Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: Of all the things I could have had the toys doing, this was the most benign.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 13); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Magical MC; Neurodivergent; Rian-Russo Inversion; Ethnic & Present; Tiny Terror; Claimed; Hold the Mayo; Lunar Era; Old Shoes (Y); Short Jog; Bucket Listing (Y); Two Cakes (Y); Eating Cake (Y); Green Ribbon
House: Slytherin
Assignment No.: Term 13 – Assignment
Subject (Task No.): n/a
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [167](Cooking); 365 [13](Anonymous); Herbology Club [2-3]("better be quiet"); Auction [24-1](Toy Story); Back to School Shopping [Other Equipment](Cooking); Pinata [Easy]("I guess this is goodbye.")
Other MC4A Challenges: Hunt [Su Con](Mac & Cheese); Chim [Deke](Laughing); Fire [Hard](Adventure Tales); Garden [Chore List](Shouting/Yelling)
Representation(s): Harry Potter & the Dursleys
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: Most Human Bean; Muck & Slime; Abandoned Ship; Second Verse (Persistence Still; Teat Juice; Unwanted Advice; Lovely Coconuts); Chorus (Wabi Sabi; Peddling Pots; Fire Song; Mouth of Babes; Tomorrow's Shade; A Long Dog); Demo 1 (Under the Bridge); Demo 2 (Toto's Tribute; Jack's Jollies)
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: SN (Rail; Intercept); O3 (Oath)
Word Count: 1308

(^^)
A Cheesy Story
(^^)

Harry knew that it couldn't possibly be true, but he couldn't explain what was happening in any other way because it was really unlikely that some anonymous person was breaking into the Dursleys' house just to leave food in his cupboard. In some inexplicable way that Harry knew couldn't possibly be magic (because that was hogwash and tripe that did not exist), the toys that he had rescued from the trash bin after Dudley had broken them were alive. More importantly (though them being alive was rather important in the grand scheme of things), the toys seemed very determined to make sure that Harry actually got something to eat every day.

It had started as just finding stuff from the pantry in his cupboard. That had sometimes happened before he had rescued the little toy soldiers, if he had been locked in the cupboard more than just a couple of days and started wishing hard enough that he had something to eat. (Harry wasn't stupid. He knew that wishes couldn't do that just like toys didn't come to life, but again, he just couldn't explain it in any other way.) But then other types of food started appearing.

Things that needed to be, well, prepared.

Harry was the one who usually prepared the food at Privet Drive, especially once he got tall enough to reach the top of the stove without his stool. It wasn't that Aunt Petunia couldn't cook. He knew that she could, because she made it a point of doing all the big or fancy meals needed. She was also the only one allowed to make desserts and other types of sweets. (Harry was only allowed to make scones and tea breads when it came to sweet things after one time he made a cake as a surprise for Dudley and ended up getting punished for it.) Most of what Harry made was the everyday meals that were very boring things like scrambled eggs or boiled peas.

He certainly wasn't making things like baked beans or shepherd's pie.

It was just a matter of proving it.

So Harry pretended to be asleep one night. Or at least, his plan was to only pretend to be asleep. Having had to do a lot of outside chores in addition to his inside ones that day, Harry fell asleep after only a few minutes of laying still and breathing evenly.

He woke up to the sounds of arguing in the kitchen. It wasn't loud, exactly. Harry could only hear it because the open door to the cupboard was so close to the kitchen. But it was rather heated.

Harry made sure to move very quietly as he got up from his little nest of blankets and pushed the cupboard door farther open. He was careful to avoid the squeaky floorboard as he moved down the hall to peer into the kitchen.

Sure enough, all five of the little toy soldiers were in the process of trying to move a pot full of noodles and water from the stove to the sink where a colander was already waiting. They were arguing over the best way to achieve their goal and the volume of that argument was only going up.

"You'd better be quiet if you don't want to get caught," Harry said before he could think better of it. The toys gave a little squeak before dramatically falling over. Harry barely managed to catch the pot of noodles before it spilled completely. "Was that really necessary? I had already seen you. It's Aunt Petunia that you need to avoid. Dudley would probably be even worse, though."

"You aren't scared?" one of the soldiers asked giving up on pretending to not be alive. "Most humans would be at least unnerved."

"Well, yeah, a little," Harry agreed, "but the way I see it, if you guys wanted to hurt me, you already could. Instead you're cooking food for me when I would have otherwise been fine."

"They don't feed you enough," another toy soldier protested. All five soldiers were getting back up now.

"After all you do to help them around the house, too," yet another one chimed in. "Don't they know that humans require regular food to live?"

"I'm fairly certain that they do," Harry commented bitterly. "I'm just as certain that they wouldn't mind too terribly if I were to die."

"That's worse," the first soldier said after a beat of silence passed between them. He squinted up at Harry. "You do realize how that's worse, right?"

Harry shrugged. What did it even matter? It wasn't like the Dursleys were going to just magically get better. He just had to keep making do with whatever he got. Asking for more was just asking for trouble.

"Do you need help?" Harry asked instead of examining the situation further. "It might be easier if I moved the pot. What sauce are we making?"

"We've got the cheese sauce already made," another soldier reported as Harry took the pot over to the sink and strained the noodles. Sitting the pot on the counter, he picked of the colander and poured the macaroni back into the pot. Harry carried the pot back to the stove where a sauce pan was indeed waiting. Harry stirred the sauce just to check the consistency before pouring it over the noodles. Then he stirred everything together, careful to make sure that the sauce was mixed in thoroughly.

Out of habit, he started cleaning up the slight mess made by the cooking process. It was always easier to clean as he went instead of waiting until after the Dursleys had eaten to clean everything at once. Immediately, one of the soldiers snagged Harry's sleeve. It was the same soldier who had been the first one to stop pretending to not be alive. Harry thought he might be their leader.

"You eat," the soldier commanded. "We'll clean up."

"You'll need to crack the window a bit," Harry suggested, suddenly nervous. "It will clear out the scent left behind from the cooking so that Aunt Petunia doesn't smell it."

"Are you sure?" another of the toys asked from the window ledge. The inside of the window had frost on it from where the condensation from boiling the noodles had collected and then froze due to the temperature outside. Opening the window in the middle of a blizzard absolutely would be a questionable idea.

But the trouble he'd get in for that was less than what he would be in if Aunt Petunia smelled the cooking. He was already being punished for the baked beans and shepherd's pie that the toys had made him last week. If Aunt Petunia even suspected that he had broken out of his cupboard for another illicit cooking session, no amount of excuses would save him from being handed over to Uncle Vernon for a belting.

Harry nodded solemnly.

Then he let himself be served the macaroni and cheese by the toy soldiers. He ate quickly. Once he was full, he started getting drowsy again. The excitement of discovering that his toys were alive had long since worn off and his exhaustion was creeping back in. Yawning, he put his bowl and spoon in the sink and let himself be shooed off.

"I guess this is goodbye," Harry said, lingering the doorway. Perhaps this had been a dream that had just seemed very real. Tomorrow he would wake up and his toys would be as they always were. The leader toy shook his little head.

"No, Harry," he said. "This isn't goodbye. It's good night. We'll be back in the cupboard by the time you wake up."

Harry laughed tiredly at the idea, because that was exactly the sort of thing that a dream would say to reassure him that it was real.

But they were.