starbuck151: Thank you :D It's been a lot of fun paralleling her journey in the Earth Kingdom to her current situation.

"How'd things go last night?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? How can you not know?"

"I don't really have any other dates that I can compare it to, Hajime."

"Well did he make you laugh and smile?"

"He did." But he also reminded her of just why she doesn't particularly deserve to laugh and smile. She wonders if Hajime would reprimand her for turning his son down. Even if he wouldn't, she isn't sure that she should. She can't imagine that there is a line of people waiting to shower her with affection. She is almost certain that she wouldn't take well to it anyhow. She isn't the sort for hugs and kisses and tender touches. It is quite hard to imagine herself on the receiving end of it. She can already picture her cheeks growing red and she loathes the very idea of being left a flustered mess.

"But?" Hajime prompts.

She shrugs and slaps her hands against her thighs. "But then he told me about how his wife died. That kind of ruins the mood, wouldn't you say?"

Hajime rolls his eyes, "sounds like Seukhyun. He doesn't exactly know how to choose dinner conversations. I'd wager that he's just about as...socially confused as you are."

"Is that how Atsu's mother died? Did those soldiers kill her too?"

He glances into the other room where Atsu leaps off of his bed with Bao, The Magnificent Mole in hand. He drops the stuffed badger-mole into Caihong's lap. "I thought that his name was Mud Muncher!" The girl declares. Satisfied that the boy is fully engrossed, Hajime turns back to her. "No. She was killed by the Fire Nation. After our own soldiers left they told the enemy soldiers exactly where to find us. I told Atsu that she just got sick…"

"Have you ever met a good soldier, Hajime?"

"Personally, no." He replies. "But I'm sure that there are some out there."

Azula responds with a bitter sniff.

"You don't think so?"

"I don't. They fight for what they think is best and then they find out that, that thing is actually the worst. And then they realize that they are monsters. Of course, most of them knew it all along. Nobody joins the military unless they want to kill someone."

"Do you…" he looks into the other room. Atsu has fastened one of Caihong's dolls to Bao. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

She nods her head towards the children.

"Atsu, Caihong!" They look up. "Rikka and I are going for a quick walk, stay out of trouble or I'll go right to old man Hajime!"

"Don't worry dad, Bao the Magnificent Mole has Avatar powers, he can defend the whole house from evil Fire Lord Bonsai!"

"Do you mean, Ozai?" Azula asks.

He shakes his head, "nope, I mean Bonsai! Fire Lord Bonsai is an evil bonsai tree that can talk and its leaves are on fire-except the fire is purple-and Avatar Mao is the world's last hope because…" he sucks in a deep breath, "...because if he doesn't stop Bonsai then Bonsai will use Roku's comet to destroy the lion-turtle!"

"Also Ba Sing Se, Bonsai is going to burn Ba Sing Se if Mao can't stop him." Caihong adds.

Azula nods. "If you say so."

"And! And! And also Fire Lord Bonsai has a son that's a cabbage named Leaf and he's the prince." He holds up a leaf, "this is…"

"Leaf?" Hajime guesses.

"Mmmhmm!"

"Come on, Hajime." She tugs at the man's arm before Atsu can introduce any other offensive caricatures.

"You and Cai behave." He waits for the children to nod before following Azula outside. "We were saying…"

"There are no good soldiers Hajime. It doesn't matter what side of the war they are on. The winning side simply looks less evil because they are painted well. But they're all…"

"You were a soldier, weren't you?" Azula swallows. She feels his hand cup around her own. "Let's walk by the riverside, it's quieter there."

He doesn't speak to her again until they come to a stop on a rickety bridge. "I know that you like being right but I disagree with you. Sure, there are people who join the war over power and bloodlust but some people join the military because they have no choice. Some folks need money, some were forced into it, and some want to protect loved ones. What was your reason?"

Azula thinks for a moment. It certainly wasn't a matter of money and really she had no one to protect. She didn't feel particularly forced, she'd rather enjoyed it and she thinks that she would enjoy it still-to feel the thrill of a conquest, a rush of adrenaline, a feeling of worth and accomplishment. "Power."

"Power?" Hajime asks.

She nods. "I don't know why you are surprised."

He seems to study her for a long time. "Why did you want power?"

She furrows her brows.

"I've come to observe that most people who want power want it because they feel weak."

But she had, had all of the power in the world in riches and in bending.

"So why did you want it?"

"I…" She looks off. Off to where the river leads, curling into a tangle of pine. Catkins and tallgrasses bob in the breeze. And yet, even with all of this clarity, she can't seem to think of a reason why she would have wanted more power. She supposes that, that is just it; she never wanted it for herself, she wanted it so that she could turn it over to her father.

"I think that soldiers are a bit different in the Fire Nation. It seems like, over there, some people were raised on war and never knew any different." He pauses to chuck a stone into the river. It lands with a plop and stirred up ringlets on the surface. A dragonfly launches itself out of the grasses. "I guess it isn't so different in the Earth Kingdom. They make it sound glorious, and good and so you start to think that it is…"

Azula stares at the backs of her hands, feels the breeze fluttering her hair against her neck.

"I don't think that you wanted power, usually people can say exactly why they want it."

"To give it to my father."

He nods. "So...love then?"

"What?"

"You wanted power so that you could give it to someone you loved? He was too weak to get it for himself so…"

"He wasn't weak. He was the most powerful man I knew. He wanted more of it so I was going to get it for him."

"Okay, he wasn't weak." Hajime nods. He is quiet for the longest time. And several times he opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it once more as if thinking better of doing so. She watches a count of six birds swoop down to take drinks before he finally says, "It sounds like you were one of the people who was raised on war. I don't think that a good father would want his daughter to go to war for him."

"My father was a good father." Her stomach sinks even as she says it. He was such a good father that he left her behind. Strangely that probably was the best thing that he could have done for her. It weighs on her so heavily that she finds herself practically slumping over the bridge.

"You didn't go to war for power. You went to war for love, to show it or to earn it. Or maybe both."

Love…

He cups his hand over hers. "Maybe it led to bad things but at least you can say that you had one of the best reasons to become a soldier."

If only that was it. If only that was the whole truth. If only glory and fear had no part of why she'd done so. If only she had just been a simple soldier. "I'm not what you think I am."

He chuckles. "Who says that I've leapt to any conclusions about you?"

"It isn't a matter of saying it, it's a matter of implying."

"I don't have any solid ideas of who you are but I know what you aren't."

"Oh?"

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know that you're not a bad person, Rikka."

Rikka is not a bad person. He can't soundly say the same for Azula. She opens her mouth and it very nearly comes out. She very nearly tells him just who he is dealing with.

"The people in this village only say good things about you. A lot of them are more open to firebenders because of you. Maybe you think that you're a bad person, but you're not." His hand slides off her hers. "We should probably check on Atsu and Caihong."

She nods. "Yes, that would be a good idea."

That day she learns that she might not be a monster.

.oOo.

She hates to admit it but she likes Sokka's laugh. It isn't charming. It isn't elegant. It isn't a pleasant sound, he snorts. But it is genuine, pure, and unapologetic happiness. The sort of laugh she hasn't heard since listening in on Atsu and Caihong's play. She holds the Bao against her stomach, absently stroking his head as she waits for Sokka to finish laughing.

"So you're telling me that this Atsu kid sees me as a boomerang and he thinks that you're a…"

"The color blue." She nods. "Anything that he can find that is blue. He had bits and pieces of information but he had it all mixed up and so instead of blue fire, Fire Lord Bonsai's daughter is just blue. Anything blue."

"And 'Roku's' comet was a…"

"Flaming cabbage sent by a very vengeful merchant, yes."

"Oh man, that kid's a genius. He outta write for the Ember Island players." He wipes a tear from his eyes. "Maybe you can introduce me to him one day."

She squeezes the badger-mole and shakes her head. She is glad that his eyes are still closed with laughter. She campuses herself before he looks up.

"Sorry, I know that I promised not to ask any questions after your story but I really just needed some clarification."

"Those questions were superficial, I didn't mind answering them. Your turn."

"Alright, so do you want to hear about the time when we took Zuko to the Water Tribes for some penguin sledding and he got swarmed by them or…"

"Yes. I want to hear that one."

"Or…"

"I want to hear the Zuko penguin story." Azula says firmly.

.oOo.

He supposes that he will have to save the, Zuko stuck in a coconut tree for a day when she isn't so stubbornly refusing the possibility of a funnier Zuko mishap story. She stares at him expectantly, drumming her fingers upon the badger-mole.

"So it was an anniversary present from me to Suki. I decided that it would be fun to take her to the tribes because she always wanted to see a penguin in person. It was great we got all snuggly and cozy, we had these really warm fur blankets and this fire going. There was a blizzard outside so Katara and Zuko and the others were stuck with Hakoda at Bato's place. Suki and I had some alone time." He winks. "She pecked me on the cheek and..."

"Spare me the details, Sokka. The only pecking that I would like to hear about involves Zuzu and penguins."

He flushes. "Right, well after Suki and I got our alone time we decided to take a group trip to the penguin caves. Aang wanted to go penguin sledding again, he said that he could beat Zuko down the hillside. And you know how Zuko gets, 'I'm going to beat the Avatar in a penguin race, for honor!' So he went after the largest penguin. Those things are bigger than you think!"

Azula takes a sip of tea, "are they now?"

He nods. "Pretty sure there was one that is bigger than you. I guess that's not saying much because…"

She fixes him with a deadpan stare and a quirked brow.

"Because...those penguins are massive, not because you're really small." He hears her inhale through her nose and snickers. "So Zuko finds the largest penguin that he could find and just leaps on. But that penguin was a mother and it was meal time so all of the chicks just waddle on up but Zuko is in the way. I think that they thought that he was their mother because they were trying to get food from him."

"Did they get it?"

Sokka shakes his head. "Not from Zuko. Katara had to run all the way back to the village to get buckets of krill to lure them off of Zuko. He was picking feathers out of his hair for days."

"That does sound like Zuzu. But usually it's the turtle-ducks." She gives a one armed shrug. "I guess that he has an affinity for creatures with beaks."

"Thanks for sharing the badger-mole story."

She toys with the sash of her nightgown. "I'm...glad that you enjoyed it."

He grins, though it isn't particularly the story that he enjoyed-granted her certainly did enjoy that well enough-what he enjoyed was hearing it from her. Was seeing the soft smile on her lips. Was noticing and observing the way her eyes seemed to light up when she made mention of the boy.

It was comforting.

Comforting and reassuring somehow.

"Does it make you feel better?" He asks.

She tilts her head.

"To talk about moments that made you happy."

She works a muscle in her jaw, "I suppose that it helps a little, yes."

"Maybe all of us can get together and…"

"No." Azula murmurs. "Not yet. I don't want to share these things with Zuzu yet, he'll be...overbearing. TyLee gets too sappy and Mai isn't interested in hearing me go on about some kid."

"He's not just some kid." Sokka says immediately. "I can tell." Azula tenses and he lifts his hands. "Don't worry, I'm not asking questions. But it isn't a bad thing, you know, to show people that you've got feelings and that you care about other people."

She reclines in the chair, props her head against her arm and drapes the other over her belly. She seems to stare off at nothing at all. "Perhaps."

"Think about it!" He insists. "Servants and guards have been approaching you more. They aren't scared of you. I know that Mai and TyLee say that you have a thing for being all scary and intimidating but you don't need to be anymore because…"

"The war has been over for years." Her eyes don't leave that distant spot, wherever it is. "I know."

.oOo.

"Then why do you still have so many walls up?"

Because she is afraid.

"If you think that we won't like you for being yourself, it's not true. We have met all sorts of weirdos that we love. Like those swamp guys, you met them! They're weird and we like them!"

"The more you talk the deeper you dig." She rolls her eyes. But he isn't entirely off in his assumptions.

"You took a lot of walls down for me today," he continues. "Believe it or not, I liked it. I liked the little glimpse that I saw."

Her tummy flutters. "Yes well I'm not ready for that."

"Not ready to let people know that you're a human being?"

Not ready to let people see her, all of her. Not ready for them to get attached to her and care for her. She isn't even ready for the possibility. She certainly isn't ready to let people love her. Not the way Hajime did. Cherishable or not she isn't ready to feel again what Hajime had made her feel. Not with someone who isn't Hajime.