you do not have to be good
July 12.
it's hot. the sun
turns me into red
hurt and b into
golden scars.
i love the star that
warms us both
even if it burns.
icarus with his
bright wings burned
too, didn't he?
did he hate the sun after?
b says: let's ask the blue
that heard him last
sky and water.
Someone calls your name.
The pen jolts and a black line cuts across your words.
Outside the window a baby starly shrieks at the top of its lungs and the sun creeps across the polished wood floors. Liquid light pours into the cracks. The wind sighs and trails its soft touch across the round green leaves and closed petals of little plants and flowers still sleeping on your windowsill.
Your shoulders twitch a little, the pain of rawst-aloe treated sunburn making itself present. It's a strange, familiar pain. One that lingers on your cheeks and nose and dips down to your shoulders, deep red all the way down to where wings would be on your back. If you could grow them.
"[G̶͍̻̠̦͌̌̉͊̏͊̑l̵̡͍͚̭̤̔̂́͘͝ȅ̸̢̗͚̣͜͜n̶̛̺̦͙͔̥̎̈̌̑͠!̶̨̳̞̎̆ͅ]"
You blink away the static fuzzing up your vision. The starly shrieks again, once. Then it goes quiet.
Everything is quiet and still in a way that has weight. That's normal at this time of day. Not much sounds in the first delicate moments of dawn when time is gossamer thin and things are coming back to life, but. Someone has called your name. And in your head something is making a noise you've never heard before, a grinding, shattering noise. A murmur of many voices strung together and dripping shadow. A sound with ripping teeth.
It's normal to feel cold at this time of day. Now when the sun is only a dream of itself, pale and cool to the touch like water.
It's normal to shiver and feel all your hurts shudder through you as if blooming to life all at once.
You close your eyes tight until tiny sparks burst to life and die away and turn black-red. Cracked light collects in the dark behind your eyelids. Then you open your eyes again, blinking away little stars, and listen still and quiet until the moment stutters and fades away.
The starly starts to sing again.
Someone calls your name in a long drawn-out whine and then starts thumping up your stairs.
The sudden relief is sweet and cool in your veins. You get to your feet to put away your notepad and pen just as the door bursts open.
The sun rushes into your room all brightness and noise and then rushes you off your feet and you feel warm again.
Your sunburns still hurt but it's worth it.
"Glen!"
● • ● • • ● • ●
Barry swings your linked arms high as he pulls you forward, his hand hot in yours. Sun-warmed and twitching with energy he lets you go, leaps forward several steps and comes running back with an exaggerated pout and laughter spilling from his mouth to pull you forward with him.
"Come on, come on, come on! Lake Verity is calling for us! Pick up the pace or I'll fine you double!"
You're not moving fast enough, he complains for the hundredth time and fines you for it again with a grin on his face. You trundle after him with measured steps and as always he waits for you to catch up. There is something strawberry candy-like about this whole day, something sweet and unexpected. Something you can savor slowly and hear Barry bite into with a crunch.
Something interesting.
You feel like you're waiting.
You blink away shadows as the sun rises higher, shake away static popping in your ears. Turning your head to the side you see the top of Barry's ear turning pink in the sun and the constellation freckles scattered across the back of his neck. His golden curls bounce with every step. Your focus is caught and you fade away.
But Barry is calling your name so you come back to listen.
"Glen! So you know how Sandgem Town is right next door?" he chirps. "I heard someone say the beach there has real gems in it, all crushed up into dust!"
Barry's words are tripping off his tongue today like glittering pebbles pushed forward by a roaring river, bright blue, moving so fast the waves are foaming white. You collect them carefully, folding them into your pockets. Your words are wisp and fluttering fingers tapping at his wrist or squeezing his hand when you need to rest. Barry tilts his head towards you and listens close, saving your sentences somewhere behind the gleam of his eyes, like treasures.
Usually, the two of you would take the high path to the silver lake and climb up the ledge. Brambles would scratch up your arms while you put back the silk-twig nests that fell from trees on windy days. Barry would run up the incline with a loud cheer and then roll back down, sending flocks of starly whirling up into the sky and getting grass and flowers all tangled up in his hair. Today that doesn't happen.
Today, his eyes are bright with something new to try.
Finally here is the moment: a ripe berry you can pop into your mouth and snap apart. Something about to burst into flavor. Something to make you both feel full and warm and alive.
The sun shivers against your skin and melts into his and even though it hurts, you are both children with oddly sharp teeth. Barry is sunwild and you are the polished lantern that holds his light. The moment skips back, skips forward, a stone glancing against the mirror-glass water of a silver lake three times without breaking it and then oh.
Oh how the world spins.
● • ● • • ● • ●
Again now, one more time.
"Oh, hey there Glen. Barry's gone on ahead. I bet he's waiting for you!"
A solemn nod and measured footsteps.
Hand already outstretched as Barry rushes over to hold onto it tight. He swings you linked hands high. He tugs you forward with a smile. What? Of course he was waiting! But there's still going to be a fine to pay for you know, calculated down to the second this time!
Past the ledge and the high path, down to the main road and its patches of nevermelting snow. Its stubborn flowers. The tall grass, dark green and rustling in the wind. It sounds like it's whispering doesn't it? Well never mind all that. Guess what? If we just keep moving, the wild pokemon won't catch up to us! We'll get to the lab in no time.
You want to see the beach? Yeah, I thought so! Okay, let's do that after! Ready?
Stop!
The moment burns with light. The two that come by are limned with something that shines in corners of vision. The boy is wide-eyed with a mouth that likes to smile twitching up nervously even now. He is uncertain. The man is severe, his frown stern and eyes flinty. But there is a softness to him still, a gentleness that lives in his open hands.
He says, you must love pokemon very much to try something like this. He says, here. Take this life into your hands and learn to love it. It will love you back. Let it run next to you, let it rise high and make you something new. He opens a suitcase and says, here.
He says, choose.
A sound rings through time like a big, beautiful bell.
● • ● • • ● • ●
"Here," says Professor Rowan, in his rough rumbling voice. "Pick from one of these two pokemon."
"You can choose first," says Barry, with a smile that turns his eyes molten. He is burning but the heat is comforting and the moment is just as sweet as you knew it would be. His teeth flash in the light and you realize he knew it too.
The pokeballs are smooth under your steady hands; one nudges itself forward to greet you and the air turns warm. You tap it hello and it bounces. You can already see them together, fitting like puzzle pieces to make a dazzling image. The other pokeball waits for you, patient.
You pick it up and cradle it in your palm, stepping back to make room for Barry who reaches past you with trembling hands to pick up the other one. You can feel the moment he realizes, hears the puzzle click into place.
He turns to you with a smile so wide it must hurt his cheeks.
The professor laughs warmly and says,"Well then, let's see your companions."
The boy beside him looks on with a brightness in his eyes and a smile of his own, no longer uncertain.
Click, go the buttons. Flash, goes the light.
Hello, hello, hello says your heart.
Dark eyes peer up at you so you crouch down to meet them. Chatter rises from your side and tangible warmth like a moving candle. But in front of you is quiet and someone butting up against your open palm, saying hi.
Hello, hi, hello.
You will love me and I will love you back and I will walk next to you and rise high and turn us both into something new.
Hello Glen.
"Would you like to give your pokemon a nickname?" says the Professor.
Hello Berry.
Let us bloom together, you and I.
By your side, Chimchar and Barry whisper together and laugh and look up at the professor with similar eyes.
"We're gonna think about it some more!" says Barry.
"Of course," says Professor Rowan. "You have all the time in the world."
Berry falls into your lap with a sigh and you pick him up. The scent of growing things fills your lungs and chest with something that feels like green buds coming through the earth.
"His name is Berry," you whisper and Barry hears because he's always listening and grins at you both, big and bright.
"After me!" he cheers, knowing. "Yeah, that's awesome!"
"Wait, really?" says the boy.
You and Berry shake your heads and Barry laughs.
He says, "His name's Berry and I'm Barry! We're going to be great friends, you know?"
"Oh," hums the Professor, thoughtful and then smiles back, a soft weathered smile.
"Yes," he whispers to himself. "Yes, I can certainly see that."
● • ● • • ● • ●
You walk through the tall grass with Barry right behind you instead of at your side. He's walking with one hand fisted tight into the back of your clothes the way he used to when you were kids. The pokeballs are still in your hands because neither of you could bear to put them away.
Lake Verity is a clear glass blue with clouds of white fog rolling from the waters. It is quiet and peaceful and nothing dares to make a sound.
Beside you, you can see Barry's chest rise and fall to the same rhythm as yours and then he fills his lungs with air and you brace yourself still. The glass surface of the silver lake ripples.
Something has heard your names.
"Come on." says Barry, in a low murmur now that he's finished speaking all of his heart's words. "Let's go home!"
You go together and the sun sparkles in the sky, a faraway star. It is hot and it hurts in the way things do sometimes when they're changing.
The air smells like opening flowers and wild growth and rawst-aloe and strawberries and sunlight. It's home and you and Barry and the wind rushing past as you run together towards something that will unmake you all and turn you into something new.
At the back of your mind something shivers to life and at the bottom of your heart lies fear, but you know things can grow despite that. You know you have all the time in the world and beyond to blossom into being.
* a/n: chapter titles for arc one are from mary oliver's wild geese. anything in the main text is my own work. i've been having a bad time so i rebooted platinum and am writing as i play so that's the story format.