Part of Taako wants to release Lucretia as soon as they're safe, fling himself away and demand answers for her shitty attitude. Instead, he finds he can't force himself not to listen to the other part of his brain, the part that tells him to keep hold of her and don't let go. Once again his fingers have turned to claws in her robes and Lucretia lets out a muffled grunt as her face gets smashed into Taako's shoulder.
She puts her hands on his chest like she's gonna try to push him away and Taako's arm tightens around her back. He grips her shoulder with his free hand. He can't help but shake her.
"What. The. Fuck." His teeth are gritted but he manages to push the words out passed a tongue that feels too thick. His head is swimming with too much emotion, his ears are still ringing from the fight. Lucretia's protection spells still buzz lightly against his skin, making him feel overheated and feverish compared to her unprotected, too cool skin. He shakes her again, unmindful of how limp she is in his grasp. "What the fuck was that, Lucretia?"
"It seems the Ragged Harmony have infiltrated my Bureau," Lucretia answers, guessing the meaning behind his frantic questions incorrectly. She ignores his too tight grip and the way he won't let her get out of arm's reach and, after an awkward second, props her chin on his shoulder to speak clearly. Her voice is too thin and too reedy; she leans heavily against Taako, like she doesn't have enough strength to remain upright on her own and Taako seethes."If I had to wager a guess, I'd say they probably have an insider helping them with transport and teleportation. Maybe one of the new hires; they could easily have placed a mole in our midst when we had to take on new hands after the Day of Story and Song. Many of our personnel wanted to retire home to their families, so the hiring process was rushed, we were too busy to do proper background checks-"
"I'm not talking about the fucking fight!"
Lucretia is silent for a long moment in which Taako stares out into the void he's created for them and wishes he were anywhere else right about now. He wishes none of this had happened. He wishes he knew what to do.
"What are you asking about, then?" Lucretia is conversational, light, too poised to be anything but on edge. Taako growls and resists the urge to shake her again. He thinks about shoving her away, making her stand on her own and let him judge her from afar but after what she told that tiefling, Taako just can't.
"You told that asshole she could kill you." The words are painful, cutting his throat and tearing at his tongue to shreds as they exit his mouth and Lucretia flinches, like she too feels the barbs.
"Ah. That."
"Yeah, you dick," Taako agrees, none too happily. "So what the fuck is up, compadre?"
There's a beat of silence. Lucretia shifts against his shoulder. Her chin is bony and sharp; she hasn't been eating enough. Taako remembers on the Starblaster, when she'd drop weight at a moment's notice. There was something in her genes that simply wouldn't let her retain weight if her diet changed in the slightest. He remembers how he used to make a game of it in the early days, trying different dishes out on her, putting more butter than usual in this pasta or loading her up with extra helpings of that roast. He remembers the bad cycles, when they were starving and Lucretia looked like a skeleton with the skin pulled too taut over her bones and he'd practically shoved any food he could down her throat to keep her alive.
Taako had wondered once, after the Day of Story and Song, if there was anyone at the Bureau who reminded her to eat during all those years Lucretia was alone. He'd hated himself then for even considering being concerned for her well-being. Now, with his arms wrapped around a frame that should be at least twice the size it is now, all her bony bits pressing into his ribs, Taako curses himself for not seeing it sooner. She has no one. Lucretia hasn't had anyone in a long time.
She left you all behind, of course she has no one.
Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.
"Well, it's not as if-" Lucretia starts, only to cut herself off. He can feel the hesitation prickling at her skin. He knows Lucretia; right now, she's trying to formulate just the right response. She's still a lot like she used to be on the Starblaster, always trying to find the right thing to say to keep everyone calm.
Taako is frankly sick of it.
"That is to say- I would assume that you'd understand."
Taako freezes. His arms are stiff around her ribs; his hands ache from how tightly he is clutching her robes in his fists. "What," Taako says very, very carefully, "could you possibly mean by that?"
Lucretia has the worst habit of being tight lipped when it counts the most, so Taako isn't too surprised when she doesn't answer.
"Are you asking me to understand why you are under the impression that it's okay for you to get killed, Lucretia?"
"Taako…"
"Because it sounds like that's what you're asking me to do." Taako speaks over her. His voice is rising but he can't seem to stop it. "It seems like you're saying I should get why you think it's just fine and dandy for you to be dead. It sounds like you're okay with dying and you want me to be okay with that too. Is that what you're saying?"
Her silence is telling.
"Oh my fucking gods, Lucretia." Taako nearly screams. She struggles briefly in his hold, trying to put space between them- Taako's not sure if it's because she's scared or because he's too loud or because she just doesn't want to have this conversation and Lucretia is good at nothing if not running away from important conversations but he tightens his already painful grip, refusing to release her. "Is that really what you think of me?"
"Wh-what? But-"
"You think I'm that fucked up? That I'd just- just stand by and let this happen?"
Lucretia's voice is low compared to his own and her hands ball into fists against Taako's chest. She drops her head so he can't lean back to read her face and Taako is almost grateful for it because he's not sure he could stand to look at her right now. "You seemed all too happy to hold me accountable for my actions before. Why not now?"
"Accountable?" That throws Taako for a loop for only a moment before ice floods his gut. "Oh, gods, you- you're not talking about…"
He's had nightmares, since that day, of finishing his countdown, of Magnus at his side, of Merle not stopping them soon enough. His stomach turns and his sight is too blurry and gods , Taako doesn't think he can handle this. This is so much worse than he thought.
"I tore the world apart, Taako. Maybe- maybe there's a point of no return for someone like me."
Taako's face is numb. His hands are losing feeling but it feels like his skin is tingling, some emotion too powerful and strange for him to name sparking where he's touching her. He's not getting enough oxygen because Lucretia might as well have just punched him in the stomach.
"What do you mean, someone like you?"
"Someone who ruined so many lives," Lucretia clarifies and Taako can't decide which is worse: the words that spill from her mouth or the matter-of-fact way she says them. "Someone you have every right to hate for ruining your life for so many years."
The disgusting, slimy, furious part of Taako purrs in satisfaction. He can see in his mind's eye that gross fantasy he had in those early days after everything ended, when he'd thought about what Lucretia's body would have looked like, broken and small on the ground at his feet.
Taako rejects that shit so fast his head nearly spins.
"You got a real shitty habit of putting words in other people's mouths, bubeleh."
Lucretia jerks against him, and Taako pulls back to look her in the face for the first time in at least a day. She looks about as bad as he feels and Taako opens his mouth to say something- he's not sure what he's going to do, berate her some more, maybe, or say something incredibly cheesy that he'll never admit he said in the future, or maybe just to ask if she's okay-
Lucretia's entire front is stained vermillion red.
"Oh fuck!"
Taako can't help but jump away from her as the shock hits his veins; then the adrenaline kicks in and he's back in her space just as quickly. He tries to steady her as she wobbles, but Lucretia loses her fight with gravity and all he can do is slow her descent from a fall to a sort of awkward slump. She ends up half in his lap, her head against his shoulder again.
It's then that Taako notices that his own clothes are stained with Lucretia's blood.
"How did-"
"The tiefling," Lucretia tells him. Her voice is very weak. She sighs and presses one hand to her side, wincing as her fingertips brush the edges of the slash across her stomach. "Threw some spell at us when you were pulling me up with you."
"Why didn't you say anything, you absolute idiot?" Taako shrieks. He shifts her in his arms, trying to get a good look at the torn up skin and viscera and blood without really having to see it at all.
"You wanted this yourself, Taako; you can't seriously tell me you didn't see something like this coming."
"You can just shut your fucking mouth," Taako snaps, hands fluttering at her abdomen uselessly. After a second, he presses shaking palms to her stomach, trying not to grimace as blood wells up between his fingers. He's been covered in Lucretia's blood too many times this week. "I don't fucking want this, you got that? I don't fucking want this."
Lucretia snorts disbelievingly and Taako lets out a high pitched whine, desperation making his limbs shake, his breathing ratchet up.
"Yes, well," Lucretia gasps, her lips twitching weakly. There's something terrible in her eyes, like she's not too unhappy with the situation. "There's not much we can do now, is there?"
She's not going to fight.
A sort of amused, dreadful calm washes over Taako. He closes his gaping mouth. He reaches out and guides Lucretia's hands to cover her wound more fully, makes sure she's putting pressure on it. He pulls out his stone of farspeech and dials a number he hasn't used in months. Then he rocks back on his heels and worms his arms under her shoulders and knees and, with an almighty huff, drags them both upright.
"Yes there is." Taako tells Lucretia. He hefts her a little, getting comfortable. He's going to have to be fast. "We're going to make a run for it."