Chapter 11

A/N: So tonight, has been a shit night, and we have hit 800 reviews (if you combine the ones from out individual accounts too) so we are celebrating by posting this chapter early. Plus, some readers may have asked for the chapter like now, and who are we to not deliver. Here is EPOV and boy does it deliver. Enjoy! As always, thank you to our amazing prereaders Maplestyle, SassyNoles, and 2brown-eyes, they give us great suggestions and comments. Also thank you to Alice'sWhiteRabbit because she helps us make this readable. Thank you to everyone reviewing and recing. You make us happy!

"Broken" by Seether; "Never Let Me Go" by Florence and The Machines

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I climbed out of my car, taking the bottle of Jack with me. For a long moment, I simply stood there, gazing up at the dark house. Bella had told me she was quitting DarkStrip three nights ago, and I finally felt the thin string of my control snap. I'd felt a compulsion come to life, and I'd been helpless to ignore the urge.

I could still feel the tingle on my lips from that kiss. It was different from the ones we've shared previously. It'd started with all the same passion that existed between us, but it had manifested into something I hadn't quite anticipated. Briefly, I thought about sharing that moment at my mother's graveside with Em, and instantly, I knew deep down I have changed. And now, against my better judgment, there I stood.

Quietly, I just stood there studying the dark porch. Em called me minutes earlier, saying some shit about being attacked with a bat by a terrified Bella. As the conversation progressed, he mentioned Bella being scared of an overbearing ex-boyfriend, which put me on immediate alert for her wellbeing. After all, the purpose of me keeping my distance from her was to ensure her safety. Moments ago, however, I learned keeping her at arm's length could jeopardize her in ways I hadn't anticipated.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I considered climbing those stairs to her house. Since the night I'd brought her home from the club, I'd made her place a regular destination, coming here and just watching her sleep.

It sounded creepy even to me if I let myself think about it too long, yet I shoved the thought away and moved forward. My fingers tightened over the bottle as I quietly crossed the sidewalk and mounted the stairs. Over the last few days, I'd become an expert at navigating the creaky floorboards, knowing exactly where to place my feet to avoid them. I took a deep breath as I stood before her door, the key pressed between my forefinger and thumb, a tingle running down my spine as I thought of her lying in bed.

If I was lucky, her curtains would be parted as they had been on previous nights, and I'd get a glimpse of her angelic face. Clearing my throat, I finally pushed the key into the door and very gently turned the knob. When I stepped into the kitchen, I noticed right away the silence throughout the place, knowing she's already in bed. Relief filled me, and I continued through the kitchen, only stopping to grab a glass from the cabinet. Feeling constricted by the material of the button-up I wore, I undid the buttons and pulled the ends from my waistband. Shrugging to loosen the material on my shoulders, my hand floated over the hair on my abdomen, scratching absently as my flesh grew warm.

Before I headed into her room, I stopped at the counter and poured myself half a glass of Jack. I left the bottle sitting and took a long swallow of the liquor, relishing the burn of alcohol on my throat. Liberated by the alcohol burning in my veins, I slowly proceed to Bella's room, grabbing a chair from the rickety dining set.

My gaze floated over the table, barely managing to remain on its wobbly legs, and murmured beneath my breath, "Guess she needs some new furniture, as well."

I forgot all about the state of her furniture as I came into her room. She looked so cozy all nestled into the feathery comforter Em and Alice had purchased, and I silently cursed myself for not being a part of the buying process. Yet, what the hell did I really know about picking out frilly shit and such? Absolutely nothing, but I could've been there when Alice had settled on the light blue blanket tucked beneath her chin.

Soundlessly, I placed the chair several feet away from the bed and discreetly settled in to watch the woman who'd come to mean a great deal to me in the space of such a short time. Thankfully, there was enough of a gap in the curtains to cast a faint, hazy glow over the room, allowing me to trace her delicate features. As I sat there, sipping my drink and staring at the most beautiful creation known to man, she moaned, shifting in the bed.

My skin prickled, yet it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, more like eagerness. I just wanted to cross the room at that moment and take her in my arms, but by the barest threads of control, I stayed in my seat. The hum in my blood wouldn't remain silent, however, vibrating through my body without mercy.

My gaze was tracing over the bridge of her nose, mapping her sweet lips, until I finally returned my gaze to her lashes. There was just enough light streaming in through the window to give me that glimpse of sweetness I'd come to know and treasure. Funny how things worked out sometimes, I thought, shifting slightly as I took the last drink from the glass.

One minute, you live your life entirely for yourself, and the next, someone just comes in and turns everything upside fucking down. I molded myself into the perfect iced sculptured and took extraordinary measures to remain that way. The shield cracked until it all came crumbling down, now icy shards laid at my feet, melting into tiny little puddles. I scoffed to myself and gently set the empty glass on the floor next to the chair.

My movements must've created more sound than I realized because when I glanced back to the bed, Bella's eyes were open. For a moment, she went utterly still, apparently frozen beneath the blankets, then as if she realized I was the one sitting in the chair, she went lax, her head nuzzling into the pillow. A faint smile lined her lips as she laid there, silently regarding me. The familiar tingle of awareness skated under my skin, and the magnetic pull predicted my next movements. As if guided by an unforeseen hand, I stood from the chair and crossed the space separating us, and without speaking, I laid on top of the blankets at Bella's side.

Pillowing my arm beneath my head, I just stared into her eyes, unable or unwilling to break the spell binding us. All I knew at this moment was there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. She studied me for a long, hard moment, electricity popping from my gaze to hers.

"Why didn't you tell me," she quietly murmured, her gaze never wavering from mine.

"Tell you what?" I asked, my brow drawing tight as I considered her meaning.

"That you were having Em bring things to my apartment," she whispered, catching me completely off guard. "Why don't you let people see the good in you?"

Uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation, I rolled my head away, focusing on the ceiling. It was way beyond my character to do anything for anyone, and having someone acknowledge that generosity was totally foreign to me. Having her stare me in the eye as she spoke about it left me feeling all sorts of fucking weird. I couldn't even express what was going on inside, just feeling the need to hide it. "Because when people see good, they expect good …" Rolling my head in her direction once again, I met her gaze. "And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations."

This time, it was apparently her turn to feel this uncertainty hovering between us like a transparent veil. She rustled around beneath the sheets, her arm pushing nervously at her pillow before dropping to her side. As Bella's fingers fell across the bed, they landed atop mine, and the need to just feel her skin, even for only a second, was too much to ignore. Loving the softness of her fingers, I played with hers, wanting to hold them in mine, yet she seemed resistant.

After everything that had passed between us, I couldn't fault her reluctance to put her faith in me. Yet still, I tried to weave my fingers through hers with no success before she ripped out of my grasp and shoved upright beneath the sheets. Confused and a little lost, I watched her hurry to collect her silky housecoat before rushing from the room.

I couldn't let her go. I had to go after her. With these thoughts foremost on my mind, I climbed from the bed and followed her through the house. I found her merely standing in the kitchen with the oven light illuminating the small space. "Bella?"

"Don't," she whispered back, going utterly still, her breathing coming fast and hard as if she were fighting a silent battle I knew nothing about.

Harshly, I whispered, "Why not? Bella?"

She was facing away from me, and I watched as she shook her head with indecision. I felt the claws of need ripping at my gut, wanting to reach for her but determined to let it be her choice. As I prepared myself for the biggest disappointment of my life, she turned abruptly and flew into my arms. I felt her push up against my chest as she lifted on tiptoes to meet my mouth, and her lips settled directly over mine.

Desire crashed through me in waves, and my arms wrapped around her slight form, dragging her against me. My lips opened to receive her tongue, mine plunging deeply in her mouth as I pushed us across the kitchen. I didn't stop until she was pressed against the wall, and I ate her lips as if I were starving, and in a way, I suppose I was.

How long had I resisted the need for human interactions? How long since I'd allowed myself to need anyone? Too fucking long—and all of that resistance was poured into each kiss. With my shield down and my soul bare, my lips broke away from hers, skating down her jaw to sample the flesh of her neck. Unable to resist the temptation of her kiss; however, I eagerly returned to her lips, my ears eating up the tiny gasps and moans hiccupping from her throat. My fist knotted in her hair, and I pulled her head roughly back, our lips colliding, tasting, and treasuring every slide, nibble, and thrust.

Her fingers fisted in my hair as if she couldn't bear to let me go before floating over my nape to claw at my bare pecs. Even as her mouth slipped down my throat and her teeth sharply nipped at my pulse, I reluctantly forced some space between us before this embrace could spiral out of control. Despite what she might think of me, I didn't just want her body wrapped around my cock, and the way things were headed, that was an inevitable destination. Dropping another warm kiss across her mouth, I shifted away to catch my breath. "Bella … we have to chill before we do something you will regret later."

She fought for breath as she stared at me, disbelieving. "You confuse the fuck out of me."

"I think I confuse the fuck out of myself," I agreed. My blood was pumping in molten waves through my body, and my heavy breathing filled the room as I studied her intently. Finally, I merely reached for her fingers and urged her to follow me. "Let's go lie down for a while. Let me hold you … stare into your eyes until you fall asleep."

"Are you going to leave me again?" she asked as she slid beneath the covers. Her lashes fluttered as emotion gripped her at the prospect. Her chin tilted up as I let my fingers trace her jaw, and I dropped a kiss to her lips.

"Probably," I admitted, lying at her side. I lifted my arm, creating enough space for her to pillow her head upon my chest. A pent-up breath left me as her head settled on my pec, and her fingers petted over the sprinkle of hair on my abdomen. Kissing her temple, I continued. "It won't be for a while … just let me laid here and hold you until then"

"Why do you have to go? You could just stay here with me," Bella said, settling against my side. She propped her chin on my chest and let her fingers drift over my chin. "I always feel safer with you …"

I laughed with no humor as I returned her gaze. "How is that even fucking possible? I've been a shitty human being for as long as I can remember. I don't deserve someone like you … you are so good … too good for someone like me. You have no idea the things …"

I fell silent, letting the quiet speak for me. If Bella had any idea what I'd done throughout my life, she would be running in the opposite direction. Hell, she was already doing that, and we hadn't even gotten to the really awful shit I'd done. If she were willing to leave over a few embraces that hadn't gone the way she'd thought they should have progressed, at the time, there was simply no way she could handle the filthy shit in my life.

"Tell me," she whispered, kissing the flesh of my pec. Her fingernails ran over the puckered flesh of my nipple, and she played with the bar in my nipple. "I want to know everything about you. Like how didn't I know you had your nipple pierced? It's so freaking hot …"

I groaned low in my throat as her tongue circled my nipple, playing with the studs on each end of the bar. Even though I should pull away, I found my fingers fisting in her hair, dragging her closer. As my touch encouraged her to proceed, my next words contradicted my actions, "Baby, gotta stop playing like that. Making me want things that are off-limits."

Biting at my nipple, she slapped my abdomen as her frustration took a new flight. Glaring up at me, she said, "Why do you have to be so aggravating? Why can't you see what we could have?"

Rolling toward her, I pushed her back against the pillows, and I stared into her eyes intently. I let my fingers drift over her chin down to the open V of her housecoat. I moaned as gooseflesh dotted her creamy flesh. "Bella, you are beautiful, intelligent, sweet, and one of the best people I've come to know … I'd hate to taint all of that perfection with my shitty choices … choices I made way, way before you ever came into my life. The time for us just … it's not right."

"Then why the fuck do you keep doing this to me? You keep confusing the fuck—why are you here?"

"Because, despite my better judgment, I am incapable of staying away. I can see it in your eyes, woman. You don't want me to leave." The aggravation in her voice was like a blow. Physically, her words pained me more than I wanted to admit. Dropping my forehead to rest against her chin. "I'm giving you more of myself than I have ever given anyone … Why can't that be enough for now?"

She laid there silent, yet her fingers never stopped stroking my nape, and I took comfort in her gentle touch. "Fine … you are here and giving me what you can … I can't find the need or desire to put my life on hold, waiting around for you to decide I'm what you want. I can't do that to myself. I'm sorry, but it's not enough … Hell, actually, I'm not sorry … I'm not a doormat or welcome mat …"

I flopped back on the bed next to her as my own frustration mounted. "What the fuck ever, but I'm not going anywhere. Call the cops or whatever you have to, but I'm staying right here."

"Stupid, stubborn, bull-headed asshole," she spouted, yet even as she spoke, she nestled at my side as her ranting died away. With another gasp of air, she started again. "Fool … dumb-ass … you frustrate me to no end. Goddamn, ass."

I couldn't help it anymore, and with a laugh, I rolled her over on her back and silenced her the only way I knew how. I pinned her arms above her head, my mouth dropped to hers, and I ruthlessly kissed the insults from her lips. "Infuriating little minx …"

"Whatever," she started, "I already found another job … might even date someone else."

"Go ahead, babe," I said, biting her lip. I sucked it into my mouth and pulled hard. "I'll just break his fucking jaw."

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A/N: How do we feel now? How do we feel about Edward? How do we feel about Bella? Let us know, Good, bad, and everywhere in between. Thanks so much for your thoughts and we appreciate it so much. Til later lovelies!