TheSlySage: Glad to hear that it makes you happy :D I definitely plan on keeping this one active until the end. Updates are just a little slower because I'm alternating between this one and three other active fics.
bellsprout: Thank you :) I feel like Avatar is just one of those timeless shows that no one wants to forget. Netflix revived it too xD
And glad that it feels believable. Sometimes it's hard to write an Azula redemption that feels authentic and in character. I would agree there, I feel like a very hard earned/angsty redemption arc would just be much more satisfying? xD Azula is compelled to scream "leave Azula alone" as well. And you stay healthy as well! :)
She is abused and spent. She doesn't know why life is so particularly cruel to her. She thinks that, for all the wrong she has done, she has already paid in full and then some. She wishes that it would just stop. She wishes that life would just cut her a break somewhere. She wishes that she could have someone to hold her again. To give her a reason to keep putting one swollen and bloodied foot in front of the other. Someone to tell her that she isn't growing gaunt and dirty and sunburnt for nothing. Someone to reassure her that there is something waiting for her somewhere.
In reality, she thinks that she is going to die here.
That she has gone through all of this for nothing at all.
She makes a decision then.
She decides to stop walking.
She lays herself down in the grass and squeezes her arms around Bao. The badgermole still smells so potently like Atsu. She bunches in on herself. The sun is hot on her skin and if it burns her away then that is just fine.
She closes her eyes.
It is such a nice and pretty day. She can see the people of Wujing emerging from their homes to gather flowers and fruits. She can see them decorating their door steps. She hears birds in flight and bees buzzing by.
It is such a nice and pretty day.
A good day as any to surrender.
And she does.
She can take no more, life has beaten her
She doesn't want to resist it anymore. Doesn't want to struggle. Doesn't want to beg and plead for life and the fates to finally forgive her for a past she can't escape from.
"Wake up, mom!"
Azula's eyes snap open.
"You gotta wake up."
She bolts up right and scans the field.
"Stand up, mom!"
She sees him standing in a particular dense patch of tall grass, the strands curl and flutter around him. They knot themselves into his hair. He is smiling, holding his hand out. It is draped with flowers-mostly daisy. Wherever had been slashed open there is a slit of light instead of scar tissue. He is radiant, lively, happy.
She stumbles forward, tripping.
She feels a hand on her shoulder. "Careful. Go easy on yourself."
She feels the bittersweet pangs of nostalgia and imagines what it might have been like to be in this endless grassland with Atsu and Hajime and a baby Juro squirming in her arms. She sees Hajime weaving daisies into her hair as she makes crowns for Atsu and Juro.
She wanders closer to Atsu, she is so close that she can touch him now. He is giggling, a few pristine white petals fall from his arm and she takes his hand. He pulls out with loud laugh, "catch me if you can, mom!" He darts off, every now and then looking back and howling with laughter.
She stumbles forward, eyes burning with tears. She can't catch him, he is too fast and she is too weakened and fatigued.
"Slow down, Atsu!" Hajime calls. "Mom isn't able to play that game right now."
Atsu comes to a halt, face flushed and sheepish. He offers her the same pout he always had when she'd caught him doing something he wasn't supposed to.
"That boy." Hajime chuckles. He takes her hand and they walk. They walk for quite a while. They are headed straight, the grass licks at her ankles. She smells the wildflowers and the dew on the grass. It sparkles in the fresh sunlight upon each blade and upon the dainty golden crowns of dandelions.
"Sit down for a moment."
"Why?" She furrows her brows.
"You're tired."
"I'm not."
"You're stubborn too." Hajime rolls his eyes. "Sit down, rest your feet."
Reluctantly, Azula sits herself crosslegged in the grass and twiddles her fingers. Hajime sits down next to her and points. She follows the line of his finger to where butterflies rise in clouds of gold and beige. The flit and flutter about, leaving trails of glimmering dust. She wonders if this is where dew comes from.
She is tired, she realizes. She thinks that if she keeps watching the butterflies that she will fall asleep.
"Look what I found!" Atsu declares just as she is beginning to nod off.
"What is it?" Her response is a sleepy mumble.
He hands her a little bundle. A radiant little burning bundle. Flames of gold give off trails of brilliant white and buttercup yellow light instead of smoke. It is pure, it is innocent. She cradles it in her arms.
And then it dawns upon her that she has died.
That day she learned…
That day felt like a dream...
.oOo.
Mai's birthday passes in a haze of both delight and discomfort. Sokka is there, he is happy and lax. He is cordial with her. But she only feels tense. She has just led him on and snubbed him; surely he is only being civil to make sure that Mai's day isn't any more drab than the birthday girl prefers.
Azula herself tries to do the same. She is still a good lair. She knows because no one asks her if she is okay or why she is upset. Her smile must seem real enough. She supposes it is at some points during the day. She is happy when Mai sees the cake, more so when she doesn't hate it after taking a bite. She is happy when TyLee slings one arm over her shoulder and the other around Mai's.
At the very least, she has friends again.
At the very least, she isn't alone.
She tries not to get to uncomfortably sappy when TyLee gives them both a mighty squeeze and remarks that she is glad that they are a trio again. She thinks that she might have shed at least one tear.
"Alright, you can let go now." Mai grumbles. "I have presents to inspect."
All in all it had been a nice day.
And she thinks that she is able to talk with them now. Agni knows she needs to talk to someone because Sokka has been distant. She has gone and ruined something that meant everything.
TyLee doesn't mention it until the next day. She sits before Azula's vanity dresser, combing out her braids. "You haven't been talking to Sokka lately."
She shrugs.
"Doesn't that bother you?"
Azula turns her head and bites her lip. "Why would it?"
"Because you like him." TyLee purrs.
She clears her throat, "what would make you say that?"
Mai quirks a brow. "You mean aside from just about everything?"
"Yes well, it doesn't matter." Azula mutters. "That window of opportunity has come to pass." Rather she had very hastily shut the window and sealed it shut with a sturdy padlock. She can't find the key and she is hesitant to ask someone to help her look.
"Do you want it to be?" Mai asks as TyLee replies, "Why do you think that?"
She mumbles a quick reply to which Mai rolls her eyes and asks her to speak up. "I kissed him." She repeats with more annunciation.
"And…?"
"Nothing." She replies. "He didn't say or do anything."
TyLee laughs. "He was probably surprised!"
Azula furrows her brows, "why would he be? He took me out on dates?" She is beginning to think that she has been misreading it this entire time. That all she had done was gone and messed up a perfectly wonderful friendship. "I don't know how to fix it."
"Have you tried...I don't know…" Mai quirks a brow. "Talking to the man? He's kind of a clueless dolt."
Apparently so is she.
"You could try kissing him a second time!" TyLee suggests.
"I'm sure that he'd be thrilled about that." Azula grumbles. For all of the tip toeing she'd done around Hajime, she'd never pushed him away that hard.
"Get out of here and talk to the man." Mai gives her a light nudge.
"I…"
"Sent him a bunch of mixed signals and confused him." Mai quirks a brow.
Azula nods, "perhaps, yes."
"Then go unconfuse him." TyLee laughs.
"How?"
She should have known that the girl was going to loudly declare, "kiss him a second time!"
"And this time, don't run away."
"I didn't run. It was more of an...efficient stride."
"Well don't efficiently stride away this time." Mai flops down on Azula's mattress. "Tell us how it goes."