Chapter 20

A/N: It's Monday! So you don't care what I have to say, I know. Thanks once again for all your reviews and recs for this story. Y'all are amazing. Thanks to our prereaders Maplestyle, SassyNoles, and 2 Brown eyes. Also thanks to our beta Alice's White Rabbit. All you ladies are amazing. Onto BPOV.

Songs- I Don't Wanna Live Forever by Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik, Another Life by Motionless in White

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I stiffened in his arms and sat up, turning to look at him. "What does that mean, Edward?"

"That I get paid to take care of people for a price."

"Like you kill people?"

"Yeah," he said, looking at me like he was worried. I shot out of the bed and started getting dressed, pulling clothes out of my overnight bag. "Bella ..."

"You're joking, right? It's not a very funny joke," I said, felling weary. This wasn't real. There was no way that the man I was falling in love with was a stone-cold killer.

"I'm dead serious, baby. That's really what I do," he said, completely serious.

My stomach clenched, and I thought through all the weird things about him that just didn't add up. Things I just brushed off before. I found his gun with a silencer, I knew he was involved with people who have suspected organized crime ties, he got fucking shot after disappearing, and he has more money than just a regular club owner should have. All the pieces slammed into place with startling clarity, and I started to get dizzy.

"You murder people. What the hell? How do you even deal with that?"

"I don't care. I deal with it fine."

I just stared at him, stunned. For the first time since meeting him, I was scared of him. He was always possessive, jealous, and controlling, but now, I knew he killed people, and he didn't even bat an eye. He came closer to me, and I flinched away from him, putting as much space between us as I could. The look of hurt on his face registered with me, but it didn't override the fear.

"I'm still the same person I was yesterday and the day before that. Why are you acting scared?"

"I'm not acting, Edward! I'm terrified. You sit there and just calmly tell me that you kill people, and it doesn't faze you. I …" I clenched my hair in my hands, and feeling bone tired, I slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "How do I know you wouldn't do that to me?"

He came to kneel next to me, and I scrambled to get away from him, running into a corner. I tucked myself in it. "Is that why you were so worried about the same thing happening to me that happened to your mom? If someone paid you enough, would you kill me?" I asked, tears starting to fall down my face.

He recoiled from that question as if I had slapped him. "No," he said sincerely. "I would never do something like that to you. This is why I didn't tell you. I knew you would freak out."

"So, you draw the line somewhere?" I mumbled. I suddenly was indignant that this man got into a … whatever the fuck we had, with me, knowing I would have a problem with this, and just like everything else, he kept it from me. The blatant manipulation and lies really pissed me off. I stood up, getting in his face. "Who the fuck are you to decide to keep something like that from me? I get what happened with your parents is personal, but this is who you are and the person I slept with. The person who I gave myself to in every way. The whole entire time you lied to me," I said, my anger fading into deep sadness.

Edward raked his hand through his hair, tugging on the strands. "Can you blame me? Look how you're reacting. This doesn't have to change anything between us. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Edward, this is so fucked up. I think I need some space … from us," I said, trying to ignore the pain and heartache twisting in my chest. I grabbed my bag, turning to leave the room and his house. He caught me before I got to the stairs.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"I need to leave. I'm going to go home." I turned and hurried down the stairs.

I heard him growl, and he followed me. He grabbed my arm in the living room, turning me to him and pulling me against his body. "You can't leave. I can feel it, baby. You don't want to do this."

I pushed him away from me, hating that he was doing this. He was using my feelings for him against me. I pressed my hand against my stomach, trying to keep from openly sobbing in front of him. I had to do this because I was more unsure of him than I ever had been since meeting him. "No, I do," I said, wrapping my arms around myself. "Don't follow me, Edward. I need to think. I think we need a break. If you can't give me some time to process, then we need to just say goodbye right now." I turned and walked out of his living room. I ignored him calling my name and walked out the front door. I heard a loud crash, like something slammed into the door I had just closed. I kept going and didn't breathe until I was out of his building. Realizing my car was still at my apartment, I started walking. I was only a block away when Edward's driver, Finn, pulled up alongside me.

"Ms. Masen. He just wants you to get home safe. I've been told to take you to your apartment."

I tried not to flinch at him using my last name. Sure, I had changed it when I first got to Seattle, but Edward had laid his secrets bare to me, and he still didn't know mine. I tried to shove down the clench of guilt in my stomach. This so wasn't even on the same level as murder. Not wanting to walk the several miles to my house in the dark, I got into the car.

When the door was closed, and the car was moving, I let the sobs escape, wracking my frame. It was the only default I had because I didn't even know how to deal with what I had just found out. The emotional upheaval I had gone through today just left me feeling tired and hopeless.

Edward and I had been moving closer together. He had told me about his parents, then he told me who he really was, and it made me feel like I had been tricked. I loved him, God did I, but was I in love with a lie? After he had watched his mom be killed in cold blood, he was the same guy who took family members away from people, and worst of all, he didn't care.

Finn pulled up in front of my apartment building in record time, and I sighed when I saw Emmett standing outside my door, waiting for me. Fuck. Of course, Edward would send him over here. He knew Emmett and I had a brotherly-sisterly friendship building, but Emmett had to know who Edward was. They had their secret meetings. Oh God, did Emmett kill people too?

I thanked Finn for the ride and got out of the car. I wouldn't look at Emmett and tried to brush past him, hopeful that I could get in the apartment without him getting in too. I was obviously not thinking because Emmett was not the person to just let shit like that slide.

He grabbed me by my arm, turning me to look at him. "What is going on, Bella? Why did Edward tell me to get over here immediately? You look devastated."

"Please, Emmett. Just go home—I'm fine," I lied, trying to keep the tears at bay. I tried to unlock the door, but my hands were shaking too badly.

"Bullshit," he said, gently grabbing the key and unlocking the door successfully. He swung the door open and gestured for me to go inside.

I sighed and walked in, dropping my bag under the breakfast bar. For the first time, my apartment brought me no comfort. This wasn't where I wanted to be. I wanted to be in Edward's arms, but I couldn't deal with what I now knew. A new round of tears started, and I leaned against the breakfast bar with my head in my hands. I heard movement behind me, and I was being gathered into Emmett's arms. He started smoothing my hair down against my back, and I so desperately wanted to find some comfort. Some part of my life that made sense.

"Emmett, please tell me you aren't part of this," I pleaded.

"Part of what? Bella, what's going on?" he urged.

I pulled away from him and his hug. I wrapped my arms around my middle again, trying to ground myself. "Edward told me who he really is, what he really does."

Emmett went completely still and gave me a wary look. I shook my head, backing away from him. "Bella …"

"NO! Don't. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Where do you draw the line? What if someone gave you money to kill Rose?"

I realized too late that was the wrong button to push. His face took on a look of anger I had never seen before, and I was back to being scared again. Emmett must have noticed the look of fear and that I was still backing away from him.

"It's not that black and white, Bella. The people …"

I held up my hand. "Please, I really don't want to know. Look, you can tell Edward that I'm alive; I'm safely home. Just … leave me alone. I can't deal with much more of this."

"I'm not going to leave you alone."

"Yes, you are because I'm asking you to please leave."

Emmett's shoulders slumped in defeat, and I knew he was going to respect my wishes. "Bella, I would never hurt you or Rose. If you need me, please call me."

I nodded, trying not to cave. When he left, I locked the deadbolt and put the chain over the door. That was a new feature. Edward was appalled at how easily he could get in my apartment so he had the chain installed. My heart flipped at that memory, and I had to brace myself against the onslaught of emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness, and desperation all hit me alternately, and I fell to the floor. Why? I thought to myself. Why did I have to be in love with Edward? I thought he was this man—who was a whole lot damaged, a little lost, and dangerously sexy—but he only had to give me one look, and I felt like the world was at my feet. Like he and I were the only two people on earth, and he could see my soul. But he was also a murderer. He killed people with no guilt, no conscience, and no apology.

I shuddered and went to my room. When I crawled in bed, it still smelled like him from the last time we'd slept here. I cried myself to sleep that night, wrapped in his smell and dreams of Edward.

DS

I awoke the next day feeling no better about my situation. I knew that I wasn't going to work. It was already 3:30. Was I surprised that I had slept over 15 hours? No, I wasn't. I didn't want to move or even think anymore. My heart ached, my head hurt, and my eyes didn't want to stay open. I was heartbroken.

I forced myself to get out of my bed and take a shower. It took more energy than I would have expected, but by the time I was done, I felt a little more aware and a little more human. I dressed in comfortable clothes, knowing I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I turned on my iPod and started eating some ice cream. I was mindlessly listening to music when a phrase of lyrics caught my ear.

I'm sitting eyes wide open, and I got one thing stuck in my mind Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh

I scoffed. "Sing it, T-Swift," I said to my empty apartment. I don't know how long I sat there just staring off in space, but I was broken out of it when my phone started to ring. I saw Alice's cell phone number pop on the screen, and I declined the call. I noticed it was 5:30. I was officially half an hour late for work. I got up and threw away my empty container of ice cream when my phone started ringing again. This time it was Rose. I declined that call too. My phone rang two more times after that, and I didn't even bother to look at the phone. I could guess that it was probably Emmett followed by Edward.

I felt bad for making Rose and Alice worry, but I wasn't going to the club tonight. Aside from the burning ache in my heart to see Edward, I knew that if they asked me, I would end up coming in. There was no way for this fear or longing to go away if I just kept getting sucked back in again. I wondered idly if I could get that burlesque job back. Maybe I'd have to leave Seattle altogether. I had quite a bit of money saved up now. Edward had refused to let me pay for anything while I was staying at his house. I felt sick again at the thought that his money was blood money.

I was watching TV when there was a booming knock on the door. I figured it was probably Emmett, sent to collect the problem child. I opened the door and was completely shocked and thrown to see my dad standing there. He was in his police uniform still. I swayed against the door, almost on the verge of passing out.

"What—" I started, unable to form a full sentence.

"I told you I had eyes everywhere, Isabella. I was extremely disappointed to hear what has been going on. Are you going to let me in?"

I shook my head. I may be shocked, but I knew that I didn't want to let him in.

"This has gone on long enough. I figured if I gave you some time to sow whatever wild oats that you would eventually come back home, but stripping? That isn't how your mom or I raised you."

I saw white-hot anger at him using my mom against me. "Mom didn't raise me, Dad. She died—she checked out, remember? You didn't raise me either. You stuck me in a box and just expected me to deal and be the perfect daughter. You know shit about who I am or what I want. I don't know why you're here."

"Bella, it's time for you to come home."

"This is my home. I'm not coming back. You need to leave."

In a move that completely shocked me, he grabbed my upper arm, and it hurt. I let out a gasp of pain, and suddenly, my dad had let go and was shoved up against the wall, a gun pointing right in his face. A very pissed off Edward was holding the gun. He pulled back on the hammer, and I knew he wouldn't hesitate. He grabbed my dad by the throat and squeezed, cutting off his air.

"Edward, please stop," I said, grabbing his arm.

"He has no right to touch you. He was hurting you," he said, his voice low and menacing, not looking away from my dad.

"You can't kill him. That's … my dad," I said, finally telling him my secret. My dad was starting to turn red, and Edward let go at those words.

He looked at my dad's badge, and his eyes shot to me. He lowered his gun. "Swan? Are you fucking kidding me?" He looked back at my dad. "So, you're Chief Swan from Forks, Washington?" he ground out and stepped away from my dad.

"Do I know you, son?" my dad asked. I winced because his habit of calling younger males son was not going to help him with Edward.

"Oh, I'm not your fucking son. I believe your daughter asked you to leave," he said, eerily calm.

"I'm not finished talking to her," my dad started.

Edward raised the gun again. "Unless you want me to shoot you where you fucking stand, you're done. She asked you to leave, and I can only guess why she left home, but I'm damn sure it's probably your fault."

"I'll be back, Bella. We need to talk." My dad gave me a meaningful look, and I just glared at him. Edward pushed me inside and shut the door, locking it behind him.

"So, looks like I wasn't the only one lying. Bella fucking Swan, not Masen," he said, smiling humorlessly. It was like when we first met.

"My last name is Masen. It has been since I started making money. I got it legally changed, but yes, it used to be Swan," I told him, trying to keep calm. I ignored the pang in my heart.

"You care to tell me why you failed to mention that over the last few months, or should we just discuss hypocrisy right now?" he asked. I knew this eerie calm, and that calculating smile was back. He was pissed, and I knew this was make it or break it time.

"I was hiding from him, Edward. You have no idea what it was like to live with him. I couldn't let him find me …"

"It doesn't matter why you lied, Bella. You still lied. I told you who I was; I put myself out there, and you fucking left. Do you know how hard that was to tell you? What I do is illegal, and you are just running from Daddy," he said in that mocking tone I fucking hated

"Oh, here we go again with you have your reasons, but fuck everyone else's reasons. Do you always think you're the most important person in the room, or is that reserved just for me?" Suddenly, the fact that he was holding a gun registered with me, and I flinched away from him when he stepped toward me.

"I'm not going to fucking shoot you, Bella." He sighed and put his gun on the counter. He had that weary look in his eyes. "I wasn't lying when I said I'd never do anything like that to you. This situation right here is what we need to figure out."

"I tried to explain why I didn't tell you; you didn't want to hear it," I said, feeling like we would be going in circles for a while. This was what always happened.

"No, I don't want to hear fucking excuses. Nothing you say could justify it," he said simply.

I had fought with him enough times to realize he had just trapped himself. I called him out on it. "You lied to me too, Edward. If no reason is good enough, then the fact that I would freak out or that it's illegal is invalid as well. So, why did you lie to me?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him. I almost smiled, but I remembered why my chest felt hollow and subtly clutched at my chest.

It wasn't subtle enough because Edward looked concerned for a second, then that mask, the mask I fucking hated, slid back into place, and I knew he was protecting himself. It made me want to cry to see that look back on his face. The one I had fought tooth and nail to remove just slid back in place so easily. He smiled, again with no humor. "Very clever, Bella. So then, I guess we have nothing left to say. You can't trust me, and I can't trust you."

"You don't understand. I didn't lie to you with any malice. I was protecting myself," I said with complete sincerity. There was no trace of teasing in my voice, and I had to make him listen.

Edward looked at me, searching for any reason not to listen. "Explain. Make me understand," he said, the challenge clear in his tone.

"When my mom killed herself, my dad went overboard. He wanted to keep me close, and while I was only eight years old, it seemed great to spend more time with my dad. But then I wasn't allowed to go to my friend's house, and I wasn't allowed to have sleepovers. I figured he would let up eventually and everything would be okay. When I was old enough to start being interested in guys …"

"I don't want to hear about other fucking guys, Bella," he gritted out, his hands balling into fists.

"I doesn't matter because he wouldn't let me date," I said, my voice raising. "He decided that my lifelong friend Jake and I made a great match. I didn't have any feelings other than friendship for him. Why do you think I was still a virgin when I moved here?" I asked. I fisted my hand in my hair. "God, I hated being forced to fit in this little box where I had to act and say what he wanted. I was never free. He had eyes all over Forks. I was constantly watched. My dad has no idea who I am. The Bella you've known this entire time, that's who I really am. I've never been insincere with you, Edward. Yes, I didn't tell you my real last name before I changed it, but that's all. Oh, and I'm not from Oregon, obviously," I finished. I looked at him, and it was so hard to figure out his thoughts when he had that look on his face. I guess I couldn't blame him. He'd been honest with me, and I left, but what did he expect from me? Oh, you blow people's brains out, well sucks for them, come give me a hug. Not likely.

"I can understand why you left Forks and why you didn't want anyone to find out. Can you understand why I didn't tell you about me?" he asked.

"Yes. Can you understand why I'm having a hard time with that news? For the first time since I met you, I'm scared of you and this world you live in," I explained.

"Woman, that is what I've been trying to tell you from the get-go," he said, exasperated.

Him calling me woman again made my heart hurt, and I clutched at my chest again. He looked at me in concern. "I'm okay."

"Bella …" he started, and I knew where he was going.

"I don't know, Edward. I don't know if I can accept this. This is really big. Can we admit that we no longer have any secrets from each other?"

"You know everything," he said, sighing.

"Same here," I said sincerely.

Edward reached out to cup my cheek, and I had to pull away from him.

I shook my head. "If you start touching me, I'm not going to want you to stop, and I can't give you that yet—that's not fair to either of us. I still need some time."

The mask was finally gone, and he looked vulnerable for the first time in a long time. "How long?"

I laughed without humor because I was trying not to cry. I looked him in the eye, and tears started falling. "I don't know," I said, my voice breaking.

"Don't be scared of me, Bella. If nothing else, know that I would never hurt you."

I nodded because I was getting there. "I know that. I'm really starting to understand that."

"I can't leave you here alone, Bella. Your dad is still out there. Alec knows where you live, and I need to know you're okay. Let Finn stay here. He'll protect you."

"I barely know him, Edward."

"It's either him or me," he said, the look back on his face that let me know I wasn't going to win this argument.

I sighed. "Fine, but you're sleeping on the couch."

He nodded, grabbed his gun from the counter, and put it on the end table by the side of the couch he sat on. I turned the TV on as background noise and sat next to him. Even though he was still here, he was quiet and let me think over our conversation. Having all our secrets out in the open was a good start for us, but I still was no closer to knowing if I could accept this other part of him. I was starting to realize that nothing had to change between us, and he was still the same Edward that I had been falling in love with. The big question wasn't that. It was could I know where he was and what he was doing and still treat him the same? Could I still love him? I knew I still loved him—that's why it hurt so badly to be away from him. Being here with him felt comfortable and natural. I groaned because I would continue to spiral all night if I continued this. I turned the TV off and got ready for bed. I just changed into leggings and a T-shirt, tied my hair in a ponytail, and told Edward goodnight.

He gestured for me to come toward him, and I made my way over to him gracelessly. It was weird to deal with Edward in this fashion. Edward and I knew each other intimately, but we were both so unsure of each other that it ended up being very awkward. I made it to his side, and he stepped closer to me. He surprised me by pulling me into a hug.

I stiffened for a second, but then I melted into him. His embrace was comforting. He was being gentle and trying to assess how I felt. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him back. He turned his head to nuzzle my neck, but whereas before he would try to skim my skin with his lips, now he just closed his eyes and smiled. It brought tears to my eyes, and I kissed his forehead and lightly scratched the hair at the nape of his neck.

When I looked back down at him, his eyes were searching my face. I'm not sure what he was seeking, but he held me a little tighter before letting go. I let my arms drop to his hips, and he grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me on the forehead.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward," I said, almost too quiet for him. I made my way to my room and looked back at him once or twice before I turned the corner and he was blocked from my view. I got in bed and was super aware that Edward was in my house. I had to try to calm myself down by relaxing my body.

DS

I was jolted awake when the covers were pulled off me violently. Fear seized my body, and that's when I saw Liam standing at the end of my bed. I sucked in a deep breath and yelled Edward's name as loud as I could. He grabbed me by my hair and slapped his hand over my mouth, rendering my screams inaudible. He dragged me out to the living room. Edward moved to grab his gun, but Liam was faster and kicked my legs out from under me, dropping me to my knees. He pointed his gun at the back of my head and Edward froze. I was crying at this point and Edward and I locked eyes.

"Bella," He choked out.

"This feels familiar doesn't it, cuz? Tell me why I shouldn't just splatter this bitch's brains all over the carpet."

The fire burned in Edward's eyes, and in that moment, I saw the other side of Edward. The one that was ruthless and a killer. I gasped, he looked back at me, and his eyes immediately softened. The difference was stark.

Liam started laughing. "Holy shit! Never thought I'd see the day. Edward fucking Cullen is in love." Liam pulled me to my feet, pointing the gun to my temple. "This is gonna be fun."

I tried to scream when I saw someone step out of the shadows behind Edward, but Liam had already covered my mouth. My eyes got wide when I realized it was Alec. He lifted his hand and hit Edward with the butt of his own gun, then pocketed it. Edward was knocked to the floor—out cold.

"Edward!" I screamed.

I moved to rush to his side, but Liam snaked an arm around my waist. "Uh-uh, sweetheart. It's time to go to sleep," he said. I felt the prick of a needle, and my world went hazy before I was enveloped by blackness.

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A/N: Yeah, so that just happened. Who saw that coming? I mean we did, because we wrote it. Let us know what you think. Thoughts, concerns, theories. Let us have them all. Until Friday lovelies!