For minutes, we just stared at each other, not speaking a word to each other. Azriel's eyes were unreadable, his face set in stone. We were standing in a clearing in the woods close to the House of Wind and we were supposed to be training. Not this… doing nothing. I was reminded of Cassian's words. That Azriel and I were alike. A little to alike, I thought to myself. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sweet nauseating scent in the air. "So - what now?"

Around us, shadows similar to those usually surrounding Azriel were slowly dancing around us. If he was controlling them and trying to intimidate me with them, he was doing a good job. While everyone else had been mostly welcoming, Azriel seemed hesitant about my presence. Feyre had told me that he was the spymaster. Perhaps one should expect nothing else than wariness from someone with that job description. "Your power is very strange to me," he finally said, not answering my question. "I haven't met anything like it before. Who did you inherit it from?"

"I don't know. My mother didn't share my power, and I don't know who my father is," I told him. My mother had never spoken of my father. I figured he was some, to my mother, unimportant Fae that had offered his in making a child.

Azriel squinted his eyes slightly. He fell silent again, contemplating my words. "How many can you channel your power to?"

"I have only ever tried one Fae at a time," my answer sounded.

"Can you take power from people?"

It began feeling like an interview with all these questions. Or an interrogation. "And keep it? There is already so much…" I didn't like the sound of this. During the long journey to the Night Court, my body had screamed for a release of power. I had never once sought out for more power.

He nodded. Then he said, "You need to get confident in channeling to multiple Fae. In the war, you will have to send power to all of the High Lords, at least - that is, if we can get them to join us. If you can manage to give power to some of the army, too, that would be good, but that might be too big a mouthful. And you need to learn to defend yourself physically while doing this." Azriel walked over to a display of weapons and picked out a blade. He walked towards me and handed it to me.

His arm outstretched before me, I noticed his hand. It was covered with scars. I blinked and looked at him with surprise, but when I took the blade from him, he quickly drew his hand back, removing it from my sight. I didn't want to pry so I returned to look at the blade in my hand. It was a curved sword, its length the same as the length of my arm. It was larger than what I would have excepted him to pick out for me, but it felt nice in my hands. Not too heavy, not too light. But that was as far as my relation to this sword went. I didn't know what to do with such a thing. I looked up at Azriel, awaiting his orders.

Azriel seemed to sense my cluelessness. He told me to put down the sword, and that we would start with focusing on my powers. The rest of the afternoon, Azriel taught me how to interpret my power. He told me how his own Illyrian powers worked, about the Siphons. He told me to picture splitting my powers into multiple parts, allowing me to channel each part to a Fae. I tried to reach out with multiple tethers again and again. I made very slow progress.

By the time Azriel decided we would stop for the day, I was sweaty and exhausted. My hair stuck to my head and neck from sweat. I had become quite furious with myself for not making more progress. I was frustrated that I had not been perfect at this, but also relieved to hear that I could rest for the rest of the day.

Azriel's following words surprised me. "It'll come, don't worry." I was shocked to hear him try to calm me down. I locked eyes with him. Though his words were kind, his face was still like stone.

"I hadn't expected it to be this hard," I admitted, drying the sweat from my forehead with my shirt. "I - could you perhaps also teach me to winnow?" I wasn't planning to winnow anywhere in particular, but it seemed like a useful ability to have. For example, had I known how to winnow, it wouldn't have taken months to reach Feyre.

"Sure, but not today. Let's head back," he said. He received a slight accepting nod from me. I dreaded the flight back. His hands on me. But I knew that the alternative was walking up the stairs to the House of Wind, and from the training I didn't think I could make it up. So, I let him carry me as he flew back. All the way, I had my eyes closed, trying to think of something else. Anything else.

"I won't drop you, you know," he said to me. I could feel his deep voice rumbling in his chest. The sensation calmed my panic slightly.

Still with my eyes closed, I whispered, "that's not what I'm afraid of."

Azriel didn't answer. We arrived at the House of Wind, I discovered when I felt the solid ground beneath me. I finally opened my eyes. We stood on a balcony, and looking in, I recognized the large dining room where Cassian was sprawled across a chair. Morrigan was talking to him, laughing as he said something that amused her. Her smile was beautiful, almost blinding me. Next to me, I saw Azriel change his posture. His eyes, locked at Morrigan, glimmered with something. I couldn't sense what it was before Cassian and Morrigan saw us. Azriel walked in, taking a seat next to Cassian and grapping an apple from the fruit bowl in the center of the table.

"How did the training go?" Morrigan asked.

Azriel gave her some answer that I didn't catch. Probably something along with 'fine'. The conversation dragged on. As Azriel had left me standing on the balcony, I didn't know what to do with myself. I looked at the friends gathered around the table and felt lonelier than ever as they talked and laughed. Would I ever have friends like that? All my life, I had only ever had myself as company - and the occasional Fae that were sent to torture me. Even if a potential friend was standing right in front of me, I wouldn't know what to say or do.

"I will go bathe," I muttered and went across the room to find the hallway where my own bedroom lay, not looking back. I went inside and quickly got in bathtub. Closing my eyes and lying back, I was completely relaxed. My head was still tense from straining it the entire afternoon, but I could feel it loosening up.

I saw Azriel's hands before me with my eyes closed. The burn stretching up his arm. Had it been an accident? Or had he perhaps, like me, been tortured? Though I bore no physical scars, my mind would forever remember every flash of pain. My mother had hired the best healer for me, because if she needed to sell me, I should look my best. Not that I had been blessed with particular beauty. I was not ugly, just dull and ordinary for a Fae's standard.

Some part of me felt a rising anger regarding those scarred hands. If it was someone's fault, they should pay. This thought confused me. I didn't see myself as a revengeful person, so I pushed the anger away.

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black dress that I had found in the dresser. Though pants were more practical, I thought they were uncomfortable. I went out of my room and began to wander around, ending at the library that Feyre had shown me earlier this day. I opened the doors and went in.

I admired the bookshelves filled with books and went over to brush my fingers over the backs of a couple of books. This entire room held so much wisdom in one - a true luxury. I took my time picking out a book, it had to be just the right one, and went over to the windows where there was a small reading area which I had seen from earlier.

Only one of the chairs was already occupied.

I came to a halt. In one of the chairs a female sat with a book in her lap. For a second, I thought it was Feyre, as the female before me shared her hair color. Her facial features, however, were different, and it held a certain determination. When she looked up at me, she seemed indifferent with me.

"Hello," I greeted her with a careful voice, thinking I should say something. "Can I sit here, too?"

The female looked down, returning her focus to her book. I took her reaction as a 'yes' and I sat down at the chair a few feet from hers. She would probably have protested if I was not welcome. We sat in silence reading for a couple hours, not bothering each other. It was quite nice, I realized. A place where you could be yourself - where you didn't have to spend energy on trying to say or do the right thing.

I couldn't focus on the words in my book. My thoughts were too distracting. I was still processing everything that was going on. All the new faces that I had learned the names of. And my sudden loneliness from earlier. I had never exactly described myself as lonely when I was my mother's captive and held in a cell without seeing daylight for years and years. Perhaps it was jealousy of the bond they shared. And the thought of not being good enough to have such a bond myself.

I gave up on the book and went to put it away to the place I had found it. I left the library and the female, heading down the kitchen for a bite of food. The kitchen was empty as I entered. It was probably late in the evening and the servants had gone home. I cut myself a slice of bread and ate it slowly. My stomach was still not quite used to being full, and since I had eaten a big lunch, the bread was enough to satisfy me.

When I was washing up the plate, Feyre walked in. "Ah, there you are. I wondered where you were," she said as she took a place on a high stool beside me. "How was it today?"

I sent her a slight smile as she sat down. "Quite challenging to be honest," I said, referring to the training with Azriel. "I went to the library tonight. There was a female there, reading." Perhaps Feyre could tell me who it was.

"That's probably my sister, Nesta." Feyre had mentioned them earlier this morning, but now she explained why they were staying here. How they were turned Fae. And why I shouldn't take it personal if Nesta was rude to me.

I wouldn't say that the female - Nesta - had been rude to me. She had let me read beside her, and from Feyre's word I could understand that was even quite big of her. "And your other sister?"

"Elain spends most of her day in her room. She was engaged to a human before she was Made. It was hard on her to give up her human life," Feyre explained with a sadness in her voice. "Also, right after she was Made, she was mated with a male, Lucien. I'm not sure how much she knows of this, but it probably didn't make it easier for her."

I raised my eyebrows as I put the plate away, finished cleaning it. "You make it sound like she didn't have a choice," I said.

"Well, technically, she didn't. The mating bond is not something you choose. It is a way to inform you of the person that will give you the strongest offspring."

The words filled me with disgust. It sounded so feral and wild. And yet, the way Feyre and Rhysand looked at each other… Something told me, it went beyond this. "How does it feel? The bond?" I asked, hoping it wasn't too personal to ask such a question.

Feyre smiled, considering her answer. "It feels like a direct line to Rhysand. A bridge that I can cross and find him on the other side. I can feel if he is hurt, both physically and mentally. It's not love for everyone, though. And you can refuse the bond, but Rhysand once told me that he has never heard of anyone succeeding." Feyre continued telling me about how she had discovered that Rhysand was her mate - how she hadn't known, but that he had known for months and not pushed her into it.

Listening to her words, my minds wandered to that tether that had lain untouched since yesterday when it had appeared. Without touching it, I could feel it was somewhat similar to the way I could create a channel of power to other people, but it was very different at the same time. Listening to it, I thought for a second I could hear a very distant heartbeat on the other side. That made me jump away from it, leaving it packed away under an imaginary cover. I noticed that my heart rate had gone up and that my palms were sweaty. I quickly changed the subject, hoping that Feyre hadn't noticed.

We sat talking about the Inner Circle, as Feyre explained that Rhysand called it. She told me of the position of each one and how they had been friends for 500 years. That Rhysand viewed Cassian and Azriel as brothers. And she told me that they had accepted her as a part of their family when she had joined the court. It was the best thing that had happened her, she said, getting to know these people.

I liked Feyre very much. She seemed like she understood what trauma I had going on from a life of imprisonment. I was glad that she had found peace here with these people. She deserved that. I was also honored that she had accepted me, perhaps more than the others had, and that she would let me fight beside her in the war to come. If only I could get ready for it quick enough.