Gingersnap; Misshapen Pods; Fruit Fly; Sweetest Burn; Second Verse (Under the Bridge; Dog Star; Hot Apple; Muck & Slime; Grease Monkey; Younger You; Trickster's Union; Lovely Coconuts; For the Vine; Car in a Tutu; Unwanted Advice; Spinning Plates; Mother Hen; Zucchini Bread; Nontraditional; Found Family; White Dress; Persistence Still; Not a Lamp; Ladylike); Chorus (Hot Stuff; Jet Fuel; Turtle-Duck; In the Trench; Abandoned Ship; Unicorn; Larger than Life; Tomorrow's Shade; Mouth of Babes; Peddling Pots; Machismo; Fizzy Lemonade; Wabi Sabi)
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terse; Thimble); SN (Rail; Spare); FR (Liberation; Satisfaction); O3 (Olivine); HoSE (Schooner; Caprice); RoIL (Satisfaction; Exuviation); SHoE (Terse; Brood); AD (Amphibian)
Word Count: 678

(^^)
Effe You Very Much
(^^)

As ideas went, this had been the most foolish one they had ever done. To make it worse, Harry was downright defiant about being scolded. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the migraine he felt coming. For all that Harry was practically the spitting image of his father, there were times when Lily shone through like a light that refused to be hidden. She would have been just as proud as James about how Harry refused to be shamed for having first plotted how to completely reverse all the damage that Azkaban had wrought upon Sirius and then having executed said plot successfully.

None of that solved the issue of suddenly having to deal with a teenaged Sirius Black eating chocolate covered blackberry jammy dodgers while flirting outrageously with both Ginny and Ron Weasley. Cups of weak tea sat in front of the three. (Sirius never could manage to figure out how to properly seep the leaves.) Hermione looked about as happy with the situation as Dora would be when she realized that all her biscuits had gone missing while she was at work. Ginny, on the other hand, was responding to Sirius' charms with flirting of her own.

If Dora didn't kill him for letting all this happen, then Molly surely would.

Hermione slammed her book onto the kitchen table, clearly having reached her limit on how much she could endure. However, instead of dragging Ron away from Sirius' flirting, the girl turned on Harry with a fury worthy of a veela. Remus couldn't understand what she was signing so aggressively at the boy. Mostly because her dark hands were moving too fast for his vague fluency with BSL—it honestly looked like she was about to have another of her seizures. She tended to have one when her emotions got the best of her, sort of like a panic attack locking up the lungs. Whatever it was seemed to finally be getting through to Harry, judging by the flushing of his sienna-colored face.

"Look," Harry said aloud and clearly unrepentant despite his words, "I didn't know he had a thing for redheads, okay? It wasn't like we've discussed crushes!"

"Did you discuss anything before brewing that potion?" Remus interjected before Hermione actually gave into the visible urge to hit the boy. "Such as, just off the top of my head, how long will we be dealing with a sixteen-year-old Sirius Black?"

"It's permanent, but he was supposed to be twenty," Harry explained with a nervous look at Hermione's head. Her curls had started frizzing out of the protective twists she had put them in just that morning. Remus knew from teaching magical children that it was probably her magic responding to her emotions. "I might have, uh, stirred too many times or something."

"Bloody hell," Ron exclaimed, drawing their attention back to the other side of the table. Sirius had his shirt rucked up to under his chin, showing off the sprig of mistletoe over his heart that was his soulmark. What caught all of their eyes was the matching mark on Ginny's freckled left arm. "Mum's gonna be so mad."

"I'm good at winning over parents," Sirius reassured them all. Remus knew that was true. Sirius had even won over Lyall Lupin, whose hatred for all things considered dark was as well-known as Dumbledore's love of lemon sherbets. It was very hard to not love Sirius, especially when he was trying to be charming. "She's going to love me."

"Sirius, it's not going to be that simple," Remus tried to explain. "This is going to end in disaster. Just like that time when you and Prongs decided to see if chocolate affected Animagus forms the same way as regular dogs."

"Oh, come on," Sirius whined, "that was hardly even a problem at all, let alone a disaster."

"There wouldn't be any problems if you just listened!"

"Nope, not listening any longer," Sirius countered. He pointed dramatically at Remus. "You went and got old, Moony. The only way you can repay that betrayal is to help me woo my soulmate."

"You mean, her mother?"

"Well, her, too," Sirius agreed with a roguish grin. Remus sighed and wondered if there was any hard liquor left in the place. He had a sudden realization that he was much too sober to deal with this.