Nobody says anything much when the door has fallen shut behind McGonagall and Harry. They all seem lost in their own thoughts, in my case I watch Fleur attending to Bill's wounds. How I envy her for being able to do just that, for the man she loves. Fleur can be insensitive and more than a little annoying at times, but she's real, and I'm grateful she has proven it. Although Molly still looks flabbergasted by the realisation that Fleur is a decent human being after all. Meanwhile, Remus has retreated to one of the windows and stares outside into the dark. Merlin knows what's going on in this complicated head of his, but I don't regret what I've just said. Let him be embarrassed, I just couldn't hold it back, not when we so nearly got killed and will likely be killed anytime soon, because Dumbledore is dead and we're in a bloody mess. All these months, waiting for news of his death without having spoken to him again, have worn me out. Now he's here, just across the room, but he could just as well be at the other end of the country as far as our relationship is concerned. I just wish he would speak to me, look at me. Not shy away as soon as we've finished whatever Order business still occasionally brings us together.

I look up and see Ginny watching me watching him. She's a clever girl, Ginny. I'm glad Harry finally understood that much. This room is slowly suffocating me.

'Just going for a short stroll,' I murmur and walk out of the hospital wing into the dark corridor. It's dead silent, but the noise of the battle still rings in my head. That was a narrow escape we had there, and when this Killing Curse shot Remus's way, there was a split second when I thought it's over. But how many more curses will he be able to dodge, or I for that matter, before our chances are gone for good to have some time left together? He's one of the most intelligent people I know, and at the same time one of the most stubbornly stupid.

I sit down against the rough stone wall and wrap my cloak around me. The enormity of Albus Dumbledore's murder has not sunk into my brain yet, not really. Let alone that Snape did it, the greasy git.

There's the sound of the door opening and light steps approaching.

'Are you ok?', Ginny asks and squats down beside me.

'No, I guess I'm not,' I try to fake light-heartedness and fail, 'but then, who is after what has just happened?'

'With Dumbledore dead, I guess nobody, but apart from that I'm glad we finally know what's been wrong with you. We thought it was Sirius.'

'What?!'

'Well, Hermione, Harry, Ron and I have been wondering why you've been so down and thought that maybe you had fancied Sirius before he died.'

'Merlin's pants!' I snort involuntarily, 'he's my cousin!'

'Sure, but your hair and all, it coincided with Sirius's death, and then he's always been a bit of a looker.'

'So you naturally thought I must have fallen for him…,' I say slowly, trying to reconstruct the past year from the perspective of a teenage brain, it had never occurred to me that this is what they could have thought. I'm not angry. After all, even Remus thought I had a crush on Sirius.

'Well, yes, maybe,' Ginny admits sheepishly, 'but I'm glad we were wrong. Not only because Sirius is dead. I liked him, but Remus is the nicer man.'

'That's sweet of you to say. I know Remus isn't the most obvious romantic choice…but he is to me.'

'And has he...,' Ginny asks tentatively, 'has he ever shown any feelings in return?'

'Yes. Well, no, not openly, but...I think he loves me, too. I've seen it when he thought I wasn't aware of it.'

Like when he watched me at Order meetings even when I wasn't speaking. When he seemed more alive even on the dullest watch with me than anytime I saw him at Grimmauld Place, except maybe for the few evenings of drinks we spent there together with Sirius. Or when I briefly woke up in St Mungo's, after the battle in the Department of Mysteries, and found him sitting asleep next to my bed, although he later never mentioned that he'd been there. I don't know who he's kidding, but not me.

'He definitely didn't look well at all during Christmas,' Ginny muses, 'have you really told him a million times?'

'It feels about that much.'

We sit in silence for a while, I don't really feel like talking, but I'm glad she's there.

'Ginny? Tonks?' Molly peeks around the door into the dark corridor, sounding worried.

'We're here, Mum!'

'Oh, good! We were just saying that the children should better return to their dormitories now. I'll go to the Common Room with you, Ron, and Hermione, Remus accompanies Luna to Ravenclaw Tower. I think it's best that nobody wanders the corridors alone tonight.'

'We're still in Hogwarts, Mum!' Ginny points out, getting up, but I can hear she doesn't sound so sure after all. And who can blame her, after what she has just witnessed. During my time here, the worst thing you could stumble upon in a corridor was your crush kissing somebody else, not a bunch of Death Eaters set out to kill the headmaster. Ginny hugs me goodnight and I listen as they all walk away talking in subdued voices.

Strangely enough, I suddenly wish Mad-Eye was here. Has anybody even got in touch with him? Especially as I guess it will be him leading the Order now, he had better start thinking. I cast my Patronus and the silvery wolf bounds along the corridor in a blaze of light. I know Remus is bitter about his Patronus form, but every time I see it, I can at least feel close to him.

Dumbledore's death will likely pull the rug out from under his feet. He did everything Dumbledore asked him to do. Nobody can tell me Dumbledore wasn't thinking of Remus when he asked for a spy among the werewolves in that horrible meeting back in last summer, but the readiness with which Remus volunteered surprised even Albus, I think. Don't know if Dumbledore was suspecting anything about Remus's underlying motivation to get away from me, but to Dumbledore's credit it seemed he was both glad to have found his spy and concerned about him. But then, maybe that was because he knew about Greyback. Now that I've seen Greyback, it's beyond me that they could let Remus of all people go and expose himself to that beast again!

On the other hand, it illustrates Remus's determination to avoid me. He was white as chalk in that meeting, after having agreed to the werewolf mission, but wouldn't hear a word of doubt. Just like now, in fact. I wonder what he'll do next, which suicide mission he'll agree to next, until he can finally get himself killed somewhere and doesn't have to see me anymore, assuming that I'll be free to be happy again when he's no longer around.

For the next quarter of an hour or so, my thoughts drift back and forth between images of tonight's fight and Dumbledore falling of a tower, of Remus bleeding to death in some wood and memories of the good moments we had together as friends, now shining golden from a past that won't come back. Warming up in a pub after a cold watch outside, casually asking questions about each other. Cheering up Sirius by prompting him to tell stories of their school days until late in the night. At which point I was invited to kip on the sofa in Grimmauld Place, and then Remus made breakfast the next morning. And then this one, memorable morning when I passed by headquarters early on my way to work, because I had forgotten some documents at a meeting two days before, and found Remus sitting alone in the kitchen, looking like death itself, insisting he was fine while clutching his tea. Turned out it had been a full moon the night before and he was mustering the strength to go all the way up to his room to rest. At first, he didn't want to accept my offer to walk upstairs together, I think he wanted to avoid that I see him in this state, but finally he agreed and leaned on my shoulder and I remember how right my arm around his waist felt. It was the first time our bodies touched for longer than just a greeting hug, and it changed something between us.

Hurried steps echo on the floor as someone approaches the hospital wing, the light from inside for a moment illuminates Minerva McGonagall's frame in the door, so I better get back.

'I've just spoken with the Minister and his delegation, the decision if Hogwarts is to remain open will lie with the governors, but at the moment it looks likely,' she says gravely. 'Of course, parents who will want their children home immediately can come and fetch them, but we have decided that the Hogwarts Express is to return only the day after Dumbledore's funeral, which will take place here, on the Hogwarts grounds.'

'Very good.' Remus says, and Molly and Arthur nod in agreement.

'I have asked the Heads of Houses to inform their students about the situation at present, Horace Slughorn agreed to talk to the Slytherins,' she shudders, 'which is why I must proceed to Gryffindor Tower myself now. I hope for a word with you tomorrow morning though. There will be rooms ready for you in the second floor above the kitchen in a short moment. I thought it best to avoid staying in Hogsmeade, where the news is bound to spread as we speak.'

'Thank you very much, Minerva,' Arthur says, and Remus adds 'If there's anything we can do to help you, let us know.'

With an appreciative nod in his direction, Minerva says goodbye and leaves. I really don't fancy being in her shoes right now, explaining to a crowd of kids in their pyjamas that Albus Dumbledore has been murdered by one of their teachers.

'I will not move from Bill's zide tonight!', Fleur declares and defiantly looks around.

Molly frowns. 'It isn't common practice to stay in the hospital wing as a visitor, as far as I remember...'

'I don't care about your practice, my husband 'as been injured and I am az good az his wife, so I ask to stay with him.'

To everyone's surprise, Madam Pomfrey makes a dismissive gesture and indicates the bed next to Bill.

'Very well then, you can stay for this night, given that there aren't more patients apart from Mr Longbottom, but it is an exception for this night only!'

Probably a wise move on her part, who wants to lose energy arguing with Fleur the night Dumbledore has died. And yet, how I envy Fleur...

Molly, Arthur, Remus and I file out of the hospital wing and walk towards the indicated rooms in silence. Remus leads the way, the light from his wand illuminating the floor and walls ahead of us. Most paintings are empty, but a group of witches and knights stands whispering nervously with each other in a lakeside panorama. I look away and instead watch the silhouette of Remus's back, feeling that I need to absorb his physical presence before I won't see him again for months, or forever.

'Here we are,' he finally says and indicates three doors in a row.

'Well then, have as good a night as can be. See you in the morning.' Arthur sighs and he and Molly disappear in the room on the left. Which suddenly leaves Remus and I alone together for the first time in probably a year. This is going to be awkward. Before I can think of anything to say, Remus speaks first.

'Tonks, I know I owe you a conversation…but not tonight. It's been too much. Dumbledore is dead and I can't think straight.'

'That's fine,' I hear myself saying, 'good night.'

I trot to the door on the far right and feel unspeakably alone.

A/N: This is my second ever fanfiction and I'm very grateful for reviews!