"I hate you," Eva told Romanoff, who was looking sleek and unfairly comfortable in her fancy clothes. "This is so unfair. These shoes are like instruments of torture, I dunno how Pepper manages them." The CEO had been kind enough to lend Eva some footwear for the premiere, which Eva was now on her way to in the back of a sleek black car with the Avenger, who wore black and rubies and looked ridiculously good in them.
"Fight through the pain, Texas," she said with a smile.
She huffed. "If by fight you mean constant moaning, then yeah, I'll fight. If you mean hiding behind my gangly maroon friend, I can do that too. And if you mean getting completely smashed, then I'm all too happy to oblige." Her hand was resting lightly on the door handle, should she need to jump out. "Have I mentioned I hate being in cars?"
"Yep."
"Hmph. Who else is going to this thing, anyway?"
"According to Rhodey, Stan Lee might turn up at one point," Romanoff told her, leaving a blood-coloured lipstick stain on the side of her champagne glass. "So I think he might have a fanboy moment. The guy's his hero."
"Well, that's adorable."
"Uh-huh. Even Barton's coming out of retirement for tonight."
Eva blinked. "Wait, what? He's retired? But he's at the HQ every other weekend!"
"In an entirely unofficial capacity," Natasha grinned, "besides, Laura's got used to getting him out from under her toes. He's just visiting friends, keeping an eye on Maximoff."
"But he's in meetings!"
"Only as an honorary consultant. Like Tony, but without the ego." The redhead's phone bleeped, and she pulled it out of her purse and swore in thick Russian as she read the message. "Well, that sucks."
"What?" Eva said at once, "what is it?"
"The Vision and Wilson have both been called out on a last minute thing," she told them, and Eva buried her face in her hands and wailed. "Hey. At least the rest of us are still there, and Stark."
"Whoop-dee-doo," Eva muttered, lifting her face before her make-up smudged against her fingers. "My favorite person in the whole wide world."
"Your hatred of him is inspiring."
"Cheers," Eva scowled as the car pulled up behind a screen that hid the flashing lights of countless photographers. Above them the Avengers Tower, well, towered over the surrounding buildings, dominating the skyline. "I hate this! I hate people! I can't mingle!"
"Come on," Natasha smiled, "it'll be fun."
"Says the woman who looks like a supermodel and has been in literal wars. Anything's gonna be a walk in the park for you at this point." She took a deep breath. "I need the bathroom, I'll be out on the hangman's block in ten. I promise."
"One second later and I'm coming to find you, coffee girl."
"Yeah, yeah." She scrambled out of the car before the Black Widow could taze her or anything and slipped into the side entrance to the tower, and down a corridor which was wonderfully dark and empty. She had been to the place to deliver coffee a few times before, and after a few false turns found her way into the guest bathroom, pulling out her phone and texting Sam and Vision to tell them she wasn't very happy about being abandoned. She dropped her phone next to the sink, took a deep breath, and looked up into the reflection in the mirror.
There was a woman stood behind her with a gun.
"Crap!" Eva lunged for her phone but before she could, something connected with the back of her skull and her head snapped forward into the mirror. The last thing she heard was the sound of the silvered glass shattering, before she slumped out cold onto the marble counter.
A/N you're god damn right that's the Coffee Run Stan Lee cameo, it wouldn't be a proper Marvel thing otherwise, would it? Took me 74 chapters, but I got there. And in my headcanon Marvel comics still exist in the MCU, only they're just the X-Men and stuff. And Stan Lee has... *counts number of MCU films* about a dozen identical twins. Oh, and Eva's in trouble again. CLIFFHANGER. Additionally - GUESS WHO'S GOING TO SEE CIVIL WAR TOMORROW THAT'S RIGHT IT'S ME OH YEAH