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Chapter 4
Payson stood motionless as Kelly joined her in the elevator. It felt like the prior evening's events were plastered across her forehead, and at any moment Kelly would call her out on all of it.
"Lighten up Keeler, I was just joking. I don't think the apocalypse is upon us just yet. Lucky for you Beals didn't do a bed check last night because of the party." Silence was her only answer. Kelly gave Payson a sidelong glance, by all outward appearances she looked like someone who had spent the night somewhere unexpected; mussed hair, smudged makeup, and last nights clothes, but upon closer inspection there was a vacancy behind her eyes and an aura of sadness. She didn't look like a girl who had just had the night of her life.
"I'm actually glad you didn't come back. Now I don't have to explain myself to you," she continued, baiting Payson, and waited for a response. Payson Keeler could always be counted on to have something to say, but the girl stood silent next to her, staring unseeing at the wall.
The elevator chimed again, alerting them to the fact that they had reached their floor. Kelly stepped off and turned to find Payson still slumped against the wall inside the elevator as the doors were closing. Kelly jammed her leg into the door without thinking, forgetting about the injury she had sustained in competition. A sharp pain radiated up her leg. "Son of a bi..." Kelly's pained cry seemed to shake Payson out of her trance. Reaching for the control panel, she pressed the door open button and raced to Kelly's side.
"Are you all right?" she asked sinking down to the floor next to her teammate, while looking at her ankle.
"I'm fine." She replied tightly. Leaning her head back against the wall and massaging her ankle gently.
Payson gave her an appraising glance, finally noticing that she was also sporting last nights attire, complete with an obviously male suit jacket. Sighing she shifted and sat next to Kelly on the carpet, placing her forehead on her knees.
"Long night," the brunette said breaking the silence. Payson wasnt sure if it was a question, or if Kelly was making a blanket statement. Either way the sentiment seemed to apply to them both .
"The longest."
"Well I don't know about you but I'm ready to get out of here." Kelly sighed dramatically.
"I hear that. Let's go."
Payson stood up then reached down to help Kelly. The silence returned as they made their way down the hall to their room. As soon as they entered Payson headed to the shower to wash off the remnants of last night.
Rinsing the conditioner out of her hair, she let her thoughts return to Sasha. He couldn't leave her again, because of something stupid she had done... again. She racked her brain to find some way to fix it. Last night had been so easy, acting without regard for consequences, but this morning the horrified look on his face, the way he had stared at her in anger, before the damning apology. She didn't think she could stomach it if he ever looked at her like that again.
This was different from the kiss on the floor in the gym. Even though that had been preceded by the same impulsivity that started them on their ill-fated course last night. This time it had been more. The first time in the gym was rushed, and he pushed her away before she could really take in the moment. It had happened before she even really decided to let it happen. While the details of last night were still fuzzy, she could all but feel the connection to him still simmering in her night she had felt it, last night was a decision. There was no way she could take it back, and honestly if given the chance she wouldn't.
Sasha had agreed not to leave, but she wouldn't put it past him to change his mind if he thought it was to hard for her. They'd made it past the kiss by talking, somehow she didn't think a heart to heart would be enough to put this behind them. Thinking back on that conversation now. She noticed it didn't really do anything to fix the underlying cause that created their first kiss. They had ignored the most glaring catalyst... their mutual attraction. She was certain now that the attraction was mutual. It was attraction that led to the kiss, and the ignorance of that attraction, that allowed it to go unchecked, and reach a point that led to last night.
They couldn't talk about this. It would never be spoken about again. She would lock it up in a tiny box, put that box inside a thousand other locked boxes, and throw it in the ocean. In her heart she knew avoidance would not hold up in the long run, but it was her best option. If they acted as though nothing happened, then nothing happened. She had a passing thought about a tree falling in the forest, and no one being there to hear it meaning it never happened. Perhaps if they went on with their lives as though his tree hadn't fallen in her woods, they could pretend that nothing actually happened. Gymnastics it had always been their common ground, and it would remain. If they could both just focus on the gymnastics, the rest of this mess would sort itself out. It was a shakey plan at best but it would have to suffice until they could find a better way to move past it. They would be all gymnastics all the time.
Feeling a bit better, and determined to act normal she finished her shower and got dressed. Grabbing her toiletry bag, she exited to find Kelly dressed and packed.
"Took you long enough Keeler. What were you in there contemplating world peace?"
"No, just reworking my beam routine, and contemplating adding an extra twist to my vault. The extra twist that will turn that silver of yours into a bronze, next Worlds."
"Well somebody found their cajones in the bathroom. Welcome back, sad, zombie Payson was a real bore." Kelly said with an eye roll.
"Come on before we miss the plane." Payson returned with her own eye roll.
"Lead the way, Cap." Kelly said heading for the door. She spun around quickly, "Oh if you think for one minute, I have forgotten about your little nighttime adventure Keeler, you are sorely mistaken."
Sasha felt her presence before he saw her. He watched as they entered the lobby a few minutes behind the other girls. They went over to greet Lauren and Emily, who both were wearing sunglasses andspeaking quietly, while Lauren was massaging her temples slowly. She never looked up, so she didnt see him tracking her movements across the lobby with pensive expression. He was drawn out of his reflective state by Marty handing him the roster.
"What the hell happened to you last night?" Lauren questioned Payson. She was saved from having to answer by Marty loudly clapping his hands behind them to call for everyones attention.
"Okay it looks like everyone is here. Ready to do roll call Belov?"
Just like that time froze, and her resolve shattered. Her palms were sweating and she felt her face grow hot. How was she going to make it through, when the mere mention of his name caused such a reaction? If she thought hearing his name was bad, hearing to his voice was ten times worse.
Her back was ramrod straight, and she had to remind herself to breathe as he rattled off the list of names; the men first, followed by the women. There was a pause and then, "Keeler," What the hell was that! He had called everyone elses entire name, and even in private he never addressed her solely by her surname. She felt Lauren nudge her, apparently she had taken to long respond.
"Here." She croaked out.
"Alright, said Marty clapping his hands loudly much to the displeasure of quite a few people on the team, if their winces were anything to go by, "Lets get this show on the road."
They loaded the shuttle bus headed for the airport. Sasha noted the ride was quiet, as most of the US National Team seemed to be nursing a collective hangover. He placed his headphones in his ears, but didn't turn on any music. He just wanted to think with no interruptions. It allowed him to catch pieces of the hushed conversations that floated around him.
The guy sitting across the aisle was on the phone discussing an epic party from last night. Lauren was asking Emily about a friend of Damon's, who was at this same party. He listened while planning subtle ways to punish them later. It wasnt until the injured boy, Max something or other, leaned forward to Payson and tapped her shoulder that he actually tried to hear what was being said. He watched the boy smile the same toothy grin from the night before, "You were missed last night Pay. Did a better offer come along?"
"Missed where?" She asked. "I was in that ballroom longer than any of you."
"No, not the NGO party, but the after party in the penthouse, hosted by Austin and yours truly."
Ah, so that was the "epic" party everyone on the bus seemed to have attended.
"I wasn't invited apparently, seeing as how this is my first time hearing about it."
"What do you mean, I sent Lauren to get you, Emily, and Damon." he protested.
"Well the message never reached me." She grumbled.
"Because no one could find you Keeler, you must have gone to bed..." Kelly interjected slyly.
He watched Payson flinch and Kelly smirk. It hadn't occurred to him at first but Kelly would be well aware of Payson's absence from their shared room last night. That could be a big problem as Kelly Parker was more manipulative than Lauren Tanner could ever hope to become. If she had something to hold over Payson, his thoughts trailed off. The Max boy oblivious, to the subtle interplay between the two girls carried on,"I tried to call you but..."
"I had your purse, with your phone and key, remember?" Kelly chimed in before he could finish, "So I guess you never caught up to our girl Payson last night. That is sad I'm sure her night would have been so much more, interesting if you two had managed to... hook up." Kelly was staring at Payson with wide innocent eyes.
"My night was plenty interesting ,thank you very much." Payson said tightly.
"Oh really...," Kelly's eyes lit up, "Care to sha-"
"What about you Kelly? Did you have fun at the party?" Payson deflected.
"Wait, I didn't see you at the party either." Max said shifting his attention to Kelly.
"Really?" Payson said turning to Kelly who was shifting in her seat. "So how was your night, Kelly, interesting?"
"It was fine." she ground out. It was Payson's turn to smirk.
That's my girl he thought, admiring the fire that she possessed. There should never have been any doubt in his mind that Payson Keeler could hold her own with Kelly Parker. He stopped listening as their conversation turned to Max explaining in detail how great the party was last night.
He leaned his head back, and closed his eyes in an attempt to get some rest. He realized after she left that they would need to have a serious conversation and soon. This could not be allowed to linger between them if they had any hopes of continuing to work together. It would be a hard conversation, but a nessacery one. He resolved to seek her out as soon as an opprotunity presented itself.
They arrived at the airport before he knew it, and checked their bags. They had about a twenty-five minute wait before boarding when he heard Payson excuse herself from her friends to get a cup of coffee. Trying not to look to obvious, he waited a few minutes and the joined her in the long line at the cart. He guessed from the tense set of her shoulders, and the fact that she didn't appear to be breathing anymore, she knew just who was standing behind her.
He felt his heart-break just a little more. Who was he kidding, nothing he could say would fix this. There wasnt a pep talk in his repertoire, and it was extensive, that could smooth over something of this magnitude. Even knowing that he still had to try.
"Payson," His voice came out more strangled and wimpy than he would have liked, but her sharp intake of breath let him know that she had heard him.
He waited for her to answer, but she maintained her silence and she kept her back to him. So he tried again, louder this time. "Payson,"
"So you do remember my name?"
There was a myriad of ways he could take that, but he knew she was referencing roll call from earlier. When he had gotten ready to say her name, his mind had flashed back to their night together. He'd spent a good portion of it whispering her name in awed reverence, or moaning it with intense pleasure. With those thoughts floating around in his mind, he hadn't trusted himself to say her name out loud in a room full of witnesses.
"Payson, please,"
"I'm sorry that was uncalled for," she said turning to face him. The quick spin caused her scent to hit him full force. It was like she hit play on their sex tape, and it reminded him of why smell was the sense most closely associated with memory. By sheer force of will he halted that train of thought. He had something discuss with her, and limited time in which to do it. He opened his mouth having no idea what was about to come out but she put up her hand to silence him.
"Nothing happened," she began. "There is nothing to discuss because nothing happened."
"Payson we can't pretend..."
"Yes we can, we will. There is nothing to discuss, nothing to apologize for, nothing for you to leave about, because nothing happened. The only thing that we need to concern ourselves with is the Olympics and getting there, together. Nothing else matters." She was staring at him imploringly. He knew in his heart that this was not the way to go, but he also knew how Payson was once she got an idea into her head. The girl was more stubborn than an old mule, and he spent summers on a farm in Romania with his grandparents, so he knew a bit about mules.
He expected accusations and tears, but he should have known she wouldn't follow the rules. He thought her composure from that morning was a fluke, and that once she had time to process she would hate him. He studied her intently for a moment, but her eyes and stance were unwavering.
"As you wish." He finally acquiesced, he really needed to work on telling this girl no.
He watched as relief flooded her features. It wasn't the reaction or conversation that he had expected and her calm demeanor was throwing him off kilter.
"Good because I would like to rework my entire beam routine."
"Your beam won a silver." He said responding instinctively, confused by her train of thought.
"Only because the Chinese and the Russians fell. If they had done clean routines I would have finished off the podium and we both know it."
"That is something we can discuss when we return." He replied distractedly.
She nodded her head decisively and turned to order her beverage. He was still processing their interaction when she walked away.
They boarded the plane a few minutes later and he cursed the person who made the travel arrangements. He was seated two rows behind her, and once again subjected to listening to her personal conversation. He knew he should have tuned her out, but he realized that he must possess a hidden masochistic streak. He found himself leaning in to hear better as Kelly started to whisper.
"So I've been thinking. As far as your mystery man goes, it's not a gymnast. Everyone we came here with seemed to be at that impromptu little party last night, and you were missing. So I have decided it must have been a local guy, someone tall, dark, and handsome with a sexy little accent..."
"Just stop talking."
"Payson, if you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it." Kelly joked with mock seriousness
"Maybe people who are doing it, shouldn't be talking about it so much."
Kelly tapped her arm, "Seriously Keeler are you ok? I mean I know we haven't always been friends," Payson looked at her, "O.K we have never been friends, persay, but I have always respected you, and anyone who doesn't give you the respect you deserve, well they will have to deal with me."
Sasha strained to hear the answer seeking validation that she had already given but hadn't fully accepted yet. Was she ok?
"I'm fine...I'll be fine." She whispered firmly.
There was a pause.
"Since when have you been my friend?"
There was a longer pause this time before Kelly answered.
"When I fell at Worlds I thought it was over. I wanted to just lay there and die, literally die. I mean I was supposed to repeat. I kept thinking what am I without my title but it was you, Keeler that got me through. Everyone else was all false sympathy, and empty words, but you just sat down next to me and held my hand, no fake words, no pity, just solidarity. So if you need something I guess I owe you one, and just let me know if that one involves going back to Rio and beating up some random Brazilian heart-throb.
Payson gave a short laugh "No thanks, it was just one night, one crazy night that we will never speak of again."
"Before we never speak of it again was it at least a good night?" She asked in a conspiratal whisper
There was a sigh and then, "It was the best night of my life."
He heard Kelly murmur, "Well score one for alcohol and poor judgement. I'm oddly proud of you."
"Shut up and go to sleep Kelly."
"You got it Cap. Wake me up when we get stateside." She said yawning and turning towards the window.
He sat back heavily in his seat trying not to dwell to hard on her statement. "The best night of her life." She was mistaken. He was sure that given time she would realize just how big that mistake was, until then he would keep his distance. He couldn't trust himself with her anymore. He had corrupted, her tainted her with his baseness. One day she would see the truth, and on that day she would hate him. The thought caused him physical pain, and he swallowed harshly around the lump that had formed in his throat. Closing his eyes, he tried to shut out the gravity of that truth, and find solace in sleep but it would not come.
