A/N: Finally it's Friday and we have another chapter. Thank you for reading and reviewing and thank you SWWomen. Please enjoy...
Breaking Point Chapter 6
Joss looked at John, completely dumbfounded. He couldn't be serious? Donnelly? He had just told her his theory about Donnelly and Kara, and although the pieces fit together it formed a peculiar picture. One she was having trouble putting into focus.
He had also told her about moving her mother and she had not been happy about it. He calmly explained that he told her just enough truth to satisfy her mother as to why she and Taylor had to leave for….a while. Her mother had extracted a promise from John that Joss would call her as soon as she could, "cause they had to discuss some things." quote, unquote. Joss was going to have do some very fast tap dancing during that phone call.
Joss sat up in her hospital bed mulling over what he had said while John began going over her notes again. According to John and his source in the FBI, who was someone she was familiar with but never met, Donnelly was suspected of being involved in drug smuggling but no one had been able to prove anything. No one had gathered enough information for a solid indictment and arrest the other players involved. What little intel they had was circumstantial. John believed that Donnelly and Kara were working together with the Russians and Joss had gotten to close to finding out about Donnelly, and he blew her cover, not Kara. He then called Kara and Kara was afraid John knows her dirty little secret, so she blew his cover thinking he might go to their superiors being the "boy scout" he was.
As convoluted as this all sounded it remarkably made sense, except for one thing; John's "retirement." Why did the CIA want John dead? When she brought this up she didn't like the look on John's face. He was instantly tense and vague, wanting to avoid the subject and focus on Donnelly and Kara. She agreed they were their most present danger but this was the second time he had avoided this subject and she wasn't going to let him wiggle out of it again.
"John?"
"Hmm?" he answered distractedly, still looking through her notes.
"Why won't you talk to me about why the CIA might want you dead?" she asked bluntly.
He slowly raised his head a look of wariness in his eyes. "Uh, I just think we need to concentrate on Kara and Donnelly that's all. They're our biggest threat right now, sweetheart. I haven't received any direct threats from The Company, so we should keep our focus on what's in front of us." He said evasively as his eyes slid away from hers. It was a good argument but Joss wasn't buying it.
She frowned slightly causing the little crinkle between her eyebrows he loved so much.
"How do you know they haven't? Those men at the hotel could've been Company men. They didn't exactly introduce themselves."
He paused for a moment then smiled and said, "No. They weren't Company men. If that guy I beat up for shooting you had been a Company man he wouldn't have frozen up the way he did when I came after him."
Joss smiled back. "Baby, water would freeze over if it saw you coming toward it in anger. You are fierce when you are in vengeance mode and I'm sure you were that night." She said softly.
He couldn't argue with that. He had been angry and he had wanted vengeance. He let his eyes return to hers and knew there was no way he was getting around this. He was going to have to tell her.
"Okay," he said resignedly after a few moments of heavy silence. "I'll tell you something but I'm not even sure it would be the reason." His voice became distant as he said, "No one should know about it. I don't see how they could. I was careful." Then he came to himself again and his voice became stronger.
"Kara and I were assigned an op here in New York in 2010 to eliminate a threat to National Security." He dropped his eyes when he said this because he knew that she understood what he meant when he said "eliminate". Looking back up he saw only love in her eyes and it gave him the courage to continue. "We were assigned Nathan Ingram as our target," he paused when he heard her sharp intake of breath. A deep frown creased her forehead as she looked at him, shaking her head.
"Please tell me you didn't do that." She said quietly.
He held her gaze and told her the truth. "Kara and I set the bomb that blew the ferry that day killing Nathan Ingram….and many, many others. I don't know how many were injured." He said with bile rising in his throat at his own actions. "I changed the detonators, though. I had to. If I hadn't that bomb would have taken out the ferry, the whole boardwalk and adjacent buildings," he choked out not looking at her now. "I should have done more." He continued harshly. His anger aimed at himself instead of the people who ordered him to do it in the first place. "I should have diffused it, or disabled it so it wouldn't go off, anything. But I didn't and it haunts me till this day." He looked at her again, finally, with tears in his eyes, "If you can't be with me I'll understand, but please know I'm not that person anymore because of you. I will love you till my last breath."
Joss lay there speechless for a moment. That bombing had been horrific. She had still been on the force then and was called to the disaster like every cop in the area, whether they were beat-cops or detectives. She remembered the bodies, the injured, and the families who lost loved ones that day. But looking at John now she could see the toll his actions had taken on him. He looked as if he had aged before her very eyes. His guilt was a weight he carried daily and probably would the rest of his life. How many lives had he taken at the CIA's command that would haunt him forever? Her heart hurt for him. He knew what he had done was wrong and she loved him for it; for the human heart that beat steadily in his strong chest. He was a good man, always had been. He had just been misguided by The Company.
Lifting her good arm she reached out to him with all the love she had in her heart and he buried himself in her warm embrace, once again amazed at her capacity to forgive. He held her as tightly as he could without hurting her shoulder until she whispered to him,
"Here, come lie in the bed next to me. I miss you lying beside me when I sleep."
"But what about your shoulder?" he asked even as he pulled away and made his way around the bed to the side where she wasn't injured. "What about Kara and Donnelly….and the CIA?"
"My shoulder will be fine as long as you are on that side. We'll worry about the other stuff latter. Right now I want to feel your arms around me again. It's been too long." She said and sighed as she felt his weight on the bed then the warmth of his body next to hers. He draped one arm over her mid-drift and tucked the other snugly between them.
"How's that?" He said softly in her ear. He was very content to stay right where he was if she was.
"That's wonderful." She sighed as she snuggled closer to him. "Could I persuade you to give me a kiss too?" she asked sweetly.
"I think I could manage that," he replied as he leaned up and over her carefully and touched his lips to hers. He was only going to brush her lips lightly, but she parted hers slightly and he pressed forward deepening the kiss. He moved his lips across hers smoothly, expertly. His hand slid beneath her head and the kiss seemed to take on a power of its own because soon they were both breathless. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and was welcomed eagerly.
John finally broke the kiss resting his forehead against hers. "I've missed you," he breathed.
"I can tell," she replied breathlessly, moving against him as he rested against her thigh. If the bulge rubbing against her was any indication, he really missed her. Looking into his eyes she said, "There's nothing for it right now. Not as long as I'm stuck in this hospital bed."
A wicked grin split his face as he let his free hand drift down her body to rest just above her secret place. "I could always help you relieve a little tension" and his fingers drifted lower ghosting over her through her gown, "if you would like." His hand drifted further to the hem of her gown slowly inching it up her smooth bronze thigh.
"John, please," she gasped. Not sure if she was asking him to stop or continue with this exquisite play. They were in a hospital room for god's sake. Then she felt his fingers brush over her and she closed her eyes as she bit back a moan of pleasure at his delicious touch.
"John, really, no, we can't do this in a hospital," she said regretfully.
"Okay, sweetheart," he kissed her again and replaced her gown the way it was, giving it a sorrowful pat. "It could've been hot, you never know." He said with a grin lying beside her, pulling her as close as he could, being very careful.
Joss lay there thoughtfully, soaking in his warmth while he made tiny circles around her belly button over her gown.
"John?"
"Yes, sweetheart?" he seemed to be enjoying himself immensely drawing shapes on her whole belly now.
"You said Kara was with you on that op, right?" and she felt his hand still immediately.
"Yes, why?" he asked cautiously.
"Wouldn't she have known the extent of damage the bomb should've made but didn't?"
"Yeah, I suppose. What are getting at, Joss?" He said with a small chuckle.
But Joss wasn't laughing. "You said yourself she thought of you as a 'boy scout'. Wouldn't she be curious enough to want to know why it didn't go off as planned?" she asked stubbornly.
John sat up, leaning on his elbow so he could see her eyes. She was serious. John looked away at the far wall for a moment letting the memories of that awful day wash over him. He did remember Kara making the off-hand remark that she thought it should've been bigger. He didn't think anything of it at the time because of course she would think that because it was supposed to be bigger. Then things started making more sense to him. She would disappear for a couple hours at a time after that. When he would ask where she had been she was always vague and evasive.
"You may be right, sweetheart. She could have figured out what I had done. But why wait till now to expose me?" he questioned in confusion trying to make the pieces fit as he looked back down at Joss.
She shrugged her uninjured shoulder, "Simple, insurance. If Maxwell didn't kill you then she had permission from the CIA to do it herself." She watched as the dawn of understanding lit his face then as his eyes turned nearly black with rage. She had to grab his arm to keep him from flinging himself from the bed.
"John, you promised, remember? Not until I leave here, which should be tomorrow. Now, get back in this bed and hold me before I have to hurt you." She said playfully.
"Yes ma'am," John said a smile playing at the corners of his lips. He was still very angry and he would hunt Kara and Donnelly down, but at this moment he was needed right where he was. Pulling her close he felt her snuggle into him again.
"Do you need anything for pain?" he asked stifling a yawn. It had been a long day. He still had to find a place for Joss to recuperate. He'd look first thing in the morning.
"No, I'm fine right where I am." She smiled as she heard his steady breathing before she even finished her sentence. Poor guy, he must be exhausted. Her smile faded as she listened to him sleep. He always said that he couldn't lose her. She wondered if he understood that she couldn't breathe without him. Just the idea stole the air from her lungs. Linking her fingers with his between their bodies she closed her eyes and prayed a silent prayer then drifted off to sleep in her lover's arms.
War was coming and they needed to rest while they could. Thankfully, they wouldn't have to fight alone…..
A/N: I know I gave you a hint on our last chapter so I guess I can give you a sneak peak at chapter 7:
John watched this exodus with amusement and a raised eyebrow at Finch.
"This should be interesting," he said walking over to sit on the bed beside Joss while Finch took one of the bedside chairs.
See you soon...