A/N: This chapter contains ACOSF spoilers. I hope you like it. I have been looking forward to writing this chapter and it was so much fun. Please review :) Also, you may have already figured out that I have written out Elain for this story, or at least Elriel.

I shuddered as teeth brushed over my neck, their sharpness pricking my skin. I relaxed into the sensation and felt my body heat against the touch of a hand on my lower back. But what really made my body go heavy and hot was the immense relief of sending waves of power to the red-headed male who stood behind me, groaning as he received it and as he pressed his wall of a body into my backside. A mixture of relief and pleasure painted this picture.

It was always like this when we were together. An unspoken agreement. I sent him power that he secretly starved for, and I found immense relief in taking the painful top of my power, giving it away to someone who had better use for it. And quite often, it became heated between us, both of us taken by the moment.

"How did it go the other day? At the healer," Eris whispered into my neck, reminding me of the reality of my life.

I did not consider myself involved with Eris. At least not romantically or sexually - though we occasionally shared a bed - but the bond between us was friendship.

Months after the war, he had contacted me and invited me to his court. I had not been surprised, at first, because all of the courts had invited me to their respective courts. All of the High Lords eager to win over a well of power that would give them an upper hand against the other courts. I had rejected all the invitations, including the one from Eris' father that had been the first to arrive. It had disgusted me to think of their motives - should I be their pet? Perhaps some of the High Lords had better intentions and had just wished to get to know me, curios of my power, but I had still had no interest.

Until Eris' invitation had come. Flashes of memory had crossed my mind - flashes of the fight he had been involved in at the High Lords' meeting, of the shadows deep in the eyes of the fight's other participant. I knew instantly, as I stood with the newly opened letter in my hands, that I was too curios to turn down this invitation.

Initially, Eris's intentions had probably been as bad as his father's. I had not been oblivious to that. But I soon found out that there was much more to him. We shared elements of the same past, and even though we were both very private, we soon found ourselves to know almost everything about each other. I learned the truth of his history with Morrigan and the person behind the arrogant façade. The judgement that I'd admittedly had towards him disappeared as the days with him grew into weeks and then into months.

Now, as we stood seemingly heavily embraced on a large balcony in Day Court for the post-war celebrations, we were close friends that found comfort in each other. Comfort in the way that we talked about everything, and comfort in the way that I offered him a slice of my power. The latter had not been a part of our friendship from the beginning, but as I had grown to trust him, it'd become a natural path to go where we each benefitted from it.

"It went fine. He suggested I tried injecting it in my blood. That it might work better that way," I told him, still not facing him. I had left the healer that day with more hope than I had arrived with.

"And does it work better, then?"

I sighed. I wished my answer could be a clear yes, but that was not the case. "Only a little. I'm not sure if it felt any different, actually. I tried doubling the dose just before I winnowed here, and that feels better. I think I might even need your help to leave later tonight." I left out the fact that the healer had specifically told me not to increase the dosage until I were to see him again.

I peeked over my shoulder to see his face. His sharp features - each of which I was so familiar with and could picture in my head without him standing near me - had softened into a small smile as he listened.

He spoke, "That should be no problem." His smile turned into a wicked smirk and I turned my gaze back to the grand view before us, letting out a small laugh at what he clearly thought of. Our friendship was strange, I admitted, and to the outer eye, it would definitely seem to cross some boundaries towards other titles. But I knew it for what it was and perhaps friendship was a bad description, but there existed no better word for it. "I'm glad it might be working better," his voice now serious and sincere.

Eris removed his hand from my back and walked to stand next to me, learning on the balcony. A glass of faerie wine stood on it before me where I had placed it when we had walked out here. I occasionally sipped it and let the dulling sensation mix with the other dullness that now rested there, thanks to the injection earlier tonight.

We stood in silence, as we often did, after I had offered him a slice of my power. We breathed in the crisp air of the night in Day Court. Despite it being fresh, it did not compare with the Night Court. But that was hardly a fair point to judge this court for - I would probably do it better justice by experiencing it at daytime. I had missed that experience, however, by arriving at dusk.

Eventually, Eris broke the silence. "I should go back inside. There's a few females I promised a dance," he said. This was what worked so great between us: I couldn't care less who he danced with. It had nothing to do with our friendship. But there was something in his eyes that he wasn't telling me.

Before I had the chance to voice my accusations, he moved close to me again, letting his hand lay on my lower back and kissing me goodbye on the cheek. "See you later," he said.

"Enjoy yourself," I replied and watched him go in through the balcony doors. And enjoy himself he probably would. For he enjoyed courting females - females that desired to become the bride of a High Lord's son. His title and being courted was of no interest to me, and he had learned that pretty fast.

I thought of returning to the party myself and wasn't particular tempted. It was Nesta who had insisted I show up. I had not properly talked to her for months, except the occasional word from her, but no less than a week ago, she had shown up and presented me with an invitation. Nesta had seemed like a new person, as if she had been woken from the dead. There had been so much life in her eyes, and her body had gained so much muscle that I had barely recognized her.

And she had even smelled differently. Of a male.

After the war, Nesta had been deep down. Seeing her father murdered right before her had provoked something in her. She had refused to talk about it afterwards, but I had tried being there for her in any way I could. That resulted in me joining her for every drunken trip to her favorite taverns. I had not immersed myself in the experience as much as she had in the sense of sleeping around, limiting myself to my new relation to alcohol. It had not previously enjoyed its taste, but I had grown to like it and its dulling effect - something that I pretty quickly found to need. Now, alcohol wasn't enough anymore.

Eventually, she had pushed me away, too. I had tried to stand my ground and not let myself get pushed away, but Nesta had been very stubborn. And then she had been rescued by her sister, and months went by without hearing from her.

I couldn't help but feel proud of her development as she had visited me and told me of it. She had spoken the rare word valkyrie and offered me to join, but I wasn't interested. I wasn't a warrior and had no interest in joining her sisterhood. What I did not admit to her was the fact that had she not told the identity of the trainers, I'd may have been more willing. Hearing the name on her lips, had scared me, though I had tried to hide it. But it had probably been written on my face.

She had contented herself with a promise of teaching me her mind-stilling exercises, and I had not refused her promise to not be completely rude.

It had been nice to see her again and we had spoken for a few hours. In the months spent apart, plus the additional year after the war, hadn't helped our friendship, sadly. I felt distanced from her, and I had not trusted her with everything that was going on in my life, only shortly mentioning some highlights without going into details. The distance between us probably hadn't been shortened by her new scent. We hadn't discussed it much which I was relieved about. The person that had experienced me that night at Rita's, the person that had understood me better than anyone - she was in a completely different situation now. Initially, I had feared she would come with unwelcome suggestions, but some remains of understanding were still to be found in her.

And out of guilt for what our friendship used to be, I had said yes to her invitation to Feyre and Rhysand's party. As I had arrived at the Day Court, I had greeted the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court as well as the High Lord of the Day Court who had been standing in the entrance. Feyre and Rhysand both agreed upon that it had been too long. I had then greeted Nesta and given her mate a polite nod. I had not allowed my eyes to find the male surrounded in shadows even though I had sensed him, and my eyes had felt like magnets towards him.

As I was not much for parties, Nesta and I had found a quiet spot in a corner where we had talked. I was glad to have her back in my life, even though it was different now. She talked of her plans with her new friends and seemed to have healed again. A part of me envied her for developing so far, but mostly, I was proud of her and happy for her. Cassian had eventually found us to steal his mate away, as he said himself, and I had retreated outside for the fresh air where Eris had found me.

I was wearing the same days as I had at the High Lords' meeting years ago. Even though I had gained weight since then, it still fit, and I hadn't wanted to spend time or money to buy a new dress. Thinking back, I had felt beautiful back then, but now I felt a little awkward as it was quite revealing. However, it helped slightly with cooling down as my headache often also resulted in feeling feverish.

I let myself have a moment of silence and being alone before I should return to the party. I didn't envy Nesta for getting new friend, for I was quite an introverted person. I enjoyed my own company and found a mind-stilling - to use Nesta's new vocabulary - in it. I took my glass and raised it to my lips, taking a sip of the rich wine. It tasted different, spicier, than I was used to, but the effect was the same. I sighed as my headache seemed to lessen just a little by the time the alcohol mixed in with my blood.

As I was about to turn around to go back inside, almost having to pull myself away from the comfort of my own company, a scent filled my nostrils. I stilled, not daring to move. Though I had not smelled it for years, it was still alarmingly familiar.

I breathed carefully in again, just to be sure. But yes, it was still there. Him.

I turned around as there was no way to avoid this now and found myself standing in front of Azriel. He had sneaked up on me, so silent that his Shadowsinger abilities allowed him to. The male who I had so carefully avoided for years, just mentioning his name had been banned. I had effectively cut him - and all he represented - out of my life, and now there were even days I forgot about him. Those were the good days.

My body didn't seem to notice how much had passed since I last saw him; it still longed for me to take a step closer and one more and then one more. I refused to let my instincts take over as I locked eyes with him. My mate my mate my mate-

"Hello, Iris," Azriel said. There was no smile to detect either on the spymaster's lips or in his eyes.

Had he seen me with Eris just now? Was that why I detected the tiniest fraction of anger in his tone? I knew he was not on good terms with Eris due to his involvement with Morrigan, and especially as Eris had let the world believe the worst of him. In other words, Azriel resented Eris for everything that he was.

"Hi," I merely replied, not trusting myself to speak his name. My voice was no more than a hoarse whisper, so I coughed slightly to regain my vocal strength.

His hazel eyes studied me, and I now felt even more awkward in my dress. But I knew he probably wasn't looking at my visible skin, more likely was he studying the state of my health that seemed to be quite evident on my face. I was very well aware of how I looked. Despite having gained weight, I looked sick. I usually tried to avoid mirrors, but it had still not escaped me.

Azriel looked better than ever, I noted as I allowed myself to study him, too, if only for a second. I silently damned his tan skin, his broad chest, his neatly folded wings on his back. Even if there was no mating bond, I would still be enchanted by his elegant features. Damn him for still being able to take my breath away.

He spoke again, with the same tone as before, "How are you?"

I let my manners speak for me, "Very well, thank you." It was almost too easy to lie to him, thanks to the training I had received as young. Too easy to not be of trouble. "And you?" I didn't want to know how he was doing. I didn't want to know anything about him. And at the same time, I wanted him to tell me every thought on his mind. That was the bond speaking, and I willed it to quiet.

Azriel lifting his eyebrows was enough to tell me that he saw right through my lie. He fell silent for moments and I began to panic by the pause in the conversation. Not knowing why, my body seemed to tell me to run - fast. This time, it didn't feel like the bond speaking to me, and I soon regretted not listening to the instinct.

"I know you're my mate."

My mate my mate my mate

The air was being ripped from my lungs at those words, and I had to grab the balcony to not lose my balance.

He. Knew.

My mind was a tangle of loud thoughts, all panicking at his statement. How did he know? Had he figured it out? Sensed the bond himself?

No, I concluded as I searched his eyes for the answer. Though they looked calm, a great lurking anger seemed to be restrained deep in there. He was furious. Someone had told him. And the only person who knew was Nesta.

I almost felt like laughing. So that was why she hadn't pushed in that matter, why she had been a little too silent on the subject on how much she enjoyed being mated and how she wished the same happiness for me. At least, that's what my rising anger was convincing me of.

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I didn't know how to answer him. Why was he telling me this? I finally whispered, "Don't tell me you found out yourself." Because you've had more than two years to notice, and you haven't until now - the unspoken words hung in the air.

"Nesta told me," he confirmed me, his face unreadable.

I nodded, not letting the betrayal show on my face. I would talk to Nesta later.

He still wasn't very sharing. What was he thinking of this? Was he disgusted? He seemed mostly mad and it was hard to detect anything beyond that.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I looked away at his question. So this was his concern. Why I hadn't told him this when I'd found out. How were I to answer him? I tried to not recall that night at Rita's. I took a sip of my wine, buying myself some time to think. I returned my eyes to his as I answered him, "I… I wasn't interested."

Something flashed in his eyes as if my words had hurt him, but it was such a little change that I hardly noticed it. I then realized how he probably interpreted it: after 500 years of longing for an unrequited love, even his own mate wasn't interested in him.

"I mean… You know I've never had true free will before. I didn't like it being taken away from me again," I corrected myself. It was not a lie. Not this or the reason I had given him just before - I wasn't particular interested in claiming a mate that loved someone else, and I had just begun to imagine a life for myself, of freedom, when I had discovered the bond.

Azriel only nodded as a reply, not giving my any clue to what he was thinking. "And Eris?"

So he had seen us. I regretted embracing Eris so publicly, but not because I was ashamed of it. I had every right. "He's my friend."

His answer was quick this time, "Yes, I can smell that."

Of course, my scent would have mixed with his from spending time with him, but it still felt strange to hear the fact from the lips of my mate. My heart skipped a beat for a moment, to the slight hope of him feeling territorial towards me. I pushed that thought away.

I raised my eyebrows in reply - in a challenge. Would he dare to scold me for sleeping with a male who had, according to his belief, treated Morrigan so badly?

No, he wouldn't. His questions stopped and we stood there for minutes. His shadows had spread away from him, now surrounding the both of us. I was confused as to why that wasn't making me feel uncomfortable.

I couldn't help thinking how absurd this was. That we were standing here after so long. That he knew. I let myself consider what that might change.

Perhaps, in a near future, we could…

I held my breath as Azriel suddenly took a step towards me. I felt unable to move, entranced by his scent and his shadows around us. He continued to take one more, and then one more - until he stood very close to me. So close that I could make out the fine texture of his clothes, so close that I could touch him if I raised the arm that wasn't holding the wine glass.

I seemed to forget the world around us as Azriel very slowly raised his hand and brushed his fingers over my lower arm, the one that was holding the glass. This simple touch made me relax completely and sigh out. Everything that was troubling me, the headaches, was gone for this still moment.

He rested his hand on my arm where he had just brushed it and looked down at it. He towered over me and he seemed even taller now that he was standing so close. Though it was simple, his hand on my arm, it was so much more to me. It was saying that he was trying, letting himself see how it would feel. And saying that he would not have pushed me away if I had told him back then.

I didn't know how long we stood there until I suddenly remembered the world around me, recalled my true thoughts. Not those that the bond forced on me. I stepped away as if he had burned me with his scarred hands, those that had once burned themselves. "No."

He looked shocked himself, shaken by the interruption and confused to what had just happened. And then he looked hurt at my rejection, especially the way I had just looked at his hands. I didn't let him say anything before I rushed inside.

Azriel didn't follow me much to my relief. He probably knew to whom I was heading. I didn't look at whom Eris was speaking with when I found him. On the way, I had avoided every face that didn't belong to him. Especially Nesta who I did not want to talk to tonight.

Eris raised his eyebrows in question, silently asking me how it had gone. He had known. That was why he had looked strange just before he left. He had probably caught Azriel's scent nearby and thought we should be left alone talking. I would discuss that with him later, I thought to myself.

"I want to go now," I demanded of him.

It was enough of an answer to his question. Eris bowed his head to me and then excused himself to his company before he took my hand and winnowed us away on my command.