Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: Have I mentioned that I really don't like Thorne's play? How much do I hate, you ask? Let me count the ways: 1 Ace Scorpius Malfoy; 1 Lesbian Rose Weasley; and 0 people named after child abusers. For those of you still planning on reading this, Sigune Wood is Oliver Wood's daughter that he raised with Percy, and since I'm on a roll with Black Hermione, guess who is also Black?

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 12); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Clowder; No Heterosexual Explanation; Fluent in Sarcasm; Love Language; Point of Know Return; Gryffindor MC (x2); Ravenclaw MC; No Proof; Times to Come; Old Shoes; The 3rd Rule; Ethnic & Present; Booger Breath; Booger Breath Rider; Rian-Russo Inversion; Letter of the Day; Hold the Mayo; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; Two Cakes!; Green Ribbon; Greatest Gift
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 12 – Assignment 4
Subject (Task No.): Forestry (Task#1: Write about someone in the LGBTQplus Community.)
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [283] (Scorpius Malfoy); 365 [263] (Reliable); Gwen's Candy Shop [4](Asexual); Baking King Cakes [Step Three] (Fresh Fruit & Toasted Nuts)
Other MC4A Challenges: Wi Bingo [4C] (Coins)
Representation(s): Rose/Scorpius/OFC QPR; Asexual Scorpius; Lesbian Rose; Black Rose & Black OFC; Weasleys & their Adopted Strays
Bonus Challenges: Misshapen Pods; Second Verse (Ladylike; Not a Lamp; White Dress; Found Family; Nontraditional; Zucchini Bread; Mother Hen; Spinning Plates; Unwanted Advice; Broom's Only; For the Vine; Lovely Coconuts; Muck & Slime; Under the Bridge); Chorus (Fizzy Lemonade; Tomorrow's Shade; Larger than Life; Unicorn; Land of Enchantment; Sailor Take Warning)
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: FR (Liberation; Satisfaction); O3 (Olivine); AD (Assumption); TY (Avasa)
Word Count: 963

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A Horse That Will Never Die
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The trip was supposed to be a celebration of finally gaining their respective masteries. Scorpius Malfoy had been dragged to this magic-forsaken place by Rose Weasley and Sigune Wood. They were supposed to be his best friends, but right at that moment, he had his doubts. This was clearly some drawn out plan to torture him to death by roasting him alive. They knew that he had a delicate complexion and yet here they were in the absolute worst place for someone as pale as him.

They were clearly evil.

"Take a whiff of this beautiful day," Rose ordered as she flung open the balcony doors for their shared suite. Scorpius hissed at the source of hideous sunlight and burrowed under his covers. Nearby—too close for comfort—he heard Sigune snicker. Then his covers were yanked off of him faster than he could muster an adequate defense. "Up and at 'em, rich boy. We've got a lot of sights to see and only a week to see them."

"There's apparently cacti that walk here," Sigune announced. Scorpius opened one eye to glare at her. She was sitting cross-legged on her own bed with brochures spread out in front of her. Her fingers were occupied twisting her hair into many tiny buns as her dark eyes looked over their options. Into each bun, she worked in a small charm with three coins that tinkled merrily with even the slightest movement. "There's also rocks that create musical sounds when tapped. There's a couple of museums in the area, too."

"I've already talked to the receptionist," Rose said as she started packing a satchel with items she had laid out on her bed. "He recommends the diner down the street for breakfast. Apparently, the cook who habitually works the mornings is an expat from our side of the pond. They don't have normal breakfast foods on the menu, but we should be able to get Scorp' some tomatoes to go with his sausage. That should improve his mood some."

"After breakfast, we should check do the outdoors stuff. Better to do that stuff earlier than later, especially with how easily Scorpius burns. He'll get unbearably grumpy in the heat anyway. No reason to worsen it by letting him get hurt."

"You are aware that I can hear you, right? Like, I'm right here, listening to every word you are saying right now."

"Ro', our gay baby is whining," Sigune said dryly, still mostly focused on putting her hair into a protective style. "Chivvy him out of bed so we can get him fed?"

"I'm not a baby," Scorpius grumbled even as he took the hint that he wasn't going to get out of it. Tomatoes and sausage did sound good. "And I'm not gay."

"Uh, honey," Rose said, "you may not be gay, but you sure ain't straight." He looked up from shuffling through his suitcase. She must have read the confusion on his face because she shook her head, sending her ruddy curls bouncing in every direction. "You have shared a one-room flat with us for three years, Scorp'. Not once have you looked at either of us like you wanted to sleep with us, not even during the Shower Incident—"

"We don't talk about the Shower Incident," Scorpius and Sigune interrupted in unison. Rose rolled her eyes and continued her explanation.

"The point is that you also don't look at any other fem presenting people like you want to sleep with them either. As a healthy male presenting twenty-year-old, that's not a sign of straightness." Rose made a flourish with her hands that was so French, she could only have picked it up from her Aunt Fleur. "Ergo, the catchall phrase of gay, at least until you tell us differently."

"He might just prefer queer, Ro'. It's more academic, after all."

Scorpius rolled his eyes at the subtle dig towards his past as a Ravenclaw. It was what he got for hanging out with Gryffindors. Not that the Sorting Hat was ever going to put a Weasley (even by adoption) anywhere else. It was practically tradition at this point, and his Aunt Daphne had a point about tradition being peer pressure from the dead.

"Do you discuss my sexuality much?"

"Only when we think you're pinning," Sigune answered, finally finishing the last mini bun.

"Or if we've been drinking," Rose amended with a proud spread of her arms.

"Oh, so at least once a week, great," Scorpius groused. He was silent for a moment before deciding to just say what he had been thinking about for a while. "I don't, you know, think of sleeping with anyone."

"Not ever?"

"Not ever," he confirmed with a shrug. "I just never really felt the whatever it is that makes Rose pant after anyone wearing a skirt—"

"That's not true," Rose objected. Both Scorpius and Sigune gave her unimpressed looks, making her dark face flush even more. "I do not pant. It would be rude." There was a beat of silence. "Also, she doesn't have to be wearing a skirt. Pants work, too. Though, ideally, she won't be wearing anything long."

"A one-bedroom flat," Scorpius reminded Rose. Sigune snickered despite having caught Rose in the middle of at least as many seductions as Scorpius had. Rose's unpredictable attempts to woo every lady would humor her at all were annoyingly reliable. "You pant."

"When did this turn into Pick on Rose Day?"

"About the time we figured out that Scorpius isn't attracted to any gender," Sigune said with a grin. "We have an asexual baby." Scorpius' stomach growled loud enough to be heard throughout the room. Sigune laughed again. "And he's hungry, love."

"I hate you both," Scorpius groaned.

"No, you don't," they replied together.