The hands that guide Lucretia over the threshold are not of any reaper she knows. She's not sure that's a bad thing, necessarily, but it does sting a little. Maybe they had better things to do than look after her soul.
They're your friends. Lucretia admonishes herself quickly. It feels strange to think-but she might as well try. Don't think about them like that. They care.
She hadn't been able to see much of the fighting before Bella's knife cut into her jugular, but she remembers there being a lot of fire. Lup had had her hands full. It makes some of the ache subside.
Lucretia takes the hands held out to her and steps out of her body. There's no bright white light or long tunnel; one second she's lying in Taako's arms, blood warm on her rapidly cooling skin, and the next hands are picking her up and setting her down in a plush violet armchair. The upholstery barely descends with her added weight, pressing in around her shoulders and arms comfortingly. The winged back obscures her peripherals as she looks around.
She's surrounded by what looks like a strange little sitting room. Large bookcases line two of the three walls in front of her, filled with covers embossed with gold and silver and ink in scripts she doesn't recognize. The third wall is consumed by the largest fireplace Lucretia has ever seen, placed in a marble mantle. There's another purple armchair across from her. Everything is colored lamp shades and black hardwood floors and dark, swirling wallpaper. The rugs depict various scenes of death: a burning temple on a cliffside, a hero being gored by a minotaur, a shipwreck in the middle of a storm. Lucretia turns her gaze from these quickly and looks past heavy curtains to the only window she can see on the far end of the room. The sky outside is not reassuring; seething, writhing darkness, pockmarked with-oh Gods. Those were faces : elven and human, orcish and dwarven and gnomish and everything few and far between. They press up against the glass, mouths opening and closing on silent words, and Lucretia knows if she were still alive she'd feel her heart jerk in her chest.
She's not in the Material Plane, that's for sure; everything feels different here, slightly off. It takes a second for Lucretia to realize that she feels no pain; it's been wiped away, as if it was never there in the first place. Her hand shoots to her throat reflexively but is met with nothing but smooth skin. She lets out a hoarse, croaking laugh at that-her skin hasn't been smooth since Wonderland. What is this? Why isn't she stuck in some kind of primordial soup right now, or being tortured for her sins? Gods know she's committed more than a few.
There's a tickle in her mind like she's forgotten to turn the stove off at home and only just remembered. Perhaps the fact she's not from this world is messing with this plane's need to place her in some afterlife. I'm not happy. Lucretia thinks. She lets out another hysterical little laugh. I'm dead after so long and I'm not happy about it. Nice to know irony is still alive and well in the world.
Her mirth disappears quickly. Lucretia wraps her arms around herself. She's not going to cry. She's not sure dead people have the luxury of tears anyway.
"Lucretia of Faerun." A quiet voice greets. "I've been waiting a long time to see you. I've heard so much."
A figure is sitting across from her where there was no one before. Lucretia looks up at the black, feathered mantle and bone white mask and nearly swallows her tongue. A deep, deep blackness lurks behind the holes in that mask. Gloved hands fold under the pointed porcelain chin, the head tilts, and Lucretia gets the distinct impression she's being smiled at.
"You're the Raven Queen."
"In the flesh, dear." Her laugh sounds like thousands of dry branches lashing against each other. The Raven Queen reaches up and taps at her masked cheek. "Only, not quite flesh I suppose."
"Your Majesty...It's an honor." It's like she's been punched. All the air flies out of Lucretia's lungs, not that she needs it anymore. Her vision waivers slightly. She grips at the armchairs to balance as the world spins.
The Raven Queen hums. With a wave of her fingers a fire-purple as nightshade, green as poison-roars to life beside them. The flames cast eerie shadows over the trinkets and tapestries of the room. Lucretia misses her heartbeat, acutely aware of how hard it would be pounding in her ears right now. I'm dead. I'm dead. Oh, Gods, I'm really dead.
Taako's going to be so pissed.
The god sitting in this little study with her seems content to let the silence stretch forever. Lucretia clears her throat even though she doesn't need to. She doesn't feel any pain, any discomfort, anything. She supposes she won't ever feel anything anymore. "I'm-I'm sorry, um. Was there something you-wanted? From me? It's only just that I thought I'd be going to whatever afterlife is waiting for me and-I'm not. Obviously."
Merle and Magnus and Taako are the ones who are supposed to do the talking to gods bit. She's out of her depth.
That dry laugh grates at her eardrums. "Ah, Lucretia. You are always eager for the next thing, aren't you? A regular busybody."
"I beg your pardon!"
The mask tilts. The motion is birdlike. "You can go on, of course. You walk through that door behind you and you'll go on to what awaits you. But I thought you might like to stop by for a chat first."
"Oh?" Lucretia reels. What did she mean? What business does Lucretia have to discuss with a god?
"Well, to be more frank, I thought you'd be interesting to talk to." The Raven Queen waves a hand, indicating the stuffy room around them. "It's a bit...boring here, sometimes. I have to find my own entertainment, especially since your boys have stopped cheating death so very often these days. Oh, don't give me that look-I know Kravitz gave his boyfriend a free pass. The power of love, eh? Ah, well. Your family can wait to die for a few more years yet; I'll get them eventually. I always do."
"So if you didn't pick me up because I need to talk to you and you're not angry for us cheating death- why? "
"You've been calling for my services for a very long time, Lucretia."
Oh. Shit.
"Right." Lucretia says blankly. "Well. Uh. Took you long enough?"
For a second she expects to be obliterated, but then the Raven Queen laughs again. "I'm asking you for the story behind that. And why you finally stopped-I'm a busy god, you see, and it was a relief not to get your nagging prayers every few hours. No offense."
"None taken," Lucretia responds, lips numb. Everything is numb. "I-well, I suppose you know everything that happened with the Bureau and the Hunger and-and everything?"
She receives another unsettling, silent nod. Lucretia adjusts in her seat, unnerved.
"Right. Well, it came to light that I was very, very mistaken in my thinking on how to save the world. And I had ruined everything for everyone, for years. I didn't even ask for help, I just acted. And I ruined it." The old, familiar ache starts in her chest again, calming as a heartbeat. "It was an uncomfortable revelation when my family-what used to be my family-showed me how I had erred."
"Mm." The Raven Queen rests her chin in her hand. Lucretia gives up the ghost of her propriety and starts fiddling with the edges of her robes. Here, she is clean and well-dressed and the pain is gone. She misses breathing.
"I just wanted it to stop; the guilt, the regret, the way I kept remembering their eyes, the way they looked at me when it was all out in the open. And I-I didn't want to die, exactly, but when Merle and Magnus and Taak-" her voice breaks. She swallows, forges on. "When they found out after all that time, they were going to kill me. So. It seemed like they'd decided what punishment was worthy of my betrayal."
"And you thought you deserved it."
"I did." There's silence for a long moment. She waits for the Raven Queen to pass her judgement, but she is silent. Lucretia clutches her robes so tight she loses circulation in her knuckles. "I do. Or-or I thought that they thought I deserved it. I was trying to help, trying to do what I knew to be right, but it wasn't enough and it hurt everyone. I thought killing me was what they would want even after we fixed things. But. But Taako told me that. That he didn't-doesn't. That none of them do."
The goddess's eyeless mask bores into Lucretia. "Do you believe him?"
Lucretia pauses and thinks, really thinks for the first time in a long time. The Raven Queen lets her take a moment. It's hard to clear her emotions out of the way, with the hurt and guilt and sorrow clinging like cobwebs in the corners of her mind. But she breathes without having to and does it anyway. The soft, worn fabric of her robes scraps across her fingertips. "I believe," Lucretia states, after a long consideration, "that for a very long span of time I did not stop to listen to any of my family about what they thought or wanted. We both know how that turned out. So now I believe I will start listening-or I would have, if I had survived."
"It will be difficult."
Lucretia's shoulders go ramrod straight at the use of future tense, but her poker face has always been good. "The only worthy things in life always are."
She gets the distinct feeling she is being smiled at again. "Good girl," The Raven Queen praises, and it only feels a little condescending. "Now that we've gotten that cleared up, you've got some very persistent visitors waiting to see you."
The Raven Queen raises her hand and waves her fingers lazily at a spot somewhere behind Lucretia's seat-where the door she indicated earlier must be. Not a second passes before there's a loud crashing noise and wooden boards and splinters shatter through the room. Lucretia jumps up, reflexively reaching for a staff by her side that isn't there. Her robes twist around her feet, almost tripping her as she turns but at least the movement doesn't hurt her anymore. The Raven Queen laughs behind her as two furious reapers sweep into the room.
Before she knows it Lup, her expression melted back to reveal a skull's visage, gets into her face. She's cursing in a variety of languages and Lucretia has to stop herself from reprimanding her that we're in the presence of a god, Lup, have a little decorum!
"What the absolute fuck , Lucy!" Lup screeches and Lucretia feels her own face drop; Lup sounds like she's been crying. "You can't just die , that's not fair. That is so fucked up."
"I'm sorry," Lucretia apologizes, infusing as much sincerity in the words as she can muster. "I didn't mean to."
Lup pauses and her face changes back to her elven one-her brows are scrunched, her eyes are wide and sharp. Her lips tremble and Lucretia feels as if she could die again right now. "And Taako said you wanted to-I am so pissed at you Lucy, you have no idea. We are going to have words later."
"Later?" This whole experience feels like being punched in the gut only to be slapped in the face a second after. It's hard to keep hold of one thought in her head when sensory overload is trying its best to knock her out. Lup grips her hands in skeletal fingers and pulls Lucretia with her as she steps backwards towards the gaping hole in the wall where a door probably once was. "Lup, there is no later. I-I'm dead."
"Not to worry," says Barry, who at some point has snuck around to take up the space at Lucretia's other side. He sounds hoarse too, like he's been yelling. The fight must have taken it out of him. Lucretia cranes her neck over her shoulder, but his back is to her as Barry faces the Raven Queen. "That's what I'm here for. Necromancer, at your service!"
The Raven Queen is still here. Lucretia can't see her over Barry's shoulder but-but there is a goddess in the room. There is a death goddess in the room and Lucretia's friend just admitted he is going to bring Lucretia back to life .
"No. No, absolutely not."
"Lucretia, you can't just decide you're going to die-"
"This is not about me!" Lucretia whispers, fast, through clenched teeth. Lup snorts and pulls her forward again. Lucretia plants her feet. "You're going to get yourselves killed! What are you thinking?"
"It'll be fine." Lup assures her. Lucretia gets enough traction on the rug by digging in her heels to step back and twist around. She glares at the side of Barry's head, looking for backup. Lup mutters more curses at her. "We've dealt with gods before and, look, everybody got out alive! Mostly."
"You are not going to fight a god for me," Lucretia hisses. She pulls at Lup's hold on her hands. It does nothing. The elf curls her lip at her and tugs back, overbalancing Lucretia enough to swing her around behind Barry again.
"Watch us." Lup snarks back. Barry shifts on his feet, turning his head towards her enough that Lucretia can see his mouth pressed into a thin, thin line. Lucretia almost expects him to say something, to protest Lup's aggression, but he stays quiet. Instead, surprise rushes through her as he draws his scythe and nods at Lup. Lup lets go of her and stands with him, shoulder to shoulder.
"Are you kidding me?" He doesn't move. She doesn't move. Lucretia resists the urge to slap her own forehead, but only barely. "Lup, stop it. Barry. Barry. The Raven Queen is the one who gives you two your powers. You can't hit her with a scythe of her own making."
"I have a dagger too," he says. At her wide-eyed look, he shrugs. "You know. Just in case."
"I was a kickass wizard way before I became a lich, babe." Flame licks at Lup's palms and she shoots Lucretia a shark-like grin. "And we don't have to fight for long-Merle's working on you back in the real world. We got this in the bag. You're gonna be up and at 'em in no time."
"If I could get a word in?" The Raven Queen asks, pleasant and unruffled. For all of their combined bravado, Lucretia's reapers fall silent immediately. The Raven Queen stands, and Lucretia watches her rise, and rise, and rise. She's too big, she shouldn't fit in the room, but she wants to and so she does. Her cloak and feathered mantle are black as the void. It is hard to look right at her as the goddess steps forward. Barry and Lup close ranks even further around Lucretia but the Raven Queen stops before all three of them, head cocked. Lucretia feels that smile directed her way one more time. "You needn't worry yourselves, my reapers."
"What?"
"We don't?"
"No," The Raven Queen repeats. "You do not. Lucretia, you may return to life if that is your choice. I told you I have been without entertainment for a long time-and I am very invested in seeing how the end of your story turns out. Besides, your death desecrated the temple Istus has been favoring the past few years. I'd hate to stick her with the clean up."
"Lucretia, you better choose to live-" Lup starts. Then, before she can finish, the goddess waves her hand again and both reapers let out a yelp and disappear. The Raven Queen reaches out before Lucretia can process this, and lays her hand on Lucretia's forehead softly. Her palm is cold as ice against Lucretia's skin.
"Remember what we spoke of Lucretia of Faerun." The Raven Queen intones, voice reverberating through her bones. "To live is to choose life above all else. To die is to leave behind all you have known. Remember your beliefs-it is the only way you will keep who you are."
"I will." Lucretia promises, and the world goes dark.