Disclaimer: I don't own Vandread.
A/N
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Chapter 12
"You never realize what you have until it's too late. You try to go back, but you can't. So you stay in your mind, making a world where you did those things you didn't do. All because you want to go back. But the sad truth is that you can't. No one can." - Shamrock to Barnette.
Klaxons screamed. Barnette yanked on the controls, pulling her craft around to get behind the enemy fighter she was chasing after. She was close to the target.
"Lock up. Lock up. Come on! Lock up!"
Klaxons screamed again.
Barnette yanked on the controls, forcing her craft into a barrel roll. A beam of red light flew beside her canopy, slicing through her left wing. The monitor flared to life, detailing the damage to her craft. The world spun rapidly. The enemy fighters streaked across her vision until the spinning stopped and a solitary red eye shined in front of the canopy.
She screamed when the attack came and the monitor flashed bright red. The lights cut out and a moment later the monitor flashed with the words DEAD signaling her status.
Barnette gasped for air and punched the console in a fit of rage. Sweat dripped down her brow as terror continued to hold tightly to her frail form.
"B," Shamrock's voice cut through the darkness like a hot knife. "Your vitals just peaked."
"I'm fine!"
A loud thump echoed in the chamber with a hiss of gas as the door opened. Sky Kid extended a hand and she batted it away with a furious glare in her eyes. He turned and looked up, shrugging his shoulders in the process.
"B, listen. Your vitals are going crazy. We need to bring them back down. Doctors' orders."
"I'm fine."
"Says the woman who's been shot-down thirty-six times and counting." Trig's voice came through. "Take a small break. We'll get you back in the air soon. Promise."
Sky Kid extended his hand again. Barnette looked at it like it was a foreign object before taking it. He pulled her out and helped steady her. It was hard to make out, but she could see Avalanche, Trig, Shamrock and Doctor Williams in the control center above them. They were talking about something.
Two days after leaving port, it was decided that she should become a pilot for an Attacker. This was done for two reasons. The first was to get her back in the air. Regardless of William's stance, when Barnette would return to her people, she'd be thrown back into the air. That was a fact. So, getting her back in the seat was a given. They had to.
The second reason was a precaution. If they found the Nirvana while it was engaging the enemy, the fighters would deploy ahead using a VOB to close the distance quickly, giving aid and holding the line until Hopewell could join the fight. So, as a precaution, the idea was to get her trained how to fight using their fighter and have her main the radio. Changing a craft to having two pilots was out of the question. They didn't have the right equipment.
For the last two days she had spent a majority of her time in the training chamber to get her game back. It was hard. A lot harder than she thought. There was a block that was preventing her from returning to her normal self in the air. She would lock up and freeze when the enemy was directly in front of her, ready to end her. This was a problem she had to get over.
Avalanche and Barnette believed that throwing her back into the chamber would solve the problem. Sky Kid believed that giving her a partner would help in the recovery, but was denied everytime by Avalanche. Shamrock wanted to get her out and speak with her, but Avalanche believed that throwing her back into the air at every turn was the only way.
Sky Kid helped move her to the womens' locker room. Barnette huffed and puffed the whole way, sweat pouring down her face as she remained in a panic induced look of horror.
"Let me get you some water."
Barnette heard him but never saw him leave. She could still see the red eye of the machine charging its attack to end her. Her mind swam from one loss to another. It all ended the same. She'd get behind one and wait for the system to have a lock-on. Then, just as soon as she got it, another would appear and cripple her.
It was frustrating. She wanted to return to the air, but fear was holding her back. How could she get over it? She needed to.
"Here." Barnette looked up at a glass of water that was in her face. Sky Kid was standing in front of her just waiting for her to take it. "We'll get you back in the air. I promise."
Barnette took the cup and downed the water. Her mind began to clear and she was no longer stuck in the previous session. Now in the here and now, she looked at her friend as he sat beside her, ignoring that this was a womens' locker room and instead focusing on her.
"Are you sure?" She asked quietly.
Sky Kid leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. "I believe you can recover from this. How quickly is up to you. Time heals all wounds. No one ever said it would be instant."
"How long did you take?"
Sky Kid opened his eyes. There was no emotion behind them. There never was. His face told the emotion his eyes could not. He was lost. Lost in a memory of pain and a time before his accident. When his face relaxed, he smiled at her. "A lot longer than it'll take you."
Barnette snorted and looked at the empty cup. "I can't do it." Sky Kid said nothing as Barnette eyed the cup, her thumb running along its surface where her lips had been moments ago. "I thought I could just jump back into the seat, no problem. But the more you throw me in there, the more I see that I'm not getting over this."
"Then you're grounded. Plain and simple. Doubt it's a life you want."
"I don't want it!" She snapped and tossed the cup to the side, standing to her full height over Sky Kid. He looked up at her, confused but happy. "I want to be back out there. I want the adrenaline pumping through my body as I run away from the enemy only to turn on them and gun them down. I want the rush of being on the edge! I want the thrill of danger at my back as I do what no one else can do! I want that back!"
Sky Kid rose and smiled at her. "Then stop being so careful. Stop thinking you can't win. That's what's holding you back. You sit down and think that it's so easy to pick this back up. You were shot down. Wounded. Then given to us because we found you. This will take time."
"Time we don't have!"
Sky Kid recoiled slightly. He knew that. They both did.
A cough pulled their attention to Shamrock as the Irish pilot gave them wide smiles. "I love mommy and daddy argue. It's always funny when they get caught. But, B, he has a point. You have to stop thinking you're going to lose when you go up there." He turned around, gesturing for them to follow. "Let's go. I have something different in mind."
"Regulations?"
"I'll deal with it."
The two were slow to move, following the Irish pilot as he moved for an unknown location. They walked slowly, ignoring the more common rooms that Barnette had been able to enter. Crew members gave them wide space until they came to the hanger. A set of mechanics were busying themselves with an Attacker.
Attackers were built all the same, but were granted different weapons for the task at hand. If they showed any true differences, it was the color scheme and the name that was stencled in on the side. This was to show proof of ownership. Not just with a name, but a mark.
Barnette had seen Sky Kid and Shamrock's mark. Both were complete opposites. Sky Kid bore a pair of blue floors with a cloud in the middle. It showed his innocent nature and part of his moniker. Shamrock's mark was just a four-leaf clover. Nothing special.
This craft bore no mark or moniker. A blank slate.
"Our enemy is one that bears no face." Shamrock put his hand on the nose of the craft. The mechanics turned their attention to him, stopping what they were doing to listen and watch. "We have no time to wonder why they come for us. The only time we have is fleeting and unknown. We need to use that time to make sure that when we fight them, we fight them hard and win. A lot more than our worlds are at stake in this. I think the whole universe is at stake. It's time to man up or shut up and move out of the way. Get in." The hatch opened. "Now."
"I don't think."
"Get in and die with dignity or die in a corner in fear. Sky Kid, mount up."
"But…"
Shamrock spun around sharply, a finger pointed into her chest. "The greatest threat to our lives is out there right now hunting everyone and everything we, as humans, hold dear. Not one minute will go by that they aren't slaughtering innocent people. All the evils in the world are so small in comparison to our own. The greatest evil that has ever existed, are the people with the strength to challenge them, and choose to standby and do nothing. You're either evil or a fighter. Make your call."
Shamrock walked towards his Attacker, leaving the two behind.
"Get in." Sky Kid ordered. Barnette turned sharply to him, her eyes wide. "He's not wrong. He quotes a former member of parliament from Earth. I'm not one for history, but he's making the same point that man made. Get in. It's the only way to save your people."
Sky Kid withdrew and moved to his craft, leaving Barnette alone with the machine.
Alone, Barnette looked at the silver ladder with worry. Flashes of fire race through her mind. Her screams. Pain. Blood. It was all there on display in her mind. Loneliness crept in from calling out to her people and receiving no reply.
The green-haired pirate forced the memories down and stared at the ladder. This had to be done. She steeled herself for what needed to be done and grabbed hold of the handles, pulling herself up into the cockpit. A mechanic removed the ladder, stepping back while giving her a nod of approval as the canopy snapped shut above her while the console winked to life.
Telemetry data was fed to the craft, showing location, heading, current speed, armaments, damage and active pilots with pulse monitors under an image of their face.
Barnette shut her eyes, remembering the feeling of flight and how thrilling it was. Eyes opened, she noticed that the cockpit was strangely familiar. The color was different, matching the outside of the craft, but the feel was the same to her old ship.
A faint voice echoed from beneath her chair and she looked under to find a helmet. Slipping it on, she felt it connect to the rest of the suit and fill with oxygen, inflating the suit just a little bit. A moment of dizziness hit her as she reached forward to begin the startup process she had been trained to do.
"B," Shamrock's voice cut through the comms, "Follow my lead. Sky Kid, you're her wingman. Don't let her out of your sight."
Barnette watched tech crews scatter while red lights flashed like lightning. The back wall opened up and showed the empty void beyond. Weightlessness hit her stomach and her hands tightened on the controls. The engine rumbled to life and shook the entire craft.
A single fighter exploded out of the hanger, twirling as it cleared the ship and began to make a wide turn. Barnette pushed the throttle and the entire ship shuddered as it rocketed forward with such force she felt her chest refuse to move for a moment.
Seconds later, her body adjusted to the pressure and the suit kicked in, doing its job to keep bloodflow going, and two pings blinked on the radar. IFF showed them as Shamrock and Sky Kid with the latter directly on her six, a few dozen meters behind.
Her breathing calmed and she followed behind Shamrock as the man began to fly away from the Hopewell and towards the void beyond. Barnette was at home again. This was real. She could feel her veins pulsing from the rapid acceleration. The gravity kicked in, thrusting her deep into the chair as she fought to not yank back on the sticks.
It took a few minutes of working out the controls and readjusting the high speed before she felt her pulse normalize. When she was finally calm, Shamrock broke hard right and she jerked on the controls to follow him. Klaxons blared in her ear as she nearly avoided a large rock. She broke around the side, following closely to Shamrock as he narrowly avoided the asteroid field.
"Nice and easy, B." Shamrock's voice was quiet in her left ear.
"This is easy."
"Then why are you holding so tightly to the controls?"
Her eyes panned down to the controls. She was holding on tightly. Too tightly. Releasing her grip just enough that her hands began to warm back up, she felt a shiver run through her body and she tightened her hold again.
"I know you're afraid. Being afraid is alright."
"Anyone ever told you, you're creepy?"
"All the time."
Barnette could hear the smile that was on his lips. It made her mad.
"So, am I just supposed to be enjoying the view or are we doing something?" Sky Kid's voice cut through the odd silence. "I'm okay with the view. Rather nice, actually."
"What "view" are you talking about?"
"He's talking about the ass-end of your craft. But, we are doing something."
Barnette felt her gut twist into a knot as they exited the asteroid field. A ship graveyard lay before her. Spinning debris, corpses frozen in their final moments, and crystallized liquids made a beautiful, yet gruesome, scene before her.
The battle here had been one-sided with Harvesters doing what they did best: Kill. What bodies floated around her, had chunks of flesh removed from the gut. It would be hard to tell what was taken without a closer look, but she dared not think about what was taken.
"We picked this up on our long-range radar an hour ago. We didn't miss this by much."
"We could have helped them."
"If we arrived in time, it might not have been in our favor. These people could have turned tail and ran, leaving us with the problem." Shamrock sighed and forced his craft to bank to the left, dropping down to fly close to the wrecked ship. "Whatever hit them, hit them hard. Hard enough to blow a hole in the side of their ship."
"I never saw them with massive weaponry. I don't know what did this."
Shamrock drew away from the wrecked ship and began making a pass to circle it. Barnette and Sky Kid followed.
Barnette tightened on the controls as her heart sped up. She could feel a cold sweat cascading down the nap of her neck as her breath hitched in her throat. Flashes of fire raced through her mind. Pain arched across her abdomen. Voices screamed in her mind as the world went dark.
AUTO-PILOT SEQUENCE ENGAGED. PILOT UNRESPONSIVE.
"B, talk to me! Your vitals are all over the place. What's going on?"
Barnette held her breath. The pain and fire faded. Her heartbeat began to slow as warmth began to return to her body. "N-nothing."
"Nothing doesn't just make your vitals peak KIA. Talk."
Barnette gasped for air. Her mind slowly began to clear with the voices slowly dissolving into darkness. With her mind clear she slowly took in her surroundings. The wreckage was long gone, miles behind them. The controls moved slowly and with purpose.
PILOT RESPONSIVE. AUTO-PILOT DISENGAGED.
She took back the controls and breathed easier. There was silence for several minutes as they coasted through space.
"The crash. Me getting shot down. That's what triggered it." The silence that followed made her want to puke. "Is that why you brought me out here?"
"Tell me something unique to your world. Something you find attractive about it. Anything. Doesn't have to be accurate. It's something you find pleasant about it."
The green-haired pirate narrowed her eyes in thought. There were plenty of things she liked. Even more than she hated. When she pulled on memories of her home and friends, she drew a blank, and her mouth hung up. How could she forget them so easily? The more she racked her brain for the lost memories, the more she found images and places of Sky Kid and Trig. It was their world. Not hers.
Finally, something stood out that wasn't them.
"Where I grew up, there was a small hill with a creek that ran along the base of it, splitting the land in two. There weren't many trees near where I lived, but the house had one large one that hung over us, casting permanent shade. Depending on what time of the day it was, a soft breeze would come through, bringing a sweet fragrance with it. I used to spend hours at the top of the hill with my guns, practicing with real and imaginary bullets. I wanted to be something back then. Thought, maybe if I were stronger, I could help others."
"Why'd you leave? Grow up?" Sky Kid's voice was quiet.
She shook her head, though they wouldn't see it. "I left because our colony ran out of power. The one thing I liked about living there was ruined. We hold useless and senseless parties that would drain what little power we all had. Everyone competed to have the best garden, lights, decorations… You know it, we had it. We foolishly did this, even after watching other colonies be left without power. Those colonies should have been warning signs, but they weren't."
"And your leader said nothing? Did nothing?"
"Yeah, I find that a little strange."
"Lord Grandma never said a word. She left us to our own devices. Whenever something important reached her, it was usually something about treason or the war we had with the men. All day to day functions were left to Speakers."
"That doesn't seem right. No offense." Shamrock slowled his craft down enough that he was flying beside her. She could just barely make out his head from the proximity, and wasn't sure if he were looking at her or straight ahead. "That makes me think that she never cared about your people. A leader like that only cares about themselves."
"It's not a perfect system. Not even close. Captain Magno talked about a time that was more fantasy than fiction, I think. I never knew that the world wasn't flat until I was on your world. Saw it for the first time and became a believer. She spoke about this curve that existed. Something you had to see to believe. I believe her now."
Barnette worked the controls, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She could see that line again. The horizon. Fields of grass and trees stretching for as far as the eye could see. Right to the curve of the world, where it vanished to a corner.
"I saw beautiful things working with her. Things I don't think normal people will ever see. I stood out in a vacuum of space and saw gases leak from our world like violent fires with billowing smoke. I felt the warmth of a true star for the first time, not the false light of woman creation. How many people can say they saw a stars' final light burn out?"
"Not many can say that. Not many would even dare look at it." Shamrock sped up, taking point and laughing. "You speak of things long believed to be a fantasy, yet they are as real as you or I. Sky Kid has seen things you wouldn't believe. Avalanche has lost things no one will ever understand. I know things that must never be spoken."
"Oh? And what truths do you know that shouldn't be spoken?"
"Your name, for instance."
Barnette rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't you all know each other's name? You went to the same class."
"Sky Kid didn't go to our class. We took him after he graduated and earned his name. We took him in after we lost Frost and Reine. So, no, we don't know his true name. But I do. And before you ask, yes, it's an unspoken rule or taboo for us to know or go snooping like that."
"Then why did you do it?"
"Something as trivial as a name should hold no power over someone, yet, for us, it can. Some of us went to great lengths to spare our families this hardship. Some of us don't care. Our enemies are innumerable with just as many hands and minds. If one were to learn our name, they can hold power over us by holding those they love hostage."
"Doesn't the military protect them?"
"No. It's not possible. In our job, it's impossible to know who you can trust. It's part of the reason that teams hardly take on new members and work with others from their class. It's a show of trust. But even that has boundaries. Of that, I can attest to."
Barnette felt her mind pull back. She didn't see Shamrock in a light like some hero. He was the mysterious and dangerous member. He joked when he wanted to, hid his intentions in plain view of you, and tricked you with words of sympathy to loosen your guard. Yet, she found him reliable and trustworthy, despite these hard things.
He was closed off for a reason she could not understand. A desire, perhaps, to stay unattached to those he cared for. Then why did he joke and play with his team if he felt that way? She couldn't place his strange nature, believing it to be a mechanism to which he gained insight into the people he was around. If he knew Sky Kid's name, was it to hold power over him, or to know his true intentions?
"Shamrock, Sky Kid, Barnette!" Pool sounded amused as his face appeared on their console. "Return to the ship, now. That's an order."
"Yes, sir." The two males replied as all three crafts banked, making a wide U-turn.
Barnette's mind raced with every possible reason they would be getting called back. Shamrock could be in trouble for taking her out like this. Failure to report their findings, even if it was picked up on their radar. Failure to give notice of flight. The list went on. All of it would turn back on Shamrock.
No sooner had they landed, Barnette was spirited away with the two to the bridge where Pool was standing beside a worried Avalanche. The two were standing in front of a holographic projection of debris and a pulsing beacon.
"What's happening?" Sky Kid asked, stepping up to the projection.
Pool rubbed the stubble on his chin as he pushed off the table, his eyes hardening on the display. "A little over an hour ago we picked up a distress signal on an odd frequency. We didn't alert you sooner because it took us some time to crack it and pinpoint the source. And this is what we got."
He tapped a button on the table and a panicked voice played. "...three more coming, left side! Unidentified targets are advancing on our position. This is a Skyshock Alert! I repeat! This is a Skyshock Alert! We have made contact with an unknown enemy! If anyone can hear this! This is a Sky Shock Alert! Please, avoid conflict with the unknown ships! All data is being broadcast on an open channel. To anyone who hears this. This enemy can't be stopped and is causing universal extinction level events. Please! To anyone who can hear this broadcast! We have three more coming, left side!"
Pool silenced the broadcast and brought up the data that was broadcasted. It wasn't a Cube-type or anything Harvester-like in creation. It was a fleet of oddly crafted ships with fighters similar to a Dread or Attacker. They bore no logos or markings. Footage played of three carriers deploying fighters at high speed. Radar pings showed a massive fleet behind them.
"They weren't attacking them." Shamrock touched the table, the projection flickering as the fleet turned small and showed hundreds of thousands tiny blimps with one singular large ship in the center of the mass of dots. "They led them here." He turned his attention to the graveyard they flew through. "Those people are no better than what we're dealing with. A life for life. A world for a world."
"Fair tactic. Shame it didn't seem to work out." Avalanche tapped on the display and showed footage of the fight. The three ships that brought the Harvester fleet were caught up in the fight and destroyed. "I don't think we could reason with these things even if we spoke their language."
"Anyone will do anything to survive out here. Not really sure I blame them for trying." Pool tapped the display and the projection and feed died. "This broadcast has been playing for the better part of three months according to our team. But, it's not all bad news."
"How could it not be?" Barnette hissed. "Other worlds are trying to save themselves by throwing others to them."
"It's an excellent strategy." Avalanche pointed out. "You can't tell me your world wouldn't sell out another planet to save their own." Barnette pursed her lips and the Flight Leader turned his attention to Pool. "We should start deploying the Sentinels to make sure that we're effectively protected from other ships that may do the same thing."
"No." Shamrock put his hands in his pockets. "That won't work. If we run into our enemy, Riptide and Hound will be exhausted. As much as you might like for them to be like you, they aren't and they never will."
"Be that as it may, it would still be a good idea to have defensive units out there in case these kinds of people appear again."
"I'll take that into consideration, but for the time being, we're not doing that. We need to keep everyone as well rested and prepared as we can." Pool turned his attention to Barnette, his eyes softening. "How was your flight? I take it you find the hasty merger of your tech and ours not worthwhile?"
Barnette shook her head. "A few minor problems, but it was rather flawless. If you give me a chance to get under the hood, I can workout any bugs it might have."
"Our crew can take care of it, but that craft is yours by right for the time being. Until we get you back to your people, it's yours. We need all the people we can get out there. Now, if you don't mind, I understand you need to get back to the pod for training."
"She's taking a break, sir." Shamrock stepped in, flashing a quick smile. Pool nodded and Avalanche looked ready to debate that claim. "She has the flight control back. Getting her viscous instincts back might take a more direct approach. That's why I'm sending Sky Kid in with her to start fighting against other Attackers that are in our database."
"Sounds fair. Keep an eye on her. Some of them are real terrible people to go against. Yourself included."
"I'm not that cruel." He gave a pat to Sky Kid and Barenette's shoulder as he ushered them out. "If you need us, we'll be in the mess hall. Do get back to us if something comes up." They departed before Avalanche could speak up, and true to Shamrock's word, they ended up in the mess hall. "You have questions. Speak. I don't bite."
"Much." Barnette sat down at the table with a tray of food she hadn't selected. That was something she missed about her home. "Why did you take me out there?"
Shamrock flashed a sly smile. "The training you're receiving isn't helping you. It is, but it's also causing more problems than it'll fix. It teaches you not to fear death. Anytime you had the perfect lock on an enemy, you took it without a second of hesitation, even if it meant the enemy behind you had a clean shot as well. Normally, this wouldn't be considered a problem. You are, after all, working alone during these training sessions, which presents us with a problem. If you fail to get your head on straight, the moment we see combat, you will die. You will throw your life away. We can't have that."
"I'm not going to throw my life away. I wanna go back home. I won't die until I see them again."
"I'm not saying you will. I'm saying that you need a partner right now. That's why I'm sticking you with Sky Kid. He's been my wingman for a while now, and I can tell you, he's good. He'll make sure you're fine. Just trust in his judgment. I'll stick you back in the simulation in an hour. Give you time to cool off and let the food digest."
"And how is that going to make a difference?"
"Those things are smart, but let's face facts here. They are just machines. A machine can be tricked. It might try to think like a human, but at the end of the day, it's still just a machine. It doesn't have human instincts or a will. It won't make quick choices based on instinct. It'll make those choices on programming."
Barnette furrowed her brow. "So, what, I'm fighting you?"
Sky Kid sighed. "You can't be serious? Those things will eat her alive! She won't last five minutes, let alone five seconds."
"That's why I'm putting you in there with her."
Sky Kid looked at Barnette with a look of worry. She felt fear form in her belly and knew this would be bad times for her. Of course, Barnette didn't know how bad this would be until she jumped in.
The first training session was against a long dead pilot who racked up more kills than any other. He was the idol that all Attackers looked to. She didn't remember the name of this pilot, only that Sky Kid groaned loudly in her ear and counted down from fifteen, marking the inevitable demise. And from there, a long and painful session commenced. Defeat after defeat after defeat. She was shot down by every single AI control pilot they had in their systems.
It was horrible.
Attackers were known for being fast, crafty, and quick on the fly pilots. These people, dead or alive, earned their spots as AI controlled fighters. They pushed the edge of the envelope, going as hard as they could. Taking turns at speeds that threatened to rip their machines apart. Flying straight at their attacker, guns blazing, finger on the trigger, and doing flybys close enough Barnette could make out the pixelations of the pilot within.
The edge she was trying to claw back was in front of her. These pilots were crazy. It was what she wanted back. The speed, grace, and power. That was what she wanted back.
Each time she went out, the simulation started the same. They would deploy from a random starting location, most of the time already flying and looking for the target. Sky Kid would be directly before her, flying just a few dozen meters behind her and providing her with tactical data on what was in the area. This was to lessen the burden she was dealing with, as her primary task was to currently get back into the swing of flying and fighting.
This, inevitably, would be their downfall.
No matter how many times they switched directions, changed up speed and flight maneuvers, they always got shot down. She would fall last and Sky Kid, proving to be the perfect shield, would stay on her six, never letting the enemy get to her until he was taken out.
Finally, after two hours of nonstop failure, she exited the pod, went for the bathroom, shoving past Trig as the woman tried to get her back in. Slamming the door to the womans' locker room, she collapsed on the bench, her eyes tightly shut.
Why? She wanted to cry. Why can't I get this down? I keep losing.
Barnette put her back against the wall, opening her eyes and staring at the ceiling. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. All those months ago. Before she was shot down, before they were grabbed up by a sentient ship and whisked away to a faraway universe, they were supposed to have an easy job of stealing an old colony ship and taking it back with them. Not just for the power source, but also because of the data it still carried from back during the colony era.
Yeah… Easy. Nothing was easy.
A knock at the door drew her attention. It was cracked with Sky kid leaning against the frame, his eyes downcast. "I'll be there in a minute. I just need some time."
"It's canceled for the time being. We'll pick it up tomorrow."
"I'm not done."
"Shamrock says you are. Avalanche agrees."
"But you don't?" He turned the other way. "So, even you've given up on me, huh?"
"No. None of us have."
"Sure doesn't seem that way."
"Take it how you want. I haven't given up on you. Not yet, anyways." Barnette snorted. "You think it's easy, don't you? That you just can just go back to the way things were before you got hit? It all seems so small when you think about it. I know. I know what it's like to lose. To feel so certain that you're right, yet to fail anyways. To have victory so close in your hand, yet watch it slip away. I've seen that. I've been down that road."
"I'm not on that road."
"Yes you are. You just can't accept it. Once you're out of that simulation, all you think about is what you could have done then. It's different. Looking back is better than looking forward. Forward is too unknown. Too many horrible barriers standing between you and what you want. If life were easy, the whole universe would be a much simpler and easier place to live. But it's not. It's messy. Just like this. That's why people like us have to look forward, not backwards. We are meant to combat the messiness so no one else has to."
"Poetic."
"Laugh at me all you want. But we're not so different, you and I. I got shot down, too. I lost my eyes. I thought I could get back in and be fine, taking down the evils of our world and go back to a normal life. But I was wrong. I sat back down in that seat, gripped the controls, and only thought of my failure. I heard my team scream my name. I felt pain that's worse than the memory."
"And yet you are fine to fly."
Sky Kid scratched at his scalp, moving closer to the Pirate and taking a seat beside her. Barnette could feel his eyes leave her form and feel the guilt that was swelling up within him. Yes. She said something that hurt him. A truth that was hard to swallow.
He was silent for several minutes, allowing her to catch her breath and clear her mind. She faced him for a minute, staring into eyes that were almost long dead were that not fake. The amount of emotion was limited for them. She had to stare at his facial features that were now drawn and sullen. Her words had hurt him so. Driven a knife between his ribs and forced him to think on things he would have rather left alone.
"I'm sorry," she finally said, turning away from him and looking down at the helmet beside her.
Sky Kid put his hand on her shoulder, gripping it hard, though unintentional, and breathing deep. "I fly against ghosts all the time," he told her softly. Pain was in his voice. It was not his usual cheerful tone. It was not remorse, regret or guilt. It was something darker. Like a wound that never fully healed, always constantly bleeding. "I joined to get away from my family. Father was always drunk. Mother was always screaming about something. I joined to get away from them. The moment they confirmed my tests I jumped on the first bus and never looked back."
Barnette leaned back against his shoulder, resting her head against his, listening intently to his story. She had never known that about him. How many others did? How many others knew this side of him existed?
"They gave me a choice a few years ago to look at my family file. I refused, naturally. I did it originally to spite them. How could they do that to me? My father and mother both hated me but they never gave me up. Dysfunctional is what they labeled them as when I asked about the file. Neither of them were pilots or military. They didn't have plans for me. I remember the last words I spoke to them. I told them I was joining. They never said anything. I waited for some form of a reply. Some plea to make me stay. It never came. So, I left. Never looked back."
Barnette reached up, touching the side of his face, seeking warm tears or something. Anything that made her feel connected to him. No. She had not left her family for such vain reasons. Their colony was dying. They had to leave. She chose a different path. Wanted something more in her life. She tried to stay in contact but things just fell to the wayside, forgotten.
Sky Kid was right: The world was messy. Strong people like them were born in the fires and blood of moments like these. But those people weren't strong. They were ordinary, like everyone else. No one was born strong. You earned that right the hard way.
Barnette remembered historians talking about the Great Departure as though it were some historical event in time that began the origin point for all problems in their world. They spoke of great Women who rose to stop their oppressors where they stood, defiantly standing their ground to defend those behind them from harm. They were ordinary women. They did not wield weapons of terrible strength and grace. They weren't built differently. They were normal, everyday, people that wanted to take a stand against oppression.
Hibiki had once said something about a big man to fill shoes or something like that. The meaning was lost on her. But maybe now she had some understanding. Sky Kid made a choice and that choice was the haunt he flew against.
Destruction was not what she craved. Shamrock was wrong. She did not want to die. But their technology was part of the issue. Her Dread had shields, capable of blocking missiles and shielding her craft from debris. Attackers had no coverage. They were agile enough to avoid missiles. She knew her thinking was straight, but years of training with such things made you believe in the tech you had. If a shield could stop a missile from damaging your craft, why dodge at all? She had to adjust her thinking. Think sideways.
"Hey," she said in a low whisper, her voice carrying a hint of joy.
"Hmm?"
"Wanna try again?"
Sky Kid pulled away from her slowly, letting her slide down to his lap and gazing into her eyes. Her lips curled in a sexy way that made him stare longer, taking in every small curve of her body, defect on her face, and the shape of her eyes with her bangs just barely in the way of concealing the glee that was behind them. It took all of his willpower to not move those damnable things away from her face. Context be damned, yes he was Bi-Sexual, but in that moment, he wanted her. Not as a fling. But as a man loves a woman. At that moment, he knew he was not the man for the job, but he had been given orders. If she asked him to leave with her, he might very well do it.
"Sure. I got one more in me." Barnette smiled and sprang to her feet. He turned away from her to get off the bench, one to hide his expanding problem and two, to move to the sink to wash the remnants of false tears he thought he felt fall down his face. "What makes you think it'll be different this time?"
"I think too straight." He arched a thin brow. "Maybe thinking sideways will help. Never hurts to try."
He grabbed a towel and dried his face. "No. I guess not." He smiled and scooped up his helmet, gazing longingly at it for a few short moments as Barnette became her usual self he had come to know, almost oblivious to his sudden change in heart towards her.