ch.11
She dropped her arm from her face as he walked further into the locker room. His expression was calm. She took a minute to really observe him. From her lower vantage point she could truly appreciate his height. He let out a ragged breath, and threaded his long fingers through his hair. He was truly striking, as though every inch of him had been made to be touched.
His voice brought her back to the present. "May I have a look at your shoulder?"
She didn't say anything, but turned over on her stomach, presenting her back to him for examination.
Kneeling down, he used two fingers to trace down her back til he reached a spot on the lower end of her shoulder blade. He felt her shoulder tense.
"Did that hurt?" He ran his thumb over the spot again.
"Not really. It's nothing. My arm positioning was just slightly wrong when I pushed off it's just a twinge that needed to be worked out."
"Fine, let's work it out then." He started making small but firm circles with his fingers until he heard her sigh.
He cleared his throat. "I would like to apologize for my earlier behavior. It was an over reaction."
"You think."
"You're not blameless. Your behavior was inappropriate. This is a gym with younger girls, who look up to you whether you like it or not. Your actions, while not intended as such were...suggestive." That sounded justifiable.
"I never asked to be a role model." She said softening a bit.
"No one ever does but you are all the same."
She grunted quietly. The silence allowed her brain to focus on how his touch was making her feel, which was warm and tingly all over. This was the first time they had been alone together since the cabin, even though there was a gym full of people only a set of double doors away. Nestled in the back of the locker room it felt as though they were in their own little world. Her breathing deepened and her pulse sped up. The feelings he was illiciting were completly different from the comforting relief provided by Nicky just minutes earlier. His hands on her body set her on edge, her skin grew hot and a pulse began to thrum low in her abdomen.
"How does that feel?" He murmured.
"So good." She moaned.
His hand stilled momentarily. It took every ounce of his phenomenal self control to keep from launching himself at her; consequences be damned. Did she not know what that tone of voice did to him. His stomach tightened and he let out a shuddering sigh as he closed his eyes. Somewhere along the way he must have developed a masochistic streak. That was the only thing that could explain why he had placed himself in this ridiculous situation, only minutes after promising himself to stay away from her. He pulled away, stood and turned to face the door.
"Good. Go see Jake, get his approval, and then get back to work." He left without looking back.
Payson stared at the closed door and then threw her towel at it. The man was so damn frustrating. She dragged herself off the bench, wishing she had a weaker work ethic so that she could call it a day and go home.
As soon as she exited the room Lauren was at her side. "I know your bummed because Sasha is mad and everything, but I have great news. Daddy is letting me have a New Years Eve party this year and you're invited." Lauren rushed out clapping her hands together in excitment.
"I don't kn-"
"Oh c'mon Pay, you cant say no, I already text Kaylie and she said she is coming. Don't you want to see her."
Payson did miss Kaylie, she had been meaning to go visit but things had been so hectic and confusing as of late, that she never got around to it. Seeing Kaylie would be good.
"I'll think about it."
"Great. This is going to be so much fun!" She clapped her hands one last time and bounded off towards the beam.
"I see you'll be starting the new year in hell." Kelly said, coming to stand next to her by the door.
"Like you won't be there too."
"I wasn't invited, but I do plan on gate crashing, unless you want to make me your plus one."
"That reminds me. I wondered if maybe you wanted to spend the Christmas holidays with us. We have a tradition on Christmas Eve. Mom, Becca, and I bake cookies and candy while marathoning Home Alone 1-4 all day. Then Becca and I sleep in the living room and wake up ridiculously early to open gifts. You don't have to come over for that part if you don't want to, but you are invited to Christmas Day."
"Aside from the fact that I'm nauseated by the sweetness of it all. Count me in, anything beats grilled chicken salad and reality television."
"I'll let my mom know."
"So are you allowed even touch any of the equipment or have you been banned for the day."
"I have to see Jake and get cleared, then I should be fine."
"Sure you don't want to ditch and spend the rest of the day having lover boy rub your back."
Yes actually, yes she would. Only it was Sasha she wanted touching her, not Nicky. She made a face, and Kelly laughed before heading off in the direction of the bars.
She didn't speak to Sasha for the rest of the day and left on time instead of staying wouldn't admit it to anyone on pain of death, but she was infinitly grateful they had a break from the gym for the next few days.
Kelly arrived around ten the next morning and they spent the rest of the day in the kitchen. Things seemed to be more fun with Kelly there. After they got over the initial shock that she had never seen Home Alone, they spent the rest of the day laughing and dodging ingredients that someone had thrown at someone else. Kim treated Kelly like she was a member of the family even making her wash dishes. Kelly felt lighter than she could ever remember.
They had just placed the last batch of cookies in the oven, when Kim took out a tin and began placing assorted treats inside."I want you girls to take these over to Sasha. I hate to think of him all alone in that trailer with nothing festive."
"Sure thing Mrs. K." Kelly said putting on her jacket and shoes which were still by the hung back in the kitchen."Are you coming Pay? If not I'm going to have to take all of the credit."
She watched as her friend shook herself, and silently went into her room to grab her jacket and shoes. Once in the car she cranked up the radio and sang along with it til they reached the Rock parking lot.
"Marty is here." Kelly announced happily, recognizing the red truck parked next to the silver one.
"Maybe we should come back tomorrow." Payson hedged.
"No way! I want to see Marty. I miss him"
"Fine but let's be quick about it."
"Are you still mad at Sasha for yelling at you?"
"No, I just don't want to bother him at home."
"Whatever." Kelly said, turning off the car and opening her door. "I doubt he will see it that way. Plus we come baring gifts."
Payson slowly undid her seatbelt and walked up to the trailer with Kelly who rapped on the door loudly. There was a loud bang and a muffled curse before the door was opened by a glassy eyed and slightly disheveled Marty Walsh.
"Kelly, Payson!" he greeted them happily; a bit to happily. "What are you guys doing here? And no I wont let you in the gym."
"We aren't here to practice. We have presents." Kelly smiled showing her old coach the bag.
"Are those Kim's holiday cookies?"
Kelly nodded.
"Right this way ladies." He stepped to the side to allow them to pass.
"I forgot the perks of this job. Boulder moms are so much nicer than the ones in Denver. I might need my job back Belov." Marty said the last part loudly, directing his voice towards the far end of the trailer.
Payson had never been inside the trailer and she felt as though she was invading Sasha's inner sanctum. Looking around she noted it wasnt very big, but it was neat. There wasn't much in the way of decorations, but then again she didn't think he cared much for Martha Stewart decorating tips. They were standing next to a table with a half empty bottle of scotch, next to a half empty bottle of vodka, and two glasses sitting on it. Marty had moved further into the room to sit on the couch, and behind her there was a closed door which she assumed led to the bedroom.
"Who was th-" Payson turned at the sound of his voice, catching the brief look of surprise that colored his features before they settled into a scowl.
"Kelly brought snacks." Marty announced taking the bag from her hand. "I've been here all day, and while he does have the good liquor, all he has to eat is Wheaties. Wait, forget I said that."
The space felt as though it was getting smaller by the minute, and Payson felt the back of her neck grow hot from the silent glare that was being directed at her by Sasha. "Well that is it then. Enjoy your cookies. Kelly and I were just leaving."
"Just a minute Pay, I need to talk to Marty about something." Kelly said.
Marty looked up from the tin at his name. "Is it your mo-"
"Yeah," she cut him off, looking nervously at Sasha who was still staring at Payson. "Do you think I could see you outside for a minute."
''Of course."
With that the two of them left, leaving Sasha still staring at Payson. She was alone in his home, not even two feet from his bed. He wasn't sure if he believed in a higher deity, but if one did exist he had surely done something to piss them off. He only had two options, he could turn around and shut the door to his room with her on the otherside until they left, or he could go back to the chair where he had been sitting. Getting to the chair entailed walking past her and in the narrow confines of the trailer they would be all but pressed up against one another. She made the decision easier for him when she sat down in the chair closet to her. He walked by and sat across from her. She looked at the bottles on the table.
''So this was your holiday plan. Shots with Marty."
He didnt respond. Instead, he placed one elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand, fingers over his mouth as if deep in thought, while his other hand tapped out a quiet rhythm next to the bottle. He watched her with an indecernable expresion on his face. The tension that lingered whenever they were in the same room seemed to be exacerbated by the smaller space. She blamed the heady sensation that came over her whenever she as in his presence for what happened next. Reaching out she touched his hand, silencing the beat. She let her fingers trail across his wrist down the back of his hand until their fingers intertwined. His eyes never left hers. Emboldened by his passivity, she curled her fingers around his in the intimation of holding hands and smiled. She had no idea why she was doing this, but the way his eyes were burning into her made something hot coil in her stomach. "It's not all in my head is it?" She whispered more to herself than him. "Tell me it's not all in my head. Tell me I'm not crazy. You feel it too."
He had been passive until that point, so she was unprepared when he suddenly moved. Grabbing her by the hand that was still holding his, he pushed her against the wall opposite the door. He pressed against her, molding her body to his and she was too shocked to breath. He took his hand out of hers, and placed it firmly against her jaw. "Is this what you want Payson?" He let his hand caress the side of her neck, across her clavicle, and down the side of her breast, coming to rest at the curve of her waist."Is this what you came here for?" His hand went lower, gripping the curve of her behind. and then slipping to grasp her thigh, and hitching it over his hip. Opening her up and allowing her to feel his need for her.
She thought her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. His mouth was so close that everytime he spoke his lips grazed hers, and his whiskey laced exhales were invading her mouth. She didn't know if it was his eyes, his words, or his body that was actually keeping her pinned against the wall. Her mind had ceased all attempts at coherent or rational thoughts. She was just a writhing mass of sensation. It felt like every nerve in her body was exsposed and singing at the prolonged contact with Sasha. She leaned her head forward and closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable contact.
He looked down at her angelic features. She exuded sensuality and innnocence, the combination was intoxicating. It would be so easy to just get lost in her. He wanted to drag her into his bedroom and spend all day and all night getting lost in her. But he had been in the same situation before, and he had chosen wrong. He wouldn't do that again. Instead of kissing her he spoke, "Payson." It was a pained whisper. He hadn't retreated any so his lips touched hers when he spoke.
"Hmm," was her incoherent reply.
"I'm your coach." He breathed, relishing the tremors that went through him when she sighed deeply.
"I know." She whispered
"It's wrong."
"I know." she sighed deeper, and squeezed her eyes shut tighter.
"I cant." His voice was choked with emotion.
"I know that too." She whispered.
"You deserve so much more than stolen moments in a trailer, or a man that can only be with you in the shadows. I can't give you what you need." She moved to walk past him, but he caught her arm."Wait, please. Just stand here with me for one minute. For one minute, no talking, no thinking. You're not my gymnast and I'm not your coach we are just us." He rested his forehead on hers and whispered, "Give us one minute to be us."
So they stood there. They stood there as the clock ticked off sixty seconds. Eyes opened, foreheads pressed together, breathing each other in, memorizing the moment.
He exhaled deeply and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She rushed past him and out the door. Taking deep, gulping breaths of the crisp December air clear her mind and keep the tears at bay. She walked blindly to the car and got inside. She heard the door open and Kelly start it up. Leaning her head against the door and she let the tears fall silently as they drove down the street.
"Are you drunk or just stupid?" Marty said as he stood in the doorway of the trailer watching Sasha fill up another glass.
Sasha gave a humorless laugh. "Probably a little...or maybe alot, of both."
The two men regarded each other. Then Marty let out a weary sigh and sat down. Sasha followed suit.
"You must hate me." He started. "She was your golden girl and I ruined her; broke her in more ways than you can imagine."
"I want to know what the hell you were thinking! Here I am warning you about the dangers of gym moms and you...and Pay-" He broke off unable to complete the thought.
"I love her." He said quietly, then paused looking down at his glass of amber liquid as though it was tthe one who had spoken. It was the first time he had admitted it to himself let alone aloud. He let his thoughts continue to flow. "She might be the love of my life."
"Tell me you arent filling her head with that shit!" Marty raged standing up. "These girls have one chance Belov, one chance to realize their dreams. You can't honestly be that selfish."
"I love her. I am in love with her." Sasha repeated in a low and awed tone, still looking at the table.
"Do you think this ends with a happily ever me you aren't that stupid. There is no happy ending to this story." He may as well have been talking to a brick wall.
"I have found the love of my life, and she will never be mine. I can never have her." He finally looked up at pain and anguish reflected in his eyes caused the other man to deflate entirely. He collapsed back into his chair and snatched his glass off the table. Reaching for the scotch he filled the glass up to the top.
"You dont drink scotch." Sasha noted absently.
"Well this feels like a scotch moment." He grabbed Sasha's glass and poured him another shot."Drink up buddy we're going to need it."
The man gave an incredulous laugh."Are you actually on my side?"
Marty tossed the shot back, grimacing at the taste."You're my friend. I'm always on your side. I still think this is a disaster of epic proportions, just waiting to blowup in our faces. I'll losemy job, and you'll go to jail, but I am on you side.
"Thank you." Sasha replied quietly.
When they pulled into the driveway Kelly turned off the car but didnt make a move to get out. She looked over and found Kelly staring at her intensely.
"So, I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say this isn't the first time, you have given Sasha Belov some... of your cookies."
Payson didn't know whether to cry or laugh. Doing nothing seemed like the best option. It was fine Kelly carried on without her.
"I'm actually mad at myself right now. I mean looking back on it now, the two of you were so obvious. First there were the rumors, then the coffee, the flirting, the banter, the touching, and the staring. There was alot of staring and smiling. It all makes sense now. The two of you did everything except make out in front of me; don't ever do that by the way; I already cant unsee the two of you dry humping against a trailer wall."
Payson felt her eyes go wide. "You saw us. If you saw, then that means," she was starting to feel lightheaded, "That means that Marty."
"I had to literally, hold him back, he was coming to defend your honor, or what is left of it. Thank God he was slightly off balance due to drinking."
"I can't believe we left drunk, angry Marty with Sasha."
"He wasn't drunk, and Sasha can handle himself. I'm concerned about you. What the hell is going on Payson? Are you and Sasha...having an affair? I mean, it looked consensual but did he promise you things or force- "
"God no! Does that even sound like Sasha? He would never do anything like that and you know it!"
"Until five minutes ago, I knew Sasha Belov would never sleep with a seventeen year old gymnast, but seems like I was wrong. So I dont know what I know anymore. Just tell me what is happening right now! Are you sleeping with our coach?"
"Yes. No." She threw her hands up in frustration."It was just once. We only slept together once." The words hung heavy in the air.
Kelly considered the information before turning back to Payson. "Rio?"
Payson nodded. Kelly let out a low whistle.
"Well that explains alot. So you slept together, once, in Rio." She repeated while staring at the steering wheel, as if confirming it to herself. She looked up at Payson, "Fucking how?"
"What?" Payson asked confused.
"How in the hell did you end up sleeping with Sasha? I mean I knew there was someone, I had my money on Russo. But Sasha, your coach; our coach,; fucking how?"
''We were drunk.''
"Wait a damn minute. You got Sasha Belov drunk, and then, slept with him." Kelly let a small smirk play on her lips.
"It wasn't like that. It just happened it wasn't planned. We were at the bar drinking and then I couldn't find my keys, so we went to the front desk but I couldn't get the key because I didn't have any i.d. so we ended up in his room waiting for you to get back to our room because I threatened the desk clerrk with gymnastics. The next thing I know we were kissing and then it was the next morning. He freaked out I threw up and here we are." She rushed out without taking a breath, recounting everything she could remember of the infamous night.
"So let me get this straight; and correct me if I'm wrong. You went to a party, got drunk, got Sasha drunk, did drunken gymnastics in a hotel lobby, and then seduced your coach. That is about the gist of it right."
"I didn't get him drunk."
"Payson Marie Keeler; You ssscccaaandalous hussy. The press is right; you continue to amaze and surpass expectations. I feel oddly proud."
"Shut up." She said giving a watery smile.
"So what was that today?"
Payson smile faded. "The end."
"Pay-"
"No he is right. We can't do whatever this is or was, I was stupid to think that anything could ever happen in the first place."
"You're not stupid. He literally cant be with you. I have only been here like a month, so I know I dont know him like you do but, Sasha is a good guy. After everythng I have done, he let me come to the Rock, and he has never treated me any differently from anybody else there. When it comes to moral fiber and all that jazz, I would say he is winning. But, there in lies your problem. He is a good guy, and the annoying thing about good guys is, they always do the right thing. He is trying to protect you. Do you remember how bad the rumors were?"
Payson grimaced.
"Imagine if everyone knew they were true. If Ellen Beals could substantiate them. She would decimate you, not to mention what she would do to Sasha." Kelly shook her head.
Payson knew she was right. Even if they waited until after the Olympics, people would always whisper about them and he didn't offer her that anyway.
"Let's go inside. I just want this night to be over." Payson grumbled getting out of the car and slamming the door.
By the time Kelly made it inside, she heard the shower running in the down on the edge of the bed, she let her mind wonder to what she had just learned. Payson and Sasha. It made sense from a certain perspective. She had never believed the rumors. Spread them yes, but she never believed them. Payson Keeler didn't do stupid things like that; she wouldnt even take a cortisone shot, and that was legal. How wrong she had been. Even now, a part of her knew that if this information ever came to light it would all but cinch her spot on the Olympic team, and probably get her the All- Around gold medal she had craved since she turned her first cartwheel.
The conversation with Marty had revealed that Sheila's last act as her manager had been to drop all of her sponsors. Now she was doing her level best to have Kelly blacklisted in the industry. All she had to do was call Shelia and tell her what she had seen. A coup like this, and she would be welcomed back with open arms. One little phone call, and she could have everything she wanted, the world would revolve around Kelly again.
She opened her purse to find her phone. It had to be done. Maybe she would be doing them a favor. Without gymnastics they could be together, maybe move to Romania or England, have a few blond gymnastics prodigy babies. She saw the pink corner of her phone and went to grab it but was hindered by a rectangular box sitting on top of it. Kelly felt her heart stop when she saw it. Pivking it up gently, she let her purse slide to the floor. Lifting the lid, she picked up one of the two identical lengths of sterling silver. nestled in the tissue paper. They weren't expensive, but each held a charm. One read best and the other said friend. It had been a sentimental spur of the moment purchase that she had regretted immediatly, so she'd tossed the box down in her purse and scoured the mall to find a more age appropriate gift.
"Opening gifts a little early. Who is it from?"
Kelly flinched at Payson's sudden appearance in the doorway. She looked better even thought her eyes were still a bit glossy.
"It's nothing. It's stupid. I was just going to throw it out."
"It looks pretty. Let me see." Payson leaned closer to examine the jewelry. "Someone bought you a bracelet that says best. They must know you well."
Kelly flushed when she saw Payson look in the box and read the other charm and then look at her."It's so lame, I know. I was at the mall and I was sad. I saw this and I bought it on impulse." Feeling as though that explanation still wasn't enough she carried on, "When I was younger, the other girls in my classes would always be trading these bracelets back and forth, but no one ever gave me one. I figured they though I was just to cool for something like that, but I really wanted to do it, so one day I bought a set. I gave one to this girl named Brittany." She paused and took a shaky breath. "She told me she didn't want it, because she didn't want to be my best friend. She said no one even wanted to be my friend." Kelly sniffled."I bought it, the day after you helped me move in because... because it felt like now I might have someone to give the other one to, there you go. I was in the mall and I was sad and I bought a silly gift.
Payson took the bracelet out of the box and placed it on her arm, fiddling with the clasp."Will you fasten it for me?"
"You dont have to pretend. Your real gift is under the tree already."
"Fasten it for me." She repeated. Kelly leaned over and closed the clasp. Payson stared at the bracelet and then looked back at Kelly, the glossy sheen in her eyes had given way to tears."Kaylie and Lauren had necklaces. We were thirteen and Lauren gave it to Kaylie for her birthday. When my birthday rolled around I expected the same thing but I got a leo, from both of them. I've never had one before either." She smiled at Kelly, "A bracelet... or a best friend."
Both girls were smiling through tears as Kelly reached out and hugged Payson fiercely, she returned the embrace just as tightly.
"God, this is the most I have cried on Christmas since I woke up and saw my parents putting my toys together instead of Santa." Payson laughed sniffing a bit.
"At least you got to believe in Santa for awhile."
"I was three and a half."
They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Are you guys coming? I'm about to restart Home Alone without you." Becca said as she poked her head through a crack in the door.
"We'll be right there." Payson took the other bracelet and fastened it to Kelly's wrist before they left the room.
The rest of the night was spent in front of the television gorging themselves on candy as they laughed at the antics unfolding on the screen.
Once again thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read this! A special thank you to all of those who have taken the time to review, favorite, and follow. Leave a reviewand let me know what you guys think, good or bad. Thanks!