"I can permit you your adventure, Mr Jarvis. But you must also allow me to wring my hands from time to time."
– Ana Jarvis
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, YOU LOST HIM?! HE'S SIX FOOT THREE AND PURPLE, YOU SPANGLY BASTARD! IT'S NOT EXACTLY A GAME OF WHERE'S FREAKING WALDO!"
"Eva," Cap said loudly, as Sam held her back, "calm down, him and Nat are perfectly capable-"
"I WILL SHOVE THAT SHIELD UP YOUR BACKSIDE IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM, YOU PATRIOTIC DOUCHEBUCKET! STAR FIRST!"
"Told you she would be pissed," Sam told his friend and boss over her screaming.
"You know how to calm her down?"
"Hell, no. Babe, if I let go of you will you not punch anyone?"
"I'm not making any promises," Eva replied shortly, but she had stopped struggling. Tentatively Sam released her and she folded her arms. "What happened?"
"Him and Romanoff found something we weren't expecting on an op, they went to go investigate and told us to find them a while later. We couldn't, Steve contacted Nat and she said not to worry, they would get back of their own accord."
"Have you heard anything from them since?" she asked, and Steve shook his head.
"They went deep, Eva, they would've compromised their mission if they had contacted us." He gripped her shoulder reassuringly. "If they're not back by the end of the week, we'll send out a search party, I promise."
"Anything could've happened by then!" she protested. "Why can't you go now?"
"Complicated superhero reasons," Sam said helpfully.
"Shut your whore mouth, Wilson," she scowled. "So you just wait for them to turn up?"
"Not exactly," said Steve, just as Sam said "pretty much."
"You're both useless." She ran her hands through her hair and tried to control her breathing. He'll be fine, she told herself, he can fly, and he has a laser face. He'll be fine. "Y'all are terrible for my blood pressure, y'know."
"If you're really worried, call in sick to work and you can stick around here until Sunday," Sam suggested, "then you'll know anything as soon as we do."
She chewed her fingernail. "Can I bring in Rachel Carson?"
"Who?" Steve asked blankly.
"Her dumb cat."
"She's not dumb!"
"Don't see why not," Steve shrugged, "she'll hardly be a threat to security."
"'Kay. Thanks Sam, Mr America."
%
"You sure Sam's cool with this?" Rhodey asked her.
"I wouldn't stretch quite as far as cool," she replied, "hence why you're here and not him. But he has reluctantly admitted it's a good idea. And don't tell V, if and when he comes back."
"My lips are sealed," he replied, "keep both hands on the gun at all times, fingers off the trigger. Pull back the safety, close your dominant eye and brace yourself against the recoil, you ready?"
"Mmhmm," she said, one open eye narrowed down the barrel of the handgun.
"Fire at will, then."
The shooting gallery echoed with the gunshot, and the target across the room sustained a pretty impressive hit to the shoulder.
"Not bad for a first try," Rhodey said, "try to keep as still as possible, and exhale on the shot." This time, she hit the outline in the chest. "There ya go, you killed… whose face is it you drew on there?"
"Uh… it sort of represents a lot of people," she admitted, "I'm working through some stuff."
"Works better than therapy, in my experience. Now try again, and aim for the head."
"That's what I've been trying to do," she muttered. "When do I get to have a go with a Gatling?"
"Never."
"Rocket launcher?"
"Also never."
"Ugh. Fine."
%
The two Avengers returned on the Saturday, and apart from the spectacular black eye Romanoff was sporting they both seems relatively unharmed. Someone told Eva they were in the infirmary so she sprinted down there at top speed and cannonballed into Vision, who laughed and hugged her back.
"Next time you decide to do something like that," she told him shakily, "think of me, and then don't bloody do it. Do you have any idea how stressed I've been? I've cried more throughout the last three days then I've done in the rest of my life combined, V. You scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry," he said, and she saw he was smiling and punched him on the shoulder.
"It's not funny! Ouch." She rubbed her knuckles. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," he assured her, "there's no need for you to worry."
"Hmph," she said, "what happened to Romanoff?"
"Nothing she cannot handle, I assure you."
"At least tell me you got the thing you were looking for or whatever," she said, "because if this was all for nothing, I'm just gonna dig my grave now."
He laughed. "Yes, we did," he told her, "and I promise I won't disappear like that again without telling you first."
"Thanks," she mumbled, "sorry for being angry at you."
"Completely understandable. And I gather from the good captain that I didn't get the worst of it, either," he said.
"I am so filled with rage," she said.
"Especially considering that you aren't the tallest of people," he said, "it's really quite disproportional."
"Oi!" she grinned, "don't push it, Oompa-Loompa."
A/N I! Love! Ana! Jarvis! SO MUCH! Also since I've had a lot of requests for characters last chapter - I'll most likely do any super that crops up in the MCU, so expect Spidey, Black Panther, Doctor Strange, hopefully the Guardians of the Galaxy if they ever make their way to Earth (because Groot and Eva, man), etc etc. I won't do X-Men because they're not in the same cinematic universe and I don't really follow those films anyway (sorry...), and for the same canon-based reasons Deadpool is also a no-show. That being said, I might do a oneshot for him and post it separately in the near-distant future, and it shall have fourth wall breaks and R-rated swearing and everything. As for TV programme characters, I'll most likely do one character per show so if you're requesting the Bus team, Coulson's likely the most you'll get (BUT keep a close eye on Finding Bucky in future, wink wink). Am I missing anyone? I think that's all the bases covered. But if you're requesting someone and they're MCU canon, they'll pop up sooner or later :)