Ch.20
Payson whipped her head around and met the steely blue gaze of Sasha Belov. He was sitting slouched in the chair next to her bed with his legs splayed apart widely, as if he owned the entire room."Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin whatever plans you had for the night."
She refused to play his game. She was finally getting her equilibrium back, and here he was trying to ruin it...again. It wasn't going to work. She would just stay calm and he would leave."Somehow I dont think that's true. What are you doing here?"
The corner of his mouth raised in a sardonic fashion. "Would you like me to leave?"
"Would you leave if I said yes?"
"No." His smile remained in place, but there was nothing friendly about it.
She pursed her lips. "Then we're right back where we started. What are you doing here?"
"That's all you have to say for yourself. What am I doing here?"
"Is that all I have to say for myself! When you spent-" She sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Now was not the time to let her feelings take over. She had been making real progress, and to keep the upperhand she had to remain calm. "Well this is my room so..."
His voice was tight and controlled. It seemed as though she wasn't the only one in this room hiding the true extent of their emotions. "Maybe, had you been in your room, instead of entertaining boys in bars, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"I don't see how that is any of your business."
"I'm your coach therefore everything," He scoffed. "And everyone, that you do is my business."
His taunt hit it's target that time, and she felt some of her composure slip. "Are you here as my coach right now? Is it my coach's job to hurl baseless accusations about my sex life the night before competition?"
"You don't have a sex life!" He roared, standing up from the chair.
Payson stood her ground. "You should know from personal experience that I do! Maybe it hasn't been as active and exciting as yours has lately, but-"
"Now who is throwing around baseless accusations! You have no idea what you're talking about."
She clenched her fist until her nails dug into her palms. The situation was deteriorating fast and she needed to stop it before one of them did irreparable damage. "I dont have time for this. You can stay, enjoy the room. I'm going somewhere, anywhere else." She turned around to leave.
He must not have gotten the message that their fight was over, because he came to stand in front of her. "I expected more from you. You dont get to walk away from me again! You dont get to leave, or check out of this conversation. You dont get to spend weeks treating me like furniture. You do not get to leave!"
"Yes I do!" She screamed shoving her finger into his chest. If he was so determined to do this tonight then fine. There were some things she wanted to get off of her chest anyway. How dare he accuse her of being the deserter. "You left me! You didn't want me anymore! You chose Summer and then whats her face over me! I was shattered into a thousand pieces. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You left me, you dont get to call me out. I never walked away from you." Her yell had turned into a repressed strangled sob. "You left me, you broke me."
"I did what was best-"
"It's my life too! Did you ever stop to think about that. This isnt a routine or a competition. You're not always the coach! You dont always get the final say! This is my life! I have the right to have my opinions, my wants, my needs, and my desires matter." She paused to catch her breath and take a step back, literally and figuratively. "It has to end. This thing between us, whatever it is or was, it has to be over. Done. I'm trying really hard to be happy here, and I can't do that with this hanging over my head all the time."
"How do you suppose we could manage that. You asked me to stay, begged me to stay and now..." He ran his hands through his hair. ''Do you think I want this? What makes you think I want to be that guy? I would give anything to be able to leave just so I could stop this."
"Don't act like this leaving thing is new, or that it has anything to do with me. If you want to go, then just leave already."
"I can't!" He screamed. "I can't leave, because I can't leave you. But you have already left me."
She was shaking her head vigorously back and forth. "No! You don't get to do this again. No."
She looked close to breaking down so he reached out for her. "Payson."
"No. Dont you get it this whole time I've been waiting for you! I wait for you, I watch for you! My every... everything is about you. You own me!" Her voice was getting hysterical, "I can not breathe, without you." She pushed against his chest with both hands, and tried to spin away. She was shocked when he pulled her close yelled back in her face.
"I wait for you! I watch for you! I belong to you!"
She let the tears fall and collapsed against his chest at his admission. Her voice was quieter now. "So there is no escape. We can't be together, and we can't escape each other."
They were standing inches apart as he reached out and cupped her face with his hands."If I could run away from all of this, and be with you... but I can't, I have responsibilities. and you deserve better than me. You deserve a normal, easy, happy life. You can never have that with me."
She reciprocated his gesture, cupping his face and bringing them that much closer. "I don't want normal, easy, or simple. Have you even met me? Look at what I have chosen to do with my life so far. I'm going to the Olympics, reaching for the impossible. Why would this be any different? I fight for the things I want. I get the things I want, no matter the cost."
"I could destroy you."
"I welcome the destruction." She stopped just short of connecting their mouths, letting his presence wash over her, breathing him in, "I love you and I want you."
"I leave a wake of pain and destruction behind me wherever I go. What could you possibly want from me?"
It was a question similar to the one he'd posed to her a few weeks ago. She thought for a moment, what exactly did she want from him? The answer was as simple as the one he'd given her, "I want everything. I want painful, difficult, devastating, life changing, extraordinary love. I want everything." She held her breath, awaiting his response. He was right about one thing his answer in this moment had the power to destroy her.
"Take it. It's already yours."
She breathed a long sigh of relief as the momentary fear left her. She pulled his face down, and before he could say a word covered his mouth with hers.
The kiss was long and luxurious. His lips were warm and soft on hers. She could feel the light brush of his mustache and stubble against her cheeks. The smell of him was intoxicating, causing reason to be replaced with emotion, as one kiss led to another. Her breath was becoming rapid and shallow, it was as if no matter how deeply she inhaled it couldnt quite fill her lungs. She shuddered as he stroked her neck with light brushes of his fingertips.
He pulled away, his eyes searching hers before he bent again, this time his lips brushed her ear. His voice was thicker now, edged with desire, but each word was distinct and there was no confusion to the meaning. "It is only for you to say 'stop' and it stops."
He fixed his gaze on her and actually waited for an answer."Never stop." She started walking backwards, pulling him with her towards the bed. She felt it hit the back of her knees. Sitting down, she leaned back slowly pulling him with her,
He lay down beside her and folded her small, lithe body into his with ease. Their kisses were all consuming, sometimes urgent, sometimes shy and hesitant. Each was exploring the other. Each communicating without words the desire and the deep need they felt.
Her breathing was growing heavier and was punctuated with a deep moan when he teased a sensitive spot at the juncture of her neck and jawline. She freely exposed the sensitive skin to the tortuously slow descent of his kisses onto her clavicle. The entire length of her body was pressed to his, making her hyper- aware of his every move. Strong fingers probed deeply into the muscles of her back, while her own nails raked his arm and shoulders.
His kisses were being alternated with tender bites delivered to the crest of her shoulder. At each she shivered and gave an involuntary moan of pleasure. His own neck was exposed and she kissed, licked and bit until she felt him tense and shudder with the pleasure she was giving him. She could hear his breathing becoming heavy and broken and each of his caresses became more insistent.
Payson's chest rose and fell more rapidly, as she fought for control of herself. She stood on a precipice. Behind her was the safety of the known. She could retreat before this went any further, or she could willingly embrace the abyss and fall freely into a warm and welcoming unknown. Her eyes were closed as she felt him move over her, and she made her choice.
Lifting her arms she took off her shirt and met his hooded gaze. He stood still as she reached out and lifted his shirt over his head. It was all the invitation he needed.
He was surprised and thrilled by the passion he found on her lips now. Something had changed in her, although what it was that caused the change he could not say. Now they were together, and he was delighted he took the risk. She was everything he ever supposed he could want or should want. Her passion kindled a fire in him he thought long dead. Her touches electrified him. He never believed there was anyone who could cause him to feel this way. No one who could touch him on a spiritual level the way she did. He had suppressed his feelings for so long it fed the illusion that he had them tightly controlled. The nearness of her revealed he'd only been lying to himself.
Control. He had thought himself so very much in control before her. Now she possessed him mind, body, and soul. He had thought he was immune to feeling and feelings, having been hurt and done the hurting so very badly, so very often. He had cut himself off and had every intention of staying that way... until she entered his life. He had thought he would be the one to destroy her, but in that moment he knew she held the power to utterly decimate him. Truer words had never been spoken, than when he said he belonged to her.
They had continued to kiss until both were breathless. Panting they held each other and were still. He looked down at her and studied her face. There had never been anything to fear about their union. They were each what the other had come to know.
He slid his hands down her body, and touched her. The shudder that shook her seemed to go on forever. Her fingernails scratched at his neck and shoulders. The sensations she caused in him, only increased his desire to please her. Never had he imagined a woman could be so filled with passion.
The intensity of feeling she caused in him left him weak and shaking. At last when he could bear it no longer, he was only able to whisper, "Please..."
To which she answered, "Oh, yes..."
Their joining was easy, smooth. The tenderness each showed was answered in turn by the other. It seemed as if their bodies were made for no other purpose than this union. The rhythm they developed was slow, caring and full of meaning for them both. They were lost in each other, locked within a magnificent moment in a timeless place. Never had it been like this for her. Never had he imagined it could ever be like this at all. On and on it went, each of them falling deeper into the other.
How she had longed to be with this man, in this way. Now he was hers, even if just for this moment. She knew that if it all ended now, this, would be enough to sustain her. To have known him in this way, to have loved him, and been loved by him in return.
Their movements became more urgent, her pleas to him became more insistent, her voice was thick with need. It wasn't the physical coupling they needed; it was a spiritual bonding, a mingling of two souls which would burn brighter together than either had separately.
A tenderness flowed through them at the moment of absolute fulfilment. Although their bodily responses were frantic, at the exact moment of release, each was able to define what it was to be sincerely wanted, truly needed, and completely loved.
Still tangled in intimacy, he raised himself over her and said softly, almost inaudibly, "It's you...at last."
"Yes, it's me." She said just as his mouth covered hers.
They floated on the current of this tenderness for an intense yet immeasurable moment in a place where there was no space or time; only them.
Having finally spent themselves, they lay exhausted in each others embrace and reveled in the closeness and the warmth. "You're happy." She said with a content smile of her own.
In response he kissed her forehead, "Go to sleep Payson."
"We have to tal-"
"We'll sort it out in the morning."
Payson yawned betraying the toll the nights events had had on her. "Fine, but no take backs." She yawned again, as she sat up to look at him. "Say it."
"No take backs. Now go to sleep." He watched her close her eyes, a small smile graced her lips even as her breath slowed, indicating she was asleep. There were a thousand thoughts running through his mind, but he didn't allow any of them to take hold. So much had transpired on this night that would have far reaching consequences and ramifications, but there would be time to dwell on that later. Right now he wanted to make this moment last as long as possible.
So I'm a little concerned about the rating. I dont know if this crosses the line or not. I tried to keep it PG13, more about the emotion than the actions, but if anyone is offended or thinks it's a bit to racy I'll be happy to change the rating. Otherwise I hope this chapter leaves you satisfied. Lol, terrible joke I know.
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