"We head for Castle Black," Tormund cheered, throwing a skin of homebrew into the fire. "For now, to bed!"
The gargantuan man hefted himself from the fireside and leered over Brienne…
"My bedding is over yonder, should you be cold."
"I have a husband," Brienne retorted, "I am never cold."
Jaime snorted a laugh as the Wildlings departed for slumber.
Yet they remained by the fire.
Fire; he hated it.
The North required it.
Jaime disliked the North.
But they were bound once more for Castle Black…
And he knew from the look in her eye that Brienne wasn't going to let Stannis go so easily.
And Jaime tried to stay silent and remain a dutiful husband… but the question remained within him… Why were they going to risk their lives by opposing Stannis Baratheons army?
He knew it was about Renley. And couldn't help but descend into petulant name-calling whenever the little tulip was mentioned.
It was childish and pathetic, but he recalled how Brienne had reacted when he had flippantly remarked how she must have fancied him to hold him in any regard.
Because she had fancied him; perhaps even loved him.
And it shouldn't have bothered Jaime at all… but for the fact he despised the thought of a time when Brienne may have been attracted to another man.
Didn't matter that the man in question only entertained other men.
Didn't matter that he was dead.
Jaime was jealous.
Gods!
What had this woman made of him?!
So while their Wildling party bedded down in huddled groups for the night, Jaime remained at the campfire with his wife.
"Why such loyalty to Renley?" The husband finally asked, trying his best to keep the whine of jealousy from his tone. "What did he ever do to deserve your friendship?"
Brienne gave him a look… one that dived past his eyes and into his soul to float there a while as she considered the question…
She took a breath and leant forward, looking long into the flames… "When I was a girl, my father held a ball…" she began… and softened to throw a glance his way in explanation, "he wanted to make a good match for me."
"I flatter, the work is done," Jaime preened.
He was rewarded with a slight smile as she lowered her eyes and turned back to the fire.
This confession hurt, he realised, and swore not to make light of what she was gifting him.
"Dozens of young Lords came to Tarth…" Brienne continued, whisking them through time, to when she was young and full of hope…
Jaime ached to know her then; should times had been different he imagined his attendance at the ball... though he would have been ten years older than the young girl who had called them to attend…
Still… Jaime was a bachelor knight… And the little tulip, Renley, had been invited… so why had he never travelled to Tarth?
But Brienne continued, "I didn't want to go," curling in on herself, "but he dragged me to the greeting hall…"
Her look changed.
Jaime held his breath…
"And it was wonderful," she smiled; his heart flooded...
"None of the boys noticed how mulish and tall I was…."
The words hit him like punches; she was neither in his eyes… but he listened, trying not to wrap his arm about himself in defence as she continued…
"They shoved each other," she smiled, "and threatened to duel when they thought it was their turn to dance."
Brienne glistened in the shimmer of by-gone days…
Jaime was transfixed; she was glorious.
"They whispered in my ear how they wanted to marry me," she continued as he swelled, "and how they would take me away to their castles."
Jaime felt his mouth dry… he had her; none of them stood a chance.
"My father smiled at me," she continued the history,, "and I smiled at him. I'd never been so happy."
And she gasped.
Blood fired through him; he had known that gasp… he made her gasp like that…
Gods… how could Jaime contain his want for this woman? It was unearthly!
There was nothing else in the camp that mattered; not the barbarians surrounding them… not the cold engulfing them… nothing that diminished his desire… he wondered how to reach to her and claim her…
But then the look in Brienne's eye crystallised, and her plump mouth twisted; "Until I saw a few of the boys sniggering."
Heat left Jaime as a stone settled in his stomach; the boys had been sniggering at her…
"And then they all started to laugh," Brienne continued, her face contorting, "they couldn't keep the game going any longer... They were toying with me."
He felt a little sick for her; watching the humiliation in the recollection.
"Brienne the beauty… they called me," she sneered. "A great joke," she swallowed her hurt. "And I realised I was the ugliest girl alive."
What?
Though he felt his head shaking, Jaime had no words… he wanted to reach out and touch her shoulder… but horror glued him to the spot.
Brienne hardened, "A great," she ground out… "Lumbering," she continued… "Beast."
And all those things Jaime had once said to her came back to him;
How he had goaded her about being taller than even the boys of her age… how he had hounded her on how there must have challenged one another to 'get inside big Brienne'.
He had spat at her that she was a virgin… even intimating she may fuck horses as no man was enough for her.
Jaime felt wretched.
The words spoken to his jailer in the hopes of distraction for means of escape, must have hit deeper than even he had imagined.
She had heard every word so many times in her life and each time pecked at her, whittling away her confidence so that she truly believed those things…
"Cunts," Jaime spat, hurt twisting his chest to see the pain in her eyes as they swelled…
Brienne laughed, "That's almost what he said."
Jaime looked to her.
"I tried to run away," Brienne admitted, "but Renley Baratheon took me in his arms." She smiled a brave smile and straightened her back as she recalled, "'Don't let them see your tears,' he told me. 'They are nasty little shits and nasty little shits aren't worth crying over.' He danced with me and none of the other boys could say a word."
And as quick as the feeling fluttered in his stomach that her sorrow abated, an unwanted creep of jealousy crawled under the sensation at the look of pure adoration Brienne had for the fruit, Renley Baratheon.
Still… Renley had never known the love of Brienne as Jaime had and he had to applaud the actions of his adversary. Brienne had been defended…
"And so, we will kill Stannis," Jaime nodded…
She was set. And if she was then he was; their fates were now bound, after all.
Brienne nodded, solemnly; her eyes watery with unshed tears.
She wore her pain like armour… it strengthened her… but hurt him to see it.
And he couldn't help it… "Where are those boys now?"
This time the smile was genuine… "They are nothing. I have beaten each and every one in tourneys since. Perhaps doing a little more damage than I should have…"
He felt himself grin at that, "You are always at your best when you don't hold back."
"Aren't most beasts?"
Jaime frowned, "You aren't a beast."
She gave a laugh, "I have spent many years growing to accept myself."
"You aren't," Jaime insisted, uncertain how much more of this insult to his wife he could bear… even if it was levelled upon her by herself.
"It's alright Jaime," she smiled, eyes glistening, "I have thick skin… just like the rest of me…"
Oh! That was it!
Pushing forward, he leaned into her to steal a kiss, gladdened to feel her accept and even smile against his lips as he urged her backwards, covering her with his body as she let him lay them down and move his lips from hers and across her jaw and down her neck…
She shuddered and he observed, "Not thick here…" and continued to her pulse point, "or here…" she jerked a little as his hand found its way to the warmth between her thighs, "quite sensitive here, as I recall…"
"Jaime, we can't…" she gasped, her sweet breath shooting past his ear and spurring him on.
"Why not?" He asked, kissing her deeply.
"They will see…" she said, but her body betrayed her as she grasped him closer.
"Doubtless, they've seen it all before…" he said, harbouring a half-hope…
"Oi," Tormunds gruff voice sounded across the frozen ground, "Would you to fuck quietly? Some of us are trying to sleep."
The request was supported by sniggers and outright laughter.
They both froze and Jaime looked into Briennes startled eyes before they began to giggle like teenagers and he rested his forehead on her chest before rolling off her, "Apologies all… wedded bliss overcomes me."
Brienne hid her smile behind a gloved hand and laughed a little more with Jaime before delivering a sedate kiss to his forehead.
"What was that for?" He asked.
His wife sighed and rolled to her side to better face him, "Because if I could go back and tell that girl I was that one day a man would come along that made me feel like the sky itself is within reach when he's at my side, I doubt she would believe me."
Static filled his chest, "Gods, don't tell me you're getting sentimental..?"
Brienne laughed and kissed him goodnight.
Jaime listened to her breathing even out to a deep sleep and watched her face relax into a contented smile.
He lay on the cold ground, looking at the clear sky and the stars above them…
All those months ago Tyrion had said he was in trouble, but it hadn't truly registered until now.
He cared for nothing in the world as much as the woman beside him.
He wanted nothing but her.
But they would never truly be free to live contented lives in these increasingly troubled times; he only had to look at the Starks for evidence of that. A content, honourable and well-liked family had been ripped apart…
And nobody even liked the Lannisters.
Perhaps he could persuade his father and his wife that they should retire to Tarth or Casterly to raise a family and be apart from the chaos of the city and the crown… and his sister…
Funny he should think of Cersei at a time like this.
But he did.
Jaime wondered if he had always fallen head-long in love as he was now? All those years he dedicated to Cersei and all those years wasted.
Perhaps they prepared him for Brienne and the way she loved him in return, not expecting anything from him she wasn't willing to give herself.
He didn't regret his time in love with his sister, though many found it a difficult thing to think on.
But it was so easy now to believe those years happened to someone else. Had he changed that much?
Jaime felt like the same person; he still honoured the Lannister name, still respected his father and loved his brother and sister [though that was now more on a level than before] and he still cared deeply for his surviving children.
He just looked on things with a different eye.
His Father had once lamented Jaime's pride; his brother rightly named him vain.
He remembered those days and the calluses he had grown as others sneered and whispered about him…
But rather than the approval of his achievements by a thousand men all he had ever required was the love and acceptance of his faults by one woman.
Would that have ever happened had he not been taken captive by the Starks?
If he had been victorious at Whispering Wood he would have doubtless returned to Cersei and created their fourth child and never known the thoughts now filling his head.
Thoughts of truly closing those chapters of his life to begin anew with Brienne.
And he supposed, beneath those clear and bright diamonds in the night sky, he was different.
And he was glad of it.
No matter what was to come, he would never let go of Briennes love.
After all… how much worse could it get?
()()()