Time Scale: Nano-click: second ; Cycle: Minute ; Groon: an hour ; Mega-cycle: days ; Orn: 13 days ; Steller Cycle: year ; Vorn: 83 year.

Chapter 14: Weeping

His chassis felt so heavy. It was pressing down on him, suffocating him, but whenever his vents would stall from the pain he would feel an irritating tube down his throat kick in and force his system to stutter into action again.

It became so frustrating trying to ventilate on his own that he finally onlined his optics, deciding that he was going to reach up a hand and remove the pit-slaggen thing. Yet, two things went wrong immediately. First, when he tried to online his optics … nothing happened. They were completely disconnected. And when he tried to jerk his arms, he noticed that he could not move them.

It felt like he was restrained.

Panic filling his spark, he started tugging on his restraints despite the wailing that started to come from his left. He didn't care about the ache in his body or the numbness below his waist or how there were now multiple machines screeching at him. He wanted out!

He barely even noticed that there were a set of panicked footsteps in the room until there were hands upon him, whispering to him, trying to speak to him... Someone was even holding his hand. Said hand was so much larger than his, warmer than his even.

It took a few cycles for him to realize that the voices were not yelling or hurting him or physically restraining him, which was surprising. After all, he had just tried to kill himself. That was probably was he was restrained to a berth, wasn't it?

Struggling to calm his pump, to vent in cool air and regain clear-headedness, Sentinel slowly stopped struggling against the restraints. Thankfully, someone finally removed the tube, allowing him to speak. His voice was shaky as he choked, "W-where am I? What's going on?"

One of the voices, probably the one to his left and that was currently rubbing his shoulder soothingly, murmured in a deep baritone voice, "There we go, calm down. You're safe. You are safe. The restraints are for your own protection so you don't aggravate your wounds any further."

And to keep you from trying to hurt yourself if it was a suicide attempt thought Inquis bitterly.

Nodding his head though a deep part of him was really frightened with how odd his body felt and the complete and total lack of feeling from below his waist, Sentinel asked the most prominent question on his mind, "W-why can't I see?"

There was a deep sigh, the voice immediately recognizable as Skyfire's given how often he spoke on the trip to the spider planet. It was a soothing voice, kind and intelligent. It was something not easily forgotten.

"Both of your blue optics were damaged," said Skyfire carefully before he asked, "Is there a reason why you hid that you were an Autobot? Blue optics aren't exactly a neutral's color."

Sentinel's hands slowly became fists, the metal creaking slightly because his digits did not escape entirely unscathed.

After a few nano-clicks of silence, Inquis sighed and murmured, "There's no point in denying it. Sonic Trip told us about your conversation at the edge of cavern. How you came to visit the Autobot femme's graves. The question that only remains though … is if you jumped or fell."

Sentinel felt his spark lock up and part of him wanted to turn his head way from that voice in shame, but he still had some of his pride. Just enough that he would keep telling himself that he did not regret his actions … though a different part of his spark told him that he did regret his actions. Greatly. It had been cowardly.

"Inquis," came Skyfire's cool voice. "He just woke. Now is not the time for that."

"I think it is," said the scientist in a very professional way. "If he did jump, we should start administering code that will help him cope with his grievances and so we know if he can be left alone until we get back to Docker City. Given the types of visitors we have to Docker City … we all know a suicidal mech or femme is not to be left alone until they get some proper console."

Skyfire huffed in his vents, almost seeming tired before he relented in the other's cool and physiological sound reasoning, "Proceed."

"From what I understand," said the scientist who was obviously a fan of the mental sciences as well as organic. "Sonic Trip warned you about the cavern's precarious standings so a normal mech would have been cautious. So I don't think you fell. You jumped. There is no doubt in my mind that you did. In fact, I believe something drove you there, to the femme that meant so much to you in the past. A last comfort, if you will."

"And why would you think that?" murmured Sentinel, his voice seeming weak and worn though he was trying to be snide.

"Well, given our examination of your failing body … we all noticed something," Inquis' words seemed very cautious at this point, which made Sentinel weary. "Tell me, has there been a traumatic event recently? Something that was very hard for you to deal with?"

Sentinel couldn't help but note that Skyfire shifted in the background as if nervous.

"Why do care? So what if I jumped or fell?" murmured Sentinel as he continued to glare at the ceiling even though all of them knew he couldn't see a pit-forsaken thing and yet … there was this deep feeling of foreboding in Inquis' words like there was something even the blunt and forward mech did not wish to say.

Inquis sighed at Rift Ring's cold tone, throwing Skyfire a look. It had to be said. Skyfire had been at Rift Ring's side this whole time, the slow nearly orn-long flight back to Docker City. It was obvious that he cared for this mech's well being greatly. So, giving Skyfire a cheerless look, he motioned a hand over Sentinel's belly and Skyfire quickly shook his head. He didn't want to go there, especially with the way Rift Ring was acting. He was acting too cool and collected for a mech that had nearly offlined. A mech that had fallen accidently would be grateful and weeping … Rift Ring seemed disappointed. The truth was as obvious as a Con having red optics.

"When else are we going to tell him? He's not going to be blind forever," murmured the flier coolly.

"He's not ready," came Skyfire's voice, strained.

"And I'd rather know now if he will be a danger to it or not. You know Docker City's laws on the issue and I have an idea what Cybertron's are. And it's so far along, way over the halfway point. We have to know now so we can either head to Docker City or to Cybertron. It's his choice for health care," said Inquis calmly.

Sentinel listened quietly to the two scientists' words. A part of him wanted to get off that berth and run away. Something horrible was about to be said. He had no doubt in his mind, and yet he remained quiet because a deep part of him wanted to know. It was the part of his mind that sounded oddly like Elita, and she was saying that he already knew what they were talking about.

"Tell me Rift Ring, if that is indeed your name, did … Oh this is much harder than I thought it would be," murmured the bot to himself. "Did … Did you decide to come here because of what happened about t-twenty orns ago?"

Sentinel's lip twitched and he was about to come back with a sassy comment but stalled, his spark skipping a beat as his mind calculated the events that took place during that time.

The subway … and Soundwave … and Optimus' golden spark.

Despite himself, his vents hitched and there was a soft sigh of sadness from both of the mechs at his berth side. It was so obvious given the mech's reaction.

Swallowing, his nervousness evident, Inquis pried slightly, "W-was it consensual? B-because if it was, we need you to contact your partner. He needs to be here ..."

Sentinel's spark stalled and part of him wanted to hold his tongue, to still his words in like trapped little flies, but he couldn't quiet his desperation. He gradually whispered, "How did you know that? How did you know that!"

He could hear the two mechs press back when his whisper became a scream, Skyfire quickly trying to correct the situation. "Inquis, I think perhaps we should get Rift Ring some energon and forget –"

"Tell me how you know that!" all but yelled the blue mech as he thrashed against his restraints, his tone dark and angry. "Tell me how you know that, or I swear I'll break out of these restraints and even if I have to crawl, I will rip your-"

"Alright! Alright!" cried Inquis as he placed a calming hand onto Sentinel's arm, his tone begging, "But you have to remain … in bed."

Sentinel collapsed onto his berth, jiggling his restraints for a moment as he struggled to vent, his denta baring as he ground out, "Fine … I can't feel my legs anyway."

"Well, that's one thing," murmured Skyfire before he continued. "So … how did we know? Well, you must remain calm and promise not to-"

"Tell me," barked the blue mech, rage burning at his spark.

"I-if you insist," said Skyfire, his voice tense as he whispered. "Well, when we had your chassis cracked open … we saw something we didn't expect to find. I-I don't know how else to tell you this, if it is good or bad news for you, but you're … Heavy. A few orns along and not long off for the dropping of the spark into its shell."

Sentinel went very still, his hands becoming fists though he didn't automatically react.

Skyfire, anxious from the other's silence, asked the question bearing down on the room, thicker than gravity, "Given how you don't seem excited … this is not a good thing, is it?"

"Get out," suddenly ground out the crippled mech, cleaner fluid finally falling from the damaged holes in his helm, no optics or sensors to control the flow.

"Rift Ring, please. We need to know if it was consensual? Did you even know you were Heavy?"

"Get out."

"Have you been taking any metal supplements at all? Any pains? Please, were your forced? Do you want to go to Docker City or Cybertron, be-because … you know Cybertron's views on sparklings. Docker City's views are more … flexible if you know what I mean."

The air was so heavy it could have choke even a fool. Sentinel finally exploded, the machines wailing around him at his increasingly stressed stats.

"Yes, I was forced and he came into me over and over and over again! And I don't want it!" barked Sentinel, his voice broken and tortured as he yelled up at the ceiling. "Now get out! Get out. Please, just leave me alone!"

Thankfully, if only in pity, the two scientists said they would leave him to his thoughts and the door clicked close. And though he had no idea if the lights were still on or not, he allowed himself to believe he was alone in the dark, wailing with all the energy he had.

He cared very little if anyone heard.

…

Ultra Magnus kept his spine straight as he walked towards the Communications Office. He had just gotten Jazz to calm down about a groon or two ago. The young mech had almost been hysterical. It was obvious that he had been worried for a while now, but it took Optimus' reaction to get him to react. The young ninja-bot was convinced that Sentinel was offline and that it was somehow his fault.

Being gone nearly four orns did not mean anything though it was foreboding.

First things first, after making Jazz promise to go home and get some rest and for Optimus to get some rest as well, he had to get to the bottom of this problem. And the only way to do that was to start from the beginning.

He was starting to wonder if that superstition about Communications Command being cursed was rightfully a rumor or not. True, the position had apparently had two temporary mechs … that weren't supposed to be temporary. They said they couldn't take the stress in their resignation reports though it was most likely they couldn't take the social pressures.

Shockwave had stained his great military.

Venting slightly in frustration, the large mech's footsteps echoed, his face cool and stoic as he came up to the Communication's Desk. A poor red mech was struggling to type and speak on the comm. He looked overall stressed. He didn't even seem to notice that his superior was standing right in front of him.

'So this is who I have to thank for getting paperwork done … even if he doesn't have the clearance,' though the mech to himself as he struggled to decide how to reprimand the other. Not that he wanted to discipline the frustrated mech, he did a good job given the circumstances. Then again, if he would have asked for help in the beginning they wouldn't be in this situation. Ultra Magnus also wouldn't have had to see one of his steadiest soldier's breakdown in front of him. He was making it a point to call in a few cycles to make sure Jazz got home alright.

"Cliffjumper, I believe," stated Ultra Magnus when he had become bored with watching how frazzled the poor mech was.

Cliffjumper, for his part, had great reflexes. In less than a nano-click he was to his feet and saluting his superior, "Ultra Magnus, sir!"

"At ease," said the old mech calmly, still trying to decide how to approach the subject. Then, deciding that something straight forward was probably for the best, he murmured, "From what I have been recently informed, Sentinel Minor used his personal time to take a vacation and has not returned. It has been almost over an orn since your discovery that your superior has not returned, correct?"

The red mech gained a horrified expression and then collapsed back into his chair, his expression miserable and panicked.

Magnus, not even missing a beat, continued as he leaned forward so he was now overshadowing the younger bot, "Now, please enlighten me, designation Cliffjumper, why did you not consider it imperative to inform a superior when your superior did not return from his vacation? For that matter, why didn't you inform a superior that you suspected something was wrong when Sentinel Minor wasn't answering e-mails or inquiries since the start of his vacation?"

Swallowing, his mind struggling to find the right thing to say, Cliffjumper's thoughts decided to tell the truth, "I thought he was drunk or passed out, s-sir. That's what I would have done if I just go demoted. A-and I was trying to remain on his good side, sir."

"Those are not valid reasons for your actions, soldier. I will have to think of a suitable punishment for your actions," said Ultra Magnus calmly, hardly surprised as he continued, "But right now I need all the information you have on Sentinel Minor since he left and what his location was supposed to be. We need to send out Primes to find him right away. He might be a Minor, but he once had the status of Magnus which means he has sensitive information about Cybertron."

Then, tone almost soft, Ultra Magnus add, "I have to find out if he's been captured by the Decepticons … or something worse."

Feeling like rust, all Cliffjumper could do was nod in agreement. This was all his fault in some sick way, wasn't it?

…

Sonic Trip continued to dwell outside of the door for what felt like an eternity listening to the blue mech wail. Even when his screams died down into soft whimpers she did not leave. She knew his pain all too well. She had nearly been aborted because of pain like that, but she had been lucky. Her creator had made a hard choice … even though she knew she would never have blamed her carrier if he had made the other decision.

Rift Ring wasn't her creator, but there was a goodness in the blue mech that she didn't want him to have to give up. And given Rift Ring's reaction to Skyfire's and Inquis' words she feared that that goodness would give way to fear and become tarnished. Fear often made decisions that did not necessary display a good mindset, and she … she needed to speak with Rift Ring before they got to Docker City. After all, Docker City was very good at treating rape victims. If the sparklet was weak and not too large yet … it could be abort in an afternoon.

Only once quiet had reined over the room for a few groons did she dare knock.

Silence was the only thing she received. Knocking once more, she slowly opened the door and prayed that the mech hadn't gotten out of his restraints and tried something drastic. Stepping into the room, the femme sighed audibly when she noted that the floor wasn't covered in bloody energon.

She wasn't too excited to see that Rift Ring's head was titled in her direction though.

Standing there awkwardly for a moment, the femme murmured, "O-oh, you're awake. I didn't think you were."

Rift Ring's empty sockets stared at her for a nano-click before he titled his head back to the ceiling. She knew that he was just titling his head in natural reaction to the sounds around him, but it still kind of freaked her out. She was used to Cons, organics and danger. Problems of the social kind were not her forte.

"I am physically fine. Now go away," was all he said, his vocals scratchy from his earlier wailing.

"Well … good, because I wanted to talk to you, or to at least have you listen," she said softly, walking over to one of the medical stools in the room. Sitting on it, she placed her hands on her knees. She knew that she should try to sit more gracefully, to look more feminine like petite femmes always did, but she had long since accepted that she was never going to get a mech based on feminine wiles. Being bulky and apparently plain were not award winning characteristics for romance though she sure could take a beating unlike all those pretty femmes.

She also knew that suffering, when endured, can lead to strength.

"I don't want to listen to anything you have to say," he said bitterly, his hands shaking in rage on his berth. "You should have left me where I was. That was what I wanted."

Titling her head away from the blue mech, a small flame of shame blooming to life in her spark, the femme resisted the urge to get up and leave. Instead, she found herself asking what she felt was a safe question.

"So … have you been able to rest? When we get to Docker City you will need all the rest you can get," her next words were careful, "especially if you need any operations. The kind of operations that Cybertron wouldn't do."

Sentinel's lips twitched into a heavy frown, his cracked and welded chassis rising as he dragged in a deep vent. He was a moment's breath from a sob, but somehow he managed to whisper, "Recharge is beyond me. All I dream of are nightmares and regrets."

Shoulder's sagging, her optics wandering over the blue mech's form, she felt like a creator that needed to comfort a hurt and sick youngling. True, she wasn't very good with younglings, but given her big bulky form, she always felt like a protector. If it was protection from a Con, then so be it. If it was protection from a night's nightmares … she would try her best. So, thinking of one of the warmest and most meaningful things she could, she spoke.

"I know when I was still young and had nightmares, my father would tell me stories. He told me things to dwell on in my recharge. Things that were so much more important than shifting shadows with scary teeth," she said softly, her tone complacent almost. "Would you like me to tell you a story to lull you into recharge? There is nothing wrong with accepting a little comfort when you are hurt, Rift Ring."

Venting air slowly, his body becoming a little less tense, he grumbled, "As if I have much choice … proceed."

Wringing her hands together, she looked straight at the pained mech, her voice gravely but so very calm. She sounded just like her carrier's vocals. "I want to tell you an important story. About an ugly little femme with a dark past and yet to her carrier … he was the most beautiful treasure in all the universe. In fact, the ugly little femme always seemed to return home picked on and reminded that she was half Con. A rape-spark at that. Her creator though would take her onto his lap and smile at her. His words were always so true and kind despite the pain of his past. He would always tell her the truth, wiping her tears away as he whispered in her audios. In fact, the most important thing he ever said to her was this: I would live the night of your conception a thousand times. I would make your genetic sire angry again and again just to gain his cruel attentions … just to have you. The most beautiful part of my spark and the piece that carried me through the torment afterwards, because though that cruel Con thought he had taken something from me … he actually gave me something much more precious."

Sonic Trip struggled to keep her voice even, to keep back the sorrow from her voice though a few lone tears had already fallen down her face plate. This was a very private story to her. It was her story. But if it could help at least one mech … she would tell it. Her father never once was ashamed of her origins so why should she be?

"And so that ugly little femme learned that she was beautiful in some way. She helped her creator just by being there. She was something for him to love and to be loved in return. Thus, she was happy for the rest of her days," ended the femme, smiling if only to keep from weeping, especially since she felt that part of the ending was a lie. She wasn't as happy as she would like to be.

Sentinel, his head now turned in her direction, seemed emotionless on the subject and unwilling to say anything.

No longer wanting to be stuck in the uncomfortable silence, especially since such a personal story had been so easily rejected, she rose to her feet. She swayed on her peds for a moment before she chuckled sadly, "Well, yes … I never was good at telling recharge-time stories, but hopefully it will offer your some serenity as you slumber. I-I will be going now."

Then, wanting to move as fast as she could to the door before he mocked her like everyone from her home city before Docker City, Sentinel spoke softly, knowingly, "There's only one part of that story that I don't understand."

Stalling, swallowing hard, she choked, "And what part is that? Why her creator kept her at all?"

Shaking his head, voice as soft as hers, Sentinel murmured, "Why did she ever think she wasn't beautiful? She obviously had such a kind and warm spark."

Swallowing, a small choke of emotion rising up her vocals, she wiped her cheeks and tried to sound sardonic, "… You can't say that, you're blind and you've never even met her."

"I don't need optics to know that," Sentinel said gently as he turned his head away, his voice seeming tired. "Thank you for the story … It helped. Just a little."

Her spark swelling, she nodded though there was no way he could see that, her voice shivering, "I-I'm glad it was meaningful. Goodnight, Rift Ring."

"… Goodnight, Sonic Trip."

XXX

Paw07: Poor SP. I know it keeps seeming to get worse, but I promise Sentinel will have something warm in his life. And that last scene. It really has to be one of my favorites in the story so far.

Original Character List:

Aquila: is a large cargo jet and twin brother to Skyfire. He was parented by a Con and an Autobot. Has purple optics. Is like-minded like Skyfire but is more stoic in attitude. He also has a somewhat distrustful mindset.

Sonic Trip: is the science group's guide and adventurer. She is a femme and is decorated in heavy-ding proof armor. She has yellow optics and a bulky Con-like structure

Graph: is a medium grounder with a visor that probably hides purple optics.

Inquis: is pale orange and hovering flyer. Has a gravelly voice that one would not think would belong to such a small body.

Rift Ring: the alias Sentinel uses.

(Revisions January 2016)