Ch.23

They were sitting in the waiting room of Boulder General. After their flight landed all of the Rock girls, including Kelly, had made their way to the hospital. When Austin exited the double doors followed by Alex and Leo Cruz they all stood up.

"The doctors say that her condition has put massive strain on all of her organs, if she hadnt of passed out when she did she could have done irreperable damage to herself. As it is the damage is still pretty bad, but the doctors say with time, proper support, and accountability she can recover." Austin looked at the group that was assembled before him. Their expressions ranged from relief to guilt.

"Can we see her?" Lauren asked, for once she sounded genuinely concerened.

"Yeah go ahead." Kaylies father said.

Lauren, Payson, and Emily rushed into the room while Sasha took a seat next to Leo Cruz.

Austin had been lucky enough to find a flight that left about twelve hours before theirs and he'd been here ever since. He had been suprised at the warm welcome he recieved from Kaylies parents, especially Mr. Cruz. Kaylie had also been happy to see him. As he'd taken in the various reactions, he noticed another brunette standing a bit away from the main group, Kelly. She was no longer in the waiting room.

Twelve hours ago his feelings for her, and the path before them had been so clear. He knew that their relationship had been buiding towards it for quite some time, and twelve hours ago he'd been excited about pursuing something more with the firey gymnast. But now, well, now he didnt know.

Payson exited the room first, and Leo went back inside. He excused himself to get some water as Payson sat down with a cup of coffee, but what he really wanted was to find the girl that had disappeared.

"I brought you coffee. It's probably horrible but it's all that I could find." Payson smiled weakly as ran her hand up and down Sasha's back in an effort to comfort him. He hadnt said much since they made it back to Boulder, but she could tell that he was upset. He tried to hide it, but he had such a big heart. Kaylie's illness was truly hurting him, because he didnt know what to do to fix it.

Sasha didnt allow the contact long, before shrugging off her hand. He saw the brief look of hurt that flitted across her features and wished he could take back the rebuff, but he had to remember where they were, and what was at stake, if any of the various people roaming the halls caught even a whiff of impropriety. Even if she didnt, he had to rememeber.

"I'm fine. How is Kaylie?"

"Embarrassed and sad, but at least she is admitting something is wrong this time." She twined their hands together on the armrest, his fingers were stiff but she held on anyway. "Be nice when you go in, she is really nervous about your reaction."

Marty came around the corner just as Emily exited the room and Sasha snatched his hand away, throwing her a mildly reproachful look. "This is neither the time nor the place." He said in a low voice before walking away quickly.

Payson shrank back in the chair and followed his departure with sad eyes. Was this they way it was going to be from now on? She thought their circumstances had changed but apparently just being back in Colorado was enough to put a damper on their relationship. She missed Greece already.

"You have got to snap out of this and come back."

"Gee Lauren thanks for the support. I'll get right on that."

"There is no time for coddleing. Since you left everything is falling apart. I fell and now I'm benched. That stupid cow Andrea is trying to steal my thunder, and there is a babbling toddler named Wendy Crapshaw, walking around with my medal. Not to mention Payson has gone over to the dark side. I mean she and Kelly are basically joined at the hip, and Emily, yes, Emily Kmetko is beating me out. The world is spinning off of its axis and it's all because you arent there you have to restore the balance. I need you back to right this sinking ship."

"Well it's nice to know how my illness has affected your life." Kaylie interjected her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You didnt let me finish. Not only has Pay crossed over to the dark side but so has Austin." Kaylie's eyes shot up at that bit of news.

Lauren continued. "The only person who talks to Kelly more than her is him. In Greece when I went to find him, they were together. As a matter of fact the entire time we were in Greece they were together, whispering and canoodling it was disgusting. She is trying to take your place in everything, so you need to come back, for real this time, and claim what is rightfully yours."

"Austin isnt mine we broke up remember?"

"Kay, you and Austin are epic. So what if you hit a rough patch, just get over it and move on. He waited for you, he loves you. Even now, you know he was with her when I told him about you, but, who paid a fortune to change their flight and get here first? He still loves you, just let him know that you still love him too."

Kaylie looked down at the blankets on the bed. "I do miss him, and I could really use his support."

"So tell him that."

"Thanks Lo."

Kelly shrank back from the door, and moved to take a seat around the corner. She knew it was a mistake to come here. She hadnt gone to the door with the intention of eavesdropping, but when she heard her name being mentioned it had been instinctual.

She tried not to let anything that Lauren Tanner said effect her, but she couldnt help wondering if maybe the blonde had it right this time. Austin hadnt hesitated for even a second before heading to the airport, and it was obvious that he hadnt left the hospital since he arrived, he was still wearing the same clothes he had on at the party in Greece for god sakes.

She was so lost in her thoughts, she didnt notice at first when someone took the seat next to hers. It was the deep weary sigh that drew her attention. The man in question, was sitting right next to her with his head thrown back and his eyes closed. For a minute she thought he might have actually fallen asleep, but then his eyes opened and slid over to rest on hers.

She could see the sadness behind the weariness, and she knew what he was about to say before he even opened his mouth."Kels -"

She'd never dealt well with rejection and it was second nature to sheild herself from it so she stood up and cut him off. "It's fine. I'm out. Whatever this is... or was, I'm out. So no need to let me down gently or protect my feelings."

She walked away just as Kaylie's mother came around the corner and told him Kaylie was asking for him. Good thing she was already leaving, because she had a feeling what Kaylie wanted to talk about, and she did not plan on sticking around for their happy reunion. She spent the next hour sitting in an empty hallway stirring a cold cup of bad coffee, and trying not to cry.

She'd driven herself to the hospital so she didnt know why she was even still there. Perhaps she was just a glutton for punishment. This time she knew he was there before he even made a sound.

"I've been looking for you. I thought maybe you left but.."

"What can I say, masochist party of one."

He took the seat next to her and leaned forward on his hands. "My sister suffered from anorexia nervosa for seven years. Sometimes she could go months with no problems, she would be normal and healthy and happy. Then I remember times where she would be so weak she couldnt even lift her head to take a sip of water. Not that she wanted to because she thought water made her fat. I wasnt there, I was to busy training, yeah I cared, and yeah I loved her and visited, but I removed myself from the situation."

His voice broke with the next sentence. "I was so selfish. It killed her eventually. Her body just couldnt function after all of the strain she'd put on it. She went into massive organ failure, and there was nothing anybody could do, nothing I could do, it was to late.

Afterward, I kept thinking, if only I had just been there, maybe things would have been different. Maybe there was something I could have done, or said to save her, if only I had been there.

You told me once that I had a hero complex. You were right. I want to save everybody because I couldnt save her, but not you. You never needed me to save you. You're strong and brave in ways I dont know if I ever could be..."

He was still talking but Kelly couldnt turn down her internal monolouge long enough to focus on the rest of his words. When he arrived in front of her she'd set her mind to the task of ignoring him, but then he started talking, and she'd felt the pain, heartache, and love resonate in his every word. It touched her and she felt the same tears covering his cheeks running down her face.

It reminded her of why she was so head over heels for this guy in the first place. He had a heart that just never quit. He loved, and gave with everything that he had, and even then, he never thought it was enough. He was such a good person.

She couldnt lose him. She couldnt let the man she loved walk out of her life without at least laying all her cards on the table. She reached over, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I lied, I'm not out of this. I'm in, I'm all in. If this was Texas Hold 'Em I would have already bet the house, the car, the kid, and the dog. So here it is your choice and it's harsh but simple, her or me. And I know, I'm way to competitive, I can't cook worth a damn, I'm sloppy, and I snore. And I'm sure she's really great, but Austin I love you. In a really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last doughnut, hold a radio over my head outside your window, love you." She took a deep gulping breath, holding back a sob that was threathning to escape. "So pick me, choose me, love me." Her eyes hadnt left his for the entirety of her speech but even now he didnt say a word. She tried to read what his response through his face but she wasnt getting anything concrete. She could feel the embarrasment flooding her veins.

"Austin," The deep accented voice called softly. Neither of them moved from their current stances, gazes locked. "Austin, Kaylie is still looking for you."

Kelly took that as her cue to leave, he didnt follow.

Sasha had only heard the tail end of the conversation but he recognized the stricken look on the young mans face, and then watched as Kelly walked past him openly crying. He rolled his eyes heavenward. Why did it always have to be his gymnasts getting themselves into these impossible situations. The last thing any of them needed was another love triangle gone wrong.

He thought about leaving but he wasnt sure if the boy was going to follow him, or fall over. "Sit down." He commanded gruffly, taking the seat Kelly had just vacated.

"I'm starting to think this no dating rule is a figment of my imagination."

"I'm no-"

"Do not insult my intelligence. I'm neither blind nor stupid. I know that none of you follow that rule. You'll kill yourselves to eat right and show up to practice on time but none of you can seem to keep it in your pants."

Austin snorted. "I may be the pot but you are most definetly the kettle."

"I'm not judging. This comes from nothing resembling a high horse, as a matter of fact high horses want absolutely nothing to do with me. This comes from experience. I'm saying there is a real reason behind the no dating rule, and it is to protect everyone. Girls arent the only ones who can get their hearts broken."

The silence streched out for a few minutes.

"What do I do coach? How can I choose?"

"You know what to do already. These types of decisions are always painful, but theyre never hard. You are in so much pain because you already know what you are going to do."

Austin sighed and sank further into the chair before getting up, he turned around at the end of the hall. "Do you?"

"Like I said the decision is never hard, it just hurts like hell. The best thing you can do is breathe deep and wait for the pain to subside."

"You realize that this is The Spruce Juice, a clean wholesome family establishment, and not a bar, right." Payson slid into the chair next to Kelly. She'd come as soon as she'd gotten her friends rambling text message, about Austin and moving to Texas to play poker.

"Just let me have my moment. I cant believe I told him to chose me I actually said chose me, and then I walked away. But that was only after I realized your manfriend, had front row seats to the most humiliating moments of my life."

"You said it because you love him. I think it's romantic."

"It's not romantic, it's horrifying! Like man in a mask, with a chainsaw horrifying!"

"Romantic, Nicholas Sparks romantic."

"I said love me."

"Yes you did."

"Ugh dont remind me." She threw her hands over her face before banging her head down on the counter. "There we are, we're sitting outside of his sick ex girlfriends hospital room, talking about his dead sister, and I made it all about me. Im selfish, and I'm an idiot. I'm a selfish idiot, because lets face it," she raised her glass and took a deep swig, "Nobody ever chooses me, nobody could ever love me. I let myself get caught up in the fantasy of it all and now..."

"I chose you. I love you."

"You dont exactly make sound life decisions."

"Agreed."

"Speaking of which why do you sound so sad. Your last poor life decision ended well for you. Is it because Im keeping you from lover boy? You are free to go, and leave me here to wallow alone in my misery. I didnt ask you to come."

"No it's just, now that we are back, I feel like it is all going to fall apart, like any minute the other shoe is going to drop, and it'll all be over. He's pulling away from me again, I can feel it. He's just not all the way there."

"Ok, enough of that Debbie Downer. I'm the only one here, that is allowed to mope about not being loved. You have your man, you did it, you won, he's yours. Winner winner chicken dinner. Now you just have to do what it takes to keep him. Dont be me, dont waste time trying to make him come to you. Go to him, and then ask him, after you ask you, are you barbque chicken, or scrambled eggs." Kelly slurred, finishing her sentence by slamming the glass down on the counter.

Payson picked up the cup in front of Kelly and sniffed it. She recoiled quickly. "Wow did you rob a liquior store on the way over here."

Kelly's face and voice took on a serious edge, in the way that only a drunk person can when they are about to dispense whatever insights they have gained from the alcohol. "Im serious. In any relationship you have to ask, are you the barbque chicken, or the scrambled eggs. See theyre basically the same, but for one the chicken he gives his life, for the meal, aka relationship. He doesnt hold anything back, lays it all on the table. He's the bar-b-que chicken. Whereas with the other, the chicken only contributes a part of itself. Just a little piece, that it doesnt even really miss. He's still a part of the meal, or relationship, but how much of himself did he actually give for it. So are you barbque chicken or scrambled eggs? All in or halfway out the door."

There was some always a ring of truth in drunken advice, and even though the story was convoluted the message was still there. To make a relationship work you have to give your all you cant let fear hold you back. She looked at Kelly who was staring down into her glass as though it was a crystal ball that held all of the answers.

"Chicken or eggs?" She whispered.

Kelly looked up solemnly. "Chicken or eggs."

"And you are?"

Her face faltered. "Well I just made a bold chicken move, with a guy who is eggs. So, I'm going to drink a couple more of these, and get back to you in the morning."

"Austin cares. I know he does." Paysons voice was firm.

"Yeah like I said he cares about everyone. Everything he has done for me, he would probably do for anyone." She sipped her drink. "Chose me," she scoffed. "Yep Im a complete idiot. You realize I have to move in with you now. I can never go home again."

"But you're still calling it home, so that's something. Come on I'll give you a ride." Payson stood and waited for Kelly to do the same.

"I brought my car."

"No! You absolutely can not drive. For one it's storming outside, and today, with our combined luck you'll end up in an accident that puts you in full body traction, in a hospital bed next to Kaylie while she and Austin reunite."

Kelly made a petulant face, and her voice would have been better suited to a four year old who was just denied a piece of candy. "Sad, sober, not getting any Payson is mean."

"Only because she cares, now lets go."

The intention had been to drop Kelly off at Austin'shouse and let her sleep it off. But a pit stop at his well stocked liquior cabinent and two hours of conversation later, both Payson and Kelly were just shy of completely trashed.

"It's not us it's them. Them and their stupid boy machismo." Kelly was sprawled out across one end of the couch in the library, while Payson had taken the other.

Payson lifted her hand heavily making a vauge gesture. "It's not even what he said! Its how he said it, like I was a out of line! So what now I cant touch you? News flash it's not the first time. Pfft like he's the boss of me."

"He is the boss of you."

"Pfft.."

"What's worse is that we care. Do they not know who we are? Future Olympic gold medalists, we demand respect." Kelly asserted.

"They already have gold medals. Lots of them, olympic ones, bright and shiny..."

The door slammed loudly downstairs. "KELLY? Kelly are you here?"

"Uh-oh, Daddy's home." Payson giggled.

"I cant face him! Why havent we moved my stuff yet?" Kelly put the pillow over her head as if it would be enough to make her invisible.

"Because we decided to raid the bar, and I swore I'd never help you move again."

The door to the library slammed open and both girls jumped at the noise. Kelly dropped her pillow and Payson sat up to quickly and fell completely off the couch.

Austin took in the scene before him. There was a open bottle of tequila sitting on the table and a very dishevled Payson Keeler laying on his floor.

"Seriously?!"

Kelly spoke first. "How did you find us?"

"You sent me like ten messages about chickens and eggs and Texas. When you didnt answer my calls I got worried."

"You rode your bike in this weather? You could have gotten hurt!"

"Sasha gave me a ride."

"Austin did you find them?" Sasha came to stand next to him in the doorway.

This caused Kelly to start laughing. "I guess that means big daddy is home too!"

Sasha crossed his arms over his chest and eyed both girls.

"Um I can take care of this if you want." Austin offered.

"Not a chance. Someone had better start talking. Now. What the meaning of this is?"

Authors Note:

So I'm a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy and since it's spring break I have been binge watching them from the beginning. The Austin/Kelly scene was inspired by one of my favorite Meredith/Derek moments, it just seemed fitting. Also Kelly and Paysons relationship has always been modeled off of Meredith and Cristina (one of the best tv frienships ever). There will be a one shot soon for Kelly and Austin but it felt like this part belonged in the main story. On that note a chapter or two ago someone commented on the amor fati line from sasha's train of thought. Yes I love that story as well and I have a friend who has the entire phrase tattooed on her wrist (not because of the story) It just seems like one of those phrases that you can turn to when you are feeling sad or unsure about your circumstances.

As always thank you for reading, and please review favorite and follow. Any questions or concerns please feel free to pm me.