Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: So, my zucchini wrote a fic with an NB who used the name "Turtle" for a while and got feedback that acted like that name was ridiculous. So for all my fellow trans people out there who chose "you can't be serious" names, may I present a Black Jewish NB named "Apple". It is not childish, and it is completely valid.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 13); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Beauty of the Abstract; Bonjour-Hi; Cry Power; Hufflepuff MC; Beauxbatons MC; Magical MC (x2); LEO MC; Criminal MC; Rowl in Her Grave; Rian-Russo Inversion; Ethnic & Present; Setting Sail; Hold the Mayo; Gender Bender; Lunar Era; Old Shoes (Y); Skittles [Pan Masc]; Short Jog; Bucket Listing; Two Cakes (Y); Eating Cake (Y); Green Ribbon; Greatest Gift (Y)
House: Slytherin
Assignment No.: Term 13 – Assignment 02
Subject (Task No.): Journalism (Task#4: Write about someone unexpected committing a crime.)
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [823](Only two characters); 365 [211](Murder); Herbology Club [4-1](Trans Character); Auction [3-2](Edgar Bones); Pinata [Med](Auror); Ferragosto [09](Bilingual Character)
Other MC4A Challenges: Su Bingo [3C](Growth); AU [5E](Flower Shop); Hunt [Su Items](Potted Plant); Chim [Limu](Sharing); Ship (n/a)[Sp Big](Flower Pot); TWT (NB OC)[Task 1](Devil's Snare); Fire [Hard](Cutlasses); Garden [RAC 01](Preferred Name on Skin)
Representation(s): placeholder
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: Lyre Liar; Abandoned Ship; Head of Perseus; In the Trench; Second Verse (Persistence Still; Nontradtional; Sneeze Weasel; Middle Name; Spinning Plates; Unwanted Advice; Brooms Only; Car in a Tutu; For the Vine; Lovely Coconuts); Chorus (Odd Feathers; Pear-Shaped; Wabi Sabi; Bee Haven; Machismo; Peddling Pots; Tomorrow's Shade; A Long Dog; Larger than Life; Unicorn)
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terrarium); SN (Rail; Spare); FR (Satisfaction; Evolution); O3 (Orator; Olivine); HoSE (Schooner; Caprice); War (Orator; Obstruction; Sanctuary; Ennui)
Word Count: 2200

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Adventures in Xanadu
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Edgar Bones was not a young man when he married. He wasn't old by wixen standards, of course. As the oldest of his parents' sons, there were expectations that he needed to fulfill. His parents had understood why he had waited as long as he had before finally settling down.

He had wanted no one other than his soulmate.

The only potential issue was that the name on his wrist was something that seemed like a nickname. At least, he didn't know anyone who was named Apple, so he had concluded that it was a nickname. That happened sometimes. His parents had each other's Hebrew names and not their Anglicized ones. His brother Isaac had his soulmate's nickname as well, though that nickname had been based on Natalia's first name.

He still wondered how someone got nicknamed after a fruit. What kind of inside joke was it referencing? Did his soulmate just really love apples? Maybe they had once pulled a prank involving apples, and now the legend of it lived on in the form of the nickname.

The reality turned out to be much weirder than Edgar had been expecting.

Edgar had been sent to investigate a potential issue of Muggle-baiting. It was honestly not something which normally required an Auror. The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office would normally handle things like that. However, there was a war going on and while a series of Muggle injuries might have been a case of simply some cursed object making the rounds, a wix had shown up with the exact same kind of bruising around her neck. Unlike the Muggles who had had their memories erased before they could be thoroughly questioned, the wix had kept her memories and had sworn that she had been attacked by a wild Devil's Snare.

The wix's interview had hit the Daily Prophet before anyone from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had even been made aware that there was an attack on a magical person to be investigated. The department head had been in a tizzy, demanding that the case be solved yesterday. It was like something out of the radio dramas that Amelia loved so much.

It was also what brought Edger to a tiny little flower shop only a handful of store fronts down the Muggle entrance to the Leaky Cauldron. As expected, the little shop was full to the point of bursting with flowers and plants of all sizes, shapes, and shades. From what he could tell, the owner did not only stock magical plants but Muggle ones as well. While most looked like cut blooms and foliage, there were a few shelves of potted plants for sell.

The strong scent of pollen and damn earth made him sneeze the moment the door swung shut behind him.

"Just a minute," someone called from the room beyond the counter.

Edgar didn't mind waiting. His eyes were starting to fill with tears, however. He conjured a handkerchief and wiped his eyes before blowing his nose for good measure. Damn allergies had picked a hell of a time to act up. The watery eyes made everything too blurry to really see his surroundings, reducing everything to a blur of green with splashes of brilliant colors scattered throughout it.

"Thank you for your patience," said the vaguely person shaped blur that had just come through the doorway to the back. They had skin so dark a brown that it was close to black and something on the top of their head that was the distinctive color of Granny Smith apple. Edger really couldn't tell anything more than that about them because of his watering eyes. Even their voice was too neutral for him to tell if the person was a man or a woman. "Damn Devil's Snare keeps trying to escape its enclosure. I keep pruning it back and reinforcing the wards, but it seems to just grows its vines back every time I turn away for more than ten minutes like it's a magical child with a haircut they hate. Welcome to Xanadu, Mister…"

"Bones," he offered into the breath of space the owner had created. "Senior Auror Edgar Bones."

"Welcome to Xanadu, Auror Bones," the wix repeated, this time with the corrected title. They sounded shockingly happy to hear his name, which wasn't how most people reacted to being visited by any member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It was kind of refreshing if Edgar was honest. If he could only get his throat to loosen a bit, he could really enjoy that. "How many I help you today?"

"There's been a series of attacks in the surrounding area," Edgar explained. He had to pause in order to clear his throat and wipe his eyes again. "I'm sorry. Allergies. There's been a series of mysterious attacks, and they appear to be magical in origin."

"Oh, that's horrible. What questions do you have for me? I'll help in any way that I can, of course."

"Do you recognize any of these names?" Edgar asked before rattling off the names of the victims. The florist shook their head. He felt a wave of exhaustion crash over him and the room spun in circles. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to pass out now."

"What are you saying?" they asked. Edgar could barely tell what was a black spot in his vision and what was the person's skin. He could feel himself listing to one side, but his head felt full of cotton. "Vey is mir! What are you doing?!"

Edgar was barely aware of hitting the ground.

When he came to, Edgar was in a room that smelled strongly of cleaning potions. Somewhere nearby a clock ticked loudly. The ticking served as a counterpoint to the snoring coming from even closer. He eyed the person curled up in the uncomfortable chairs that St. Mungo's put into every single room.

Judging by the dark skin and bright hair, this had to be the florist he had been interviewing. in the bright light and cleared vision, Edgar couldn't quite tell if they were a man or a woman. They had a long willowy look could easily be either, and while their facial features were incredibly beautiful, it was in the way that a spectacular sunset might be.

He didn't understand why they were still here, though.

He cleared his throat and the florist jerked awake. Warm brown eyes darted around the room before landing on his face. A huge grin blossomed on their face.

"You're awake," they chirped. "They said that you might be out for a while longer."

"What happened?" Edgar croaked. The florist—he really needed to ask what their name was, and maybe he should get come clarification on their gender while he was at it—uncurled with an expediency that rivaled even the best Seekers in the world and reached for the pitcher and glass that was waiting on the little table beside his bed. "Everything is just a bit hazy."

"Well, apparently, the kholerye Devil's Snare struck again," they explained readily. They rubbed their face with their hand. "The containment wards keep failing, as I told you—but you may not remember that, of course, since your reaction would have already kicked in by then. You're apparently very allergic to the spores, you see. That's what's been interfering with the wards I keep casting on the enclosure, too. Damn spores wear through the magic in order to spread. Which I probably should have known."

"Yeah, you should have," Edgar agreed, because Amelia had been complaining just the other day about having to memorizing the curricula of the different licensing classes for her apprenticeship at the Auror Academy. The breeding precautions was on the list for the license to grow Devil's Snare. He squinted as the florist squirmed in their seat. "Why didn't you know that?"

"Oh, you see," the florist hedged, "I may have—that is to say, I may have just recently acquired the Devil's Snare through, well, fairly dubious means. I was only supposed to have it for a few days, so I may have skipped a bit of paperwork along the way."

"You don't have a license, do you?"

"Not strictly speaking, no," they agreed. Edgar couldn't really tell, but their cheeks might have been just a shade closer to black than the rest of their face.

"And you bought the plant on the black market?"

"Oh, I didn't buy it," they corrected hastily. "I'm just keeping it. You know, for a friend."

Edgar closed his eyes, feeling very tired. That was exactly the sort of thing someone keeping contraband tended to say. For some reason the idea of this person being a criminal was just so unexpected. They seemed too bubbly and not at all like the usual people that Edgar saw being brought through the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Edgar sighed.

"Do you really think I haven't heard that before, uh…" Edgar trailed off as he realized still didn't know the person's name. Well, nothing for it but to ask. "I'm sorry. I didn't ask your name earlier."

"That's okay," they replied just as easily as they've answered anything else. "My name is Apple. It's just Apple, too. No family name." Apple grimaced. "No family either. Not for a long while."

"That's…" Edgar struggled to find the words to describe the mixture of thoughts swirling about in his head right then. Several things had begun to make sense though. "You chose that yourself, didn't you?"

"It felt right at the time, yeah," Apple agreed. Their face had become carefully blank while it was clear that keeping their voice even was a struggle. "My parents did not approve of me not being the son they had assumed I was. They didn't approve of a lot of things about me, right from the start."

"I don't understand," Edgar said, reaching up to scratch the side of his neck. Apply looked like they were bracing for a blow. He hurried on, unwilling to leave his soulmate in suspense over something that wasn't true. "Why Apple? I thought it was a nickname, not your real name, or I would have been going about looking for you differently."

"Oh," Apple said, sounding flustered again. "When my parents—When I—It sounds kind of stupid now that I think about, actually."

"What happened?"

"We were having a row," Apple explained, "and my father picked up the first thing he could reach and threw it at me. It happened to be an apple." They touched a thin line of pale brown right at their hairline on the right side of their face. "I had the wild thought that if they were going to throw me out like that apple, then I might as well be the apple. Like I said, it felt right at the time. Anything seemed better than keeping the name they had given me. I know it doesn't make much sense now."

"Actually, it makes plenty of sense." Edgar sighed as his thoughts came back around to what he had been investigating. "You're still in a lot of trouble, though. Not just for not having the license either. The attacks were likely from the Devil's Snare spores that got out because you didn't know enough to have the proper precautions in place to prevent them from potentially escaping in the first place."

"That's a lot of P words," Apple commented with a series of bemused blinks. "I admire your gift at alliteration. Oh, and I'm definitely burning the flipping Devil's Snare. It has had it coming for days and now this is the final straw."

"What is the final straw?"

"Damn plant nearly killed my soulmate!" Apple froze and then asked. "That is, if you don't mind a shlimazel as a soulmate?"

"You're not a shlimazel," Edgar argued. "You're just a little bit foolish. Getting rid of the plant is probably for the best, though. Last thing anyone needs is more of it going rogue."

"I feel horrid that people got hurt."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways," Edgar intoned. "They were only hurt, not anything worse, and it led to me finding you. I would call that blessings all around, really."

"Well, there is that, yeah," Apple agreed. They sounded a bit shaken still but not anything that wouldn't be fixed by taking the wix home to meet his parents and siblings.

Edgar almost couldn't wait.

He was definitely going to help oversee the destruction of that damn Devil's Snare, though.

Apple was absolutely correct when they said that the bloody plant had it coming.

Burning it completely to the ground and salting the soil seemed like the best course of action.

Only then would Edgar finally be free to take Apple home and introduce them to their new (and much better, from the sound of it) family. Amelia will positively be beside herself with jealousy, being the only one of them who hadn't met their soulmate yet. Isaac and Nat were even expecting their first child.

Apple gave him a wide grin.

Edgar returned it without hesitation.

Everything would be fine. He just knew it.