IX
Once, in a dream
Far beyond these castle walls
Down near the bay
Where the moonlit water falls
I stood alone
While the minstrel sang his song
So afraid I'd lost my soul
There in the fog
His song kept calling me
Leading me on
Like a haunting melody
Deep in my heart
A voice kept echoing
I knew I'd soon be wandering
Far beyond these castle walls
Where the distant harbor meets the sky
There the battle raged like hell
And every dove had lost its will to fly
Far beyond these castle walls
Where I thought I heard Tiresias say
Life is never what it seems
And every man must meet his destiny
Castle Walls, Styx
A Week Later
Memories began to stir inside the mind.
But they were fragmented, disjointed, and made little sense in the mind that had been deep in a fog for what seemed like an eternity. A glimpse of a face here, a word spoken there, moments like photographs strewn across the floor, with no order and no rationale.
But they were memories. Thoughts. Something that the black fog had not allowed, which was a glimpse at something that was still beyond the mind that held these shards.
A face appeared, a very beautiful face, with a golden smile, and sparkling green eyes, the image gone before it came into focus. Another face, this one much younger...a baby? With brown eyes and a curious expression, again the fog blotting it out. A sound of what...passion? Lust? Desire? The mind couldn't tell, the image of whatever was causing those feelings obscured in the distance.
In some ways the fog was almost like being in a deep, dark lake, the mind trying to claw to the surface, to catch a ray of light, a hint of sound, a moment of clarity, but none of that appearing in the inky darkness that surrounded all. The mind was trying to get to the surface, to take a gulp of air, of life, of remembrance, still denied in any appreciable form.
Yet there was something drawing it through the fog, through the deep waters, or whatever it was that held it back. Yet it was an awakening. It was a stirring. It was a beginning.
Four Days After David's Birthday
The sale of Jo's baby, her motorcycle store in Brooklyn, became official this day, the sale being both a relief and a blow to her personally. She wouldn't have to worry about the pressure of keeping the business thriving while her personal life was so up in the air. She, Blair, and DC certainly didn't need the money-that wasn't what opening the dealership had been about. It had been about Jo finding a path of her own to do something she felt was useful. She had wasted five precious years of her life as a bum and a drug addict. The business had validated who she was as a person.
Yet it came second-would always come second-to Blair and DC. She was almost certain-almost, but not quite-that Blair would come out of her long sleep. What would be left of her mind or her personality, no one knew, but Jo had told Blair, even unofficially, that they were together forever, for better or for worse. She would never go back on her word.
Despite the uncertainty, she was already thinking about getting back into the business, but was well aware it could be some time before she got the chance. There was a high probability that Blair, once she awoke, would have to undergo lengthy, and most likely, painful, physical and even psychological rehabilitation. She had already contacted her two doctors from her days in rehab, and they assured her that when Blair was ready, they would be ready.
One afternoon, while her parents were watching their grandson, Jo set up a visit to talk to one person who she trusted as much as anyone in the world, and who had never steered her wrong: Edna Garrett.
Edna had set aside a mid-afternoon lunch with Jo at Mancuso's, where they ordered pizza and soft drinks to wash it down. Jo wanted advice from her old mentor on the one thing she had no control over-or one of many, she amended, that she would have no control over, when Blair finally came to.
"Dr. Chidi said it could be any time now, Mrs. G, that she could wake up, or it could be a long time away. There's just no way to know for sure. Her brain is active, but that doesn't mean it's connecting to the rest of her body."
"It's enough to drive one out of their mind, no pun intended", Mrs. Garrett agreed. "I won't lecture you about having patience, and just let nature take its course. That's all BS, pardon my French, Jo, and we both know it. I'm so glad you have David around to keep you occupied."
Jo looked at the older woman with wary eyes. "Preaching to the choir, Mrs. G. I'm worried that without DC, I might have become a junkie again. As revolting as the thought of how I lived for all those years is, it's also true what they say-once you get a drug like that into ya, no matter how crappy you feel when it wears off, it keeps calling you back, like a bad dream, but one you can't ever shake."
"So I've heard", Edna said with a shiver. "I think of what you went through, Jo, and how far you've come. I'm convinced that things happen for a reason, but I also believe that everyone has a breaking point. David has been a Godsend to you in more ways than one."
"Don't I know it, Mrs. G", Jo said with a rueful smile. "I think I can deal with whatever's comin' our way-I know blondie will have to go through physical therapy, especially for her hip and leg, and there's a chance that she may not be all there upstairs, because of how long it's been. But there's one thing that scares the living hell outta me at night."
"What's that, Jo?"
"That there's a chance that she's lost her memory, and..." Jo started to get emotional, fighting it off in such a public setting. "And what if she's so changed she doesn't love me any more?" The last few words came out as a croaking rasp, barely above a whisper.
"You've told me you're in this with Blair forever, am I right?" Jo nodded sullenly. "Then you'll have to be stubborn about that. Love is a very mysterious, wonderful, but sometimes maddening condition, my dear. Is it possible that her personality could be so changed that she won't remember the love you shared? Yes it is, I won't lie about that. But I believe love-real, deep-seeded love like you two have, can conquer almost any tragedy or misfortune. I believe it's something well beyond the physical, and, with the way you two have been in love, it's a spiritual connection. It might take time, but even if that happens, I believe the two of you will, in the end, still be with one another."
Jo was quiet for a moment, almost laughing as she contemplated Mrs. Garrett's words by munching on her pepperoni and bacon pizza. But she had a point. She and Blair had always sensed something way beyond the physical, and even emotional bond that they shared-it was almost spiritual, almost mystical. Could a love, even as strong as they had, overcome the possibility of a mind-altering experience such as Blair's head injury?"
"I believe that, too, Mrs. Garrett. I can still feel her very presence in my heart, every day. I just hope that enough of Blair is still in there that we will still be together. It frightens me to death."
"I know it does, Jo", Edna said softly, "but this is when you have to have faith-not just in God, or in yourself, but in the love between you and Blair. You have to believe, in the end, that love conquers all."
Three Days Later
The mind thought it saw a faint flicker of light, far beyond the dense fog that had surrounded it for so long. Maybe it was illusion, but the mind that was beginning to sense things again didn't think so. No flicker like that had occurred since the Universe, whatever that was, had gone dark. Time and distance had lost all meaning, replaced by the nothingness of this void.
There! The flicker appeared again! Still faint, but discernible. The mind tried to move toward it, the fog becoming more like a storm, swirling doubt and anguish about as if were warning the mind not to go to the light, that the fog is where it belonged. Yet the mind was now determined to head toward the light.
What was out there, where the light was? Perhaps those faces she had seen before, especially that one with the green eyes and magnetic smile? Was that the light that was calling to the mind? The mind didn't know. Nothing still made any sense, but instinct told the mind that the flicker meant something. Against the raging storm of the darkness, it forged ahead, clawing through the endless night.
The flicker appeared again...
It was a few days later, Tootie having stopped by to visit Jo, DC, and Blair. Like Jo, she sensed that something was about to unfold, but it was like a fog shrouding what could be ahead. Nothing was certain or clear, just a sense that something was near.
"I'm sure Natalie moaned at you, telling you about the negative letters and phone calls." Dorothy was playing with David in the expansive living room at the Peekskill address.
Jo actually laughed. "She did. Didja hear some of the things people call people like me and Blair?" She laughed again, although it annoyed her. "And these bozos say I have the problem? If I didn't laugh about it, I'd cry, and I've done enough cryin' the last few months to last me forever."
"Tell me about it, girl. But I think Natalie hit a nerve, with both people who agree and disagree on the issue. That's a good thing. It may take time, but there's a day coming where someone won't have to go through what you did after Blair got injured."
"I hope to hell you're right, Toot", Blair agreed. "I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. It's barbaric, even for a barbarian like me." That got a laugh out of both of them, David letting out a squeal of laughter and smiling listening to his Aunt Dorothy and Mama Jo.
"That's pretty barbaric then", Dorothy quipped.
"Oh, turn blue, Snoop Sister." Again they both laughed loudly, enjoying each others company.
The mind now saw the flicker more as a beacon, getting stronger each passing moment-not knowing how long a "moment" was in the existence of the void. The fog persisted, even fought back, or so it seemed, but the mind was beginning to win. The light wasn't consistent, but it was there, and beyond it, she could hear soft voices. Or was that the fog playing games with the mind? It didn't matter.
Shortly thereafter, the light began to pulse brighter, the void of the fog literally, it seemed, trying to pull the mind back behind the curtain of darkness. The mind would not be denied now. Something was out there. Maybe that face with the green eyes, or the young girl..is that what it was...that looked so familiar...or even the baby that she had seen briefly?
The mind turned to look at the blackness of nothing that had been its home for an unknown time, nothing really remembered before entering the blackness, but something now calling her beyond the castle wall of the fortress of darkness.
The mind was almost there...
Jo, DC, and Tootie had just arrived at the hospital, Jo always making sure their friend had time with Blair, and to simply talk to the woman. It was cathartic for Jo to hear, and for Tootie to say the words, even if it made no real difference.
"I'm telling you Blair", Dorothy said, with a backward glance at Jo, a smile on her face, "you better get here soon, girlie, or your barbarian just might turn into one."
Jo laughed lightly. "Don't listen to her, Princess", Jo said teasingly.
"Don't listen to her, Princess", the mind heard with more clarity than anything heard before. Who, or what was this Princess? The mind had no idea, but that voice...the mind knew it-knew the other voice that had been heard just before it. But no memory accompanied the sounds it heard.
The light was growing intense, the fog of the void behind it howling, almost a desperate cry for the mind to return, or the fog's very existence would vanish. The fog was right, but the mind didn't care. There was something out there, beyond this endless night. The light glowed brighter.
"She never listened to me anyway, Polniaczek, you know that", Tootie said with a snicker.
"Yeah, well, that's true, so maybe I don't have to worry, Ramsey."
The voices...the mind could almost touch the sound now, the light becoming continuous, casting out the blackness that had enveloped it since time remembered. If only I can reach those voices, the mind thought. If only...
Dorothy picked up DC for a moment, looking at him. "Your Mama Jo is a crazy one, you know that kid?"
DC squealed his baby gibberish, making Dorothy laugh. "See, he agree with me, Jo."
"You two just gotta gang up on me, don'tcha?"
The mind bent all its will toward the sound. Whatever will was, the mind grabbed at it. The darkness was gone, but there was still no clarity in the light, not yet. "Maybe", the mind thought, "maybe if I try this."
"How much longer does David have to wear this cast, Jo?"
"Dr. Chidi told me the removable cast can come off for good in about two weeks, Tootie. He said the leg is almost a hundred percent. He should be able to start tryin' to walk in another tow or three months."
The mind suddenly wasn't just a mind anymore. It felt the flutter of something. Were these eyes? Is that what was fluttering? Eyelids, the mind seemed to recall. "If I can get them open..."
The light was becoming tolerable now for the person lying in the bed. Nothing was clear yet, but the fog that she had been in had yielded. Her eyelids fought to open, to gather information around her, to finally see what was out here. The lids batted once, twice, three, and yet a fourth time, before they separated, eyes filled with the blinding glow of the real world. It took a few moments for the eyes to begin to focus...
Just bright lights above, almost painful to look at but...wait, I hear the voices again, she said, the voices I first heard not long ago in the terrible void. If only...
"I bet he'll be happy to finally have his leg free. I only had my cast on for three weeks, and it drove me batty."
"You're batty to begin with Tootie." Tootie stuck her tongue out at Jo.
The eyes looked around, nothing else seemingly able to move at the moment. She opened her mouth to say something-anything, but at first nothing came out. She tried again. Still nothing...
"Whatever, Polniaczek", Tootie said, laughing at her friend.
She felt a squeak of a voice-suddenly realizing it was her own. She tried again, still not much.
She took a breath, and bent what little strength she had in another effort.
"Hello?"
They both heard it, at the same moment, Tootie and Jo thinking the other had spoken, but it somehow hadn't sounded right.
"Hello?"
That definitely wasn't either of them...it could only mean one thing.
Jo was off the floor in an instant, to her astonishment brown eyes with gold flecks looking back at her, a world of confusion on the face on the bed.
"Blair?"
"Oh, my, God", Dorothy said, hitting the call button for the nurse.
"Nurse's station, how can I help you?"
"This is room 1210, she's woken up. We need a nurse and the doctor immediately."
She looked around, confusion still attending what little movement she could make, only knowing that whoever was in the room had heard her. Before she could speak again, another person, than another, both in white coats, were over hear.
"Ms. Warner", the manly voice said to her. "Can you hear me and understand me?"
The woman nodded her head.
The man nodded to someone out of her range of site, a new face...it was that face with the golden smile and the blazing green eyes. "Princess, is that really you?"
The woman on the bed looked confused still, but while she knew she was alive, not much registered beyond that.
Blair Warner looked into Jo Polniaczek's eyes and spoke weakly.
"Do...do I know you?"
To be continued in Find Your Way Back, Part 9 of the Facts Of Life: Fire and Rain series.