A/N: I am pleased with how this chapter turned out, but GODDAMN was it slow-moving. Like, I finally had to get drunk. Then it came to me. Jaysus...

As for the middle section, you have a good buddy of mine to thank for the direction I took. Wanna give her credit, even if I know she wouldn't wanna be mentioned by her pen name.

And of course Raven Sinead is a wonderful beta goddess who puts up with my shitty drunk sentence-structure. And if you ever want entertainment, write something drunk, have it betad by someone who's high on narcotics, and then go back sober and read what she had to say. It's fucking hilarious.

All right, without further ado...

Ashley

Ashley was sweaty and gross, but that was simply how it had to be. She was feeling good. Her session with her physical therapy class had gone well, and just now she saw Thane walking through the halls with another drell.

I bet that's his son. Isn't the guy around Tim's age? Or the drell equivalent of his age... Maybe I can introduce them. He's not human, but they could be friends. It occurred to her just how thoroughly she had changed her tune from when she had joined Shepard's crew three years ago. It wasn't that she had hated aliens per se. She was resentful of how it seemed humans were locked out of governing, yes, but she wasn't dumb enough to think that was the fault of every individual alien she came across. With them it was simply that she was entirely naïve regarding non-humans, and was horrible at covering up her discomfort. It wasn't until Miriam told her to knock it the fuck off that Ashley realized that her bluff and bluster was actually horribly offensive.

"How would you feel if Garrus walked in here and said all of us didn't look much different from monkeys or pyjaks, Williams?"

That had shut her up. She'd decided to just watch, observe, and try not to talk or comment on something unless she was talking to someone safe, like Miriam or Alenko. She also tried as hard as she could to imagine what their shoes must fit like, so to speak. Liara had opened up first, asking her about her sisters, and wondering what that must be like. Then Tali had asked her what it was like to leave home and not go back, as most quarians tended to serve the Flotilla in close proximity to family. Garrus had approached her about gun mods, and she learned that she and Wrex had a shared affinity for big fucking explosions, and then suddenly she was surrounded by people, not aliens.

Now she could add a drell to her unorthodox friends list. Life had a funny way of turning your previous expectations of yourself on their head.

"Hey, Thane!" she called, rounding the corner to see identical drell backs walking away from her. Thane's son was actually a little taller than his father, and they wore different clothes, but otherwise she couldn't tell them apart from behind, at first. But as they both turned, the difference in their skin tone was immediately obvious. Also obvious was the vibrancy in Thane's son in comparison to Thane himself. Ashley supposed it shouldn't have surprised her: Thane was terminally ill, and older. His scales were a dull green where his son's were a bright and shining blue-green, looking almost like they were shined and polished in comparison to his father.

It made Ashley incredibly sad. No matter what they did for him, he simply would not survive this illness. He might even die before this war with the Reapers was decided.

That might be a kindness. He can die with hope.

When the hell did I get so melodramatic?

Poetry is melodramatic, Ash.

… Fair.

"Ashley," Thane greeted as she got closer. "This is my son, Kolyat. Kolyat, this is the Alliance soldier I was telling you I had become acquainted with, Ashley Williams."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," the kid said, holding out his hand in a decidedly human gesture.

"You shake hands?" Ashley asked.

He smiled. "I am somewhat familiar with human customs, as I work with C-Sec."

Ashley blushed, taking his hand. "Right. I forgot about that.. It's nice to finally meet you, Kolyat. Your father speaks very highly of you."

The younger drell blinked that same strange double-blink his father shared and asked, rather bluntly, "I trust he is not exerting himself here? I worry about him."

Ashley smirked at Thane, who had cleared his throat reproachfully at his son's comment. "As far as I know, he's doing nothing he's not supposed to be doing."

The kid nodded. "I am glad."

"We do not wish to keep you, Ashley," Thane said, brows creasing in concern. "Were you on your way out?"

"Yeah, I gotta go get Tim and take him to C-Sec to see if they need anyone before I go to Udina to talk about being granted Spectre status early."

They both just stared confusedly at her for a moment.

She felt her face heat in embarrassment. "Sorry. That made no sense to you, huh? Tim is my fiancée's brother. He's staying with me because he has nowhere else. His Alliance program is shut down, so he has nothing to do and nowhere to go. He wants a job, so I was thinking either Alliance desk jockey or C-Sec. He has some military training, and he's a total tech geek like his sister. Figured that might come more in handy for C-Sec than the Alliance. Plus, then he can't be deployed. I don't want Sam worrying about him."

"I could come with you," Kolyat offered after a moment. "I know Commander Bailey personally. And you are about to be a Spectre, yes? Bailey would jump at the chance for someone fresh and full of so much potential. And with some training and skill, to top it off."

"That's a great idea! Thanks, Kolyat. I really appreciate it!"

He smiled. "Think nothing of it. I will meet you there in thirty minutes?"

"Sure. I'll see you in a bit."

She headed home with a spring in her step, barely even noticing the residual ache in her neck.

Meeting Bailey had been… interesting. He was so jaded, and yet cared a great deal about the citizens of the Citadel. While complaining about them the whole time. It was obvious he came from nothing, and while he would protect even the well-off, entitled assholes who took up most of his time, the people he cared most about were the little people. He had started a program for the duct rats they pulled out, getting the kids cleaned up and in school with places to come home to afterward. It didn't work with every one of them, but there had been a marked improvement in the population of homeless children since he had been placed in command of C-Sec.

He had also started a work program for homeless people of teen age and older. They worked cleaning alongside the Keepers, which wasn't glamorous but it was something, and it gave them a wage with which they could purchase food and better clothes. He couldn't get them beds, but it was what he was able to do in the six short months since he'd been promoted. It wasn't his job, per se, as head of security, but as much of his job as a grunt had been literally pulling tiny dead bodies that had been exposed to vacuum out of vents or having to arrest teens already addicted to red sand, he had made it his prerogative to save more lives.

Ashley learned all of this information from Kolyat after meeting the gruff, no-nonsense guy. The drell seemed to hold the man in high esteem. Thane had told her that Miriam had been the one to convince Bailey to let Kolyat work for him. She could see now that her former commander obviously had good instincts, as Kolyat's entire disposition had turned around from what Thane had described. He was now productive, and visited his father regularly, and seemed to genuinely care about both his work and his only parent left living.

She hoped it didn't break him too badly when Thane finally passed away.

Bailey had taken one look at Tim and accepted him as a cadet. Tim would now be answering calls and learning procedure in the morning and doing C-Sec's version of boot camp in the afternoon. Just like that. Bailey didn't need to interview him or check his references. He trusted Kolyat, and that was that. If Tim failed, he'd be out, but if he did well, Ashley was sure he would be working for good people who would reward him for it. And if they all survived this war? He could go back to his college/Alliance tech program when it reopened.

Now, she was headed to the embassies, having left Tim at C-Sec – Bailey was open to him starting immediately, and Tim was all for it. It wasn't much of a walk, but she enjoyed the chance to be out and not be stuck in that hospital room. The apartment had made this stay on the Citadel more than tolerable; it was, in fact, a fucking paradise, especially considering that out there, in the rest of the galaxy, there was a war going on.

It also had her feeling guilty, though. Everyone she knew was either dead or fighting. And here she was, living in luxury. Sam, the non-combatant who was just supposed to be developing and fixing tech, was out on a warship and Ashley Williams, the marine, was here on the Citadel enjoying life among a population seemingly unconcerned with the war going on nearly everywhere else in the galaxy.

What was wrong with the people here? Did they not realize there was a war? Or was this just an oasis in a desert, necessary as a safe port in the storm for people to get their bearings and prepare for the next assault? She couldn't tell. For her, it was the latter, but there were plenty here who seemed to think the war was out there and had nothing to do with them. The looks she'd seen people in expensive clothing give to the cramped, dirty refugees…

We have to stop this war. I can't wish it would come here. I gotta stop it before it gets here. This is their ultimate destination, remember? The Protheans lost their seat of intergalactic government first. The fact the war isn't here is a good thing. It means they haven't won.

The Reapers have not won.

Her reverie was derailed as she came to a halt outside Udina's office.

All right, Ashley, she told herself. Just play nice a little longer and you'll get what you need.

She reached up, selecting the call button next to the view screen. After only a couple of seconds, Udina's form appeared on the small screen on the wall before her.

{Ah, Lietenant-Commander. Come in.}

Ashley watched humanity's councilor lean toward the camera, where the control panel for the intercom and vidscreen would be located. His lips moved, his eyes flashed, and then he was beckoning toward the camera, toward her. At that moment, the mag lock on the door snapped and the door opened. Ashley stepped inside the opulent office, attempting to focus upon the man and task at hand despite the lovely view of the Presidium through the floor-to-ceiling windows before her.

"Commander Williams," Udina said, hand extended. "Thank you for coming."

Ashley accepted the proffered hand and had to suppress a shudder. The councilor's skin was cool and clammy, his grasp limp at the wrist. It felt like she was holding a dead fish, and she wondered again if she made the right decision. Her father had told her that a person – especially a leader – with a weak handshake could be only one of two things: lazy, or a coward.

But the resources available by being a Spectre… she could protect people. She could protect the Normandy. She could protect Sam. She could find their families.

This is the right choice. With higher rank comes having to deal with more shitheads who think they're the greatest thing since the discovery of the relays. It just… comes with the territory.

"Thank you for meeting with me, Councilor," she said, silently praising God when she let go of his hand. She resisted the urge to wipe her palm on her fatigues. She could stand the feeling until she could take a detour to the john to wash her hands.

"Please, sit," he said, gesturing to the chairs on the other side of his desk as he resumed his own seat. She did as he suggested, perching herself in a beautiful wooden chair likely worth more than the prefab she'd grown up in. Wood was expensive on a space station. Everything's expensive on a space station.

"So," he said after a moment, leaning back in his seat like they were in his sitting room and not in the office for humanity's Councilor. Ashley couldn't decide if the lack of formality in his bearing made her uneasy, or if it made her more comfortable. "Second Human Spectre. Quite a move out of the gutter for your family name, Williams."

Does he have to say it so… insultingly? "Yes, sir. I'm eager to prove that you and the other councilors made the right choice in selecting me for this opportunity."

"Hopefully better than last time," Udina muttered, just loud enough for Ashley to hear him. She fought not to frown. What was his angle, always bringing Shepard into this? Was she always going to be compared to Miriam? First the Williams name, now Shepard's shadow? When would she be able to just be her?

"So you wanted partial access to your Spectre resources now, yes? For communications and research purposes?"

Ashley nodded. "Yes, sir, if it's possible. I know you have a lot to do without arranging something like this before I'm even any use to you…"

"It's really nothing, Commander," Udina said, dismissing her concern with a wave of his hand. "If you wanted more it might be an issue, but communications are understandable. Just… don't abuse it and be on there at all hours. I know it's tempting, what with your fiancée off gallivanting around the galaxy on the Normandy."

Ashley started. Did I tell him Sam is on the ship? I don't remember… "I promise not to abuse it, sir. I just want to see if I can find a few people; see if I can touch bases."

"That sounds perfectly reasonable to me, Williams. It's good to have someone with a family in the ranks – the ones that don't lose sight of what's really important, because they have nothing to lose. It makes them effective at some things, but I think I'd much rather have those who've retained their humanity around myself and my colleagues. We have to be able to empathize with each other, especially among those of other races, yes?"

His words made sense, and yet they left Ashley feeling… icky. And she had no response to them. She merely shrugged noncommittally and said, "I'll do my best."

"I hope everything is all right out there on that ship," he mused as he handed a datapad across the desk to her. "From the reports I've read, Shepard and several of her crew actually went onto a derelict Reaper. Spent a good few hours on it, and then the Collector base. Installed Reaper hardware on their ship. Who knows what could've happened? Shepard with Cerberus, the Normandy with Reaper tech installed… it's a testament to your trust and friendship that you're so comfortable with your fiancée serving on that ship, Commander. I admire that trust."

Ashley just sat, blinking, hand still in the air where she had taken the datapad from him. Her heart refused to beat for a moment, and then suddenly it slammed into her ribs as the bitter taste in the back of her mouth heralded adrenaline being introduced into her bloodstream. Fuck. I never even thought of that. Cerberus is clearly indoctrinated. What if Shepard is? Indoctrinated people don't even know it. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

"All the details you'll need will be in that datapad, Williams. Now, I apologize, but I scheduled a meeting directly after yours. If you'll excuse me…"

Ashley nodded, got up, said, "Of course," and left. She was on autopilot. All she could think of was Sam. What do I do? Is he right? Is there nothing to worry about, or everything to worry about?

She left his office in a daze, not knowing what to think.

The Spectre offices were… interesting. And completely empty, as everyone was out on assignment. Except for Ashley. She was still a bit shaken, but one thing she had gotten good at as a soldier was compartmentalizing things when necessary. Freaking out about Sam's safety would do her absolutely zero good at the moment. She would just have to worry about it later. She'd talk to Sam. And Miriam. And maybe finally give Liara a call. They used to be friends. And Liara wasn't on the ship for the Collectors, otherwise Miriam wouldn't be having her little problem about that other woman. Liara would be honest, keep an eye out for signs of indoctrination.

Now, however, she had an opportunity. To try to find her mom, her sisters, Sam's folks. She could see if Sarah's husband got recalled. I'm sure he did. We need every able person we have right now.

Ashley had already entered the codes and downloaded the programs to her omnitool that were now available to her as a Spectre. But the fancy hardware and souped-up imaging systems were in this physical place, so she wanted to begin her search here. Pulling up her omnitool, she linked it with the terminal in the private communications booth she had just entered. She began typing once the holographic interface appeared.

Ashley was no computer wiz, but her fiancée was, and she'd picked up a few tips and tricks. The first of which was how to type faster. She'd always avoided practicing that skill, but the months of being a long-distance couple without assurances of privacy for voice calls had made it necessary for her to learn how to type faster. For the cyber-sex, if nothing else. More than that, though, being with Sam had done incredible things for her self-confidence.

Ashley had always been a confident woman. But she'd never felt like she had much to bring to the table when it came to her brain. Sure, she could field strip a weapon and run for days, but she'd always felt like she was of average intelligence at best. Samantha, on the other hand, was ridiculously smart. But Ashley could keep up with her. Sure, sometimes Sam would go on about something Ashley had a hard time understanding, but her nerdy girlfriend always made it very clear that it just wasn't something Ash knew yet. Sam had a way of making Ashley look at a lot of things differently from how she had before. Sam made her feel like a million bucks.

Now, she plugged into that newfound confidence with tech, starting with a basic, bland search on the extranet. It took a while, but after some fiddling and cross-referencing between different search databases, she did finally find something.

Or nothing.

"Shit… Horizon," Ashley murmured to herself, a frown firmly in place. There had been no word from Horizon, not even on emergency lines. It was like the entire fucking planet had gone dark. It wasn't necessarily bad – there also hadn't been any Reaper activity reported – but it wasn't necessarily a good thing. It was just… uncertain. And uncertainty was its own form of torture.

Saving what information she could, Ashley moved on, not looking forward to that conversation with Sam, but at least secure in the knowledge that between the two of them, they'd done all they could.

Even as a Spectre, Ashley couldn't access secure Alliance records. Which sucked. On a whim, she pinged her sister's ID, not thinking anything would come of it. It hadn't yet.

But apparently this Spectre communications access was good for something, because almost immediately there was a response. Heart suddenly hammering in her chest, Ashley couldn't answer the call fast enough.

An image of a young woman with long, reddish-brown hair appeared before her, in miniature.

"Sarah!"

{Ashley? Is that really you?}

"Sarah, you… it's so good to see you!" Ashley paused, brows furrowing in concern. "You look like shit."

It was true. Her sister's hair was disheveled, there were dark pits under her eyes, and she wore sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. Given that Sarah won Best Dressed in high school, that alone would've told Ashley that something was up.

Sarah didn't even laugh at Ashley's exclamation. Another indication the almost-Spectre was about to get bad news

{Well, I feel like shit, so I guess that works.}

"Sarah, what's wrong?"

{He's dead, Ash. They recalled him when the fighting broke out on Earth, and he's dead. I just…} Sarah started crying quietly. {I don't know what to do…}

Ashley's heart broke. She wanted to reach out and hug her sister, but the image before her wasn't even life-size. They were light years away from each other. There was no way… Unless…

"Come to the Citadel, Sarah. I have room. I'm here… it's a long story why I'm here. But come here, I've got room for you. You should be with family."

Sobs under control, Sarah sniffed, regarding her sister. {I… that's perfect. I've been wanting my big sister… Oh! Shit! You don't even know! I've got Mom, Ash! I've got everyone!}

Ashley was stunned. She couldn't even quite process what she'd heard. "Everyone? Tina and Roo-roo, too?" she asked, using her nickname for the sister who had spent an entire fall and winter dressed in a kangaroo costume as a kid.

Sarah nodded. {Yeah. I… the ship we caught transport with kept me on, and I got a message from Mom. They got off Earth, and we met up, and now we're just kind of wandering aimlessly. The captain of this vessel got conscripted to transport refugees just yesterday, so we're actually headed to the Citadel to pick some up and take them to a remote colony the Reapers have left alone. It's been… well, thank God for Mom.}

Ashley nodded, knowing what Sarah meant. "Stoic as ever?"

{Yep.} Sarah's eyes were dry now. Ashley understood. When their dad died, that was what it had been like. Random bursts of tears followed by a joke, or nothing, or crying during a vid and then being fine. It just… hit you randomly like that, for the most inane of reasons. Ashley once started bawling because there was an ad for an aftershave her father hated, for fuck's sake.

"Fuck. This is great news, Sarah! We haven't been able to find anyone for weeks!"

{Oh shit…Sam. Is she okay? You guys were together when you got off Earth, right?}

Ashley nodded, smiling. "Yeah, yeah, she's fine. She's actually serving on the Normandy with Commander Shepard."

Sarah gave her a knowing look. {And you're not…}

Ashley blushed. "Yeah…"

{You got hurt, didn't you? I can see the bruising on your face, Ash.}

Fuck. Keep forgetting about that. Ashley scrubbed a hand through her hair. "Yeah…"

Her sister was quiet a moment. {Well, I'm glad you're better. But I take it you're not well enough to serve?}

"Nah. Got a few more weeks of physical therapy. But I'm moving okay, just not weaned off the pain medication yet. And my face is a fucking mess, but it looks worse than it feels, and it looks better than it did a week or two ago. I have some good news, though." She held up her hand, showing off the ring Sam had given her. She'd save the Spectre news until they got to the space station. Soften the blow of having to share a studio apartment with herself and Sam's brother.

The reaction was immediate: Sarah actually screamed. {Ashley! Oh, I can't believe it! When did you propose?!}

"She did, actually. The night before the attack…"

Sarah gave a whistle. {Damn, Ash. Bad luck with that timing.}

Ashley chuckled. "Bad luck, or divine intervention. We did both get off-world, on the Normandy, no less. How many people can say that for themselves?" Fuck, that was heartless as shit. Her brand new husband just fucking died. I an asshole.

Sarah's expression got a little sad, but she then smiled, nodding. Ashley couldn't even begin to imagine the rollercoaster of emotions her sister was going through. It made her really need to talk to Sam, though. Just to cement in her mind that her fiancée was healthy and whole and undamaged.

You don't know that Ashley. They could all be following an indoctrinated CO. That AI on the ship could still be under Cerberus's leash. Garrus and Joker and Chakwas could all be indoctrinated, too. You just don't know. You're stuck here being useless instead, and Sam's on that ship without you.

Fuck. I hate not being able to do anything.

Ashley forcibly removed herself from her doubts, refocusing on her sister and her needs. "Jeez, Sarah, I'm sorry…"

{Ash, it's fine. You're allowed to be happy. I just… I can't even bury him. It's like Dad all over again.}

Ashley nodded her understanding. Their father had been missing in action. No remains were ever collected. They'd had a funeral mass for him, but there was nothing to put in the ground. It had been... lacking in closure. Now Sarah would go through that again. Fuck, she needs to get here, like, yesterday.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this, sis. We weren't close, but he was a good man. I'm glad I got a chance to know him a little. Get here soon, Sarah. I'll set you up. I have an apartment here. You guys can stay. And I have Sam's little brother. Someone for mom to, you know, mom."

It was Sarah's turn to chuckle. {She'll love that. God, does she need it. It's been a little suffocating. We were gonna go to the next colony world and try to make do with some military camp rations and crop seeds. It's what the people we're picking up were gonna do. But I think I like this idea better. All of us together.}

"Together is good," Ashley said with a nod.

{All right, I should go. Share the good news. I'll be in touch. Send me your address? I'm guessing whatever fancy thing you did to get a hold of me isn't usually available?}

Ashley smirked. "Another thing I'll tell you about when you get here. Take care, Sarah. I love you. Send my love to mom, Tina, and Roo, yeah?"

Sarah gave a mock salute. {Aye, Commander Williams.}

Ashley snorted as Sarah's image disappeared. Sighing, she turned, exiting the privacy booth. Looking around, she spotted a door next to a long row of windows. Holy fuck is that a shooting range?!

Maybe her call to Samantha could wait a little bit longer…