Lucy fell heavily onto her bed with a groan full of frustration and heartache. She felt stupid for how she'd acted the night before at Bickslow's but also like her actions were justified; though, fleeing barefoot and in tears was still embarrassing to think about. But how else was she supposed to react? Absorbing the entirety of his memories had been overwhelming, but she'd been coping with it until faced with living, breathing proof of why they'd never work.
Her confusing cocktail of emotions had been made worse when she'd woken up to the sound of someone knocking at her door and opened it to find Natsu instead of Bickslow. The disappointment she'd felt had been so strong that she couldn't keep it from her expression, which led to many questions on Natsu's part. Add in the fact that Natsu had found her boots and bag of clothes sitting in front of her door and he refused to accept anything less than a full explanation.
So, not only had she been forced to deal with the shame of Bickslow returning her belongings without speaking to her, but she also had to deal with sharing the details of her humiliation. Natsu had taken the news with as much grace as could be expected of him, which wasn't much at all. He hadn't outright made fun of her or said I told you so but his smug attitude was enough to wear on her already frayed nerves. In true form, Natsu had pushed her buttons until she'd lost her patience and shouted at him in the middle of a busy street. That outburst only added to her growing list of things to be embarrassed about in the last twenty-four hours.
The only positive outcome she could find in the day's activities was that her ability to complete a job request with Natsu and Happy had been enough to convince him she was well enough to spend the night alone. It meant she could wallow in her misery and drop the pretense of normalcy she'd maintained to avoid Natsu asking why she was feeling so badly because it was not a conversation she wanted to have. Being away from Bickslow had to be the explanation since the fatigue weighing her down was much too great to be caused by the day job they'd taken. Helping an elderly woman till the soil for her garden was tiring but it shouldn't have left Lucy with bone-deep exhaustion.
It gave her another reason to mentally kick herself. The only solution to this problem was to face Bickslow again but she had no idea how she would bring herself to do it. She knew without a doubt that she'd hurt him deeply by leaving, so she didn't only have to overcome her embarrassment. She also had to overcome her guilt at running away and make things right with him, whatever right would look like. She had no idea, which brought her to possibly the biggest issue of all – her feelings for him. How was she supposed to interact with him casually after the two of them had kind of, sort of admitted to wanting a relationship, and then she'd crushed it before it could begin?
Was she supposed to apologize? She felt like she should, but what for? She had no idea exactly what she'd be apologizing for, except maybe how she'd left him stranded in an extremely awkward situation. Other than that, she couldn't decide if she'd actually done anything wrong, though she'd definitely been rude.
And then there was the very obvious issue of Champagne. Simply thinking the woman's name disgusted Lucy. Anger was suddenly the overriding emotion as she thought of Bickslow's memories with the woman and the fact that the two of them had been left alone in his home. Did they go through with the plans they had made when agreeing to meet that night? Part of Lucy screamed in defiance of the thought, insisting Bickslow's feelings for her were as real as hers were for him so he wouldn't have gone through with it. The rest of her was too angry to consider any reasonable thoughts.
Looking back, she very clearly recognized the awkwardness in Bickslow's posture as he stared at the no-longer-welcome woman he'd invited over. Lucy knew he would've much rather she stayed and Champagne been the one to run out the door. But that hadn't happened because Lucy had been the one to flee like a frightened rabbit. And now she was annoyed with herself again. Why had she just run off like that, leaving no chance for the situation to be made right? He probably felt like she'd rejected him just like nearly everyone else in his life, and after he'd halfway confessed having deeper feelings for her.
She rolled over to smash her face into a pillow to let out a scream of frustration, no closer to having any answers than she had been the night before when she'd cried on Loke's shoulder – one more thing she was embarrassed about. She missed Bickslow fiercely and wanted nothing more than to run back to his house to explain herself, but she also knew she needed the space. She needed to think rationally but that wouldn't happen if she was constantly struggling with the urge to touch him or be touched by him.
Instead of doing anything about her problems, she rolled onto her side, pulled her blanket up, and hugged a pillow tightly as she tried to fall asleep.
Laxus looked over at Bickslow, wondering again what was wrong with the guy. He hadn't seen Bickslow so unhappy in years. His usually exuberant, slightly annoying personality was dampened, though the guy was trying his best to cover it up. They'd been friends too long for Laxus to be fooled by the attempt. It was clear something was wrong in the way Bickslow's smile faded too quickly and his laughter fell flat as if it had been forced out to begin with.
The issue wasn't really a mystery, especially since Bickslow's attention hardly strayed from Lucy for more than a brief time, and she was very clearly doing her best to not return the glances. Since Bickslow arrived at the guildhall, she had been putting as much effort into ignoring him as he was into staring holes in the back of her head. Laxus could hear her conversation with Cana at the bar and had a hunch she was faking her mood as much as Bickslow was. She just didn't sound right, which Laxus would never admit out loud because it would mean explaining how closely he paid attention to all his guildmates.
Learning she'd gone out on a job had been a surprise. Laxus had expected her to be off job requests for a while, or maybe taking simple ones with his team, but his assumption had been proven wrong when he'd sat down at his desk that morning to review the job requests completed the day prior. Seeing the request signed by only Lucy and Natsu left the question in Laxus' mind of where Bickslow had been that day. Since he obviously hadn't been with Lucy, why hadn't Bickslow shown up at the guildhall? It was unusual. Bickslow didn't often spend long periods of time alone at home. The situation seemed even more suspicious since Bickslow had walked into the guildhall only a short while after Lucy arrived, leaving Laxus to think Bickslow had been keeping tabs on her.
Obviously, whatever was bothering Bickslow had to do with the blonde but Laxus was doing his best to wait it out. He wasn't known for his patience, though. After another ten minutes filled mostly with silence and stares at the back of the blonde's head, Laxus was done. "What the hell happened with you two?"
"Whatcha talking 'bout, Boss?" Bickslow's tone might've been more convincing if his eyes weren't still glued to Lucy.
"Don't play stupid. The two of you looked halfway to becoming a thing a few days ago and now you're not speaking."
Bickslow shrugged as he said, "We hung out until her soul healed, and then she left. She's probably just been busy. Not like we usually talk every day."
"So, everything is good now?"
"Yup." His attempt at nonchalance missed the mark by a long shot. Laxus gave him a dry look, which Bickslow missed because he was still staring at Lucy. "Don't give me that shit. You're acting like a beaten dog and she's doing her best to pretend like you don't exist."
If he hadn't been watching Bickslow closely, Laxus might've missed the brief flash of green from behind the visor when Bickslow finally turned his attention toward him. It was gone as quickly as it appeared but it had definitely happened. A slip like that was more concerning to Laxus than all of Bickslow's behavior combined. Whatever had happened must've been bad.
"Nothing happened." The vehemence in Bickslow's voice took Laxus by surprise. It wasn't often the Seith Mage got angry enough with him to take a tone like that. "Just drop it."
Bickslow stood up with enough force to make his chair roughly slide backward and then stormed toward the doors of the guildhall with his totems twirling agitatedly around him. Laxus looked over at Lucy to see her watching Bickslow's retreating back, the guilt and regret clear on her face. Clearly, "nothing" was not a good way to put whatever had gone down between the two of them.
Lucy stayed in the guildhall long enough to, hopefully, not look like she was chasing down Bickslow, and then she left to do exactly that. She had been waiting for an opportunity to talk to him while also trying to act like she was not desperate to be near him, but maybe she'd been putting a little too much effort into covering up that desperation.
Outside the guildhall, she stopped her brisk pace and realized she had no idea where he went. Without a dragon slayer's nose, she had no way to track him down. She dismissed the idea of asking Natsu for help before the thought could fully form. His smugness would become unbearable and he wouldn't give them any privacy to talk things out. Instead, she did her best to think of where Bickslow would go while upset and realized she already knew the answer.
Finding him was easier than expected, though it took her a while to get there. By the time she reached him, she was winded and needed to sit down. The distance from the guildhall to the base of the bridge he sat beneath wasn't very far but Lucy was less recovered than she'd been feigning to be.
Neither of them spoke when she joined him in sitting on the damp ground at the edge of the water. He didn't so much as glance at her, as if he knew exactly who was approaching him. The narrow shoreline provided just enough space to sit down without getting their feet wet, and likely would have been completely covered during the rainy season. The bridge overhead was a busy one with merchants and pedestrians crossing back and forth over the canal, which provided enough background noise to assure Lucy no one would overhear their conversation. Bickslow continued what he'd been doing before Lucy arrived, skipping rocks across the surface of the water and shooting them with beams of energy from his totems. Not sure how to begin the conversation she knew she needed to have with him, Lucy asked, "You ever miss and hit the bridge?"
He didn't look at her as he said, "You already know I have."
A smile tugged at her lips as she thought about his memory of the day he'd made a small hole in a support beam and then rushed to ask Master Makarov how to fix it. "You were in so much trouble."
His amusement was clear as he said, "Yeah, Master was pretty pissed off but he helped me get it fixed and didn't rat me out."
Silence fell between them again, less awkward now but full of things they both wanted to say. Lucy picked up his helmet from where it sat between them and flipped the visor up and down. She did it a few more times as she worked up the courage to speak. When she finally looked over at him, she found him watching her.
Lucy finally said, "I'm sorry." The way he immediately looked away and resumed tossing rocks made the band of guilt around her heart tighten slightly.
"Nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong." A rock shattered against the water before he said more quietly, "Neither one of us did."
That last part made Lucy's gut twist further. He was definitely mad that she'd left, and that anger was probably covering the emotional pain she'd caused him. When he reached for another rock, Lucy placed her hand over his to stop him. They both felt the hum of connection between them with the skin contact, but Bickslow pulled his hand away. He didn't want to do this again. He struggled to keep his voice even as he asked, "Why are you here, Cosplayer?"
She set his helmet on the ground and settled her hands in her lap in an attempt to keep them from wandering back to the comfort of his. She shifted again to bend her knees so she could rest her chin against them with her arms wrapped around her legs. "Because," she started and then stopped for a moment, unsure of how to explain. Eventually, she said, "I really am sorry. I feel bad for leaving. I panicked and ran without giving you a chance to," she stopped, again unsure of how to go on. What would she have even given him a chance to do if she'd stayed? Explain who the woman was? Lucy already knew exactly who she was.
"I don't know what to do either." Bickslow's quiet admission sounded so raw that Lucy struggled to fight off the surge of emotion threatening to drown her. His words, while sounding like a random response to hers, told her he was as confused as she was.
"She didn't stay that night. She left right after you." Bickslow didn't look at Lucy as he said that. He just picked up another pebble and tossed it at the water before breaking it apart. Lucy could only stare at him, unsure of how to respond or how to even string together the words to say what she needed to. She was so relieved to find out nothing had happened but that relief was quickly replaced with more guilt. She'd run off for absolutely nothing. She bit her bottom lip roughly as her mind raced while she tried to control her emotions enough not to start crying. She didn't know what to say, only that she knew she'd never again feel right without being close to Bickslow.
Unaware of Lucy's thoughts, Bickslow said in a flat tone, "I looked at your soul earlier and what we did before didn't stick. The tearing around the edges isn't too bad but I think it will get worse. We'll probably need to do the magic exchange regularly until the seal is stronger but we can do it at the guildhall. You don't have to go to my place or me go to yours."
Lucy's staring took on an air of confusion as she wondered how he came to the conclusion that she wanted to stay away from him. Well, now that she was thinking about it, he probably assumed her running out of his front door barefoot and then avoiding him for the better part of two days meant she wanted nothing to do with him, but he was wrong. She'd run because of panic but stayed away to think without the pressure of the connection between them. In only about a week, they'd gone from a casual friendship to a deep bond without any clear direction on where their relationship was heading. It was a lot to take in.
"What?" He demanded, having looked over at her to find her staring at him with her face scrunched.
"I don't hate you, Bixy, and I definitely don't want to stay away from you." His look of surprise had words tumbling quickly from Lucy. "You're all I think about and it scares me. I want to have a serious relationship with someone, and that someone is quickly becoming you. I don't know what you want and not knowing makes my fear so much worse. That night, seeing that woman, reminded me of how you've never wanted a serious relationship, of how I'm not the type of woman you ever go after. I don't want to end up heartbroken but I'm terrified that it's inevitable. This connection we have now accelerated everything to the point that I don't think I could ever just be friends with you. I'd end up falling in love with you and then be lonely for the rest of my life."
Bickslow gaped at her, unsure of how to react to such blatant honesty. His open mouth made Lucy smile slightly as she reached over to push his jaw closed. "You'll catch flies like that."
He looked toward the water again, watching it flow lazily as he rolled another rock between his fingers. The way she openly shared her thoughts and emotions with him threw him off as much as it had the first day in her apartment when she'd made her boundaries clear. Had that only been a few days earlier? Three days? Maybe four? Everything was a blur since then. Finally, he said the first thing that had come to mind after she'd finished speaking. "You wouldn't end up lonely."
Lucy hugged her legs tighter to keep from reaching out for him as she asked, "I wouldn't?"
"No." The tension in his body seemed to deflate before her eyes as if the lessening hurt and anger lifted a weight from him. "You wouldn't be lonely because I can't just be friends with you either."
She smiled at that, wanting to assume she knew what he meant but knowing she needed to actually hear him say it. "So, what does that mean?"
"It means," he started with a glance at her and then looked away again, unable to maintain eye contact as he said, "I want us to be together. I've always been into you but it's more now. I don't have to keep secrets from you. You already know all my secrets, so I can be myself without worrying about you finding out something by accident. And I like the old married couple feeling. I never thought I'd have that with someone but this thing with our souls made it happen and I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose you."
Bickslow paused long enough to look over at her again, a humorless smile tipping his lips as he said, "I thought for sure you were going to tell me basically the exact opposite of everything you just said."
The relief Lucy felt at knowing she hadn't destroyed any chance of things working out had her eyes sliding shut as she rested her cheek against her knees. "Definitely not. If I wasn't torn between embarrassment and fear of what I'd find when I went back to your house, I would've talked to you a long time ago."
She felt the warmth of his body as he scooted over enough to wrap an arm around her and press her into his side. The immediate improvement of her wellbeing had her sighing heavily as she leaned into him. His lips pressed against her cheek, making her smile slightly at the sweet gesture as he said, "You don't have to worry about finding any ladies at my house except maybe Evergreen, but she's hardly a woman."
Lucy laughed softly at that. "I think Elfman would disagree."
"Don't remind me," he said with a shudder. "Really, though. My complete and total lack of interest in any woman other than you surprises even me."
A snort came from Lucy before she said, "I want to be offended by that but I understand what you mean."
"Good." He traced his fingertips along her side, noticing she hadn't opened her eyes again. "Babe, you really shouldn't sleep here. You want to swap magic before we leave?"
She cracked her eyes open and then released her hold on her legs to stretch them out as she sat upright. "No. I wouldn't want to end up collapsing the bridge if something goes wrong and our combined magic bursts free with enough force to cause damage. I can hold out until we get to your house. It's closer than mine."
"You're just trying to get me alone to take advantage of me." His tongue fell from his mouth as he grinned, and she surprised him by leaning in to kiss the guild stamp on it.
"Maybe," she said as she leaned away with a wink. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since I had sex?"
"Yes, actually, and I'm not sure how you're still alive after so long. And the last sex you had wasn't even great." He sounded offended on her behalf, making her laugh again.
"Now you understand why the vibrator is so important. I might not have survived without it."
"Well, now you won't need it anymore unless you want to use it together. Either way, I can guarantee you'll never have boring sex again."
"Is that right?" She smiled widely at his waggling brows and hum of agreement. "I believe you, Bixy, but you'll have to show me your skills later. This spot isn't all that appealing."
He glanced around at the soggy soil beneath them as he agreed, "Yeah, let's get out of here."
A/N: I had been planning to keep this one rated T but I just can't. So, yeah, that's coming next chapter. I thought I should warn you readers incase you got it into your head that I was going to keep this clean. Who do you think I am? I just can't resist anymore :) I might have to just start labeling everything M as a precaution.
We're nearing the end of this story. Just two more chapters to go (probably).
UPDATE to A/N: Just kidding on that ending the story stuff. More inspiration hit me while doing the dishes so this will be at least a few chapters more.