WARNING Spider-Man: Homecoming spoilers ahead. The actual Spidey chapter is going to be the next update, I promise. I just had to do this one first, since it was too good to skip.
Eva was lolling about on Vision's bed, eating expensive chocolates gifted to Stark Industries and watching Tony's press conference that was happening downstairs on his television.
"How's the diet going?" Vision asked, looking up from the book that Eva had lent him (it was about bees.) He was sat next to her, a prim contrast to her sprawled limbs.
"It's a cheat day," Eva said, licking the toffee from her fingers. "Cheat week. Month. Whatever. What's this supposed to be about, then?"
"Originally it was to announce the Spider-Man joining the Avengers –"
"You mean the kid?!"
"- But he turned Mr Stark down," Vision continued hurriedly, before Eva exploded. "That was only a few moments ago, however, so they will need to think swiftly."
"How d'you know this?" Eva asked, rolling over and resting her chin on Vision's knee.
"I… may have had a live audio feed sent to me via FRIDAY," Vision mumbled, blushing his indigo blush. "She owed me a favor, you see, and the room next to mine was meant to be the one that would be taken."
"You're adorable," Eva grinned, reaching up and pinching his cheek. "Does that mean you know what they're going to say to the press instead, then?"
"They're discussing it as we speak. It sounds like –" Vision broke off midsentence, his face stretching into one of the most delighted smiles Eva had ever seen him wearing. "Oh, how wonderful."
"What? What's wonderful? What's happening?"
"He's finally doing it," Vision continued, and clapped his hands together. "I wondered how long it would take him."
"Take him to do what?"
Vision nodded over her shoulder, and she turned around to look back at the television. Although it was on mute, she could figure out what was going on from the way that Stark was kneeling down in front of Pepper with a ring on his hand, Happy stood behind him and positively vibrating with glee.
"OH MY GOD!" Eva shrieked. "OH MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!" She jumped off of the bed, spun around twice and grabbed Vision by the knitted sleeve of his jumper. "Oh, my God. Can we go see them? Can we? Can you fly and give me a piggy back so we get there faster?"
"Eva," said Vision, "breathe."
"OH MY GOD THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED I'M GONNA CRY I CAN'T CRY I HAVE SO MUCH EYELINER ON VISION OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WE NEED TO GO AND SEE THEM RIGHT. GOD DAMN. NOW."
Half an hour later the press conference had finished and neither Eva nor Vision had calmed down. As soon as the newly betrothed couple walked into the ante-room they were bombarded with congratulations and hugs.
"Can I do flowers?" Eva asked, after about two hundred and forty-three questions, "oh, please let me do the flowers."
"You're very enthusiastic about this for someone who supposedly hates me," Stark said, folding his arms.
"I'm only excited for Pepper," Eva replied tartly. "Also, greatly concerned for her wellbeing. Seriously, Miss Potts – divorce is very socially acceptable nowadays."
"Eva!" Vision exclaimed, shocked and appalled. But Pepper only laughed.
"It's fine," she said, waving a hand that glittered with a diamond.
"No, it's not!"
"Hush, Tony," said Pepper, and to Eva's amazement he actually did shut up. "Now if you don't mind, I actually have some work to do. Nice to see you, Eva."
"You too."
Pepper gave Tony a quick kiss and ran off, a feat that should have been impossible in the stiletto heels that she was wearing. The other three watched her leave, each with the same giddy smile.
"I'm glad you finally found the courage to do it, sir," Vision said. "I have been waiting since 2008."
"As has Happy." Tony clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Right – champagne? Champagne."
"Champagne," Eva agreed. "Expensive champagne."
"Don't push it, coffee girl."
%
"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" Tony yelled.
"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!" Rhodey, Happy and Eva chorused back at him, as Vision swept up the broken champagne bottle glass.
"Can we stop drinking now, please?" the synthezoid asked, setting down the dustpan and brush and reaching up to lift Eva down off of the coffee table. "It's two in the morning and we have a meeting with a UN representative tomorrow."
"Hey," said Tony, "listen to Mr Boring. I can't believe I'm the first person in the world to create a true ABP. An Artificial Boring Person."
Rhodey giggled so hard he fell off the couch. "ABP," he wheezed, clutching at his sides. "That's… that's really good…"
"FRIDAY," Vision said aloud, "please sort out these three while I take Eva back to my room."
"I'll make them some coffee," the melodic voice said over the speakers, and Tony blew a raspberry at the ceiling.
"AND THERE'S MRS BORING."
Eva waved goodbye as Vision carried her out of the rec room. "Viz'," she slurred, "I got bubbles in my nose."
"How exciting."
"No. 'S weird. We nearly there yet?"
"Almost," he replied.
Eva twisted around in his arms, grabbing his neck and pulling herself up so that they could look each other in the eye. "Are you sad?" she asked him, trying to arrange her face into a serious expression. This was difficult, since it had gone numb about ten minutes ago.
"Why would I be sad, Eva? This is a happy day."
"Because," she began, and paused to burp. "'Scuse me. Because Spideyboy isn't moving in, and if Tony gesmarried then he'll move out, and Wanda's gone and I know you liked her, an' – an' I don't want you to be lonely because you're my best friend and I love you." To illustrate this, she headbutted him gently on the nose.
He offered a small, tight smile in return. "I love you too," he said.
"But are you lonely?"
He pushed open his bedroom door and carried her to the bed. "Sometimes," he said, "when you're at work, at Mr Stark is away, and Colonel Rhodes is in physical therapy, it gets a little… quiet. Oh, Eva. Please don't cry."
She wiped her nose on his bedsheet. "But it's sad," she wailed, "and I don't like it."
Vision patted her on the head. "Um," he said, "there have been greater tragedies. Would you like a tissue."
"'Es please." She took the handkerchief and used it to dab at her smudged eyeliner before blowing her nose with the sound of a foghorn. "I get lonely too. Is a good thing, though. Is a… a…" she snapped her fingers, trying to find the right word. "Nope. I'll remememember inna morning. Nightie night."
She was out cold before her head hit the pillow.
The next morning, Eva woke up to an empty room and a resounding headache. Vision had left a note, explaining his absence as a need to be the only clear-headed person greeting the UN representative, and Eva turned it over and scribbled a message of her own before pulling her clothes on and leaving.
Human, it read. That's the word. It's a human thing. I'm proud of u x
A/N I'd like to apologise for any typos/spelling/grammar mistakes because I literally only got back from seeing Homecoming two hours ago and wrote this in a haze of post-film delight. To be honest, I'll be surprised if it makes sense at all. I'M JUST SO HAPPY PEPPER'S BACK.
Oh, and y'all should go have a peek at the cover of this fic because HOLY MOLY, THAT'S ACTUAL ART OF EVA AND VISION! It was done by the wonderful and amazing Rowan, who you can find on tumblr and twitter with the user handle electricgale. Isn't it brilliant? It's so brilliant, right?