ok...here's your dose of angst...you knew it was coming ;) xx
"Regina," Robin stated in a calm tone as he watched her brood over the situation, hours later. Henry had come home from his play date with Charlie and immediately asked about living with David for the summer. It hadn't gone well and now the couple sat in the den, bourbon on the coffee table in front of them.
Regina told Henry calmly that it wasn't going to happen and that it was not a part of their custody agreement. He took it about as well as any kid would, spouting off about how she was the worst mom alive before storming upstairs. She'd tried to shake it off, but kept feeling bubbling anger at the person who caused the issue.
"I don't think Mary Margaret meant to cause any harm," Robin offered, trying to get her to see it from another point of view. It was an infuriating quality in him that he always tried to see the best in people and give the benefit of the doubt. Especially right now when all Regina wanted to do was shred her.
"Oh really?" Regina let out a snarky scoff and crossed her arms, "Of course not because she's so kind and nice and innocent. Everyone loves her," She smiled fakely. "Nobody would believe she's actually a passive aggressive little bitch."
"Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?" Robin leaned in, setting his glass of bourbon on the coffee table and turning to her more on the couch, "I mean, isn't it a good thing that he and Mary Margaret get along?"
"What so you think I should just hand my son over to David and Mary Margaret full time so they can play family?" She grit her teeth together and tried to contain her mounting irritation with him.
"No of course not, I just," He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "You just really seem to hate her...and I think you assume her motives behind things based upon your opinion of her. I know it's complicated, but we're both divorced, both have kids. This is the kind of stuff that goes along with it..."
"Are you honestly taking her side?" Regina gaped at him then with a deep frown. Even if she was overreacting, she just needed him to understand why and help calm her. Instead he just stood up for the woman.
"There aren't sides, Regina! This is about your son and what's best for him," He shook his head, "We have to get along with our exes and their new partners for the kids. I want Henry and Roland to be able to be here and be a part of our family someday.."
"What?" Regina studied him for a moment, feeling a knot forming in her throat at the shot of anxiety that rushed through her. She was mentally exhausted from being angry all day and now she had to have a conversation she'd avoided their entire relationship. It had never come up before and it wasn't something she shared freely, but she could see it in his eyes.
"I just mean," He smiled warmly and shrugged, "That's where we're headed, isn't it? Me and you, our boys and little ones to come," He reached out and ran a hand over her knee, "I want us to be a family."
"Robin," Regina frowned and shook her head once, averting her gaze down towards his hand, "I can't do this right now," She let out a breath, leaning forward and running her hands over her face tiredly.
"What?" Robin frowned, "Do you..not see us in that way? Is this just-"
"No, that's not what I meant," Regina reached out, pouring herself another glass of bourbon. There was no dancing around the facts. She was tired of everything. Of David messing with her emotions. Of his wife. Of their son being unhappy. Of trying to make herself be happy with Robin.
"I can't have children," She muttered before taking a sip of bourbon, refusing to look at him. "Henry is adopted. I've tried everything and it never happened for us so..."
Robin stayed silent for a long moment, a saddened expression on his face, "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
"Oh so I should just tell you on the first date so you'd never call me again?" She chuckled bitterly and glanced at him. He had no clue what it felt like to be unable to do the most natural thing your body was meant to. To want something more than life itself but not be able to do it. To watch people around you become mothers and experience everything you'd always wanted to.
"You don't know that that's what I would've done," He frowned defensively and she turned to him then. She could tell he was still processing the news and simply deflecting his feelings onto her while he did so.
"Come on, Robin," She rolled her eyes, giving a sad chuckle, "We both know you would have."
"I just don't think it's fair that you withheld it from me for so long. I thought we were on the same page as to where this was headed," Robin rested his elbows on his knees, gazing toward the floor. His shoulders seemed to sag with the weight of the news and it made her feel guilty.
"I never said we weren't on the same page I just said I can't give you a part of that," She felt the tension in the air and the instant distance from him made her heart begin to slowly sink, "Is that a deal breaker for you?"
There was a long silence following, prompting her to glance in his direction. He still looked towards the floor, jaw tense and brow furrowed. He didn't look her way when he spoke and it felt like a punch to the gut, "Honestly, Regina, I don't know..."
She felt her eyes glaze over and rejection stab at her heart but she squared her shoulders and nodded once, swallowing the emotion that welled in her throat. "I understand."
"It's just...I always wanted more kids Regina, a big family," She felt him looking at her then and the pity in his expression made her stomach turn, "Its nothing against you. I just don't know that it's something I can give up."
"I get it," She replied flatly, refusing to look at him, "You can let yourself out."
"Regina I-" He began before pressing his lips firmly together and seemed to decide against saying anything else. Silently he got up from the couch and made his way towards the door, leaving without another word.
Regina woke up to a pounding head and dry mouth, scrunching her eyes at the sunlight coming into her room. She'd finished off the bourbon last night alone in the den and would be paying for it today. She felt so depleted it took effort to even raise her head from the pillow.
The empty side of her bed was a sore reminder that she'd failed at another relationship. She didn't have a right to feel hurt at Robin's rejection after what she'd done with David behind his back, but she felt it all the same. To be discarded for something that she could not control, for something she wanted to be able to do more than anything, simply crushed her.
Robin wouldn't be coming back to her. She knew that and she really couldn't blame him. She would give up a partner if she had to for a child. If she had been in his situation, she probably would of done the same thing. It didn't make it hurt any less, though.
It wasn't nearly the heartache she experienced with her divorce, but it was a loss nonetheless. Robin had been a companion for Regina, a sense of calm after the storm that was her marriage ending. He made her feel less alone in life, even if he was not the one. Her one was married to another woman.
Thumping and shuffling in the hallway brought her from her thoughts and she sat up with a groan, scooting to the edge and getting up. She rubbed her eyes sleepily as she made her way out to see what the noise was. Throwing on her thin robe and shuffling across cold hardwood floors, she reached the hall.
"What do you think you're doing?" Her eyes widened when she came out of her room, seeing Henry using his entire body to push a giant suitcase out to a pile of things from his room at the top of the steps.
"I'm moving in with Dad, at least for the summer," He nodded determinedly, giving her a defiant look when he made eye contact, "I'm old enough to decide who I want to live with!"
"Not according to the agreement your father and I have," She frowned and crossed her arms, "Now put your things back in your room. I'll make breakfast."
"No," He replied and sat another box down on his pile, "I want to go to dads." Henry may not be hers biologically, but he'd definitely inherited her temperament over David's. The boy was a nightmare to argue with.
"Your home is here," She snapped at him, reaching her last straw much faster than she normally did due to how she felt, "Now stop arguing with me and put your things away!"
Her head was pounding and she was miserable, mentally and physically. Controlling her temper wasn't easy for her when she felt well, let alone when she was hungover from a bottle of dark whiskey. Her heightened emotional state made her fuse shorter and showing her temper only made her son's worse.
"See! This is why I want to live with dad!" Henry shrieked and began a full blown tantrum, "You're so mean and we never do anything fun and you make me go to bed early! And you only let me play video games for an hour a day!"
"It's called being your mother Henry and I'm not sorry for it!" She replied firmly with a frown, "You're allowed to do more there because your father doesn't get as much time with you. If you lived there, things would be much different."
"No it wouldn't! Dad is fun and Mary Margaret is nice!" Henry narrowed his eyes and she had to refrain from entirely losing her shit, "And you can't keep me from them."
"I'm not trying to keep you from them, Henry!" She shook her head, coming over to one of the boxes and picking it up, "Now put your things away!"
"No!" Henry yelled, jerking the box back when she picked it up, causing the cardboard bottom to fall out. The contents scattered on the floor, his favorite superhero figurine ending up in two broken pieces. Throwing the box to the side, his eyes widened before looking up at Regina with furious eyes, "You're the worst mom ever!" He screamed before running into his room and slamming the door, the lock clicking immediately.
She took a quick, shaky breath as her eyes welled immediately and she bent to begin picking up the contents of the box. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the words he'd said. She tried to remind herself he was simply a child throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get his way, but it didn't make it sting any less.
Another person she loved was leaving her. The only child she'd fought so hard to adopt wanted to live with his father. Her ex had moved on and married someone else. Her boyfriend was most likely going to leave her because she was barren. What was so wrong with her that everyone close to her eventually left?
"Knock knock?" David said out loud as he stepped into the house after no one answered the door. He heard activity in the kitchen but before he could head that way he saw his son pop out at the top of the stairs.
"Dad!" Henry navigated around his pile of belongings in the hall before bouncing down the stairs, "Thank god you're here, mom's acting crazy," He warned with wide eyes, leaning in to hug him.
"What's all that?" He chuckled, not taking Henry too seriously. They were both aware of Regina's temper and understood her moods. If she was sad, the two of them used to convince her to make pancakes with them and have her laughing by the end. If she was angry, they'd let her rant and rave until she was finished and then comfort her because it usually stemmed from her feelings being hurt. They didn't take her rough edges too seriously because they knew she was a softie deep down.
"My stuff," Henry chirped with a big grin, "Mom's going to let me come stay with you for the summer."
"I take it she's pretty upset?" David let out a breath and frowned down at his son. He couldn't exactly scold him for wanting to live with him and he'd never tell his own child they couldn't, but it didn't sit well with him that Regina would be alone here. He knew how much an empty nest bothered her.
"Totally," His son frowned for a moment, a hint of guilty flickering on his expression before his childlike excitement took over again, "I'll start putting it in your truck!" He nodded before bouncing back up the steps.
David took a deep breath and decided to track down Regina, making his way into the kitchen where he heard the most noise. He raised an eyebrow when he found her scrubbing the stove so furiously, her cardigan rolled up to her elbows and hair in a knot on her head. Some of it fell from the updo in the back, the pieces too short to stay, but it was cute in a messy way.
"Hey, I got your text about picking Henry up," He said as he stepped in, seeing her look up from her task, "Spring cleaning?"
"Something like that," She replied and her tone of voice was low and he knew she was going through something, "Your son is packed and ready to go with you."
"I didn't think you were going to let him..." He replied cautiously. She was wound extremely tight today and he could see the dark circles under puffy eyes that suggested she had been crying or up entirely too late.
"I wasn't," She let out a breath, dropping her scrub brush in the sink and peeling off the yellow gloves she wore, "But your son woke me up as he moved out of his room this morning and then proceeded to defy me. I suppose he is old enough to decide where he wants to be and he obviously chooses you."
She wouldn't meet his gaze but David could hear the flicker of hurt in her voice and he knew this was going to be hard for her, "It's only for the summer, right? He'll miss you," He reassured her as he came a few steps closer. She was barefoot today instead of the heels she typically wore and she seemed so small, causing a wave of protectiveness to wash over him. He didn't think he'd ever shake the urge to take care of her. "He's just a kid. You're a wonderful mom and he will realize that."
She troubled her bottom lip and her eyes glossed with unshed tears as she shifted on her feet, actively avoiding his gaze, "Oh I'm sure he'll miss bedtimes and curfews and not being able to play video games whenever he wants."
He could tell she was on the verge of breaking again and desperately did not want to, so he tried to deflect for her, "But hey, Robin and Roland will be around, right? You'll have your hands full this summer with them and Henry on the weekends," He tried to comfort her but her expression only flickered with pain.
"It's over between me and Robin," She replied, swallowing thickly and seeming to recover some of her control.
"Shit...I'm sorry, Regina," He let out a breath, not knowing how to act. He couldn't deny that it felt a weight was lifted off of his shoulders that it hadn't worked out between them, but that was selfish. He was married now and he wanted her to be happy, even though they still clung to what they used to have, pulling each other back into their twisted game when the other got too distant or happy with someone else. "What happened?"
"Just...wasn't going anywhere," She shrugged with her back to him now as she put the kettle on, "You don't have to fake sympathy for me. You never liked me with him."
"To be fair I don't think I'd really like the idea of you with anyone but me," David shrugged, leaning back against the kitchen island as he watched her, "But that doesn't mean I want you to be unhappy..."
"So you wanted me and Robin to work out," She gave a bitter laugh then and he knew no matter what he said in the moment, it would be the wrong answer. "Because fucking me with him in the other room isn't a real great indication that you cared about my happiness or me being able to move on like you did."
He took a deep breath in preparation of the wrath she had boiling, "It wasn't just me pursuing you, Regina...You played your part...Despite of how fucked up we can be sometimes, I don't ever want you to be unhappy."
"Well good, because I'm not," She narrowed her eyes as she turned to look up at him, "I ended it with Robin because I wanted it to be over," She rolled her eyes and did her best impression of not caring, "I'm fine. You can keep your pity."
David studied her expression for a moment, pressing his lips together quietly. She always did this when there was something she was hiding. She'd build a wall around herself and blame anyone else, deflecting all emotions back at them. It was a coping mechanism she used when she was hurt by something and needed to be alone to lick her wounds. Knowing her history and who her mother was, he understood why she dealt this way.
"If you need anything, just call me," He replied seriously before turning to go finish helping their son load his things. There was something else she wasn't sharing that was upsetting her but there was no use in prying for her to admit it. If there was one thing he learned after years of being with her it's that nothing good ever came out of pushing Regina Mills.