A/N: Thanks to SWWoman for being the beta for my stories. Disclaimer: I own nothing of POI
Breaking Point Chapter 9
Joss was standing behind Harold looking at the computer monitor when the door of the room burst open as if a strong wind had blown it wide. It banged hard against the wall and standing in the doorway was John, looking like he was about to breathe fire and his dark and stormy eyes were pinned directly on her. She stood up from her bent position over Harold's shoulder and walked toward John slowly.
"What is it John, what's the matter?" she asked apprehensively. Could one of the captives have said something to anger him?
John looked down at her with a look she remembered seeing only once before, and that had been when he found her FBI creds. What could make him look at her like that now? She saw movement behind him and watched Fusco shuffle in closing the door quietly behind him. He wouldn't quite meet her eyes so undoubtedly something he said set John off. She looked back up at John with a frown.
"When were you going to tell me about Donnelly, Joss?" John asked his voice rough and raw.
It was deathly quiet. Joss swallowed hard before turning to Harold and asked as calmly as she could, "Do you have some place private where John and I could talk for a while….uninterrupted?"
Harold looked from Joss to John. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it wasn't good. John looked like he had a storm brewing inside him about to break open at any moment, and Joss was calm but pale, as if she were going to her death. "Yes, of course. Follow me," he finally said as he got up from his chair stiffly and led them down a long hallway with rooms on each side. The doors were closed so they couldn't see what was there, but they really didn't care. They walked quietly side by side; John because he didn't want to say anything in anger, Joss because she didn't know what to say yet.
They reached the last room on the right and Harold opened the door. It was a large, nicely appointed office with a leather couch against the far the wall and two matching chairs opposite it. "Take as long as you like," Harold said and left the room.
Joss walked over to stand in front of the couch then turned to face John squarely. "So what do you want to know?" she asked nonchalantly.
John stalked over to her angered by her attitude. "I want to know what the hell is going on. You need to clarify a few things Joss. And I want the whole truth this time. Don't cherry pick what you tell me."
Looking up at him with her neck bent back so she could see his eyes her own anger began to burn. "I say again, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW JOHN?"
John stared at her for a minute then ran his hand through his now lengthy hair. He turned and started pacing the room which he did when he was angry or frustrated, and now he was both.
"Fusco told me that Donnelly used to come around the precinct 'makin the moves' on you. Is that true?" He finally stopped pacing and asked.
"John, I told you myself that I thought he might have been sweet on me. But then I was offered the FBI assignment and didn't think any more about it." She said reasonably.
"Yes. Yes, you did. But Fusco said it 'made him sick to watch it'. He said there was nothing he could do about it, that you wouldn't report it." John said softly walking up to her. "Joss, that sounds like sexual harassment. I know you well enough that you wouldn't stand by and allow that. Why didn't you…." Then something she said caught his attention. Looking at her sharply he asked, "What do you mean you were offered the FBI 'assignment'?"
Reaching into her back pocket she pulled out her wallet that held her FBI badge and identification. He watched her with an odd feeling, like things weren't real. When she opened it up she showed him her shiny FBI badge. He just looked at her in confusion. Then out of a slit underneath her FBI badge she pulled out an NYPD detective badge with her I.D. on the back. She held it out for him to take. He took it, looked at. It was legit. She was still a cop.
"So you've been lying from the beginning and your still lying now." John just shook his head and smiled ruefully. It will always be the same for him. "So what are you Joss? FBI, NYPD, CIA, HOMELAND SECURITY? What are you gonna be next time I find something new?" He threw her badges at her and turned away from her.
"John, don't be that way. It's not like that. Let me explain…" she started but he interrupted her.
"Don't be what way, Joss? You had your chance to explain in that diner and in the days since. You had plenty of chances to tell me the truth. I have always been honest with you. Even at the jeopardy of my own sanity. I've told you things no one knows. Because you asked, I told you the truth god dammit! But you haven't shown me the same courtesy have you? Not when we met, not when I found your FBI creds. I can't wait to hear what you got for this one," He finished sarcastically.
Joss sat there horror-stricken. He didn't trust her. That's what he was saying. He didn't trust her to tell the truth, or if she did, she didn't tell him everything. Looking down at her hands she had to admit to herself that he was right. She hadn't been as forthcoming in their relationship as he had. He had struggled at first with barriers but he had slowly opened up to her, and how had she repaid him? With half-truths and hidden agendas. She stood up and walked over to him with tears in her eyes.
"I'll tell you everything, I swear. From start to finish, I won't hold anything back," she said with her heart in her eyes. But she could tell by the coldness in the blue-grey depths of his that he wasn't moved.
"Yes you will. Starting now." He said unfeelingly, making her blood run cold.
Taking a deep breath she nodded her head, rubbing the palms of her hands down the front of her jeans in a nervous gesture he recognized.
"Fusco told you the truth. At first it was nothing. Donnelly would stop by my desk to say hi while he was at the precinct. Then he started catching me in the hall or down a corridor, someplace where there weren't a lot of people around. I still didn't think anything of it, he hadn't made a pass at me and he was always a gentlemen. After a while he started hanging around my desk when he was at the precinct, now that bothered me, not because it was sexual, but because it interfered with my work and I couldn't have that. So, one day I took him to the side and very politely explained to him that it was inappropriate for him to hang around my desk. But before I could finish, he touched my arm and smiled what I felt was a very improper smile then said in an undertone, 'I understand. I'll try to be more discreet,' then he actually winked at me and left."
"What did you do?" John said still in that emotionless tone. He was beginning to pull away she could already feel the chill of him separating himself from her.
"I didn't know what to do." She said almost in tears again. "I'd never been in that position before. I went back to my desk and got back to work. It was the only thing I knew to do, work." Taking a steadying breath she continued. "That's when the harassment began. He would watch me and catch me when I was alone. He would tell me that if I…did things for him he could get me on at the Bureau. He could get me a nice cushy job here in New York so I didn't have to move, get me the best assignments. I held him off for a long time but the stress was starting to affect my work, and my family. I wasn't eating like I should." Joss closed her eyes and dropped her head. She felt rather than saw John kneel down in front of her and she opened her eyes. For the first time in an hour she saw compassion there and her heart swelled with hope.
"What happened?" he asked gently.
"One night I was working a late shift. I had swapped with someone for some reason, I don't remember why." She got a faraway look in her eyes as if she were seeing a memory of someone else. Perhaps she was. Perhaps she wasn't that person anymore. "I was walking down the hall to one of the file rooms when the door to one of the empty offices opened and before I could do anything I was dragged into the dark office and shoved against the wall. I couldn't see anything, but I felt everything. His hands were all over ….touching me…and he was trying to kiss me. But I fought him like he was the devil himself and finally pushed him off me." She drew in a shuddering breath.
"It was Donnelly wasn't it?" John said the coldness back in his voice.
"He said he wanted to show me what it would be like to be with a real man." She said bitterly. "I told him if he ever touched me again, I would cut his nuts off and feed them to him. Then I left the precinct planning to make a report the next morning."
"Planning? Didn't you make the report?" He asked furious that she would let something like this go.
"I went directly to the Captains office when I got to the precinct that morning. But somebody was already there. The FBI was waiting for me." She smiled a humorless smile as he looked dumbfounded.
"Oh don't worry. I wasn't in trouble. Turns out there had been some complaints made about Donnelly over the years, and yes, you heard me right, I said years. Mr. Nicholas Donnelly has a reputation with the ladies and it's not a good one." John stood up and started pacing again, not a good sign. "The FBI had been trying to build a case on him but could never make anything stick; either the witnesses recanted, evidence suddenly disappeared, or the victim herself would refuse to testify or not press charges at all. "
John stopped and turned, his face turning to stone and his eyes glacial. "So they wanted you. Donnelly wanted you so they did too. You were to be their sacrificial lamb." Looking at her with a deadness in his eyes that went soul deep he said, "What did you have to do Joss? I want to know. You said you would tell me everything."
"John, you have to understand, he's as bad as they get. He's not just harassing women, he's raping them, degrading and abusing them. He has to be stopped." Joss said pleadingly.
"Joss," he said in his softly raspy voice, "Did you have sex with that man, before or while we were together?"
She looked him dead in the eyes. "No. I haven't and I never will. My body belongs to one man, if he will still have me."
He looked right back at her. He hadn't forgotten she lied. A lie of omission is still a lie. "Well I suppose that's the question now, isn't it?" He said coolly. Then a deep sadness overtook him. He loved this woman. He had said many times that he couldn't lose her. He had anyway and now he had to go do what he did best.
"Joss, I will love you till the day I die," he began and she began to hope, but that hope shattered with his next words, "but I can't be with someone I can't trust and right now, I can't trust you. It's always this way for me. I don't know why I even try. Kara told me once I was good for two things, killing and fucking. I think I finally believe her. So I'm going to go do what I'm best at, at least one of them. I'm going to find Donnelly and I'm going to kill him," He said quite matter-of-factly. "Goodbye Joss, I wish you well," he bent and touched her lips with his but there was no passion there, no fire, only loss.
When he turned to leave is when Joss finally came out of her shock and found her voice. "John, no, please, don't leave! We can work this out. I love you." But she was speaking to his retreating back. "John! Please! Don't do this! I'm sorry I didn't tell you!" She was screaming now and crying uncontrollably. He couldn't leave, he just couldn't. This wasn't happening. She refused to accept it.
For a moment he paused at the door with his hand on the knob as if he might change his mind. Then squaring his shoulders he turned the knob, opened the door and was gone.
"Nooo! Joohhn! Please, come back! Please!" Joss was hysterical now and ran to the door reaching the hall just in time to see John leave the warehouse. Joss crumpled to the floor in despair. Shaw and Root found her and took her back in the room to lie on the couch and comfort her as best they could, but Joss was inconsolable. She just kept repeating Johns name over and over. Finch finally gave her a sedative to calm her and she thankfully fell asleep.
They all gathered back in the common office space after John left without a word to any of them and Joss was sleeping.
"What do we do now? John's skipped and Joss is a train wreck. Anybody got a clue what happened?" Shaw asked the group.
Fusco shuffled a bit then cleared his throat. "I think I might have an idea but I'm not sure. It's just a hunch." He waffled around.
"Just spit out, for god's sake, Lionel." Shaw said annoyed.
"Well, me and John were talkin' on the way back from the gym and he asked how long I had worked with Joss. I told him and he said, 'Oh you must've been around when Donnelly' but I didn't let him finish cause I hate that piece of trash so bad I don't even want to hear his name. And then I said some things that I thought he already knew, which apparently he didn't, and now we have this mess." Fusco finished regretfully.
Shaw grinned and shook her head. "Leave it to you Fusco."
Harold turned to Fusco intrigued. "Detective, what did you tell John that made him so angry?"
"I told him about Donnelly sexually harassing Carter, and her never reporting it, and then on top of that she goes and works for the wack job. Pissed me off something bad when she told me." Fusco groused.
Harold closed his eyes and tilted his head back saying a soft, "ah ha" in understanding.
"Ah ha, what?" Root asked. "You know something don't you?" she said eagerly.
"Yes, Ms. Groves as a matter of fact I do." Finch answered smoothly. And he proceeded to tell them what had happened between John and Joss.
John just kept walking. Just kept walking and let the tears run down his face unchecked. What no one saw as he left the building were the tears he held back until he made it outside and down the road, then he let them flow. He could still hear Joss's pleas ringing in his ears and it took every ounce of will power he had not to turn and run back to her, begging for forgiveness for leaving her. But he wasn't going to do that. He needed to be away from her to think things through. He understood why she took the assignment; it was just like something Joss would do. He couldn't help but smile at her audacity. Going undercover as an FBI agent to nail an FBI agent. If anybody could do it, Joss could.
What…hurt him was that she didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth from the start. He had been completely up front with her about who he was, what he did and what he had done. At the risk of losing his job he told her his cover and why and what they were doing. But she didn't do that. She lied. Twice. How was he supposed to feel about that? He also had to wonder what she had to do while undercover under Donnelly's supervision. What had he done to her, had he touched her? It was driving him insane thinking about that man's hands on Joss. When he found Donnelly he was going to make him suffer for what he had put Joss and all the other women he had assaulted through. He didn't like it when someone messed with women.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't see the group of vehicles parked off the road in front of an old barn. It was still dark so there wasn't any light to give them away…..or him. He only noticed them because he heard them talking. What were they doing out in the middle of nowhere at this time of night? It had to be close to midnight.
Keeping to the tall grass that surrounded the open field and barn, John got close enough to hear what they were saying.
"Why can't we just go get her now? We know where she is, why wait?" A tall muscular man with a long ponytail grumbled.
"Donnelly's orders." Said another shorter man not as muscular but still athletic. "We are not to make a move until he gets here. Then we take out the others and grab the woman. Donnelly's got special plans for her, is what he said. I don't know what she did to piss him off but I'm glad I'm not her….." He stopped talking and turned around as a dark colored Crown Victoria sedan turned in and began driving up the lane toward the barn. "That must be him now."
John crouched in the grass fuming. He had Donnelly right here at his fingertips but he was going to have to go warn the others before this group of idiots came blasting their way into the warehouse. How did they find the place anyway? One of those guys they had captured had to have a tracker on them somewhere. He didn't know what safety measures this Finch person took, but John hoped he had something good. He watched as the car slowly moved up the lane then, gritting his teeth, he turned in the tall grass and hurried back to the road. He needed to get to the warehouse and he needed to get there fast. He couldn't take shelter in the tall grass beside the road because it would slow him down. He was going to have to call Joss. He didn't want to but he didn't have any of the others' numbers.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket he began to jog down the road. He wasn't that far away, hopefully Donnelly was long winded and would talk for a while before heading for the warehouse. Looking at his phone he took a deep breath and pushed the button with Joss's number. It rang several times before she finally picked up. She must have been asleep because she sounded drowsy.
"Joss, listen to me. I know…..but we can't talk about that right now. I need you to take the phone to Finch, it's urgent, sweetheart, " he could hear her rushing down the hall taking the phone to Finch. The endearment came automatically, but in truth, she would always be his sweetheart. God he loved that woman. Why did she have to make things so difficult? He was brought out of his musings when Finch answered the phone.
"Finch, we've got a big problem." John said as he turned onto the long driveway leading to the warehouse.
A/N: It looks like out favorite couple has trouble coming at them from all sides. Can they fight off Donnelly and his men? Can they find a way back to each other? Things are looking pretty grim. See you soon...