Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

There was static, then a whimper and a voice so soft she barely heard it. "Addison?"

Addison tried to place the soft voice. "Meredith, is that you?"

Silence. Then another whimper and a quiet murmur of assent.

"Are you okay?"

"I… no. Not really." It was said just as softly as before, but with a hint of defeat that Addison had never heard from Meredith before.

Addison paused. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Can you?"

"Of course. It should only take me about 15 minutes, okay? Do you want me to pick anything up?"

"No, I'm good."

Addison laughed. "No you're not. I'll see you soon, Meredith."

"Okay. Thanks, Addison." Meredith hung up the phone and then curled back up on the couch to wait.

When her cell had gone off, Addison had just got back to the hotel after a 6-hour surgery and had answered without checking the caller ID. She had been extremely surprised when she found out it was Meredith- she had never expected Meredith to call her when she was distressed. No, she expected her to call Yang, or even O'Malley and Karev.

Feeling honoured that Meredith trusted her, she quickly changed into more casual clothing and went back out to her car. Since she had been to Meredith's to visit once since she had been released she had no problems getting there and just 20 minutes after the phone call had been placed she grabbed her supplies out of the car and knocked on the door.

When Meredith got up off the couch she peeked out the window to make sure Derek hadn't come back. After making sure it was Addison, she unlocked the door and opened it, gesturing for Addison to come in and greeting her quietly.

After Addison had put her purse on the table there was an awkward silence for a minute before she spoke.

"Do you want to come into the living room? Most of my stuff is in there right now."

Addison nodded and followed her into the living room. After Meredith had curled up into her own spot on the couch and Addison had settled across from her, Meredith started to speak.

"I… I'm sorry to bother you. But Cristina would bring tequila and I can't drink plus she's all worked up about the whole wedding stuff, Izzie and George are on-call and Alex is off but he's been a little… preoccupied." By the end of her quiet speech Meredith was looking at her hands.

"Hey, it's alright, I don't mind. I said you could call if you wanted to talk or hang out. Plus I'm pretty sure I still owe you a shopping trip."

Meredith looked up at her. "Are you sure?"

Addison smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Meredith shifted again to curl up into herself more. "Derek came by a while ago. I haven't seen him much lately, he's been hiding at the hospital."

Addison smiled wryly. "He likes to do that."

"Yeah well, I'm not putting up with his shit. I know how it goes- they stay at the hospital more and more, get more surgeries, sleep in on-call rooms instead of coming home and then suddenly you only see them once a week! I'm not going through that again."

When Addison looked at her questioningly, Meredith added. "My mother. She did it the first time, said I had to learn to be independent. She always cared more about her career than me."

Addison looked shocked. "I had no idea."

Meredith shrugged. "I'm used to it. Anyway, then I called him on not checking on me as much since I'd been released and he said I was selfish because there were 'patients that needed to be saved.' I get that, but I almost died and I know that the hospital hasn't been that busy lately and there are other neuro attendings. Then he said that I went into the water on purpose. Where the hell did he get that idea? I'd been looking after that little girl all day and there were patients, like the one that freaked out and knocked me in, that needed to be saved. That was a 12ft shove into that water and believe me, it hurt like hell. I can't swim, so it honestly doesn't matter if the dock was only 10ft away from me- I was in shock, the water was cold and I can't swim! So apparently I was in a 'happy place' because I was technically dead and he was 'stuck' with you and Mark."

Addison was pissed. "He actually told you that he thought you went in the water on purpose? First off, he said that to me and I told him that I didn't think you had gone in on purpose and not to give up hope until there wasn't any hope left. Secondly, Mark was there most of the time, not me, because I was helping them save you, telling your friends that they might have to prepare themselves because Miranda couldn't do it and saving my own patients. Thirdly, Richard, Miranda and I have been literally shoving him out the door and denying him surgeries that the fellows could perform because he needs to spend time with you. Lastly…" Addison paused here. "How the hell is a brain surgeon so brainless!"

"You did? Thank you… I didn't know that all of you had to step in like that for me. I really appreciate it, but his brainlessness and his tendency to be an ass have gotten to be much too much. He told me he didn't want to breathe for me anymore and if I was going to avoid talking about the accident and shut him out to put him out of his misery and set him free." Meredith started crying again.

Addison gasped.

Meredith sniffed and continued, "So I did. I told him that I was strong enough to breathe on my own, that I didn't want him to have to breathe for me… and then I set him free. I used to be independent and now I'm reduced to this over a guy, and McBastard at that! How am I supposed to do this Addison? I still love him." The last bit was said quietly while she wiped at her tears with the Kleenex that Addison had passed her.

"Meredith, I hate to say this, but I was with Derek for 15 years and he will hurt you again once he does it the first time, even if he doesn't mean too. The first time he acted like a true ass I just brushed it off, thinking it was a phase. Then it turned into him being obsessive, hovering, wanting to know where you are all the time and from there it went to him being absent and never paying attention to me. When I cheated on him with Mark it should have been the final straw but I had been so desperate to get his attention that I chased him here, and ruined your relationship. I'm sorry for that, I am, because you two would have had a chance before I ruined it for you."

"But as much as I still love him, I know I can't do it again, Addison. Look, in the space of 8 or 9 months we've gone through just about everything your marriage went through. If I'm honest with myself, I'm in love with what we were before you came. He asked me to take the rest on faith- and I did- and then you showed up and suddenly I find out he has a secret wife."

Addison winced. "I probably could have been nicer with that introduction."

Meredith laughed. "Honestly, the bluntness of it helped drive it home faster. Really though, how could that introduction have been pleasant? Think about it."

Addison did, and came to the same conclusion as Meredith. "You're right."

Meredith smiled. "I know. Anyways, he's right because I cannot trust him after everything he's done. Prom just kind of… happened. I didn't want it to, I was happy with Finn and I didn't want to hurt you. He made me feel like a real dirty mistress after that and he shouldn't have hidden the fact that he was married, separated… whatever, in the first place. At least if he had been honest I would have been able to make a decision. I don't know that much about love but I do know that that's not how you treat the supposed "love of your life."

Addison shook her head. "No, it's not. I just got used to it and kept thinking he would change. I didn't let him walk all over me but I did let him get away with quite a bit."

"Well I'm done with him trying to walk all over me. My mother did it and but I won't go down that road again," Meredith said determinedly. "He'll probably bother me at work, won't he?"

"That's what he did last time, so I don't see how this time should be any different."

"I thought so. Maybe I can talk to Dr. Bailey and the chief about not letting him request me."

"Tell you what. I think Karev's learned his lesson, so if you want I can request to have you on my service until I say so."

Meredith brightened. "Really? Do you think it would help?"

Addison shrugged. "I don't see why not. You haven't been on my floor very much and it will help you avoid having confrontations with him until he gets control of himself. I'm not on until 3:30 tomorrow so if you want you can come in with me and we can talk to Richard before my shift starts."

"Okay. Thanks Addison, I really appreciate it."

Addison smiled. "Not a problem. Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure. Is 'The Pursuit of Happyness' okay? I haven't seen it yet."

"Sounds good. Do you want to get a pizza?"

Meredith grinned. "Sure! What do you like on yours?"

"Pepperoni, cheese, and bacon."

"Sounds good. Just warning you, I eat a lot of pizza."

Addison laughed. "Just get an extra large then and you can eat the leftovers later."

Meredith got up and ordered the pizza while Addison put the movie on.

When George and Izzie got home 5 hours later, they were startled to see Meredith and Addison passed out on the couch with several pop cans and a box of pizza on the table.

A/N: Hey guys! I've had a sketchy muse and family over so this past week it's been difficult both to write and to get on. Last night I was finally able to write when my 6 year old cousin hit her head on the fan. This was followed by chaos in the form of spazzing adults while I cleaned her up and got the wound to stop bleeding. She's fine now, just a little bit of a headache and a scab on her head. In case you didn't know, superficial head wounds result in a lot of blood! A plus- my mum had to admit that I would be make a good doctor. So if it hadn't been for that unfortunate interruption you guys would have had this either late last night or early this morning. Thanks to the people who reviewed- I'm answering them as soon as this is posted- and guys, more reviews equals more motivation for me to write!

Next chapter contains chats with Drs. Webber and Bailey as well as a possible side of Derek and the Shepherds. Should be up this week (unless I get the job I applied for!)

Posted August 3rd, 2009